Chapter 37

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Chapter 37 

-Clarity

Lester’s greeting surprises Alexandra.  Did he already know she was going to walk through that door? 

She prepared herself for the wrath of hatred he would unleash on her, she knows she deserves it but she just wants to see him.  So many times she’s picked up her phone to call him to apologize.  She convinces herself he will listens to her, forgives her, tells her that he still loves her and wants her to come home to him until she wakes up from her dream or is it still a nightmare she continues to walk through.   

That’s what she’s been living for the last three years.  How she allowed herself to get caught up with the Monroe’s especially Maxim Monroe’s web of lies still astounds her own intelligence to this day. 

She couldn’t get a read of Lester’s emotions when she walked in.  She is holding her hand out waiting for him to shake it.  He hesitates for a bit before giving in.  Introducing herself to him using her maiden name she hopes he will see it as a fresh start for both of them.  She wants to leave the past between them in the past soon enough it will rear its ugly head. 

He acquires a smirk that turns into a slight smile for a split second as he grasped her smaller hand enclosing it in his.   The small contact between them causes an uncontrollable urge in Lester to hold onto her hand longer he seems unable to keep up the resistance he is trying to maintain not to respond to her in any way.  She introduces herself to him as Alexandra Kerr letting him know she is using her maiden name.  He is currently unaware of her marital status he requested that she not use his last name after their divorce.  He wanted to erase all traces of her but can’t erase her from his heart and dreams.  

The introductions are out of the way Lester takes a step back trying to distance himself from her close proximity.  He has already been her fool once, he is determined to never be it again.  It took him a long time to come to terms with the fact that he was in love with her when he finally gave in to it, she slept with another man destroying him and his friendship with that other man.  

Sitting across from each other at a conference table they discuss Lester’s family’s need for an attorney outside their corporation.  Alexandra doesn’t call in anyone to assist her or take notes, she knows the Monroe’s and how they operate.  Discussing the reason with her causes Lester some concern.  He asked her directly if there will be a conflict of interest.

His question angers her causing her to blush.  She didn’t want to discuss her relationship with Maxim Monroe or the breakup of it but the problem his family is having with the Monroe’s will pull her  back into a situation she fought to get out of.  She has tried to avoid them.  She doesn’t think they know she has returned to New York. She won’t have anyone to protect her from them.   

She tells Lester she isn’t with Maxim Monroe.  What he doesn’t know is she only slept with Maxim one time.  She didn’t know it would turn her world into the nightmare that it is now.  Keeping her head bowed she takes notes on a computerized tablet refusing to look into Lester’s eyes fearing that she will try to explain herself to him which will only embarrass her and give him another reason to despise her.   

Her curt response of her breakup with Maxim doesn’t surprise him.  He knows Maxim and his tactics for bedding women well.  They use to hang out and pick up women together a long time ago.   

Lester relaxes a little after hearing the news they are no longer together.  The smell of her perfume tickles his nose.  The way her nose crinkles when he makes a comment she doesn’t like.  He knows he’s goading her but he can’t help it.  The pleasure and pain of seeing her, being around her is confounding him.  Her hand is so close resting on the table between them.  He wants to reach out to grasp it, to pull her on top of the conference table and ravish her.  If she only knew how she is making him feel right now she would probably laugh at the fool he still is for her. 

He kept telling himself she no longer mattered to him and yet here he is unable to concentrate on what he needs to be doing to protect his family.  Is it his destiny to be continually haunted by what he feels for her?   Does he continue to fight what his heart won’t let go of or does he test the waters to see wear the tide leads him? 

It’s after eight in the evening.  Harrison knocks on the door to check on them.  Lester can sense that Harrison is no longer welcoming.  He knows now that Lester is the ex-husband.  He feels duped that he opened his mouth offering to assign her to the Hurst case.   

It’s obvious to Lester Alexandra hasn’t told Harrison everything.  Harrison must not know about her relationship with the Monroe’s, he obviously doesn’t know she was fired from Hurst Corporation or he wouldn’t have assigned her to handle anything to do with his family. 

 Alexandra convinces Harrison to leave for the evening telling him they are almost done.  Harrison tries to get her to ask him to wait for her but she tells him to go home she will see him in the morning.  He doesn’t take it well, he looks at Lester like he is ready to kill him with his bare hands.  Lester sits patiently at the conference table ease dropping on their conversation hoping for the same as Harrison, he wants the opportunity to spend more time with her.  After she gets Harrison to leave Lester announces he’s hungry asking her to have dinner with him. 

She turns him down at first.  He thinks maybe it’s because she has to get home to her child.  The child he’s never seen or heard anything else about after learning that she was pregnant.  That child should be a toddler by now going on three.  Lester wonders if he or she looks like Alexandra or does it have the misfortune of looking like Maxim as well as being a Monroe. 

His curiosity is peeked.  It’s late and she hasn’t left the room one time to say she needs to make a phone call to check on her child.  Maybe she has a nanny to care for him or her.  He knows she has no family here. 

As he stands up to leave, she pulls the jacket she had taken off from the back of a chair ready to put it back on.  Always the gentleman he takes the jacket out of her hands holding it up for her to slip her arms inside it.  His arms stay wrapped around her from behind as she puts it on. 

Alexandra welcomes his gentlemanly gesture it quickly turns into a warm embrace.  She can feel his breath on the top of her head.  If she leans back against him will he push her away?  She can’t take that chance.  She walks forward moving out of his arms. 

“Thank you, you’re still a gentleman I see.”  She responds. 

“Always….I’ll continue to be if you have dinner with me.  We don’t have to talk about our past.  Tell me what you’ve been doing the last couple of years or we can talk about anything you want to.  You haven’t eaten, neither have I?  We can have dinner anywhere you like.”  He keeps talking knowing he’s rambling but he can’t seem to shut himself up.  He’s not ready to let her go yet but he will he tries to tell himself…. he will, just not yet. 

They go to a restaurant they used to frequent a lot when they were married.  The maître d’ still remembers them from all those years ago.  He seats them off to the side in a quiet area where they have some privacy.  Sitting across from each other their heads buried in their menu’s they order their meal.  Each has things they want to ask the other but a restaurant is not the setting for the type of discussion they need to have.  She asked him how the mid-town project is going.  She was there by his side when they first started the plans for it.  She knows what the finished product is supposed to look like, she’s aware of how important it is for them to complete building of it. 

He asked her where she has been.  She doesn’t want to say at first.  She eventually gives in when he presses her.  She tells him she moved around a lot landing in Chicago a year ago.  He’s staring at her with disbelief, she gulps regretting her decision to tell him.   

She rambles on telling him the law firm she ended up working at wasn’t welcoming, they had a good ole boy’s network.  They didn’t really respect her abilities she wasn’t allowed to handle many cases.  She mostly filed motions and shuffled paperwork for injunctions.  She didn’t see the inside of a court room while there as a lead or second chair. 

He gets around to asking her if she is dating Harrison.  She seems surprised by his question out of everything he can ask her. 

“Why do you want to know that Lester?  I don’t think who I date is a concern of yours.”  She responds while gripping her hands together underneath the table to keep from squealing.  Why would he ask if he doesn’t care she ponders? 

“I’m just curious.  I’ve known Harrison for a while he kind of hinted that you and he were….”  Lester raises a brow waiting for her to tell him what exactly they are to one another. 

“We’ve dated if that’s what you’re asking.  Our relationship is…. undefined.”  Is all she will say before she holds her head down to eat her meal?   She declines dessert, he drives her home where they now sit in his Maserati checking each other out through the corner of their eyes.  Both are afraid to speak, afraid of ending what has been a surprise meeting for each. 

Lester looks out the window. He keeps his hands on the steering to keep from touching her.  His gaze is on the full moon, he focuses on it trying to suppress the erotic thoughts he keeps having about her.  Can it be classified as a date they just had and is it appropriate to seek a goodnight kiss he wonders? 

She is wondering if he will make a move. Usually when a man ask a woman to dinner he’s interested in her isn’t he?  Maybe he will ask to come up, what does she say if he does?  Did she clean up everything she needed to this morning before rushing off to work?  She’s been a bit of a hot mess since their divorce.  Living alone means you can clean up when you want to, it also sometimes gets lonely.  She sneaks a peek at him.  His hands are gripping the steering wheel.  He’s chewing his bottom lip.  She remembers that means he’s contemplating….does he want to see her again or to tell her that he wants someone else to handle the Hurst account.  They are so close to each other sitting in his gray Maserati.  She’d rather not find out here, the space is too confining and their on his turf. 

“Would you like to come in for coffee?”  She ask.  If he’s going to reject her handling their account she wants the opportunity to plead her case and she can do that better where she feels comfortable. 

He follows her to the door waiting patiently while she searches for her key in her purse.  Finally they are inside.  She tosses her keys and purse on a table walking into the room turning on a light. 

Lester looks around the room, it’s elegantly furnished.  He always liked her taste but he’s looking for toys and signs that maybe a toddler with her eyes lives here.  He doesn’t see any.  He wants to ask her but how do you approach the subject.  Asking about the love child with the man that stole your wife from you.  He can’t bring himself to discuss it.  The thought of it angers him all over again and he’s ready to leave.   

“Hey, I need to go.  Thanks for having dinner with me.”  He says with a clinched jaw. 

His demeanor has changed.  Something is wrong she knows.  She’s not ready for him to leave yet.  “Wait…you’re here, you came in.  Let’s just have some coffee….it’s just coffee between two people…okay?”  He can hear the urgency in her voice.  She seems just as confused about all of this as he is.   

“Fine….just coffee.  Can I help you?” 

“Ah…”  She looks toward the kitchen trying to remember if she washed her breakfast dishes or put them in the dishwasher. 

“It’s alright, I remember….”  He frowns stopping himself from saying any more.  They would get up during the day make love, eat, stack the dishes in the sink then go back to bed making love into the night until it was time to eat again during the weekends.  Their maids didn’t understand why there were always so many dirty dishes in the sink.  Don’t rich people go out all the time to fancy restaurants for meals? 

As they enter the kitchen Alexandra has a sigh of relief that she did remember to put the dishes in the dishwasher.  She makes the coffee while he watches.  She lifts her arm to open the cabinet he’s there behind her, his already aroused front brushes against her back, his hand is over hers holding the knob opening the cabinet door for her.  She lowers her hand to the counter and so does he.  Neither moves away from the other.   

He inhales sharply breathing her in, his nose is buried in her hair.  She looks at their hands touching on the counter she wants to throw her head back to lay it against his shoulder.  She wants to be held by him, to be kissed by him.  She wants to feel him all around and inside her…..is something like that possible between them. 

He shifts his body closer to hers making her gasp as his other hand touches her waist sliding around to her stomach he pulls her against his front.  She closes her eyes savoring the moment. 

Her other hand slides over his holding it in place.  She can feel his manhood twitch against her lower back.  Closing her eyes she lets her body relax against him her head is finally resting on his shoulder and he hasn’t pushed her away.  He leans down, she feels a feathered kiss on her temple. 

“Where’s your child, is he asleep in another room with the nanny?”  He whispers near her ear. 

Opening her eyes she realizes he doesn’t know what happened to her all these years.  He doesn’t know anything about her pregnancy.  She straightens up moving away from him toward the kitchen island. 

“I miscarried the baby Lester a week before our divorce became final.”  She holds her head down as she speaks. 

He’s startled, he never expected her to say that.  “I’m sorry….I know you wanted children.  You didn’t call and check on a child while we were at your firm so I assumed there was someone taking care of it…ah…him or her.”  He feels like an ass for not asking sooner. 

“It’s fine.”  She starts to walk away, he catches her by the arm cupping her face in his hands he looks into her eyes. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  He ask looking down at her.  Her gaze lands on his lips. 

“I didn’t think you would want to know, you were so angry with me at the time.  You were determined to go through with the divorce.  I tried to get the date we went to court changed because I had just got released from the hospital but you refused.  Because of the iron clad pre-nup we had I didn’t exactly have many powers of persuasion.   I wasn’t with Maxim, I had just lost our….ah….the baby.  Her hands are holding onto his wrists.  He searches her eyes looking for the truth. 

“I didn’t know anything about you losing your baby, what happened to you?”  He questions his eyes show there confusion. 

She moves his hands away from her face turning away from him.  “About a month before our court date an envelope was accidently left on my desk.  It contained pictures of a prominent businessman and James wife Mellie.  They were intimate pictures the man was a deputy building commissioner.   I didn’t know what to do.  I had nowhere to turn.  I wasn’t really welcome at Monroe Industries anymore.  It was just a matter of time before they fired me.  Maxim and I were still talking to each other because of the baby.   I tried to find out if he knew about his step-mother having an affair.  I never told him about the envelope, he told me he didn’t know she was seeing anyone else. He didn’t want to discuss it.   I found out later that they had been approved for several licenses they previously had trouble getting approved for on one of their buildings. "  

 Lester heavily sighs, he already knows where this is going.  “Alex….did you eventually give him the pictures?”  Lester is sure they are similar to the others he’s seen.

“No….of course not.  I was divorcing from you and I had this information that I didn’t know what to do with.  He was a building commissioner.  I figured it out soon enough.   I didn’t want to end up in a ditch somewhere but I did anyway.  The week before our court date I was leaving work.  It was late, Maxim called me to see where I was at he wanted to know if he could stop by later to talk, he wanted to know what I was going to do about the baby.  I agreed only…...I….I didn’t make it…..home.”  She tears up.   

Lester swings her around holding her by the shoulders, his eyes blaze with fury.  “What did he do to you?”  His jaw is clinched. 

If only he could have been there for her then maybe they could have worked things out, now she thinks it’s too late, much too late for them. 

“I don’t know that it was Maxim.  I left my office going to the parking garage.  Someone was following me.  I got scared I started to run. I dropped by briefcase tripped over it and fell.  All the contracts I was working on fell out of it, they were scattered on the pavement.  I got up leaving the contracts there.  I got in my car and took off. " 

Lester is furious all he can think right now is he’s going to kill Maxim Monroe.  Alexandra isn’t crying but the look of fear is still on her face from the memory of that night. 

“I just wanted to get home.  I didn’t realize someone or the same person was following me I was scared but almost home when I felt a car bump from behind.  It happened again and again until they forced me off the road.  I woke up in the hospital.  I was told that I lost the baby.  I stayed in the hospital for three days I got out the day before we divorced.  I didn’t go back to Monroe Industries.  Maxim came to our divorce proceeding to ask me for the pictures.  That’s why you saw him there he wasn’t there for me.  I agreed to meet him the following morning to give them to him.   I stayed up all night packing.”  

“I got my stuff and I ran away from him, away from you.  I ran as far away from this goddamn place as I could get only I ran to the wrong place.  I hated it in Chicago.  I wanted to come home so….here I am.” She finishes with a sniffle.  

Lester leans back against the counter.  They aren’t touching each other.  She is standing next to the island. 

“I’m sorry.”  His face is holding a scowl.  “Maybe I better go.”  He says already walking out of the kitchen. 

She quickly follows behind him.  “Lester…..Les, wait.”  She touches his arm.  They are now in the living room.  He stops walking.  She runs around him to face him. 

“Are you going to have me taken off of this account?”  She seems anxious.  Why would she want to stay on it?  She will have to deal with the Monroe’s again, maybe she still cares for Maxim and wants to see him again. 

“If you want to stay on it I won’t stop you.  I’ll have one of my cousin’s handle any dealings with you from now on.”  Lester says looking heavenward, his jaw is clinched. 

“Because of me….you’ll have one of your cousin’s deal with this because of me.  You don’t want to be around me….I can understand that.  We don’t….” 

“That’s not what I said.”  He cuts her off. 

“It’s fine.  I’ll work with whoever you send over.  I won’t get in your way.”  She starts to walk away he can tell she’s upset. 

“Alex don’t.”  He reaches out for her catching her hand he pulls her toward him. 

“No…no.  It’s alright.  I understa….”  His

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