Lost

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I lost it. I knew I did. What was I even thinking? I was so sure of myself. I've seen women competing for a chance to be with me. Regina was ready even without me stating it explicitly. I was so sure that Amelia would agree. I was so overconfident. Fool! As I raked my hair I couldn't help but feel frustrated.

The moment I saw her message on the mobile, I was stupefied. This can't happen! I should have never let her think so much. I should have closed the deal then and there. Here I was, planning a perfect dinner date expecting a happy ending and there, she just threw the entire plan out of the window.

I straight away called Martin and asked him to pick me up. He was already at her apartment and it took him some time to reach. I had no clue how I will put my case forward. So, I decided to stop at Mc Donald's and quickly grabbed her favorite burgers and fries. I doubted if she was even at home as she didn't open the door despite ringing the bell a couple of times.

She stood in front of me in a pair of adorable shorts. She looked pale, wane and I had an urge to hug her. I was ready for a confrontation but she wordlessly allowed me to enter her apartment. As I sat on her couch, I saw her laptop and the subject of the email that she had sent:

'Job Application :: Personal Assistant :: Immediate Joining'

My heart twisted when I realized that she was planning to resign. I didn't want to keep her in dark and so I clearly told her the reason for such an absurd proposal. The dam broke when I mentioned the compensation. Then she bombarded me with questions. She thought so much about this in such a short time. I shouldn't have let her go with a half-cooked idea.

Some of her questions were straightforward and I hardly had to blink my eyes to answer them. There were few which were funny as well. How could she even think that I'm gay? Especially after that passionate kiss! There were some tough questions too. She wanted to know if I was in love with her. The answer was 'No'. But in my mind, I spontaneously added 'Not Yet'. Did I give myself hope? I also hated that she thought that I'll make her life difficult if she refuses the proposal. That makes me wonder, was her impression about me so cruel?

I tried to make her understand about mother's present condition and even offered her money. Quite a lot actually. When she refused again, I was at least happy with the aspect that money is not a parameter at all.

She was not ready to accept this arrangement as a business deal. I believe her self-respect and thoughts of her friends and family were impeding her. She was horrified when I mentioned my family. Nothing was working out. I was frustrated. I had no other way of convincing her. I didn't want to threaten her with her career or family or friends to get her to marry me. I knew even if she agrees, she would outrightly hate me and I can't take her hate.

I tried to dissipate the tension by bringing in dinner but that didn't work out either. It sort of backfired. I wanted to shake her up but instead, I gently pecked her lips. I couldn't accept her refusal and I told her that I will wait for her answer on Monday. There was nothing else left to be done. I left.

On my ride back home, I was agitated. What could I have done differently? And what should I do now? She was pretty adamant and I'm not an animal to torture her more. It occurred to me that I was never in such a dilemma in my life so far. Didn't I get everything I wanted at the snap of my fingers? When the parameter of money vanished, I am down to zero.

I would definitely try and talk to Amelia again to convince her. If I couldn't, will I go ahead with Regina? Yes, I think so. If I am expecting Amelia to take this leap for me, shouldn't I be ready to take a leap for my mother's happiness?

So, it was decided. If Amelia refuses on Monday, I will call Regina. As planned, I will declare my engagement and will get wedded within a few days in a quiet ceremony. I'm not bothered about Regina's answer for I know she would be forever ready. I just have to ensure that my contract is leak proof as she is unscrupulous.

My mind kept drifting to Amelia. What can I do to convince her? May be Ethan can help? As soon as I reached my penthouse, I called Ethan. He was not happy about this.

'She's way too innocent for this brother. If you are physically attracted to her then fuck and get it over with. Why pull her into this emotional turmoil. Imagine what will happen if mother comes to know about this'

I couldn't explain properly to him why I couldn't go ahead with Regina for such an arrangement. It just made me think that if I can't convince Ethan, who is my brother and has known me all my life, how will I ever convince Amelia who is literally a stranger to me. Ethan still decided to talk to her and agreed to fly down on Monday morning. I decided to give them time to talk alone and agreed to stay away.

As Ethan met me in the car park, he told me how unsuccessful he was to convince her. There's nothing else left to be done. It's time.

As I reached the office, I saw her in the chamber, carefully arranging the lunch. She paused and picked up the photo frame again. I could see her fingers tracing the picture. I didn't want to startle her again. I leaned on the door frame watching her.

She turned and was surprised to see me. She didn't walk away. As we stared into each other's eyes, my heart was racing fast.

"So, what did you decide Amy?" I was anxious but I didn't want her to see me such. I could see that she was nervous as well. I wanted her to know that I wouldn't hurt her even if she refuses. "Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. You can continue to work here without any problems and I will never bring this up. Ever."

Now that I was so close to lose her, I realized that I not only like her, I have feelings for her. She are one of very few human being I have found with the warmth of care and not measuring everything in money. People want to be friends with me just because I am a big catch. She didn't seem to care about that at all, even if it would cost her the job.

Damn! If I had realized this earlier, would the world be different? But if I confess now, she will think this as a convenient strategy. I should have told her, my real feelings, contradictory to what I am used to so far. Have I ever had to explain what I really thought to any women before? Everyone imagined sex or money would do it, didn't they? It was one for me, and one for them. Here I am, with my fate hanging with a thread, trying to unsuccessfully explain myself to her!

Here it goes. I am going to face whatever the hell it is!

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