~Shahveer

It was still raining cats and dogs as I silently drove along the peaceful and dark roads which were wavering between the monstrous mountains, making their way towards a destination which I was completely unaware of. I didn't know where my steps were leading me to. All I knew was that this frenzy, this stupidity and this thirst was soon going to lead me to a valley of nothingness. Don't know why I was roaming on these roads since twenty four hours, travelling from city to city, crossing several provinces, in search of a single drop from an ocean which could quench my thirst.

Thankfully, Iman had given me several addresses of her relatives throughout Pakistan where we could expect to find Hooriyah. But I had already visited five families and none of them were aware of her whereabouts.

"Where have you gone?" I moaned with pain as I punched the steering wheel harshly and stopped the car near a willow tree.

"What sort of punishment is this? You are driving me crazy! Where will I find you?"

I sobbed innocently as I took out the broken frame from my bag and caressed the beautiful picture with lots of unexplainable emotions.

I was getting tired.

I was getting exhausted.

I was getting demotivated.

I was getting weaker.

I had not slept since seventy two hours and my mind was nothing but just a bunch of trash. Amidst the ocean of demotivation, I was in search of a ray of hope, which wasn't visible anywhere.

I slowly lifted ny head up from the steering wheel in order to examine my surroundings. A signboard on my right was showing the name of the place where I was currently roaming in.  I squinted my eyes to have a clearer vision.

It said, "Kalam Valley, 3km" and the arrow pointed in the forward direction.

Don't know what made me feel a bit strange about this place.

Kalam Valley.

I had never visited Northern Pakistan before. Neither this place.

But still there was an unexplainable feeling which had started growing inside my heart as soon as my gaze landed on the name of this valley.

Little did I know, that the real journey of my life was about to begin from Kalam!

The journey which was going to change my whole life.

The journey which was meant to introduce a transformation inside a destroyed heart and a soul which was dead since ages.

The journey, which was destined to welcome me along the valleys of piousness, spirituality and piety.

I ignited the engine again, and pressed the accelerator as hard as I could while the car started to race towards the new chapter of my life.

The chapter in which the Biggest Writer of my Fate had already written the most beautiful story on the heavens, high above.

x-x-x-x-x

~Kalam Valley, Khyber Pakhtun Khwa~

~Shahveer

"ASHHADU AN LA ILAHA ILLA ALLAH"

  (I testify that there is no god but Allah)

"ASH HADU ANNA MUHAMMADAR RASOOLALLAH"

(I testify that Muhammad is the Messenger of God)

"HAYYA ALAS SALAH"

(Come towards Salah)

"HAYYA ALAL FALAH"

(Come towards Success)

My eyes flung wide open as I jerked upon the melodious and soothing sound which slowly echoed across the whole horizon and entered into my ears like a soulful lullaby.

"HAYYA ALAL FALAH"

The words were repeated again.

x-x-x-x-x

"What does Hayya Alal Falah mean?" Shahveer asked his friend Rayyan with curiosity as they stood on the freezing streets outside the club.

"Come towards the path of success" responded Rayyan, immediately.

"And what is the path of success?" Shahveer asked with amazement twinkling in his  glamorous olive green eyes.

"The one which we had enjoyed last night! By partying, dancing and drinking all night!" Rayyan burst into laughter shamelessly.

"What a jerk you are!" Shahveer smiled, trying to act all cool, but secretly still not satisfied with the answer .

Little did he know that there was a strange feeling of anger inside his heart which started to build as soon as he saw his friend making fun of something as pure as Adhaan. But he chose to flush those unwanted feelings away!

x-x-x-x-x

A strange flashback danced across my mind from the night where we had partied in Islamabad. I wanted to know the meaning of success that day and when I heard the same words today, the same curiosity and desperation started to crawl across my heart.

"What is the path towards success?" 

I questioned myself as I silently listened to the remaining words of the Adhan.

As soon as the Adhan ended, I got up from the floor and rubbed my eyes with the back of my hands as I tried to recognize my surroundings. the surroundings which seemed so unfamiliar yet they were so familiar!

"Where am I ?" I tried to examine the building in which I had stayed and slept last night.

A group of men passed by and I stopped them as soon as they started removing their slippers.

"Brother, would you tell me where am I right now?" I asked nervously.

One of the men laughed hysterically and came forward to address me.

"Are you a Muslim?" He asked sarcastically.

"Of course I am!" I tried hard not to sound offended.

"Then I am sure you must be a newly convert! Because even a two year old kid can tell that this is a Mosque! And for your kind information, you are in a Mosque! " He smiled.

"A Mosque? But how can I sleep in a Mosque for whole night, without even knowing my surroundings?" I asked with astonishment.

An old man came from behind and patted my shoulders with affection.

"This is Allah's house! Anyone can come here, stay here, and sleep here! It's open for everyone and anytime. There is nothing to feel so shy about that!"

The old man smiled at me and signaled me to follow him towards the prayer area.

"I......I......" I stammered.

"What? The Imam is going to start the Fajar Prayers soon. Come on, lets go inside!" He smiled again.

" I...I ...I don't know how to.....how to..." I stammered wildly.

"How to?" He asked with astonishment.

"I don't know how to offer prayers!"

A gigantic and wild breeze of embarrassment slapped through my face, making me want to bury myself under the floor upon which I was standing shamelessly.

"A Muslim is standing inside a Mosque, and he doesn't even know how to offer prayers?"

The old man shouted at me with resentment and the group of men started murmuring to each other with shock and anger and looked at me with disgust.

The same disgust which I had in my eyes when I was humiliating my beloved Hoor!

"Why do you even call yourself a Muslim? "

Came a heart shattering taunt my way.

"You are a Kafir!" Someone else shouted

 "You deserve to be thrown out of the Mosque at once! "

"What if he drinks alcohol too? God Knows!" Another man looked into my eyes fiercely. 

"Do you mean that an alcoholic filthy shameful man stayed in the Mosque for whole night? Oh my God! This is a huge sin! Kick this beast out at once!"

The men came towards me and one of them grabbed my collars ready to beat the shit out of my face and just when they were about to deteriorate my state, a soft and polite voice thankfully interfered and tried to stop everyone and helped me by saving my life, right on time!

"What the hell are you guys doing?" The man pushed me away from the crowd.

"Imam Sahab, this filthy man doesn't know how to pray and he might be drinking all night in the Mosque I believe!"

The grumpy old man barked upon my face with disgust.

"Who are you to judge whether he had drunk or not?"

The friendly guy who was apparently my saviour asked with anger.

"A man who doesn't know what a Mosque is and doesn't know what a prayer is, might certainly be drinking whole night!"

One of the men tried to give justifications.

"Enough of this discussion now! Don't you guys have any shame that it is the time for fajar prayers and you all have started quarreling upon something which is not more important than the prayer itself! You yourself don't care about your prayers which are getting late and you are barking on this poor man! What an irony!"

The friendly guy shook his head with disappointment.

"Go inside, I have to commence the prayers!"

He commanded strictly, to which everyone silently obeyed and left for the prayer area.

Embarrassed and traumatized with whatever had happened right now, I grabbed my bag from the floor and silently turned to leave the Mosque.

"Hey, little brother!"

The friendly guy stopped me from behind.

"Yes?"  I asked innocently.

"Are you new here?" He asked politely.

"Yeah, I came from Manchester!" I responded with a smile.

"A foreigner? By the way I am Amir! The Imam of this Mosque! I am supposed to lead the prayers here but this dispute kind of delayed them!" He smiled.

"I...I am sorry for the delay!" I apologized.

"No, It's okay, people here in Kalam are kind of really sensitive and emotional towards their religion. So where are you gonna stay now?" He asked.

"Anywhere, but not in a Mosque fir sure!" I smiled.

"That's silly, why don't you stay here with me? I have two extra rooms, we can share them, I want to have a good conversation with you. You seem to be a nice guy!" He tried to examine my western attire.

"Uh..No...It's very kind of you, I will manage ..."

"What is the purpose of coming here, may I ask?" He looked at me with curiosity.

"Purpose?" I paused for a while, trying hard not to break down.

After a huge pause, I finally blurted out.

"To find someone!" I replied with disappointment.

"Whom?" He asked.

"It's a long story. I am in search of a drop of water. A single drop which is capable of quenching my thirst. I have to find it before my life ends due to the guilt of a sin committed by me which is unforgivable!"

Tears started to dwell in my eyes.

"What if you are only searching for a drop, while I can tell you where you can get the whole ocean from!" Amir smiled innocently.

"Really? But how?" I asked happily.

"Just stay here and don't leave, I will lead the prayers and come back to you in ten minutes! Just stay here!" 

And within a blink of an eye, he left to lead the prayers, leaving me in a state of complete perplexity!

I sat down on the cold marble floor trying hard to recall what happened last night.

Last night, I had been completely exhausted from driving since twenty four hours. I was continuously dozing and it was getting dangerous, hence I had decided to stop the car near a building which seemed like a rest house. Without even giving a second thought, I entered inside and due to immense tiredness, I collapsed and fell down on the cold marble floor, only to find myself drenched in the ocean of a deep slumber for the next few hours.

Little did I know that I would wake up inside a Mosque next morning.

Mosque!

A place which I had never paid a visit to since eighteen years, had now become my refuge, unknowingly!

What sort of coincidence was this?

"Come on in little brother, you might catch flu out there, it's freezing cold! Let's do breakfast together!"

Amir shouted from not so far away.

He might have completed the prayers uptil now as I could see the crowd of men leaving the mosque.

I silently obeyed the new guy as there was no shame in admitting that I was dying with hunger as I had not eaten anything since last morning.

He led me to a comfy room where it was warmer than outside.

"Make yourself easy!" Amir smirked.

"Well I don't even know what am I doing here!" I laughed to myself.

"Certainly you don't! But I do!" He smiled again.

"So? How long have you been living abroad?" Amir asked while forwarding a plate full of scrumptious parathas and omelette.

"Since childhood!" I responded while picking up one paratha from the plate.

"So what brought you back to Pakistan?"

He examined my face which started turning pale immediately.

"A quest!" I smiled weakly.

"For?"

"For something extremely unreachable!" Tears glittered in my eyes.

"No desire remains unreachable if you have a stronger connection with Allah Subhan Wa Taa'ala"
Amir smiled.

"What type of connection?" I asked with confusion.

"A connection between your soul and His Presence!" 

He looked straight into my eyes making me feel a bit disturbed.

A strange feeling of emptiness started to envelope me while my heart started to burn into ashes.

"How strong is your connection with Him?" 

He asked while trying to decipher the meaning of my silence which seemed to be never ending.

"My connection?" 

I mumbled under my breath as I stared at him blankly.

"Yes! Your's and Allah's connection?" He took another morsel from his plate.

"I'm afraid I don't have any connection with Him!" I tilted my head a bit, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"That's impossible! Every soul , be it of a Muslim, or a Non-Muslim, has some sort of connection with Allah. a connection which is deep, spiritual and most importantly, beautiful! And why won't that be? After all, Who is the One who Created your soul? Your soul is meant to have a connection with your Almighty since you were not even born! Such strong and old this connection is! It's since the day He created each and every soul! Just imagine, how much dear your soul would be to Allah Subhan Wa' Taa'La! Isn't it?" 

Amir's eyes twinkled with ecstasy as he looked at my face which had gone completely pale.

"Why would my soul be dear to Allah? I am an extremely sinful man!" I rolled my eyes.

"It's the body which commits sin, not the soul!" He was always quick to respond.

I remained silent!

There was something disturbing in his words. Something which was making me feel strange!

We remained silent for the next few minutes, while I could easily notice his gaze continuously waver through my face, specially through my eyes.

"Those eyes!" He pointed towards my eyes.

"What happened to them?" I asked.

"It seems as if they want to cry, cry for the love which has been long lost!" 

I immediately stopped eating and tried hard not to choke upon my food as soon as his last sentence entered into my ears.

I stared at him with horror. He was calm, comfortable and smiling as if he had conquered a land.

What's wrong with him? How does he know? Is he a palmist, fortune teller or magician or what?

"Your eyes want to cry for the love which has been lost since many years!" He carried on.

"Which love are you talking about?" I asked a bit harshly.

"The love of Allah!" He smiled wider this time.

I stared at him blankly.

"They are dying to shed a tear in the love of their Almighty. They miss crying for their Almighty!" His gaze never averted from my eyes.

"Have you ever cried your heart out infront of Allah?" asked Amir.

"N....No!" It was getting difficult to continue this conversation.

"It is the most beautiful feeling in the world! Try it tonight, in solitude! It feels as if Allah Himself has descended on the first sky. It feels as if He comes down to pay you a special visit and then He kisses your forehead and caresses your hair, and talks to you and says 'Calm down, Child, hand over all of your worries to Me! I will be there by your side. Call upon Me, I will Answer your supplications'. Its like you are having a live conversation with the One Who is The King of the whole universe. SubhanAllah!"

Amir continued to speak while looking at the sky blankly which was sparkling outside the window.

"My sins are as huge as the highest mountain of this valley!" I chortled, still not taking his conversation seriously.

"The doors of forgiveness are never closed! He is always waiting! Even if your sins are equal to the amount of drops in all of the oceans on this Earth, the doors of forgiveness remain open in His Kingdom!" He smiled.

A storm of emotions and memories started to brush through my face making me feel weaker and my body turn numb

"Are your sins bigger than Allah's Mercy?" He looked straight into my eyes.

It seemed as if my tongue was caged up inside myy mouth, not capable to speak further.

x-x-x-x-x

"Tum khud ko bohat jannati samajhti ho?" Shahveer asked sarcastically.

(Do you think you belong to Jannah?)

"No I don't. I am more sinful than you can imagine!" smiled Hooriyah.

"Really? I thought I was the only one here!" He smirked.

"You can always repent, Shahveer!" She almost whispered.

He laughed.

"Don't laugh Shahveer, the gates of forgiveness are always open!" She eyed him with disappointment.

"Not for me, at least!" He laughed again.

"Are your sins bigger than Allah's Mercy?" She smiled.

And that question was enough to fade his laughter away.....

x-x-x-x-x

Amir snapped his fingers in front of my eyes, trying to bring me back to my senses.

"I think I should leave now!" I excused and quickly got up without finishing the remaining food.

"But brother, you haven't finished your breakfast yet!" Amir got up and tried to stop me.

"No, Thanks a lot for this sweet gesture, I should leave now, I have to go somewhere or else I might get late!" I tried to find my way out.

"Sure brother, I won't force you to stay here!As you wish" He smiled and showed me the way out of the Mosque.

"Just one last thing!" He added.

I immediately stopped in my tracks.

"You said you came here to find someone?"

I nodded.

"You are in search of a drop of water which can quench your thirst! Right?"

I nodded again.

"Have you ever prayed to Allah to get what you are searching for since so long?" He asked in a hopeful