Confessions

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 wait yeo. I need to tell you something :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: what is it?

I think..I like you :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: im sorry, what?

i like you, as in i have feelings for you :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: im sorry.. i cant

oh. :BangChansbiggfoot

its okay. I needed to get it off my chest anyway :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: sowon, can you keep a secret?

ChansChingu: Like a very important, life altering one

depends. is it important to me, or you? :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: I think it would be important to both of us

ChansChingu: but its a very big one

ChansChingu: you cant tell anyone. not a single soul.

your scaring me :BangChansbiggfoot

 are you a mafia leader or something? :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: come on sowon

ChansChingu: I can be in a lot of trouble if you tell anyone, so please just dont

ok ok i get it :BangChansbiggfoot

just say it :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: theres no easy way to say this

ChansChingu: but im Chan

no shit :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: you dont get it, im not Chan yeol, im bang Chan

what? :BangChansbiggfoot

stop playing with me :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: I can send you a picture if you want?

im not buying it yeo :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: okayy


ChansChingu: you buy it now?

Chan must've posted this on bubble or something :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: im telling you, i just took this picture

say good morning on bubble then :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: okay

ChansChingu: you see it?

omfg :BangChansbiggfoot

i would yell and fangirl rn, but i just realized i was simping over bang Chan :BangChansbiggfoot

 TO BANGCHAN :BangChansbiggfoot

either way im literally screaming and crying right now like omfg :BangChansbiggfoot

is this a dream??? :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: thank you for being a big fan!

ChansChingu: just dont tell this to anyone, please

if that means i get to talk to THE Bangchan then hell yeah :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: thank you..

ChansChingu: oh and Inniesppang is jeongin!

no way :BangChansbiggfoot

 i talked to jeongin and Chan :BangChansbiggfoot

im actually crying right now :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: noo dont. its okay!

you guys are my idols :BangChansbiggfoot

OMG wait. I fucking confessed to you. wait this is so embarrasingggg :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: dont worry about itt. I find it cute

ChansChingu: oh shit, changbin is coming, dont send any messages

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(Chan pov)

I quickly turned off my phone and pretended to be asleep

"Chan hyung?"

I acted as if i just woke up and responded "What is it?"

"Well, we need to get ready for the concert in japan. Its in 3 days"

 I groaned and said i'll meet them shortly

Changbin left the room and I took off my shirt

I then remembered about sowon and quickly got my phone

I messaged her talking about how i'll be busy the whole day then changed into my clothes

After I was done I put on a beanie and left the house

"finally" jisung whined

I chuckled  and got into the car

We finally reached the company after a few minutes and we all immediately got to practicing.

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(sowon pov)

Oh..My...God

The only words i could think of

Chan, the actual Chan. The one that I have posters of all over my walls and adore with all my life, is my friend

I couldn't handle all the emotions coming to me, so I decided to take a walk

"I wish I could tell Kaylie."

I grabbed my keys and got out of my flat

I was so scared of accidentally telling someone

What if I fuck all of this up and all of stray kids and every stay like ever hates me

I would lose all my friends....and Chan

oh my god just stop

My mind was doing backflips and I didn't know what to do

Suddenly, I heard the ring tone of my mobile phone

I jumped thinking it was Chan, but it was Kaylie

"Hey Kaylie"

"Hiii"

"why'd you call?"

"well I figured out something crazy."

"Did he tell you as well?" I said with excitement

"wait what? no."

"I got a new roomate for college."

"Oh thats great!"

"what were you talking about though?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Come onnn, sharing is caring you know"

"Its not my secret to tell though."

"Okay finee."

We ended up talking until I got back home, but then ye- I mean Chan, sent me a message.

"Oh sorry Kayliee im kind of busy with something now."

"okayyy, bye bye"

"byeee"

I quickly looked at twitter dm's and saw something crazy

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ChansChingu: hey so we're resting right now so i want to ask you a question

ChansChingu: I know this might be a stretch, but can we please chat in kakao talk

ChansChingu: i'll give you my number

okay wait i'll just download it :BangChansbiggfoot

okay im so sorry i cant act normal all of this is freaking me out :BangChansbiggfoot

i cant believe im talking to you casually :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 

ChansChingu: just think of me as your friend

but your bangchan 😵‍💫:BangChansbiggfoot

okay wait im sorry i'll try lol :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: did it download?

yeah it did! :BangChansbiggfoot

ChansChingu: okay great!

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I now had chans number and was going insane

He.wants.MY.number

I started squeaking in excitement

Who knew the person I would pay to see their messages would now be messaging me for free, and willingly 

I was screaming and my eyes turned big as I saw a notification from Chan

"Hey sowon, my break finished now, so see you in a bit!"

I felt like melting right at that second

I couldn't believe this person who so randomly came into my life ended up being my idol

It was now 3 am, 12 pm in seoul..and I decided to sleep

*ring, ring*

My alarm clock went off and I could barely open my eyes

its 7 AM??

I quickly checked messages and saw 10 missed messages from Chan

"Oh my godddd. The first day and I already fucked up"

I quickly opened it and hoped he didnt hate me

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찬: hey sowonahhh

찬: im off work now!

찬: just wanted to tell you that after tomorrow I have a concert in Yokohama so I wont be able to talk to you for a couple hours

찬: sowon?

찬: are you here?

찬: oh i see

찬: its 4 am in London

찬: sweet dreams cupcake 

찬: When you wake up i'll probably already be in the airport

찬: I'm about to board the flight. If you want to know i'll be in japan in 2 hours, so 6 am for you and 3 pm for me.

i'm so sorry I didn't respond Chan :sowon

and yeah, i was asleep :sowon

im guessing your practicing now? :sowon

찬: Hello. Who is this?

Chan? :sowon

찬: Chan is in bathroom

oh okay. Who's this? :sowon

찬: I am Minho. Do you speak Korean?

Minho as in Lee know? :sowon

oh and sorry, no, i dont speak korean :sowon

찬: yes im lee know

찬: Chan will come soon

okay thank you! :sowon

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(Chan pov)

"Chaannnnnnnn" minho hollered

"What do you want?"

"Some girl called Sowon is messaging you.

Who is she?" he giggled

I gasped and said "Finally"

I quickly washed up and took my phone from Minho

"You still didn't respond. Who is she?"

"She's no one important. Just a friend."

"Friend, or girlfriend?" he whispered

"She's actually just a friend."

"Is she a foreign idol? I saw her name is Korean, but she doesn't speak it."

"Okay bye Minho"

I playfully pushed him and went to my room in the hotel

I was so excited to be able to talk to sowon as me.. and not just a fake persona

I was going to go to the chat room but Jeongin came inside

"Channie hyung?"

"yeah?"

"Do you still talk in the group chat, because I just wanted to tell you that I lost interest in it. I just don't have enough time."

"I actually haven't really been speaking in it for a while now." I responded

Jeongin nodded and said "Minho hyung said your talking to a girl?"

"That guy can never leave things to himself." I said jokingly

Jeongin was clearly interested so I whispered to him, "I can tell you if you promise to not tell anyone."

His eyes were big and shining, so I told him

"Its sowon."

He gasped and said "Sowon, the girl in the groupchat??"

"Yes, and she knows its me."

"Hyung are you crazy??"

"I know this looks bad, but she's head over heels for me, and she promised not to tell. I dont know if I can trust her but its too late now."

He was clearly shocked and said "Make sure that she can't tell anyone."

He then went outside and I started composing new music

Hours passed and it was now 1 am

I closed my laptop and decided to talk to Sowon again

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찬: Hellloooo

찬: hows ur day sowonnn

찬: in a couple of hours I have a concert 

찬: its 1 am for me 

hi Chan :Sowon

im still in disbelief that im messaging you aswsnjcnj :Sowon

찬: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Chan, if you have a concert you should probably sleep now :Sowon

찬: I wishh, but its so hard to sleep

then maybe talk to me till you fall asleep? idk im sorry :Sowon

찬: sure

찬: whats your favorite song though? by us lmao

it feels illegal to see you swearing 😵‍💫:Sowon

anyways im gonna stop acting like a baby :Sowon

 My favorite song by you guys is never ending story :Sowon

its just so beautiful :Sowon

찬: thank you😆

찬:I didn't do anything in producing but Changbin did!  

찬: and i always swear lol

honestly good for you :Sowon

What time is it now? :Sowon

찬: 1:52

찬: honestly not that late

 i'll watch the concert on twitter! :Sowon

whats the song list? :Sowon

찬: im gonna hope you already understand this, but please don't leak anything i text you 

of course :Sowon

찬: okay, the song list is, lalalala, s-class, leave, megaverse, item, case 143, and the rest are a secret

 come onnn :Sowon

찬: I want all stays to be suprised equally ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

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(sowon pov)

we ended up talking for hours after that and it was now 7 pm for me and 4 am for him

I wish i would've let him sleep before it, but he just couldnt

poor guy...

Chan felt so much like a friend

I was so grateful for it

My bedtime isn't until 10 pm, so I didn't know what to do now

I hate these stupid time zones..

I would call kaylie, but she was busy the whole day

I was all alone now

I went on twitter and found the picture that Chan sent me earlier today 

Hes so perfect

from his cute face to his pretty curly hair

He just looks amazing

barefaced or not

I looked at my posters and smiled

"he wants to be MY friend."

I could cry

I ended up watching skz code until 10 pm, and then slept

It was now the day of skz's concert

I quickly woke up and set up my laptop

The concert was starting in 20 minutes

I saw a message from Chan saying "I hope the concert is good!"

I smiled at it but closed it

Chan said that in the hour before the concert, he would be busy

20 minutes later and now the concert was finally happening

for the next 2 hours, I sat in my flat, waving my nachimbong and singing along to the songs

Everyone that day was going crazy and it was so funny

When the concert ended, Chan immediately texted me

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찬: Was it nice?

are you kidding me?? :Sowon

 It was awesome omgg :Sowon

You guys killed it :Sowon

찬: thank you ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 

찬: okay wait, i'll talk to you when we reach the hotel

okayy :Sowon

찬: Okay we're theree 

does anyone know your talking to me? :Sowon

찬: Minho obviously, jeongin, and no one else really.

okayy so I have to be secretive? :Sowon

찬: I'm thinking of telling my members, but definitely not staff

찬: I would get in so much trouble

thats so sad though :Sowon

 but dw, i'll find a lie or something if they find me :Sowon

찬: Thank you sowon

of course :Sowon

 I dont mean to ruin the mood, but this chat hits different with cover me in the bg  ㅠㅠ:Sowon

찬: Are you listening to our songs right now?

I literally listen to you guys 24/7 :Sowon

찬: I keep forgetting your a stayㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 

im probs the biggest stay ever :Sowon

don't be shocked if i get a fan call :Sowon

찬: that reminds me

찬: You obviously know how I look, but i've never seen you

well usually I wouldn't share how i look online, but because its you, fuck yeah :Sowon

but i look like shit rn so i'll send an old pic :Sowon

dont be rude 🧍‍♂️:Sowon

찬: Of course I wont lol 

okayy :Sowon

im lowkey embarrassed.. :Sowon

찬: you shouldn't be

찬: your so pretty

srsly? :Sowon

찬: yeah

찬: you dont need to worry

찬: maybe if your comfortable with me seeing you we can face time each other😉

Chan, I hate to admit this, but your doing things to me 😵‍💫 :Sowon

찬: haha, felix ordered some food so i'm gonna eat now 

찬: byeee

bye bye :Sowon

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(Chan pov)

i lied

the food wasn't coming for 10 minutes

I love flustering people, but now I got my karma

She's so pretty

I was actually hoping we do get to call each other, but maybe when we get home, to Korea

I went outside of my room to get water and found Felix staring at me, smiling

"Hyung! Are you actually....?"

"Minho told you didn't he?"

"Minho? No, seungmin."

"Seungmin?! How does Seungmin know?"

"I dunno."

"What exactly did he tell you though?"

"You're dating a girl."

"Wait what? No. I'm just friends with her right now. I mean I only added her on kakao like yesterday."

"Sureee"

"No, actually!"

"Okayyy. Well the food is coming in 4 minutes so I think you should go to the dinner table."

I nodded but felt nervous

What if everyone thought I was dating her?

I slowly followed Felix to the table and as I expected, everyone immediately started swarming me with questions

"Okay look, im not dating anyone. She's my friend."

Everyone suddenly got quite

"Okay, so looks like I need to explain myself..."

"She's a stay.."

Everyone except for Jeongin gasped, and Minho let out

"Are you insane?? She could leak your messages and we'll get in trouble. Imagine how much trouble this can get us into? And for what, just so you can talk to your little friend?? "

I couldn't respond to him so I kept my head down

I was fidgeting with my jacket zipper and just wanted to escape reality

Minho got mad and stormed off to his room

I couldn't help it and a tear dropped from my eyes

I smiled in front of the maknae's and left to my room as well

I dug myself in the bed and felt like dying

My whole bedsheet and all my pillows were full of tears 

I wished I could just get rid of all my sadness and embarrassment

I could hear the worries of the members and all their whispers

Suddenly I heard a tiny knock on my door

"Channie hyung? Is everything okay?" Seungmin stuttered

I could hear him swallow his saliva and try to maintain calmness

I sighed and responded to him "Come in.." my voice was filled with pain and sorrow

He took a deep breathe and came in

My head was hidden under the blanket and the only thing showing was my curly hair

I could hear him close the door lightly and go on the bed

"I'm sorry..."

I heard him breathe heavily and sniff and realised...he was clearly crying as well

I got out of the blanket and gave him a back hug

"Dont worry about me Seungmin..i'll be okay."

He looked at me and he was destroyed

His eyes were red and his nose was runny

I wiped his tears and hugged him again

Suddenly, he let everything out

"Its okay Seungmin..I'm sorry I scared you."

That night, we slept together, cuddling each other so hard as if someone would take us away from each other if we didn't

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finally an over 2k words chapter🤟

and btw, if you got the impression that I think of Minho as a bully, pls know thats not what i mean. Minho is just mad because he's afraid of the members, including Chans, safety


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