Theo's POV

I was often surrounded by those of insignificant intelligence, but it had never been more obvious than in this moment.

I ground out a sigh and explained, for the fifth time, why I had come from hell to the realm of the living.

"As I said before," I growled. "My father did not approve of my sexual preferences."

A human, whom I did not know the name of, raised his hand. "Excuse me, I have a question! Um, so do you only have sex with, like, other demons?"

This human was very small, with big frames of glass on his face, and freckles all over his cheeks. His short black hair was tipped with red. I did not know how he did that. It did not seem to be that he had the ability to control fire, such as myself, but I could not rule out the possibility.

Cyrus, my human navigator and trusted companion, slapped the other human in the arm. "Jax! Shut up, don't ask him about his sex life!"

Jax blushed and cleared his throat. "I was only asking for a friend," he clarified.

"Alright, Theodore Dacruz," a different human began. This human had darker skin than the others and soft-looking brown hair.

"My last name is Dominguez," I corrected. I was getting sick of their lack of intelligence.

"Riiight," the small human agreed, with the tone of someone who did not retain knowledge easily. "Listen. I only care about one thing. Where the hell do you buy your drugs?"

I did not know what drugs were, nor why everyone was talking about them.

I looked at Cyrus. Cyrus slapped the human in the arm for me. I appreciated the weak, and yet somehow very adorable, attempt at violence from such a lesser creature. "Carlos! Don't make him mad, he can light himself on fire, which turns him naked."

"I was naked before the fire," I corrected.

"I think we should encourage him to try that," the female human said, with a particularly lewd expression. She was small and also of a darker skin tone. Her hair was straight and ink black, similar to the waters of the lake that Father owned a home on.

"Here's my question for you," Cyrus asked. I gave him my full attention, because he was clearly the most intelligent human in this room. "I don't really see the connection between you running away because of your dad's homophobia—" I was confused by that word "—and your desire for world domination."

Cyrus reminded me of my hellhound, Abiah, with beautiful brown eyes, bright with loyalty and honesty. His hair was dark and fluffy, so I resisted the urge to pet him.

"I traveled here to infuriate Father," I said, trying to make everything as abundantly clear as possible for the weaker minds. "And while I am here, it is only natural that I be worshipped by the humans."

"So you're, like, casually becoming a deity?" Blue asked. "Forcefully?"

I nodded, glad that my message had finally sunk in. "And if you would like, you may all become my trusted human counsel. With Cyrus at the head, of course. When I destroy homes and murder the innocent, you will get a percentage of my bounty."

"But I'm innocent," Cyrus whined.

I rested my hand on his shoulder, intent on paying back my small human for his slight helpfulness. "I can help you with that."

Cyrus went beat red.

His friends snickered.

I was very lost.

Oh well, it did not matter. Humans were ridiculous. "Is there any access to a celestial portal nearby?" I questioned. "I do not intend on going home, but I would like the company of my hellhound, Abiah."

They all stared at me blankly.

I was starting to wonder why I expected anything different.

"I think there's two routes we can take," Blue said. I brightened, hoping her routes led to celestial portals. "On one hand, we could get him into the foster system if he's under eighteen? Oh the other, a mental asylum would do fine. Until either, he should stay at your house, Cyrus."

Cyrus looked horrified. "My mom is a religious woman!"

"He's obviously not actually a demon, Cyrus! You are so gullible sometimes. He has schizophrenia."

I did not like being spoken about as if I were not there. I was a Prince who deserved utmost respect. I burst into flames.

All four humans screamed and launched backwards.

"Holy shit!" Carlos yelped.

"I am not holy," I said, grinning through the fire.

Carlos burst into tears.

Cyrus recovered faster than everyone else. He stomped over to me and shoved a finger in my face. "Extinguish," he snapped. "I spent a ton of money at TJ Maxx on you and you're singeing your clothes."

"He's actually a demon!" Jax, whose particular talents did not involve getting to the program, cried. "He was on fire! Did I hallucinate that? Oh my God, do I have schizophrenia?"

"My carpet!" Blue yelled, pointing to the giant ring of ash I had created from her carpet.

"Buy a new one," I suggested practically. I extinguished for Cyrus.

"They're right," Cyrus announced. "Let's get you far away from here. I should take you home. Do you want that? You obviously need a place to sleep, so you can stay in my room until you get to...well, world domination, I guess."

That was kind of Cyrus. He was my favorite human so far, although I hadn't met many.

"You may also worship me," I added hopefully.

"Not in a million years," Cyrus grumbled. "Stand up, please. You've already done enough property damage."

I stood and followed him. His friends moved away from me when I came close, which made Cyrus grimace. "Are we headed to your home? Will your fragile human legs make it that far? I can carry you."

"You are starting to piss me off, Thee," Cyrus growled. "I am not fragile."

I followed dutifully behind my human guide, wondering how he could make such a ridiculous argument. Sure, he was not the smallest of his friends. But I had nearly twice his muscle and a good six inches on him in height.

"Do not call me that awful nickname. ...I will carry you," I decided. "As thanks for the money you spent on my clothes. Tell me where to go."

Before he could say no, I swooped him into my arms easily and took off at a jog that was faster than any speed a human could get to.

Cyrus buried his head into my shoulder and groaned. "You're the worst!"

Aw. I did not smile, as I was a demon and had a reputation to uphold, but this amusing human made me want to.

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I'm feeling a M/W/F updating schedule for this one.