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Lana๐Ÿ’—

For the past 30 minutes Ashton has been talking to me so I don't fall asleep, but I'm so tired.

He's no longer in his scrubs, but now back in his suit and tie. He's so handsome. With his fingers laced through mine, he climbs into bed with me and wraps me up in his arms.

"You're so hot," I sigh placing a kiss to his lips.

Ashton laughs and kisses my forehead. "You're so cute."

I'm in love with the man and I know it. I knew it the moment I spoke to him or at least knew it was a great possibility. The moments I met him, I felt a connection that I still can't explain. When I'm with him I feel everything. Every emotion and possible physical feeling. Butterflies, goosebumps, pleasure, euphoria, fear...

Every touch is electric. Every kiss, transformative. Every whisper, illuminating. Like our souls are connecting in a way it's never done before. Each experience deepens our bond and I can't get the man out of my head.

It's scary as hell. I want to tell him everything and I've probably told him to much. He's beginning to feel like my best friend and I love him. And I have to tell him, just to know if there's a possibility he may love me too or if I'm just wasting my time. He doesn't have to love me now, but I just want to know if it's possible one day.

Turning into Ashton, I cup his face and run my fingers over his sharp jaw. His soft smile turns my insides into mush and the I give him my confession.

"I think I love you."

An indecipherable emotion shows on his face before he chuckles and shakes his head, sitting up to get a better look at me. "Baby are you sure you love me? You have a concussion and honestly your brain could just be flooding with extra chemicals of dopamine and estrogen and oxytocin and vasopressin."

"And all these chemicals are released during a concussion?" I question, curiously.

He shrugs and stands up off the bed. "Head injuries can result in changes in thinking or behavior. It can take weeks or even months to resolve the chemical imbalance in the brain."

I just nod. Maybe it's that...if I've suffered a brain injury for the past week. But I don't get the chance to elaborate on my feelings as my parents enter. Ashton just moves back to the chair next to me and watches silently as my parents approach dwelling on me and assuring that I'm fine.

It's takes a while for me to actually assure them, but eventually they relax. Only minutes after they relax does my worrisome friend come rushing in and up to me.

"Lana my sweet baby!" Alex sighs feeling all over me. "Are you okay?"

Rolling my eyes, I push him off. "I'm fine Alex."

He nods then turns to my parents. "Hey Mom and Dad." They greet him back and now that he is calm he properly greets me, cupping my cheek and placing a soft kiss to my nose. "Hey Babe."

Ashton clears his throat and Alex turns to him. "Sorry, hello Babe's boyfriend."

"Lana," Ashton corrects.

Alex just chuckles and looks at me with a look that questions if Ashton is serious. I give him a look that he is. He nods and sits on the bed next to me, pushing my hair out of my face and observing the bandage.

"Does it hurt?"

I answer truthfully, telling him that it does hurt a little. Then the questioning begins and I answer all of them one by one. What happened? Where did you get hurt at? What if something really bad happened I wouldn't be able to live anymore? If you went into a coma I would've been here ever single day until you woke up.

I really do love Alex, but not the way I love Ashton. Slowly, I answer all of his questions.

"I was in a car accident. I have a concession and a sprained ankle. And I have no idea what you would've done if something really bad happened to me. I'm the only woman who can put up with you."

Alex chuckles and shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure you mean concussion, babe."

"Lana," Ashton corrects again.

"Sorry, old habits," Alex shrugs.

I can't do anything but shake my head. Alex definitely knows what he's doing and I'm letting him because I think Ashton just gave me his answer by putting the way I feel into medical terms when I know it's not that. If he did love me back it would've just been a simple 'I love you too'. Right?

But when Ashton picks up my hand and places soft kisses to my fingertips, a part of me feels like there is some type of love there. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws because I really want there to be. However I can't questions things until I get some type of alone time with Ashton and that probably won't happen soon.

At least I have Alex to keep me entertained and awake. That's only if he makes it 30 minutes without going to sneak off to flirt with the nurses.

"So Mom and Dad, how've you been? Long time no see," Alex blurts suddenly, gaining my parents attention.

Mom holds her arms out for Alex and he gladly moves over into her embrace. "It's great seeing you again, Alex. I've missed you."

He chuckles nervously and rubs the back of his neck. "I know, I'm sorry I missed your party. I forgot."

I think Alex's honesty is one of the things my parents love and hate about him. Alex never makes excuses, just tells it as it is. But the man also does not have a filter. Still he's an amazing friend to have and I love him to death

He shakes hands with Dad next who pats his back. "Still sleeping around?"

Alex bursts out laughing. "At least it's not with your daughter. I'm pretty sure that's the doctor's job now."

"Stop talking, Alex."

Alex shrugs and claps Dad's shoulder. I'm sometimes convinced that Dad see's himself in Alex. They exchange stories a lot. Such weird guys.

My attention is shifted to Ashton when he sit down next to me on the bed. He places a soft kiss to my lips and I return it with a weak smile. When his brows furrow, I know he can see right through me but I definitely don't want to talk about this in front of everyone. He doesn't seem to care as he asks me what's wrong.

"I'm fine," I reply placing a soft kiss to his hand.

He just nods and stands back to his feet. It's very obvious he isn't completely convinced. "I have to go back to work, but I will be back to check on you where I expect to find you right here in this same spot."

I just shrug and watch him visibly swallow.

"Lana are you sure you're okay?"

No. "Yes."

I don't know how to understand his answer. I love him and he chalked it up to chemical reactions in the brain, but that doesn't tell me if he loves me back. I know I said I didn't want to waste my time but I don't want to loose him, so for now I'm be fine until I can prove that I actually love him and it's not just a random rush of chemical reactions in my brain.

The second Ashton leaves, Alex is by my side and climbing into bed with me. I stop him immediately and he just sighs and pulls up a chair next to me.

"You really like this man, don't you?"

Laughing, I ruffle Alex's hair. "I do like this man and I'm very sorry that you can't be with me anymore but we both knew this day was coming."

He laughs and laces his fingers through mine. "Is it bad that I thought you would always be here for me? That one day you would fall for me at the perfect time as I got tired of my old ways and decided to settle down?"

"We both know my Dad wouldn't have allowed that?" I laugh.

Dad agrees from the corner and Alex laughs, pushing up to his feet and leaning over me. "You're the only woman I will ever be in love with."

Tears manage to slip through as I look into Alex's eyes. For the first time, in all my years of knowing Alex, he is completely serious. "You will love someone else."

He laughs and shakes his head. "Not the way I love you. The second you stepped off the elevator, I was enthralled. You are so wonderful and I'm sorry that I'm saying this now, but I know that there's no chance for me anymore so I need to tell you everything."

I seriously can't stand this man. Why, Alex? I don't know what to say to any of this and my emotions feel like they are everywhere. And the worst part is that I can't love him the way he loves me. His confessions continue and I feel like I can't even look him in the eye.

"You're smile lights up my terrible days and the affection you give and let me give you is the love I've always wanted to experience. I really hoped one day you would've been mine. I would've given you everything that I could possibly give. But I accept you and Ashton because I want you to be happy and I also don't want you to resent me because I really want to stay in your life as your best friend."

He leans closer and I don't push him back. The soft words, 'I love you' leave his lips before they connect with mine. Soft, warm lips glide against my own. There's finality in this kiss. Acceptance. For some reason it's painful and I can't stop the tears from falling. But I give him everything I can, kissing him back and gripping the back of his neck for only a second before pulling back and looking into his eyes.

"I hate you so much," I grumble pulling him into the bed and wrapping my arms around his waist.

He laughs and squeezes my sides, holding me until I fall asleep in his arms. I'm so tired.

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