~~~~*~~~~

Dark red curtains part. A dark night sky with white, glimmering jewels is revealed. Fictional friends watch you with sad eyes as a character dies elsewhere. They're disappointed. Not in you, but for you. A man — or is it a woman? — smiles at you, a smile that tells you they know how this story ends. It is you! It is you, it is you. You smile, and unbutton your silk blue shirt. There is no skin but an inky black void you enter.

There is no light, no life.

You feel silk fly around you, and the voice of a beautiful woman sings,

"There...
In the blue sky
Swims a love
Who cannot reach you."

You feel yourself falling. You fall, and you fall. The void turns a deep purple, then a sky blue, then a sunset pink. The wind is cool and kind to your skin.

Everything turns white.

"Ow..."

Edward staggered up to her feet, grabbing at her throbbing head. A bright sun partially blinded her. As she blinked away the sunlight, she looked around. A strange, black building surrounded her completely. It was only one story high, its roof blanketed with barbed wire. All the doors were boarded up with strong wood except for one — a lone black door with a golden doorknob. It was calling to her. Its voice was so hard to ignore. The ground beneath her feet was cobblestone, dirty, and familiar. She was about to ask her brother why all this felt so familiar, but Wednesday was nowhere to be seen.

She let out a puff of air. "I'm dreaming...."

"You're dreaming, you're dreaming!"

She turned. A giant paper mâché dragon danced around the cobblestone yard, bells swinging about sweetly. The dragon was mostly red, but had bright blue eyes and some scales that glimmered a strange gold and bronze. Edward could see, instead of sharp claws or talons or whatever you call it for a dragon, the feet of the people controlling the dragon. They were wearing black Nikes.

"The answer lies beyond the doooooorrrwaaaaaay," sang the dragon, dancing around her. "If only there were no price to pay...."

Why was that lone door calling out to her? Edward had no choice but to approach it.

A woman about twice the size as Edward swayed around the courtyard, her long white hair flowing in the breeze, looking like a pleasant stream. She had weird blue skin and wore a golden silk gown decorated with fine jewels that jingled as she danced. Edward recognized her voice, but could not put a name to her face, blurred with dream.

"There...

Edward opened the door.

Teenagers stomped their feet and cheered on the neon blue dancefloor. They all wore sickly bright clothes and glowing makeup, and yet they all still looked invisible, even with the strobelights flashing down on them. The drinks in their hands glowed like their clothes. The cigarette smoke they blew out of their lungs sparkled like they were breathing out glitter. Pills fell from the ceiling and landed in their hands. The teenagers didn't hesitate to swallow them.

The door slammed behind Edward. She found herself staring in the mirror next to her. Her reflection was as clear as day. Her hair was as red as cherry candy, like Carter's hair, but a bit lighter in color, and longer and straighter. And styled. She was dressed in a black leather jacket, ripped jeans, and leather boots that almost reached her knees. She hadn't dressed like this since Halcyon died. She hated to see herself like this, but, admittedly, she missed this look. She had never felt this good. Glow-in-the-dark ankle bracelets and face paint helped her stand out in the nightclub, which she was almost completely invisible in because of the outfit.

"I know this song," Edward said to no one. The song title was on the tip of her tongue. It was synthwave. Electronic. Upbeat. But what the hell is the name?

Edward then spotted a bar in the distance, outlined in more neon blue. She swam through the crowd of teens and approached it, gripping the wood of the bar before the sea of high losers could pull her in. The drinks in the shelves looked like stars in the darkness.

"Hey!" barked the bartender. "Can't you see that the bar's packed? Come back later!"

Edward's eyes widened. "Sydney! Syd, it's me!"

The bartender glared at her.

"Since when do you work at a—"

"I said come back later!"

The bartender, Sydney, hurriedly poured drinks for impatient customers, her fair skin wet with sweat, even though the nightclub was a bit chilly. Sydney's tied-up jet-black locks had streaks of neon purple in them, and she wore a tank top covered in glowing doodles. Silver chains hung from her torn black jeans. The makeup on her face kind of made her look like a sexy clown to Edward. Well, a sexy frowning clown. To be honest, Sydney looked more like an 80s scene kid than a serious bartender or clown.

"Where's Archie?!" Edward called. "Oi! Jammie Dodgers!"

Sydney made a sour face at hearing her childhood nickname. Edward loved to see her annoyed. "What do you want?!"

"Archie! Where is he?!"

"Who are you looking for?!"

"Archie Pawłowski! He goes to these types of things!"

"Blue eyes, emo shirts, constant bouts of depression?"

"That's my guy! Where's he at?"

"None of your goddamn business!"

"I need to talk to him!"

"He doesn't wanna talk to you! Piss off!"

Edward pouted, then noticed a rack of various snacks and candies. She picked up a bag of pink yogurt bites and shouted, "Dodgers, I would like to purchase this here bag of sweets, please ma'am!"

"Motherfucka, I said I'm motherfucking BUSY!"

"Oi," said a random customer. "I want that fucking fuzzy navel I ordered!"

"Wait a fucking second!" Jammy Dodgers grabbed the first cup she saw and prepared the drink, adding more of the schnapps than she should have.

"What the fuck are you doin', you Italian dyke?!" shouted the customer. "You're doing it all wrong!"

Edward opened her bag of candy and began to eat (without paying for it first).

"Fuck you mean, faggot, I'm making you your fucking fuzzy navel!" shouted Jammie Dodgers.

The customer promptly smacked Jammie Dodgers in the face, who retaliated by chucking the incomplete fuzzy navel at his head. It then broke out into a full-on fist fight.

"Holy shit!" Edward watched in amazement as the two squabbled on the ground while teenagers watched them, cheering for asses to be kicked and for bitches to be destroyed.

The customer lifted Jammie Dodgers above his head and chucked her into the wall behind the bar. The onlookers went, "Ooooooh!" as she landed with a crash, and then they went, "Aaaaaaaahhh!" as she jumped out from behind the bar like a jack-in-the-box and threw a full bottle of expensive vodka at the customer.

The customer screamed. "You slut!"

"You cunt!" Jammie Dodgers leaped from the bar counter.

"Alright, alright, break it up!" A security guard spawned from nowhere. It was none other than Geoffrey the Giraffe, here to save the day! "No fighting here in the Durden Sexy-and-Drug-Induced-Coma Funtimes House!"

What a mouthful.

Jammie Dodgers dusted herself off as the giraffe called for the janitor on his walkie-talkie. "Come and get your fuzzy navel, asshole." She went behind the bar as calmly as she could.

The customer wiped blood and sweat from his brow and watched Jammie Dodgers make the fuzzy navel the right way.

"Now what do we saaaay?" cooed Geoffrey the Giraffe.

Jammie Dodgers scowled. "I'm sorry, dear valued customer."

Geoffrey the Giraffe looked at the customer, who also scowled, but said, "I'm sorry, too."

"Now, when we're at the Funtimes House," said Geoffrey the Giraffe, "we don't hurt other's feelings. We don't use homophobic slurs, or sexist words, or other mean things. Remember: this is a family restaurant! Now have fun, everybody! Or else I'll break your necks and stuff your bodies where the police can't find you. We're not insured!"

Geoffrey the Giraffe went on his merry way as "Funkytown" blasted from the overhead speakers. A pair of Teletubbies armed with a broom and mop began to clean up the mess.

"Here." Jammie Dodgers slid the fuzzy navel to the customer.

"Thanks," grumbled the customer and disappeared into the crowd.

No one asked for any more drinks.

Jammie Dodgers groaned and leaned against the counter. "Can you believe that guy? Fucking making a mess out of everything?"

Edward shrugged her shoulders. "Shit happens. What're ya doin' workin' at a bar anyway? Thought you were gonna make it big with Suicide Death Luck."

"Wasn't cut out for the band life."

"Couldn't handle all the love and attention and black eyes whenever you say something stupid, huh?"

"Fuck off. Why do I even bother with you sometimes?" Jammie Dodgers hid her face in her hands. She went quiet. She might have been crying.

Edward leaned closer to her and whispered, "Could I have a fuzzy navel too?"

Jammie Dodgers suddenly slammed her fists into the counter. "You know what!"

Edward quickly backed away. "Whoa, nelly."

"Do you think you're fucking funny, Poison?"

"No one calls me that anymore. It's fucking lame."

"You know what, just shut up and listen!"

Edward plopped down on a seat and rested her chin on the palm of her hand, listening. "Listening," she said with a smirk.

"You think you're so fucking funny. Well, you're not. You're just a fucking brat who hasn't changed a damn bit! Whenever you walk into a room, you ruin every single fucking thing, like, shit! Like nobody else matters! You're the worst! The fucking worst! I wish you could just disappear and never come back! I fucking hate you!"

"Ha! That's not what you said when I was with you in Maryana!" Edward let out a loud moan in Jammie Dodgers's exact voice. "Oooh, Edward. Edward, Ed, Ed— kya! Ah-ah-ah-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH—!!"

"STOP IT! You're not fucking funny, you're disgusting."

"You're disgusting. You're working at a bar, starting fights, and hiding my friend from me! I've got nothing to do with you!"

"You've got everything to do with me! I haunt you all the time, you fucking hermaphrodite! Now, fucking listen! I don't wanna see your face around here or near me or just anywhere, okay? I'm tired of you."

"Clearly, 'cause you're still talking to me. Look, I just wanna talk to Archie. I don't care if you dont like me no more because I don't even like me. I just wanna talk to Archie."

"What do you want to talk to Archie for?"

"No particular reason. I just want to talk to the old sonuvabitch."

"Well, the old son of a bitch is dead. He killed himself. Hung himself in the bathroom over there so he wouldn't have to deal with your shit anymore."

"Ha-ha-ha," Edward groaned, sticking out her tongue. "Whatever, mate. Doesn't change the fact that you're also an asshole and always will be."

"Don't you think I'm trying to be a better person? I was a better person in Maryana! I was!"

"Yeah, you were. You hitting me and kicking my dog screamed 'better person.'"

"Like you were such a saint! You were such a fucking cunt. And you left me again and ruined me! You left me for dead!"

"Hey! Don't you blame me for your problems, you bitch! You're your own fucking person!"

Jammie Dodgers let out a loud exhale. "You know what? I quit."

"You quit?"

"Yeah, I fucking quit. You're a motherfucking cunt, Edward Green."

"Yeah, and you're still a twat, Sydney Rigatoni."

"Rabottini!" Jammie Dodgers bellowed. Bystanders laughed at her.

In the distance, a couple started fighting, throwing cups of whatever at each other. Just another day in the life of a teenager.

"Fuckin' buncha Yanks," Edward murmured, glaring at the crowds of teens.

"Fucking beaner." Jammie Dodgers spat at Edward's feet. "Should've left town when you had the chance."

"And miss all the excitement? Like fuck!"

Jammie Dodgers scoffed, then called over her shoulder, "Halcyon! Get over here!"

"Oh, Hal's here?!" Edward shouted, her heart thumping. She couldn't wait to see Zero's face again.

"Yeah, Hal's here." Jammie Dodgers made herself a whiskey-and-water. "Hal's always here, slaving away."

"You're such a baby sometimes." Edward looked around the nightclub for the love of her life.

Halcyon Zero walked through a door that completely blended in with the wall behind the bar. His pitch black curls made his white, round, cute face stand out, his cheeks and button nose reddening beside the glow-in-the-dark flowers painted on him. An ice blue crystal dangled off a golden string around his neck. It's important to note that he did not smile when he saw Edward, although she continued to smile at him.

"Watch out for this fuck," Jammie Dodgers said in his ear, scooping up her drink. "She hasn't changed a bit."

Halcyon nodded, picking up Jammie Dodgers's towel.

"Alright, I'll see ya," Edward shouted after Jammie Dodgers as she walked toward the hidden door. "It was nice seein' you again! We should get lunch or something next time! I love ya, Syd!"

Jammie Dodgers stuck up her middle finger and disappeared into an unseen room.

"Ah," Edward murmured. "We'll meet again." She rested her elbows on the bar, her chin in her hands. Slow indie songs began to play. Edward recognized a couple of them, but only because of Jeanie. "So," she said.

"So," said Hal, not meeting her eyes.

"How've you been?"

Halcyon shrugged his shoulders. "Could be better. How's Amigo?"

"You're not gonna ask how I'm doing?"

Halcyon frowned at her. "I can guess how you're doing just by looking at you. You're exactly the same."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means."

Edward thought for a moment. "You know, it doesn't work like that."

"What?"

"Changing. I can't do that. Everyone wants me to but I can't, even when I try."

"It's not that hard, Edward. You're just making excuses, like you always do."

"What would you have me do then?"

"You could not be a nuisance to people."

"Okay, what happened to Jammie Dodgers wasn't even my fault. I just wanted to talk to Archie."

"What do you need to talk to Archie for?"

"It's nothing important really. I just need to know Cthulhu's location so I can fucking kill her."

"Hmph. I don't know about that." Halcyon sighed. "Anyway, I don't think he's here anymore. Do you want a drink?"

"I don't have money."

"That's never stopped you before."

She smiled. "What do you usually drink here?"

"I don't drink."

"Huh. Not even a little sippy-sip?"

"No. Not even a little sippy-sip. What drink do you want? It'll be on the house."

"You're a good man, Zero. I'll take a glass of the old Guinness."

Halcyon nodded and poured her a mug of the stuff, handing it to her. She took a long sip and licked away the mustache of froth.

"Good shit," she said. "So. To answer your question, Amigo's doing fine. He's just old."

"And everyone else?"

"All doing fine."

"Really?"

"Surprisingly, yes. Everyone's doing alright."

"Everyone?" Halcyon tilted his head.

Edward paused. "Well, not everyone, but that's to be expected, right?"

"You don't care about him?"

"Of course I care about him. I just said it was to be expected. There's always something wrong with him." Edward took another sip. "You sure you don't wanna sip? It's really good."

"No, I'm alright."

Silence.

"So do you hate me now?" Edward asked.

Halcyon said nothing.

She set down the mug. "Come on, mate. Be honest with me. Do you hate me?"

He hesitated. "No. No, I don't hate you."

Edward looked down into her beer morosely. "I could try again. I could try to change again. And you'll come back."

Halcyon watched her.

"I'll be a better person like before. I'll just try harder." She wasn't getting any reaction out of him. His face was far too blank, and too real to be real, that made any sense. It was hard to be sure if this was a dream. "I want to have sex with you."

Halcyon's cheeks went brick red. "What?"

"You heard me. You and me. In a bed. Doing grown-up things together. For hours. What'd'ya say?"

Halcyon stared for a long second, then suddenly burst out laughing. This wasn't the reaction Edward was expecting. She demanded, "What? What the hell's so goddamn funny?"

"Nothing, nothing." Halcyon took in a deep breath, wiping his cheek with his shirtsleeve, smearing a glow-in-the-dark flower. "It's just, we haven't seen each other in years and you just ask to have sex nonchalantly? Like you give a damn about sex? You know I don't."

"So, that's a no, then."

"I never said that."

Edward leaned back, crossing her arms. "So you do wanna have sex?"

"I never said that either."

"What do you want to do then?"

"Get my paycheck."

"If you were into the idea, let's say, would you have done it with me?"

"Done what?"

"It. Just curious, you know?"

"Oh, I'm not sure. I guess you'll never know." Halcyon picked up Edward's half full mug and chugged it down.

"Shit, mate." Edward's mouth gaped open. "Thought you didn't drink."

Halcyon shrugged his shoulders. "I wasn't thinking."

"Did it taste good though?"

He smacked his lips. "Yeah. It tasted alright." He poured more beer into the mug and handed it to Edward. "Here you go."

"Thanks. Is this also free?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Thanks. Be fucked up if you charged me for something you drank." A song Edward immediately recognized began to play. "Aww, they're playing our song."

"Our song?"

"Yeah." Edward pointed at him then at herself. "Our."

"We don't have a song."

"Sure we do." After taking a last gulp of beer, Edward stood from her seat, lifted the bar hatch, and held out a hand. "Come on. Dance with me."

"I'm working."

"Come oooonn. It's not everyday you get to go jamming with Edward."

"Don't say that...."

"Come on, Hal. Don't leave me alone."

"I can watch you dance from here."

Edward made a tsk sound, groaning, "Fine," and decided to slowly spin around on her own and sing along with the Carpenters. There were less teenagers surrounding the bar.

"Come on, I know you wanna dance," sneered Edward.

Halcyon shook his head.

Edward wasn't going to give up. She scooped up a bag of cookies from the sweets rack and asked him, "Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?"

A tiny smile grew on his face. "A Scooby Snack, huh?"

"Yeah." Edward swayed her hips. "C'mon and get 'em, big boy."

That wiped the smile right off his face. "I'm not big."

"Yes, you are. You're my fat teddy bear."

Halcyon walked out from behind the bar, shutting the hatch behind him. "I'm not fat. Just big-boned."

"Aw, don't be modest. You're a chubby bunny." Edward slipped a Scooby Snack in her mouth. "Come 'ere."

"You're so rude sometimes." Halcyon picked out a Scooby Snack and ate it. "It's not even attractive."

Edward grinned. "Liar. I know you find me hot as hell."

Halcyon scoffed. "Someone has to."

"I miss that attitude of yours." Edward pushed a curl behind Halcyon's ear. "I miss you