14. How not to do a family reunion 101

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Henry stared at the gaping pair as their read through the (false) letter from James. The envelope containing the Potters' will, with a couple of clever alterations and a forged document in regards to Henry's identity as James' cousin was an effort of both him and the goblin king and, if he did say so himself, a bloody masterpiece. There was no way of proving the authenticity of this document, cutesy of the multitude of layers of both goblin and wizard magic that made it.

He allowed them a few moments to process as he lazily stirred his drink with a charmed spoon. There was a subtle sense of satisfaction prodding at the back of his mind, though he ignored it in favor of maintaining a straight face. He mustn't lose concentration now that his plans were finally starting to come to fruition, he reminded himself.

"Are-...I-...You-" Sirius began ever so eloquently, his paling fingers letting go of the paper slowly. Remus wasn't fairing so much better, but he quickly took the reins, although a bit skittish in his delivery. "Please excuse us, but this is a lot to take in." There was no doubt about the documents' authenticity, Remus thought, a bead of sweat running down his temple, it was reinforced with goblin magic and everything, there was no way it was a fake." We never knew that James had a cousin, how come?"

"I was not created within the Potter home, you see" Henry lied smoothly, shooting them a meaningful look. Both wizards understood the underlying message and quickly switched topics. "How did you get your hands on the will?", Sirius asked supporting his face with one hand while the other clutched the corner of James' letter, "Dumbledore sealed it himself." "I would know, I've been trying to get it for years."Remus supplied under his breath bitterly.

Henry gave them an easy smile. "Not even Dumbles- oops, I mean The Headmaster can work against the goblin system. Given my familial ties...and a bit of something else I was easily capable of obtaining my cousin's will."

Sirius raised a brow at the 'a bit of something else' comment but made no mention of it. He was still quite shaken by the news and Moony was probably the same way if his twitching pointer under the table was anything to go by. Henry took in the sight of both men trying to process the matter and suppressed a sigh, he know it was hard for them but he was still running on a schedule. Existential crises would have to wait for now, he decided, making a move to stand. The two Marauders quickly took notice and shot him a puzzled look.

"If you two would be so kind as to accompany me, I'm afraid that we have a bit more to do today. Just a couple of surprises more and then you can relax." The wizard said cheerfully, flicking his wand. The chair flew back in its place with a small clang. Remus and Sirius got up cursing themselves at the sinking feeling of dread that bloomed in their chest. Both got up and shuffled behind him and out of The Leaky Cauldron like lost puppies. "I'm too old for this shit. Next thing you know he's going to reveal he adopted Hagrid or something." Sirius muttered dejectedly.

 The trio continued until they reached an empty street at which point Henry turned around, grabbed the stumbling wizards by their forearms, and apparated into Peverell Manor's entry hall. Mopsy appeared before them with a 'pop', eagerly taking their cloaks away, much to the despair of the two disorientated guests.

"Apologies for my lack of courtesy while bringing you here," Henry said unapologetically as he led them through the hall and into a big and warm living room. "But this is somewhat of a delicate matter." Sirus opened his mouth to speak, but before he could Henry cut him off. "I assure you I have not adopted the Hogwarts Groundskeeper, although you will find that I have done so for a much smaller person."

Just as he said this, the mighty wizard lord was knocked over by a flying toy frog, complete with a pink dress and an open astronaut helmet. He fell onto the carpet with a very dignified 'oof', much to the shock and subsequent horror of his guests. And if Sirius let out a quiet snort that his punishment was quick and painful as he found himself joining Henry on the floor after serving as the landing zone for a second frog, this one wearing a suit and tie and being very much alive and kicking - literally. Remus wisely glued himself to the wall, abandoning his poor friend to the mercy of the frog.

Before they had time to get up through the door came barreling a very cheerful, very much purple little girl. At the same time, all three men froze, two out of shock and one out of horror, as the little one threw herself at Henry screaming "Daddy". Said wizard resisted the urge to faint at the sight of his very expensive robes now a neon purple, which he was very sure would not come out for at least a week, as most of Hannah's paints tended to do. He was just as mortified to see that there wasn't even an inch of the little girl's clothes that had escaped the purple abomination and his mind almost didn't register when Remus fell over himself while also trying to help up a very much panicking Sirius.

"Uh, surprise?" Henry said still clutching onto the girl so as to not drop her when he got up. The silence that followed was awkward and painful, but by God would Henry give anything for it back once the two wizards found their earnings and subsequently their voices again. It almost made Henry regret he had yet to think of a method that could make him go deaf whenever he just didn't want to hear things. His poor ears would suffer permanent damage before he got to thirty.


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