Chapter Thirty-Eight

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My head is bowed down as I listen painfully to what Mr. Harrison and my so-called-parents discuss about the engagement party and the people to attend. I couldn't care less though, I should get used to be being used. Is that even my purpose in this world, being used and not loved?

I feel eyes on me and I didn't have to be Albert Einstein to know who that stare belongs to.

My mom gushes about dresses, silks, clothings and other things that she thinks will be great for the party. I scoffed under my breath. That's all she cares about.

Quietly standing up, I sneaked out of the room with that stare still on me. Trudging up the stairs to my room, I immediately fell on the bed as tears leaked out from my eyes. I sobbed in my pillow with no one to hold me, no one to comfort me and I always keep reminding myself 'get used to it'.

*****

Friday came and I actually became a robot. You know, walking tensely, speaking tightly and all that? Well that's expected.

Jane kept giving me looks as if a silent question 'what the hell happened to you?'. It's like she's gonna say that, she's a nerd for god's sake! She couldn't even utter one bad word. She would even slap me in the arm or screech when I curse.

Oh that noisy screecher! Where's the pucking tape when you need it?

"Are you OK?" She asked for the millionth time of the day and I groaned in annoyance.

"I'm fine, OK? How many times do you have to ask that and how many times do I have to answer you the same answer? Should I answer you Japanese in case you can't understand English?" I sarcastically asked her and she gave me a raised eyebrow.

What's her deal?

"You're not OK. Admit it" she said and I rolled my eyes. Stubborn ass.

"OK fine, I'm not OK and never will. Don't ask, don't talk. I don't wanna talk about it" I said while popping a fry in my mouth.

I'm gonna get in trouble for this. Eating in the middle of the class. I mean, it's math time and I couldn't concentrate so I found a way not to waste my time....eat. OK that's not productive but at least it benefits my stomach.

If you're wondering how the hell am I not caught? Well, I'm sneaky. The french fries box is under my table while I pop some everytime no one is looking.

Some noticed but never says anything. Some are even amused but that's inevitable. Seeing a dominant who is eating in class with a sheepish smile on her face is quite a view.

"OK class, kindly answer the ten questions on the board. I'll just be on the office to do some paperworks and I expect that to be answered when I come back. Are we clear?" No one answered Mr. Andrews because...well, half of the class is already asleep.

It's a miracle I'm not one of them.

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