Silas pov

It's officially been a month since school started. It's weird because we start August 1st and most schools here don't start till September but it is what it is. The workload is a lot but we all manage to help each other out with it.

Valencia has been locking herself in her room for the past few days. When we see her, her eyes are bloodshot red, her face puffy like she'd been crying. Nobody asked her what was wrong but I feel so bad.

No one should have to feel alone. Locking your feelings inside is the thing that kills us.

"They're having a party in the house next to us. It's on the third floor. You guys down?" Orion says everyone agrees with him but I shake my head no. "Come on Silas you agreed to have more fun this year"

"Yeah I know but parties aren't really my thing"

"Fine but the next one you're definitely going too" We'll see about that. Yeah sure I drink and I smoke but why do I have to go to a party to do that. I can simply do it in the comfort of my room. Preferably with a book in my hand.

I watch as Valencia comes inside the class right before the bell rings. Tatiana already took her seat next to Vadik so I moved her bag letting her sit next to me. She looks so tired like she hasn't slept in days. We have a three and a half hour lecture right now. There's no way she's going to be able to sit through it.

"How long did you sleep?" I ask her if the bags under her eyes say it all. "I couldn't sleep, I haven't had the chance to sleep the last couple of days. Just been tossing and turning" I feel horrible for her.

Maybe something happened at home? I hope she knows she's allowed to get time off if she needs it. She opens her laptop, yawing. I notice her screen saver is a picture of her, her younger brother and who I think might be her older brother.

She never mentioned having an older brother.

Then again she doesn't mention anything about her personal life. "Encia you need sleep" I tell her but she brushes me off. The bell rings and we wait for the professor to come in. "wake me up when he comes" She rests her arms on the desk before laying her head on it.

I open my laptop letting it cover her as she starts to sleep. I take my sweater from behind the chair, bunching it up as a pillow and putting it under her head. She looks peaceful when she's sleeping.

I probably look like a creep staring at her right now. Breaking my gaze I put my headphones on getting out my book. I immediately go straight into my book not bothering to deal with anyone else right now.

Reading became an escape for me when my parents left me. I remember that night picking up a book and falling in love with the imaginations it gave me. No matter what book I opened I alway got lost into it.

Doing that I kept to myself most of my life. I'd say I have a fear of abandonment but I also have a fear of rejection. I can't bear the thought of me opening up to someone and finally admitting I feel something for them and they don't feel the same.

We all are human. It is bound to happen but it is a huge fear I have. "Silas, it's been twenty minuets were allowed to leave because he didn't show up" Niovi says I put my book down seeing more than half of the class left.

"I'll meet you guys in the next class" they nod, seeing Encia sleeping next to me. We're the only two in the class right now and she looks at peace. I don't want to be the one to ruin it. My hand goes to her hair brushing it out her face. Her lips are more pout she holds onto the sweater for dear life.

The bell rings after another hour, making her jump out of her seat. "Fuck" she mumbles looking around the class her eyes red as she rubs them. "Where is everyone?"

"Professor never came so they left I didn't want to wake you up"

"Silas you should have woken up, but thank you I appreciate it"

She grabs her bag as we walk to our next class. Her head barely reaches my shoulder but she is nowhere near short. She runs her hands through her hair letting out a deep breath. We go into our next class sitting in the back seeing the professor writing on the board already

After our 3 classes we all went back to my dorm and Valencia went to hers to sleep. Vadik kept talking about the party and Orion raided my fridge. At about 6 they all started to get ready while I stood reading my book.

"You sure you don't want to come Silas?" Emira asks from the door I shake my head yes. "Alright, have fun with your books. Encia's in her room she didn't want to come either" She closes the door behind her I lay on the couch turning on the tv.

I put on Harry Potter ready to just watch all nine movies play throughout the night. Maybe I should ask Valencia if she wants to watch it. I don't know what her ideal night is like but I don't want her to feel lonely.

Maybe she likes to be alone.

I would never know if I didn't ask her. She makes me nervous though. I feel so small next to her, I can never get rid of my nerves when she's around.

I've always been the type of person who likes to stay alone but I am attracted to her. I want to know more about her. I feel like a fly who is addicted to light.

After an hour of being in my own head I find myself in front of Valencia's door. "It's just a question" I mumble to myself knocking on her door. I can't hear anything , then again the dorms in this hall all have soundproof installation.

"Oh hey Silas" Valencia opens the door slightly looking up at me. Fuck I feel my body tensen, her hair being held by a clip strands framing her face, her green eyes popping out more I can see the light freckles scattered along her nose. She has on a white tank top that I can see her red lacy bra through.

I wonder if her underwear matches.

Fuck I sound like Vadik. Her shorts sit low on her hips but the fabric is so small every step she takes they ride up. I stare at her plump lips and wonder how they look around my- "Are you just going to stand there lover boy?" A slight smile comes to my face hearing her nickname for me.

"Everyone else went to the party and I um i'm watching movies in my room. Just in case you wanted to you know , join me?" I scratch the back of my head looking down at the floor.

"Yeah definitely let me just get my phone" She opens her door more. I lean on the door frame watching her shorts riding up her round ass. Gosh I sound like a pervert. Encia grabs her phone following me into my room.

We sit on the long couch as I press lay on the movie. For as big as the couch is, we both settle right next to each other. I like it though she looks a lot more relaxed that way. She also looks like she got a lot more sleep which I am more than happy to see.

Her phone lights up. I notice another picture of her and what I am guessing are her brothers. She only mentioned having one brother. Then again no one ever specified if they had to be living or not.

"Can I ask you something?" Valencia looks at me hesitantly nodding. "Did you have an older brother?" I see tears spring back to her eyes. The biggest amount of regret and guilt fill my stomach. I watch the tear roll down her face but she quickly wipes it. "Is he the reason why you don't read anymore?"

"I had an older brother his name was Eliseo who died when he was 16. I was 14 and Sante was 12 ½. We were all so close. Everything we did we did it all three of us attached to the hip. Eliseo was the best older brother I could ask for. Anything I needed he was there no matter what. He could be at a party with his friends and I would text him to see if he was okay. He'd leave the party and say spending time with us was more important.

We used to go into town to one of the local book stores and spend hours in there looking through books and seeing which ones were the best. By the time we were done we'd have a shit load of books and we'd just go into the backyard and read for as long as we wanted.

When we saw something we liked in the book Eliseo had us tab it or underline it he said it's important to remember your favorite parts of a book. Those few words will always bring you constant happiness no matter how you are feeling. Those words will be your escape.

Elieso died September 3rd. We all were coming back from the movies when a car was speeding in the wrong lane. Dad swerved the car and the other car hit the backseats where we were sitting. Everything was blurry but I felt his arms around me. When we got taken to the hospital I had a piece of glass cutting into my skin. I have a scar running down my back on the side of my stomach because of it. Sante had a sprained ankle, my dad broke his leg and my mom broke her arm. It wasn't anything major we were going to recover.

The doctor said that Elieso took all the impact and it killed him. He made sure Sante and I didn't get hurt even though it cost him his own life. All the events leading up to that day all those years ago hurt because they were so happy. This went from the best week of my life to the worst. Today 7 years ago we went to a dress store. I had started to plan out my sweet 16 already.

He told me he was sad that I was getting older but happy that I was becoming a great woman. I tried on a few dresses and from there I saw this crown I wanted. They said they didn't have any more and it sucked because it was so pretty.

On my 16th birthday his best friend came to the house with a box. He told me Elieso bought it for me a while back and had him hide it at his house so I wouldn't find it. It was a gift for my 16th birthday with a letter. When I opened it, it was the crown we saw at the store.

Eliseo dying was the worst thing ever. After he died I began to do whatever I wanted. I started drinking, I started going to parties, I did everything I wasn't supposed to because it numbed the pain. It was temporary but it was better than always being in pain."

I look at Valencia feeling nothing but sadness for her. She didn't deserve for her brother to die. She didn't deserve to fall out of love with reading. She didn't deserve anything bad that happened to her.

I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. She rests her head on my chest letting out silent tears. I keep her in a tight hold. I want her to feel safe.

I want her to know I feel her pain.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have dumped that on you" She sniffles back more tears. I wipe her tears hating to see the water coming out her eyes. "Don't ever say sorry for telling me how you feel. I'd rather you sit and cry and yell then hold it all in"

"I've been doing it for years Silas nothings going to change that now" I want to tell her that it will change. I don't know how to.

I don't know why I get so nervous around her.

I wish I knew how to express everything I want to tell her properly but I just can't.

"I think I should go, Thank you for the food and keeping me company for a while" Before I can even say anything she is out the door. I run my hands through my hair cursing to myself.

I had to ruin it

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One thing people are going to notice with all my books is someone dies.

I feel bad for both Silas and Valencia

Q/A~ What do you think is going to happen next?

2192 words

Until we meet again <3

~Yaniris0919 <3