The crisp winter air stings a bit in my lungs as I breathe in deep. It's getting colder, and we've had a few days of snow, though it hasn't stuck yet.

I love snow. I didn't experience it a lot growing up in the south, so every winter since getting to Michigan, I've been reveling in the soft, white powder.

But now that it's that time again, it will mean that my trips with Max will become less frequent. No matter how much I enjoy looking at snow, I have no intention of getting caught in a snowstorm on horseback.

Call it southern paranoia, but I have this irrational fear of Max and me buried knee-deep in snow in the middle of nowhere and just freezing to death.

But we should be good today. There's a sheer layer of clouds, so any snowfall should be light. I've bundled up in a few extra layers to make up for the change in temperatures.

After saddling Max, I tow him out of the stable, intending to take the route that begins at the paddock. There's a stump from a cut-down tree that I usually use to mount. Max is trotting along behind me, his breath coming out in white puffs, when we round the corner and I notice the figure sitting on the stump I was heading for.

For a second, I get annoyed, thinking it's one of the other owners or a ranch hand - I'm so used to being alone on Saturday mornings that the idea of interaction with someone, even just for small talk, exhausts me.

But when I get a few steps closer, I freeze, Max bumping into me from behind because of my abrupt stop.

The figure is easy to recognize.

He hasn't changed in the week since I saw him last.

He's in a warm jacket, his legs bouncing a bit, probably to keep up circulation, and when his eyes connect to mine, a nervous smile spreads over his face.

He looks like a model shooting for a winter catalog.

It's kind of heartbreaking.

I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised that he would show up here. He's been calling and texting non-stop for the last week, and I'd listened from the top of the stairs as he'd talked to Jen that day. But I couldn't make myself go down and speak to him. My legs wouldn't move, locked in the fear that it would be a rejection.

I'm not sure I can handle that.

Now it seems I won't get a choice.

I think part of me had expected him to respect the sanctum of this place. After everything, I expected him to know that this is my safe place and that having my heart broken here will infiltrate the peace, taint it with pain and hurt.

He might just make me hate my favorite place on the planet.

Finally, I force my muscles to cooperate and close the distance between us.

"Jayden."

"Fie." He stands up, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Curse me for being so predictable. Jayden knows I come here every Saturday morning.

"You shouldn't be here."

The tentative smile falls off his face. "Sophie, please, you gotta listen-"

"I don't have to do anything," I hiss, tugging on Max's rope.

He begins moving again, turning his big head in a slow movement to look at Jayden before walking after me.

"Ollie was in the hospital," Jayden yells.

I whip around, looking at the earnest, pained expression on his face, and I know he's telling the truth. "Oh my god, is he okay?"

Why do I feel a sense of panic at the prospect of a child I've never met being hurt?

"He's fine. He broke his wrist skateboarding." Jayden stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jacket, looking off to the side with a displeased expression. My lips tug, instinctually attempting to smile because I can only imagine how Jayden must feel about that skateboard now, but I crush the smile before it can take hold. He doesn't deserve it.

"I'm glad he's okay," I say, meaning it. "But you were gone for hours. You couldn't have picked up a phone at some point?"

I know I'm admitting to knowing he came by the apartment, but there was no point denying it anyways. Even if I hadn't been eavesdropping on their conversation, Jen would have told me afterward.

Jayden frowns. "It's more complicated than that."

"It always is."

We hold eye contact for a long moment, my chest constricting at the familiar blue eyes, the usually calm ocean showing clear signs of distress today.

"Can I walk with you for a moment? I just want to explain," Jayden says, casting an eye at Max like he's afraid I'll make him ride him again.

There's a small route we can take around the property ending up back here again. "Ten minutes."

He nods, jogging to reach me as I begin walking immediately. I stay quiet.

"When I was thirteen, I was placed with this family. Um, they had two biological kids and as many foster kids as they were allowed. It wasn't great." He's looking ahead while he speaks, hands in pockets, an unfamiliar expression on his face. "The mother didn't pay us much mind, but the father had a bad temper. It wasn't unusual for him to lash out at us, especially the bigger kids. I was one of the oldest. But he was a little more careful with me. It wouldn't be easy for me to explain all those bruises and cuts at swim practice every day."

He looks resentful, and my heart hurts for the kids who didn't have that protection. "One day, I got home from practice after curfew, and he kind of lost it. He'd been drinking and still had the bottle in his hand." Jayden casts me a glance, his eyes dark and stormy. "You know the big scar on my side?" I nod numbly, easily picturing the long jagged scar that runs up his torso. "Well, he put it there. After that, they had to take me to the ER. I was bleeding a lot."

There's a cold detachment in his voice like the memory doesn't really affect him anymore, but I feel the red hot anger rush through me. No person should be treated like that, but especially not a thirteen-year-old kid by their caregiver.

I keep quiet, allowing him to tell the whole story.

"The circumstances were suspicious enough that social services removed me while they 'investigated.' As far as I know, he was never punished." Jay shrugs, running a hand through his hair, a big breath leaving him. "It doesn't really matter, I suppose. The point is; that I was thirteen the first time a foster parent put their hands on me. And it wasn't the last time."

I feel sick. My breakfast threatens to make a return as my mind conjures up images of a young, frightened Jayden.

Jayden stops walking, turning to face me. I pause, too, my grip tightening around Max's rope in fearful anticipation. "I'm sorry, Jay."

He waves me off. "It was a long time ago. The thing is... Ollie turns thirteen in three months. And I know what the system is like for a teenage boy. I just-" He cuts off, grimacing. "When I got that call last week, I didn't think. I just got in my car and left. I was so scared," his voice breaks.

I reach forward, placing my hand on his arm, without thinking about it. He looks down at my hand, swallowing. "I know I have nothing to fear while Ollie is with Antonella. It didn't even occur to me that what happened to him could be anything but an accident. But in a few months, he won't be at Antonella's anymore. And when I saw him in that hospital, it just reminded me that next time I can't be sure that no one hurt him."

He looks so pained that all I want to do is wrap him up in a big hug and wash away his trouble. But I'm not a miracle worker. "Jayden, there's no guarantee there'll even be a next time."

"I know," he says, shaking his head. "But if there is - if someone who's supposed to protect him somehow hurts him- I'll never forgive myself."

"It wouldn't be your fault," I say, frowning. "You are not responsible for other people's actions."

"Maybe not. But I can prevent him from living in a house where he can potentially be in danger if I just get my shit together." His eyes are wild, a tremble running through him. "I'm his brother, Sophie. And I won't allow him to end up in the same situation as I did."

I take a deep breath, nodding. "I understand."

And I get it. I get why he ran out without a word. I get why he didn't call. Jayden has one major weak spot, something - or rather someone - who'll always come before everybody else, and that's Ollie.

I can respect that.

He seems to hear the double meaning in my words, and the tension in his shoulders eases a bit. He looks around us. "Is my time up?"

We're still just standing here, looking at each other. I don't know how much time has passed, but to be honest, it doesn't matter. The anger I felt at him for leaving has bled out of me, making me feel oddly hollow.

Because he might have explained his absence, but there's still the giant question of what now? And I might be too afraid to ask.

"You can get the rest of the walk," I say, leading him down the path again, the words I should be saying stuck in my throat as we walk in silence.

What if I ask him what my confession means for us, and he walks away?

There is no emergency to use as an excuse now. If he leaves, it will solely be because he doesn't want me anymore.

And I'm just not sure I can survive that.

🏊‍♂️

I end up taking off Max's saddle since I'm pretty sure I won't go riding today. Jayden is hovering, awkwardly silent as I work.

I don't say anything either; the only sound is that of the other horses moving around in their stalls.

After I'm done with Max, I drag him outside to leave him in the paddock. He comes readily, and I hear Jayden following along behind us.

My heart is working overtime, beating just a bit too fast. Maybe it wants to enjoy the feeling of being whole before Jayden destroys it.

I don't look at Jayden as I release Max, watching him trot away, indifferent to the maelstrom of emotions going on inside of me. I try pulling in the cold winter air again, but it's like my lungs won't expand all the way. I fiddle with the fence for too long, my hands shaking slightly.

We need to have this conversation, but I'm not ready.

Even so, I lead Jayden to the small bench overlooking the paddock. It's old and worn, standing in the shadow of a big elm tree, but it's on the outskirts of the ranch, and not a lot of people come here, so we should be alone for the duration of this conversation.

I check my phone. At least Jayden needs to leave soon if he wants to make it on time for his practice. So whatever he has to say, it will be over soon.

We sit for a second, staring out over the field in front of us. The grass is slightly white with frost, despite the sun peaking through the clouds. There's a mist covering the far end of the paddock, making it seem like we're inside this little snowglobe. Any second now, someone could turn us upside down, and everything around us would shift.

"I'm sorry."

I stare donwn at my hands clutched in my lap, not sure I dare look at him right now. I don't know how to answer that.

"I'm so sorry, Sophie," Jayden continues, his voice low with just a slight edge of urgency to it.

Maybe he's afraid this will drag out, and he'll miss practice.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask, turning my head towards him. His blue eyes shine with sincerity.

"For leaving without notice. That... I shouldn't have done that."

"You had to get to Ollie. It wasn't a choice." I understand why he left. I'm not entirely sure I understand why he came back.

"I know, that's not what I'm sorry." He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry you had to wake up to me being gone. I can only imagine what you must have thought."

"Like what?" I turn to him fully, keeping my voice expressionless. I won't sway him with my emotions. He just needs to say whatever it is he needs to say, so this can be over.

He blinks a few times. "Well, you know... after everything you told me." He grimaces, and I only just manage not to do the same.

It's the first time either of us acknowledges that conversation, though it's been hanging over us like a weighted blanket, pressing down on us. His words cling to me, covering my skin like mist.

"Just say it, Jayden. What exactly is it you think I felt when I woke up alone?"

He sighs, looking away from me. "That I left because of what you said."

That he left because I'm defected.

"You shouldn't have to apologize for that," I say. "I understand."

His head flies up, and shock fills his eyes. "Sophie, you know that's not part of why I left, right?"

He left because Ollie was hurt. His big brotherly instincts took over, and he sprang into action. That doesn't mean there wasn't a subconscious part of him that was thankful that he didn't need to make up some apology. That he could just slip out the backdoor without an altercation.

My silence is answer enough. Jayden's nostrils flare. "That is not why I left," he says the words forcefully, almost angrily. "I came back. Did Jen tell you I came back? Because I did!"

I nod, trying to ignore the stirring in my chest at his words. There's no reason to get my hopes up. "I know."

"Good." His lips form a thin line, and his fingers flex on his thigh. "I've been going out of my mind all week, Fie, from you not answering my messages. I understand why you were mad and hurt, but goddamn, it's been torture. Knowing what you must be thinking and not being able to explain. I was this close to showing up at your job." He holds his index finger and thumb a fraction of an inch away from each other. "But Davis talked me out of it. Said it wouldn't be nice of me to ambush you during work."

The look on his face says what he thinks of that suggestion, but I feel a surge of unprecedented gratitude towards Davis. I can't help thinking back to what happened when Darren accosted me at the hotel. While both Davis and I know that Jayden would never ever get physical with me that way, Davis did right in assuming that I needed my personal drama to stay away from my workplace for a little while.

"Well, you've explained," I say, squaring my shoulders. "Apology accepted. So... you know."

He doesn't move an inch, watching me, confusion shining out of his eyes. "So what?"

"You can go." I push the words out, pursing my lips afterward to hold in the others that want to follow.

"I don't-" Jayden's gaze flies between my eyes, his hand fisting in his lap. "Do you want me to go?"

Why did he have to ask that particular question? The answer should be obvious. Of course, I don't. My heart is beating against the cage I've put it in, fear flowing through my veins at the mere idea of having to watch him go, but I can't tell him that.

He shouldn't feel bad for leaving. The terms of our agreement never covered what to do in this situation. How to move forward when one party reveals their deepest darkest secret.

"Jay," my voice breaks, and I blink harshly. "I understand. Truly, I do. Why would you want to hang around after what you heard? I'm..." I take a deep breath. "I'm broken."

His head jerks back, and his eyes flare. "Why would you say that?" he demands.

Is he going to force me to say it? "Didn't you understand? I can't have kids. Why would you want to stay after hearing that?"

An intense emotion fills Jayden's expression, and he reaches forward, grabbing my hands. "It doesn't matter. I don't care what you can or can't do. It doesn't define you. You know what does? How brave you are. Your fiercely protective heart. The softness I know you think you hide so well. Those are the things that matter, and you, Fie, are absolutely amazing."

Someone has turned the snow globe on its head, and everything is up in the air.

My breath catches in my throat, and I cling to his hands, letting his words wash over me. I blink against the wetness in my eyes. "What does that mean?" I whisper.

A small smile lifts Jayden's lips as he tugs a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "It means that I'm here. I'm all in. If you'll have me."

If I'll have him. My heart thumps in my chest.

"All in... Like... Like," I break off, unable to finish that sentence, the mere words protesting from their spot on the tip of my tongue.

"Like boyfriend," he says, a soft smile curving his lips. "Will you be my girlfriend, Trouble?"

I think my heart stopped beating altogether, and I don't know what is happening. I don't know how we got here. I've been fleeing from this moment all week, expecting a difficult conversation. Expecting heartbreak. Never in a million years could I have prepared myself for this.

I've been pushing this guy away any chance I got ever since I first met him. Forced him to jump through any hoop imaginable. And yet, he's bounced back every time, and a small, secret part of me has been thankful for that.

His hands squeeze mine, and a bit of uncertainty flickers in his eyes at my silence. I take a deep breath, lifting my chin. "Yes, Jay. I'll be your girlfriend."

A grin breaks out on his face as he lowers it, softly pressing his mouth to mine.

The world is right-side up again, and all the stray pieces are arranging themselves in unfamiliar ways. And yet, despite how hard our little snow globe was shaken, nothing has ever felt as right as Jayden's lips against mine.

As he pulls me closer, deepening the kiss, the first snowflakes drift down, resting on our hair, our clothes, our eyelashes, freezing this moment in place forever.

🏊‍♂️

We walk towards the parking lot hand in hand. The snow still falls around us, covering the gravel in a soft, thin layer.

When we reach my car, Jayden moves closer, pressing my back against it. He looms over me, his eyes sparkling like sapphires against the white background. "You know what this means, Fie?" he breathes, fingers grasping my hips, and even through all the clothing, I can feel the heat emanate from him.

"What?" I ask, my lips twitching.

"You're mine. From this moment onwards, you belong to me, and I will do all the cheesy romantic or gallant things I damn well please because you're mine." He presses a kiss to one of my eyelids. "I will cheer you on when you're a badass." His lips against my other eyelid. "I will protect you when you need it." A kiss on the tip of my nose. "I will hold you when you're hurt." Feather soft lips against the corner of my mouth. "I will always be here because you're mine." Finally, his mouth covers mine, and his hands tug me impossible closer until we melt together. "And I don't share. Do you understand?"

My eyes flutter open, staring into the fire blazing in his, and I feel my heart leap. "I do."

A/N: 
This chapter gives me all the feels 🥺

We did it! Monogamy 💃

Next week's chapters might be NSFW 😏

- Hanna 💙