Cyrus' POV

So honey...you know I like your new friend! he always has something interesting to say lol...I just am texting because this is the second night he's slept over and I haven't even met his mother! call me so we can talk about this

Theo scoffed at the text message from my mom. "I have no mother. I am the antichrist, born to kill Jesus Christ himself and enslave humanity."

"Ooh," I cooed. "Sexy talk like that to me more, please."

Theo's look was deadpan. I should've stuck to avoiding jokes around him.

"Look, Mom's right," I admitted. Theo's look was one of betrayal. "What? She's a little overprotective of me, but that's because it's only her taking care of me! Usually I try my best to be good and not cause trouble...this is probably worrying her."

Theo crossed his arms and glared. "Having a friend over?"

"And not answering her texts for an hour! And staying out of the house all the time. Usually I only leave to hang with the Mario Bros..." And all at once, I had a realization.

I was a complete loser.

And judging by Theo's expression, he totally knew it.

"You're a loser," Theo stated, confirming my worst fears. "You're the biggest loser I have ever met, and that's saying something considering my father rebelled against God and got dropkicked out of Heaven so fast that the impact created the Grand Canyon."

Was it just me, or was Theo's time on earth making him a sarcastic shit? Maybe he was that way in Hell and needed a two day adjustment period to get back to normal.

"Seriously?" I wondered. "The Grand Canyon?"

Theo rolled his eyes. "Idiot human. No. That was, as you frequently try to attempt, a joke."

A really bad one.

I didn't say that though, because it felt petty.

We arrived at Blue's house and Theo knocked on her door.

"I have another question," I said. "Why don't you know what drugs are, or a fridge, but you know the word dropkick?"

Theo wrinkled his nose. "I have no idea. Maybe because people are drop kicked in Hell." His eyes brightened a little and he looked at me shyly. "Us demons enjoy sparring. You should see my fighting abilities sometime." Theo said it the same way someone would say hey, want to get a movie sometime? He was even blushing a little. "I'm pretty good."

I shook my head, baffled. "Your customs are so weird."

Theo looked hurt.

"Sure, I'll watch you kick ass sometime!" I hurried to say. "No problem! I'd love to!"

The door swung open and Blue looked judgmental. "Dude. You guys talk about the weirdest things. OKAY. Before you enter my house, antichrist, you have to swear that you will not light on fire and burn my mother's possessions. Again."

Theo shrugged moodily. "I guess I won't."

The second we got to the basement, Blue sat us down on a beanbag chair that faced the three of them. Carlos and Jax were holding papers with words written all over them. I exchanged a weary look with Theo.

"Isn't this supposed to be a fun Mario day?" I whined. "And weren't you supposed to try to get to know the boy I like?"

Theo nodded firmly. "Yes, I like you too, my human."

"Young love," Jax cooed.

"Love is not an emotion I am capable of," Theo stated.

"Aw," Jax cooed again. "He's shy."

Theo's hand sparked. I prayed to God, who could hear but didn't involve himself, that Theo wouldn't decapitate one of my best friends. I had no idea where I would get another.

"Okay, Theo Dodson," Blue said sternly.

"Dominguez," Theo growled, pinching his nose. "The idiocy of humans is eternal, clearly. Why do you continue to mispronounce my last name?"

"It's because they're white," Carlos supplied.

Theo looked puzzled. "Is that a word humans use for incompetent?"

Carlos visibly tried not to laugh, because obviously Theo wasn't his favorite person ever...bummer. I wanted my friends to like my future boyfriend. "Not... no, not technically."

"You did it too," I reminded Carlos, because I was petty. And also embarrassed.

"I did it to be an asshole, there's a difference."

"Moving on," Blue interrupted. "We've gathered here today to grill the antichrist with questions."

"Can't we just play Mario Kart?" I whined.

Theo rested his hand on my arm and smiled at me. The light caught his gray eyes and my heart fluttered at his expression. "My human." Aw. " It's okay, I don't mind my human worshippers desiring to know more about their deity."

Carlos glared. "Yeah, no. We want to know if we should burn you at the stake or something."

Jax elbowed him. "We just want some answers! Starting with: how did you get that name? If you're actually from Hell, shouldn't you be named like Satan's Son or something? Not gonna lie, Cy's name is way cooler than yours. Shouldn't the antichrist be named something like Cyrus West? Badass."

Theo rolled his eyes. He obviously didn't care whether or not my friends liked him. "You know nothing of naming tradition in Hell. Do you not know what Theodore Dominguez means?" Jax mumbled something like, right that's what it is. "It is very ironic and makes me chuckle, which is why I chose it for myself."

Blue's eyes widened. "You chuckle?"

Theo's arm wrapped around me. "My Cyrus makes me chuckle all the time."

That was news to his Cyrus. I'd heard him laugh a total of once.

Jax blinked and looked between the two of us. "Are you two boning? Because I ship it. Cute goody-two-shoes and literal Satan? Love."

"I am his son."

"Meh."

"This is not a productive conversation!" I snapped, gaining myself the attention of everyone in the room. "If you want to know more about Hell, ask Theo. If you don't, shut up."

Carlos raised his hand. Theo looked confused. Carlos slowly lowered his hand and said, "What's Satan look like? Is he mean?"

Theo shrugged. "My father takes on a humanoid form, like I do. God was not creative in his designs, which is why we all look the same. Also, he's very nice to me."

Jax leaned in. "No. Like, describe him. Is he hot, like daddy hot? Blonde or brunette? Abs? Does he look like the actor from Supernatural, or is he more of a red-skinned gay guy like in South Park? Did he actually go down to Georgia? Does he play the fiddle—"

"I do not understand these questions," Theo said cooly. "Besides, I thought we were supposed to be talking about me."

"Does he, or does he not, wear Prada?" Jax continued mercilessly.

"I read a Wattpad story where he was blonde and fucking Hades," Blue mused. "That was the hottest shit I think I've ever laid my eyes on."

Theo's hands were sparking dangerously. "I do not want to talk about my father, we're in a fight. Please. Ask me anything else."

"Is Hell cold or hot?" Blue fired off.

"Depends on the location."

"Who's your mom?" Jax, apparently dead set on asking weird questions, wondered.

"A succubus. I don't wish to discuss my mother either, quite frankly."

"How many people have you murdered in cold blood?" Carlos, who seemed to be a little biased, asked.

"Seventeen."

Mario Kart would have been way more fun.

-

Lmao read rotxinxpieces' work to get the reference.

Since lot of people have been asking for the title: It's a series called the Underworld Chronicles. Start with the book Inferi and work your way up. It's seriously the best!