I curl up on the new couch. The blanket wrapped around me is one of mine that I repurchased a few years ago. It's large and warm, and yet I shiver slightly, trying to make sure that only my face is outside of the little cocoon.

I've got some show on the TV, but I can't focus on it. I'm tired.

That shouldn't come as any surprise. I'm always tired these days. It's a known side effect of radiation, and it came pretty much immediately after we started treatment. But for the past couple of days, it's been worse. I can barely get out of bed, and Jayden often has to wake me when he comes back after morning practice.

Marlene calls it extreme fatigue and says it's very normal at this point in my treatment.

I've been going to the hospital five days a week, for the past two weeks. I get radiation therapy for thirty minutes while Jayden waits in the waiting room.

I tried to talk him out of it. Convince him that I could Uber, or Jen could take me some days or something since he has so much on his plate, getting ready for nationals in a month and a half, and the hospital is an hour each way.

But he insists. He's arranging his training schedule around my treatment times. It's a good thing he's officially dropped out of college, so he doesn't have that workload too.

He seems happy, though, having gone pro. Benjamin Avery wasn't lying. The brands have flocked to him, wanting to sponsor him for nationals, and it's so great to see him succeed.

But he worries. I can see it whenever I fall asleep in the car when we drive home from Detroit. Or when I wince as I get up from the couch. Or when I wake up in the middle of the night with intense nausea.

Some days I feel so heavy that I barely make it out of bed. At times, it feels like I'm seeing this whole thing from the outside, watching the cancer fight tooth and nail for its survival, even if that is at the expense of mine.

Other times I want to hide away in the farthest corner of my being as my brain and body rage war on me.

I feared the treatment because of what it did to my psyche last time. And while it's been hard, it's not nearly as bad as it was three years ago.

I'm still seeing doctor Mallory, and she's helped me realize just how badly I crashed back then. I've dreaded the possibility of being sucked into another depression since the last one took me years to overcome.

But things are different this time. I didn't lose anything. I haven't had to completely reevaluate my life.

And more importantly, this time I want to live.

I want this life with Jayden, with Ollie. I want to watch Jen get her happily ever after, and I want to experience everything life has to offer.

That makes a world of difference.

So when it's hard. When that voice sneaks in, taunting me that it's useless anyway, trying to convince me that it might be easier to just give up, I close my eyes, and I envision Jayden on this couch, fighting Ollie for the remote as they try to find something to watch, and I imagine snuggling up with them. And it makes me stronger.

My eyes begin to droop, and I make myself more comfortable on the couch, knowing it'll be at least another hour before Jayden comes home.

Home.

We moved in a week before treatment started. I was mostly healed from surgery, but Jayden refused to allow me to do anything. The guys came by and did all the heavy lifting, and Jen and I sat in the kitchen drinking Starbucks coffee and directing where the furniture should go.

It's a cute Eastlake-style house in two stories. It's painted a soft blue and has a white porch that wraps around the whole house. The yard is fairly large, and I'm guessing we'll need to hire someone to take care of it. It has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a state-of-the-art kitchen, two fireplaces, and a great living room.

Which is where I'm curled up right now, slowly drifting off into unconsciousness.

🏊‍♂️

I wake groggy and disoriented to the feeling of soft lips against mine.

"Hi, Fie," Jayden whispers, his breath fanning over my face.

I blink, staring straight into those ocean blue eyes. A smile stretches over my face. "Hi."

He sits down beside me, drawing me closer, so I'm basically sitting in his lap, curled against his chest.

"Are you okay?" he asks, the constant worry evident in his voice. I understand. My energy levels have dropped remarkably, and I spend most of my day sitting down when I used to be moving fra dawn to dusk.

I place a kiss on his jaw, fighting to keep my eyes open. "Yeah, I feel fine. Just tired." I neglect to tell him about the two times I threw up after he left for dryland. I took some of the nausea medication that Marlene prescribed for me after. There's nothing Jayden can do, and I know it'll just make his worry worse.

He runs a palm up and down on my leg over the blanket, smiling into my hair. "Good."

"Mmhm," I mumble, beginning to doze off again. He's so warm, and I'm so comfortable, and he just feels safe.

I'm on the brink of sleep when I remember why Jayden came back so late today. Because after practice, he had that meeting. I shoot up, my head swimming, but I ignore the black spots dancing in my vision as I stare at Jayden.

"How did it go?" I gasp.

Jayden went to see the social worker for the final review. Ever since we applied for full-time custody of Ollie about three weeks ago, things have been hectic. There have been extensive conversations, not just with Jayden as the primary caregiver and blood relative, but with me too since I live here and will be a vital part of Ollie's life.

Then there was a deep dive into our finances and backgrounds. Luckily my former clashes with the law weren't an issue, which both Davis and Jen had assured me of beforehand.

And then the home study last week.

One of the few things I demanded to be allowed to do when we moved in was decorate Ollie's room.

Jen and I did it over a weekend. We painted one wall a dark, forest green color - Ollie's favorite - and the three other a soft off-white one. We went out and bought a queen size bed and a small desk where he can do homework, but mostly we invested in bookshelves.

There wasn't room for it when he lived with Antonella, but he needs space for all those books he has and all the ones he and I are going to buy.

Ollie is a Doctor Who fan, so I got some cool art and framed it to decorate the walls.

I poured heart and soul into that room, wanting Ollie to love it, and now I'm about to find out if he'll get to live in it.

Jayden brushes a bit of my hair out of my face, his expression so soft, so loving, as he gazes down at me.

"We got it," he says quietly, but the words reverberate around me. "We got custody. We did it."

"Oh my god," I yell, throwing my arms around Jayden's neck, hugging him to me. "We did it?"

I can't believe it.

"We did," Jayden says, locking his arms around my waist.

I lean back just enough to look him in the eyes. "Jay... You did it."

We're just a few months shy of the first anniversary of Jayden's Olympic debut. The day when all his plans crumbled and he watched his dream drift off and become this little dot in the distance.

He's been chasing an ever-moving finish line since, working himself to the bone to achieve this very thing, a million obstacles in his way, and when he finally thought he'd made it, he found that the goal had moved further away.

But today. Today he crossed that line. "I'm so proud of you," I whisper, planting my lips against his.

He reacts instantly, his mouth soft and pliable, opening for me. It's electric, and the air between us fizzles the way it always does. His stubbles scratch my jaw when he angles his head, sweeping his tongue inside my mouth. I melt against him, wanting nothing more than to remain in this moment forever.

But because my body has limitations that I'm still getting accustomed to, I pull back too soon, trying to catch my breath. A heavy makeout session is enough to have me panting these days.

There isn't a lot of funny business going on. Between me recovering from vaginal surgery and now being able to fall asleep standing, it never really feels like the right time.

My need for him is still there, making its appearance at times like these, but I have to respect my body's need to heal.

Jayden says he doesn't care. He's so focused on me being okay that his lack of a sex life doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest. Or maybe he just hides it well. Either way, I can't wait to be able to be with him again.

But right now isn't the time to dwell in our forced dry spell. Because soon, this place will no longer just be ours. We'll be three in the household.

A family.

"When?" I ask when I feel able to speak again.

Jayden's leg bounces nervously. "Five days."

I shoot up from the couch, the room spinning around me as I wobble on my feet. In a split second, Jayden is standing too, steadying me with two hands on my waist. "Easy," he says.

"Five days?" I ask, my voice squeaky. "But that's so soon. We have so much to do. Oh my god, what if I'm terrible at it? What if he hates living with me, oh no-"

Jayden's hands travel up to cup my cheeks, a smile stretching his cheeks. "Stop freaking out. We've got this." He kisses my nose. "First of all, everything is ready. We got the room set up, and he's not a toddler, so there's no need to babyproof the house or anything." Jayden grins. "Secondly, Ollie is going to love living with you. I'm gonna become the third wheel with you two geeking out all of the time. And lastly; You. Will. Be. Great." He enunciates the last words with a peck on my lips for each.

I relax slowly in his grasp, hiding my face in the crook of his neck as the tears well in my eyes.

I'm not sure why, but I'm crazy emotional lately. Jen thinks it's because I've unlocked some vulnerable part of me that I've been repressing forever. Jayden finds it a bit amusing because I'm usually so good at hiding everything I feel. I think my hormone balance must be all messed up after the surgery, and I'll be back to normal within long.

Hopefully.

"You think so?" I whisper, trying to hide the emotions clogging my throat, but Jayden hears them anyway, chuckling.

"I know so."

After a few moments, he guides me down to the couch again, relaying the entire extent of his meeting with the social worker.

Ollie will be staying at the same school. It's a bit of a commute from here, but we want him to have as much stability as possible. We'll reevaluate once he has to start high school.

We've also found a pediatrician nearby. And Jen and I have scouted the area for the best skatepark.

At first, this is a foster placement, not unlike the ones he's been in before, but we'll start the adoption process as soon as nationals are over and I'm hopefully out of treatment, so both of us have the time to dedicate to it.

It's a little scary, thinking about adopting Ollie. I've wanted to be a parent my entire life, and now that I'm days away from becoming it, the very thought scares me senseless.

But I believe in Jayden, and he believes in me, and both of us believe in Ollie, so maybe it will all be okay.

"Have you told him?" I ask, threading my fingers through his.

Jayden shakes his head. "I wanted you to know first so that we could tell him together."

I smile, lifting my other hand to run it through his hair. "That's sweet, baby, but I think you should do this alone. Just the two of you. It's been a long journey, and you've fought so hard for this. Ollie just needs his big brother. I will have plenty of time to steal his affection once he moves in."

Jayden grins, leaning his forehead against mine. "Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yeah. Go call him. They probably haven't sat down to eat yet. Tell him to pack his bags and that we'll come get him on Saturday."

Jayden trembles a bit with excitement, and I understand why. I can't imagine how often he's dreamed about saying those words to Ollie. "Remind me to text Antonella later, okay?"

I nod. Jayden and her have kept in touch, texting every so often. I know Ollie still talks to her too. She's the closest thing he's ever had to a mother, after all. I think about her, how much competence she always excuded. How motherhood seemed to come naturally to her.

I have no intention of replacing her, but she left an empty role in her wake, and soon it'll be mine.

Mother.

That is as terrifying as it is exhilarating.

Because Ollie has lodged himself deep inside of my heart, and it's like he's always belonged there. Like there was a hole waiting to be filled by him.

Maybe it was left after the initial diagnosis. Perhaps the part of me that was carved out by the pain then was always meant to be patched back together by this love.

In this moment, knowing I'll get to wake up with Jayden every morning and come home to Ollie every afternoon, I feel so filled up with love I might just burst.

Who knew life could be like this?

Jayden stands, but before he leaves the room, he leans down to press a feather-soft kiss to my mouth. I grab his shirt, though, prolonging the kiss. Once he pulls back, he smiles at me, his blue eyes deep and warm, like a tropical sea.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too." 

A/N: 
Treatment is hard, but Sophie is powering through 💪

And they got custody! 🎉

Next chapter coming soon 🥰

- Hanna 💙