When the soul lies down in that grass

Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing
and right doing, there is a field.

I'll meet you there!

-Maulana Rumi

.

.

.

.

~Present day, March 2020, Kumrat Valley, KPK~

~SHAHVEER

"Allah hu Akbar Allah hu Akbar. Ash hadu Allah ilaha ilAllah"

As the darkness of the horizon started to fade away, and the white thread became distinct from the black thread of the dawn, the spiritual melody of Azaan began to echo throughout the tranquil valley, to wake up the believers ,who were sleeping while relishing some magical dreams dancing through their eyes, and call them towards the eternal and only success.

Brushing away a thick lock of jet black hair from my forehead and rubbing my gloomy olive green eyes with my weak knuckles, I pushed my back away from the golden and icy cold pillar of the mosque, with the support of which I had slept last night.

In fact, every night since four years!

This exquisitely constructed mosque was my so-called home now. Amir, the Imam of the Mosque, was my sincere companion, the freezing cold floor was my bed, and the prayer mats, or sometimes the pillar itself used to be my pillow.

I was the richest. And the tranquility of this house of Allah, was my wealth!

Groups of men started to leave the Mosque after completing their Fajr prayers.

The sunrise started to spread its copper hues with a kiss of sweet baby lips. The sky was full of all the colors I've been yearning for, as if water could catch fire and become something so new. Mellow blues and pinks blurred together in a silver mist to create another gorgeous scene. Even when the world was drowning in grief and hardships, the sky remained beautiful and cheerful as always.

Praise be to Allah alone!

The Mosque was empty by the time the sun had completely embraced the valley of Kumrat, Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.

Cool breeze caressed my cheeks, as if pleading me to have some rest. But adamant to accept any of its appeals, I still sat blankly on the prayer mat staring at the beautiful chandelier on the ceiling which was continuously dangling.

I slowly raised my hands high, and shaped them into a crescent before the One and Only, Almighty and the Supreme Being, Allah. The One Who was listening to me since five years, but I still don't know why wasn't He fulfilling my prayers, my Duaa.

My eyes started to sting due to the painful tears which were starting to dwell up in my large olive green eyes.

And then the tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I felt the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I looked towards the window, as if the light entering the Mosque could soothe my pain and wipe off my tears! My walls, the walls that hold me up daily, make me strong just... collapsed once again. Moment by moment, they fell mercilessly. Salty drops fell from my chin, drenching my white shirt.

I tried to open my mouth to tell about my pain to the Most Merciful, to the One Who was already aware of each and every bit of an atom of the pain which resided in my heart, but only to close it once again before saying any word as my painful cries turned into hiccups! I gathered up some courage to beg my Lord, once again, just for...........

For her! Her, Her and only Her!

To get my soul back. The soul which ran away from me. My soul! My heart! The most beautiful one out of all of His Creations. The pious one, the one with the heart of gold, and as soft as a pillow made up of silk.

I cried as hard as I could until my throat became dry and my voice box started to curse me for being so harsh on myself.

I tried my best to voice my pain out loudly and clearly in front of my Lord, but could only manage to mumble with my weak and cracked voice once again.

"Ya Allah"

I paused before gathering up some strength to speak

" Usey wapas bhej dey !"

I hiccupped while wiping off my tears with the back of my hand

" I am waiting for your 'KUN FAYAKUN' since five years! Before I die with this unbearable guilt and pain, please send my soul back to me! "

I cried, cried and cried like a baby, who is only dependent on her mother.

But I was dependent on the One Who loved me 70 times more than a mother.

My eyes started to curse me like every other part of my body did for being so merciless with myself.

I grasped for breath in between my cries, but it seemed as if my lungs were also frustrated and tired of my daily sessions of painful growling.

I used to curse myself so much so that sometimes I felt that my prayers are not being answered due to this act. But it was all my fault!

The guilt! It kept on increasing day by day. This guilt was going to take my life away , any second, any minute!

But even cursing myself did not ease my pain and never decreased my guilt for what I did with a poor soul! A beautiful soul who was meant to be mine but ..............

I waited for my soul to leave my body so that I could embrace death peacefully.

My eyes just hurt! But my howls were infinite until a beautiful face appeared before me.

The face I was yearning to see since five years.

Her soft, gentle hands caressed my hair and hummed something melodiously until my vision started to black out very slowly and my long eyelashes began to drown due to the heavy weight of grief in my eyes.

And that's when sleep embraced me gradually with a great affection, like it always did when I became numb after crying for hours and hours daily and then I easily handed myself to a peaceful and deep slumber.

x.x.x.x.x

After all, his pain & guilt never ascended from here.

It all started from somewhere else. Somewhere, where the fire was meant to be collapsed with water.

Where the light was meant to be collapsed with the darkness.

Where the hate was meant to be collapsed with love.

Where the sins were meant to be collapsed with piousness.

Where the stars were meant to be collapsed with the ocean.

Where the wickedness was meant to be collapsed with purity.

Where the two spiritually opposite souls were meant to be collapsed.

Where the two hearts full of wild rivers flowing in completely opposite directions, were meant to be collapsed.

Where Shahveer and Hoor were meant to be collapsed!

And it all started .....

Five years ago!

For Shahveer Ali Khan

And Twenty Eight years ago!

For Hooriyah Jahangir Khan