Tristan

The realisation left my mind in turmoil. I didn't even register the door clicking open and someone stepping into my room.

"Way to ditch me bro. You left me to face those planners alone. They are like goddamn leeches," Beth said as she stood leaning against my door. I smiled apologetically and shifted so that she could sit.

"I have always loved your room," she said as she sprawled on the bed and made herself comfortable. "It's so cute and quiet. I know it's not my room but it still feels like my haven. A place where I can hide when the world becomes too much to handle. I used to come in here often and just lay down when you went away to college. The sheets smelled of you."

I said nothing to that. Waves of emotion crashed over me and I tried hard to keep my face blank. My dad's refusal to accept me for who I am had left a big impact on my mind and so I had barely contacted my family from Chicago. Even Beth because whenever I had called her my mom would snatch the phone away and try to force me to talk to dad. In my hatred and anger I had completely ignored how Beth must have felt when I cut her calls and didn't reply to her texts.

"I am sorry Beth," I said after a while. My words sounded exceptionally loud in the silent room. She propped herself on her elbows and looked at me.

"It's okay brother. It wasn't really your fault. Now tell me why you are sad."

I frowned. "I don't look sad. In fact I couldn't be happier. My baby sister is getting married." I tried hard to make my voice sound excited. It wasn't fair to Beth that I was letting my own selfish issues interfere with her big day.

But sisters. Somehow it's impossible to hide anything from them. Beth gave me a dirty look. "Don't you dare lie to me Tris. I know you better than you know yourself. Better than even Damien. Something is troubling you and I want to know what it is. So tell me. Now."

And so I did. I told her everything. It felt so liberating to finally talk about it. I started from how I had seen Damien at the club, how seeing him like that had completely changed my perception of him and how I couldn't look at him as just a friend now.

I watched as Beth's expression morphed into one of incredulity and shock as I spoke. I even told her about Alexander Sturtevant and how I hadn't answered his question.

When I was finished, Beth pursed her lips and seemed to be deep in thought. I let her think. Maybe she would be able to find a solution to all this. Maybe she would know what I should do now.

"Tristan," she said after a while. "Are you sure about Damien? I mean do you want a serious relationship with him? Or is it just an infatuation?"

"I don't know Beth," I replied truthfully. "I have no idea what to make of my feelings. I just know that I have this sudden urge to touch and feel Damien against me. I don't know what that means or if we can have a long term relationship. Hell I don't even know if I should tell him about this or not."

"Tell him. Tell him as soon as you can. The longer you hide the more awkward and tense it's going to be. It's going to affect your friendship."

"But what if he thinks I am a pervert or something? That I am a creep who fantasies about his best friend? I don't think I would be able to handle it if Damien looks at me with disgust," I groaned. The thought of losing what I had with Damien was terrifying to say the least. I needed the guy like I needed oxygen. Without him, I would be all alone in this wide world.

Beth scoffed. "Really Tris? You think Dmaien can ever hate you? The guy is unhealthily obsessed with you. He needs you as much as you need him. That is exactly why I am asking you to tell him. I am almost sure that he too doesn't see you as just a friend."

I gave her a wry smile. "Yes he doesn't see me as a friend. He sees me as his helpless little brother who he constantly has to take care of. You should see how he behaves with me, always so protective and worried. That's so much worse than seeing me as a friend."

"Well maybe you are misunderstanding his actions. Maybe he is always so worried about you not because he sees you as helpless but because he likes you. He doesn't want you to get hurt."

I scoffed. "Bollocks. Drop it Beth. There's no hope," I said and buried my face in a pillow. Mother's voice sounded from below calling for Beth. She sighed and prepared to get up.
She stopped at the door and turned to face me.

"Listen to me this time Tris. You know I want what's best for you. Talk to Damien. Any problem can be solved by just talking. And after all it's Damien. I am sure he will understand." And with that she was gone.

I spent the next few hours in my room doing literally nothing. It was nice to just relax and not have my boss screaming at me or having to go through huge fat files. I opened my yearbook and went through all the old pictures. They were making me nostalgic. There was a particular picture of me and Damien with both our families in a park. We were so small then, so innocent and happy. I was licking a popsicle and trying to keep Damien away who had his hand stretched to snatch my popsicle away. The picture was beautiful and it exactly described our friendship.
Fun, simple and comfortable.

That was the prime reason that my sudden feelings for him scared the shit out of me. If I told him it would most certainly make things awkward between us and I could lose my best friend.

Unless..

There was a slight chance if what Beth said was true. If Damien indeed didn't see me as just a friend. The thought seemed extremely improbable to me. He was Damien for gods sake. He was beautiful. With his dreamy blue eyes, chiseled face and perfect body he looked like a supermodel. And I was just plain old me.

I looked into the mirror to see a pale faced boy with brown curly hair and brown eyes and way too many freckles. I was nothing compared to him. I wouldn't even be able to please him sexually. I may like it rough but bdsm was a whole new level.

He could honestly do so much better. Someone who looked better than me and was better suited to his tastes. Like the blond at the club. As much I as liked him I would certainly not kneel like a dog by his side like that twink. Damien obviously wanted someone like that. Hell he didn't even trust me enough to tell me about his lifestyle. Did he even consider me as his best friend anymore?

The thought was crushing. My eyes began to sting and before I knew it, I was full on crying. Tears kept on tricking down my cheeks and I just couldn't stop them. They kept on coming. I felt so alone and lost. It felt like I was lost in a dark forest with no way out. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt as helpless as this.

I laid there on my bed with tears flowing down my cheeks and my heart squeezing painfully. My life stretched before me, all dark and dreary with no escape.