Eighteen

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"What about this one?"

Ollie shoves another fantasy book into my hands. I read the title. It sounds familiar, maybe it was made into a movie a few years ago, but I definitely haven't read it.

"It's a lost cause, Ol." I shoot my younger brother an apologetic look. "I only read the books required in High School... I haven't touched one since."

He looks slightly disappointed. I don't know where he gets in from because I was never a big reader. Our mom loved books, but she didn't get the chance to share that with Ollie.

He keeps walking around the bookstore, taking out another paperback once in a while, showing it to me. Either to give me a full review of the book that I'll forget in thirty seconds since I'm not nearly as smart as him or to tell me that it's on his TBR.

Whatever the hell that is.

In the end, he picks two books and buys them with his pocket money. I doubt I'll ever understand thatโ€”the desire to use hard-earned money on paper with words on it.

I grab the bag and carry it as Ollie zooms along beside me on his skateboard. He's only allowed to do it on smaller streets that he knows well. And the walk from the bookstore to Antonella's place is one either of us could do in our sleep.

"So, how's school going?" I ask him, glancing over.

Ollie is good in school. He's smart as a whip, and the teachers know it. So do the other kids, unfortunately. It's not always easy being the smartest person in the room.

Not that I would know.

But children are douchebags, and being a foster care kid can be hard enough as is. I remember.

But Ollie just shrugs. "It's okay. The usual, you know."

"Hey, you tell me if something happens, right? Because I'm there," I grab his arm. He stops, looking over at me.

"Yeah, I know, JJ." He smiles at me. That big, genuine smile, and then he's off again.

I didn't have anyone in my corner back then. Ollie will never be in that position.

He yells something in Spanish as we enter. I know I should probably have picked some of it up by now, but I am horrible when it comes to languages, and thankfully, it never seems to bother Antonella.

Ollie throws the new books in his room. It's a small space. A single pushed against the wall, a closet wedged in the corner and the walls filled with shelves littered with books. Looking around the room, I'm reminded of Sophie's bedroom.

It's like a punch to the stomach. It's been almost a week since the last time I saw her. Since that day at the hotel, when my illusions about what might have been going on came crashing down.

Sophie made the rules clear from the very beginning. All I had to do was play by them.

I close my eyes, rubbing my forehead, perhaps hoping to shove the memories away. I don't want to deal with this right now.

Hell, I don't want to deal with it ever.

I head down the hallway to the living room. The TV is on, and Antonella sits on the couch, looking over some papers. When I enter, she stacks them together, tucking them away in a folder before smiling at me sadly.

The building unease starts churning in my stomach as I linger in the doorway.

"Hola, Jayden," she greets me, standing up.

"Hi," I say back, shuffling slightly on the spot. We haven't really spent a lot of time alone in the last few months, by design.

I don't have any good news for her, and I can't handle saying those words over and over again.

Before I'm forced to say something, Ollie finishes in the bathroom and comes skipping into the living room. He hugs Antonella before taking her previous place on the couch.

I move to join him, but Antonella stops me, asking for my help in the kitchen.

She never allows anyone to help her out in there, but it's the only place we can talk these days. I follow, shuffling my feet.

Antonella gets busy immediately, preparing for lunch, while I hug the wall, perhaps hoping to blend in with the wallpaper.

"We need to tell him soon," she says, not looking at me.

I swallow a lump in my throat, fighting the urge to just sit down on her kitchen floor and cry.

"I know."

She stops her movements, hanging her head over the kitchen counter, a sigh leaving her. "He's too smart to be lied to forever."

"I know."

She turns around. Antonella reaches me maybe halfway up my torso, but she has authority shining out of her. Her eyes are kind, but her mouth is set in a grim line. "Something's got to give, Jayden. And if it's Ollie, he deserves to know."

I break eye contact, look down at her feet, and nod my head, thinking the words to myself.

I know.

๐ŸŠโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Normally, whenever I've had a shit day, all I need to do is stick my head underwater, and I'll immediately feel better.

Not today, though.

We're doing a medley relay run-through, and all the other guys are on point. I'm the anchor, so it's literally my responsibility to bring it home. But if we were competing today, I couldn't live up to that.

When did everything get this difficult?

I know the answer, of course. Before the Olympics, things were on track. I was a machine in the pool, on the way to finally reuniting Ollie and me and to having the career, I had always dreamed of. And then it crashed and burned.

Ever since I returned to U-M this semester, things have been going downhill. I'm not blind to the fact that it also ties in with me meeting Sophie.

"Sennels." I look over my shoulder to find Lewis looking at me.

She generally oversees our medley team practices. Her gray eyes are watching me, and she seems to be mulling something over. She gestures for me to join her.

"I know Matthews normally deals with you one-on-one, but since he's not here today, I thought I might inform you that you've been put on academic probation."

It's like a punch to the gut. Yeah, I suck at school, but I've sucked for the past four years too, and they've never put me on probation.

"What does that mean?" I'm afraid to hear the answer.

Lewis isn't one to sugarcoat things. "If you don't get your grades up to an acceptable level again before the end of the term, you won't be allowed to swim for U-M anymore."

Fucking, freaking shit.

"So, see to that," she says and then walks towards the other guys, giving them some instructions.

My eyes connect with Davis's, his eyebrow raised in a silent question.

One I don't have an answer to.

Mitch and Saltz are clearly trying to avoid looking at me as we exit the building. It's awkward, all of us knowing that I just fucked up yet another practice, despite me being the team captain.

I should explain, but I don't know how. Where would I even begin?

Davis catches my arm, holding me back as the others wave goodbye and then hightail it out of there. I kind of wish I could join.

"What did Lewis want?" he asks me.

I just shrug, avoiding his gaze. "Nothing."

"Cut the bullshit, Jay."

I look over at my best friend, his face set in hard lines. He rarely raises his voice at anyone, but the way he just snapped tells me that he's reaching his limits. He wants what's best for me, even if he has to beat it into my head.

At least with him, I don't have to explain the whole backstory.

He knows enough.

"They're threatening to kick me off the team."

His eyes widen. "The medley team?"

I shake my head. "The swim team."

"Shit."

We stand in silence for a while as that sinks in on Davis. He opens his mouth several times but then snaps it shut again, scratching his buzz-cut hair.

Eventually, he levels me with a look. "Dude, your focus has been all over the place ever since the start of term. I think..." he pauses, sympathy filling his eyes. "I think I know why, and I think so do you."

Yeah. I think so too.

It's like Antonella said; something's got to give.

And I know who it is.

I tried talking Jen out of going to church today.

From my point of view, God hasn't really been in her corner lately, and this is the same church that Darren attends. I don't think she should have to face him so soon, but Jen isn't one to cower away.

She left this apartment with her head held high, and her shoulders pushed back. She didn't even ask if I wanted to come.

Ironically, it's the one time I considered doing it. But my issues with God go back further than Darren. It would take something big for me to set foot in a church again.

Besides, Jen has got this. She's strong. And if anyone there hurts her, I'm not above a bit of arson.

I can't really get into my Sunday series marathon today, though. My thoughts are spinning, and I feel tense. I could use an outlet.

That's when someone knocks on the door.

When I check the peephole and see Jayden standing on the other side, I figure he's here to help me out with my minor relaxation issue. I'm not even going to point out that it's still broad daylight.

I swing the door open, a smile making its way onto my face. It freezes, though, when I notice the look in his.

"Oh, for crying out loud," he exclaims, gesturing at me with a big arm movement, walking past me into the apartment.

I let the door fall shut, turning to face him, bewildered. "What?"

"Why are you wearing that?" he asks me. I glance down at the silk pajama set I'm wearing. It consists of a crop top and a pair of shorts, both in deep red.

"Because I'm just hanging out at home," I say, frowning at him. Sure, it's not the most appropriate outfit, but I figured he, of all people, would appreciate it. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing wrong with it; that's the issue!" he all but yells, throwing his arms up. There's a glance of anger in his eyes, making me wary. This isn't the Jayden I know. "Even when you're just chilling, you look like a damn Victoria's Secret model!"

"You're saying fairly nice things in a somewhat vicious manner, kinda makes you appear angry," I say, inching around him until I stand with my back to the couch, him pacing the living room.

"I am angry!"

"Well, since you just got here, I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume this doesn't actually correlate to my attire."

"I hate it when you do that." He sends me a sour look, and I'm even more confused. What exactly have I done wrong?

"Do what?" I ask, exasperated.

"Talk like you're in a freaking courtroom; speak English."

"I'm not going to dumb it down because you can't keep up."

Okay, that was mean.

Jayden stops pacing, his head turning to me, and I see the hurt coat his features. He swallows and squares his shoulders. "This isn't working for me."

"What isn't working for you?"

"This." He gestures from me to him. "Us."

"There is no 'us', Jayden," I say evenly, careful to keep the irritation from my voice. "I've made that abundantly clear."

"Fine," he snaps. "Then the non-us is non-working."

Where the hell is this coming from?

"Because my vocabulary is too advanced and I wear cutesy outfits, you no longer want to sleep with me?" I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest as my nails drum against my forearm.

As far as reasons go, that seems sort of weak. Hey, if he wants out, that's totally fair; he doesn't need to give me an explanation. But he doesn't have to make up a false one either.

"I don't want to sleep with you anymore because you're ruining my career!"

We both stop moving. Jayden is breathing heavily like he just ran a marathon. I, for one, think my lungs decided to stop working; no air entering my body. I feel stiff, frozen in place, my mind completely blank. There's an alarm going off somewhere in the back of my head and a sinister sensation creeping up my spine.

"What?" I breathe.

Jayden has calmed down a fraction after getting that off his chest. He speaks in a lower voice, "my focus is all messed up, my grades are dropping, I'm swimming like a freaking rookie... and it's all your fault."

Unlike him, I now feel my blood pressure rising. I dig my nails into my arm to keep from going over there and shaking him.

"How is any of that my fault?" I ask, fighting to keep my voice level.

If I were Jayden, I might think twice about poking the bear right now, but he seems unaware of the impending danger. "Because you make me break into the U-M swimming pool or go out the night before a practice, when I should be at home, studying or sleeping."

"No, you don't get to do that!" I snap, pointing at him. I take a step forward, my eyes narrowing. "I haven't made you do anything, Jay. You're a grown-ass man; I haven't tricked you, manipulated you, or forced you to do any of those things. I gave you an option, and you're the one who took it."

He backs away, finally noticing the pure anger on my face.

I'm a lot of things. There is a whole dictionary of words out there that he could accuse me of being.

Selfish, reckless, apathetic.

But I don't go around ruining people's lives. I'm not a bad person.

I take the final step towards Jayden, pushing my finger into his chest. "If anyone is ruining your career, it's you."

A/N:ย 
Missed me? ๐Ÿ™ˆ
Sorry for going MIA. I've started editing my first book and it's kinda stolen my focus. But here you have a cute, little, feel-good chapter... Or something ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
What'd ya think? โžก๏ธ
- Hanna ๐Ÿ’™


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