Cyrus' POV

I woke up to the prince of Hell drawing on my walls with a Sharpie.

The headache that had been present in my brain all of yesterday instantly came back. "Thee," I groaned. "Buddy. What are you doing?"

I looked at the clock and all of my motivation to live disappeared. It was 4:45 AM.

"I am giving your walls protective symbols," Theo stated, as if it was something I should absolutely thank him for. "I do not want my father or his generals finding me."

My mom was gonna be so pissed.

"Aren't you tired?" I sighed.

"I refuse to sleep in the bed of a human like a commoner. I would like to have my own bed back, but alas, I have abandoned my realm. When the humans bend to my will and worship me as their new dictator, I will have my silk sheets once again. I vow it."

"...Kay. Night."

The second my head hit my pillow, I was out like a light.

I woke up hours later with Theo's face approximately two inches away from my own.

"WHAT THE HELL!" I screamed, launching myself away from him. "Why are you doing that? Personal bubble, dude!"

Theo's nose wrinkled in that judgmental way that he had. "You were making alarming noises. I was debating possessing you to see what was going on."

His black irises were even darker in the dim light of my bedroom. My eyes dropped to the delicate space under his collarbone, where the dark tattoos of his ended. "Why are you shirtless? ...Wait, dude! I told you not to get naked."

Theo let out a growl of frustration and tugged the pajama pants that I'd given him back on. "Your clothes are small on me, human. It's very uncomfortable."

"Also!" I screeched. "Never possess me! I didn't know you could do that, and if I had known we would not still be talking right now. You would still be wandering the woods like a crack addict."

"Your line is possession? Not bursting into flames?"

"I have seen the Conjuring!" I yelped. "And it scarred me for life, so I'll never watch another scary movie. I most certainly will not live my life in a scary movie by befriending a demon who can possess people!"

Theo's nose wrinkled and he gestured helplessly. "Too late, dumb mortal. Although we are not friends. You are my human guide, I am your deity."

I'd watched his guy eat leaves off of a tree and wander the woods in his birthday suit. I would rather stab my own two eyeballs out of my skull than god worship him.

"Also!" I continued, making Theo roll his eyes. "I, by the way, do not make noises in my sleep."

"You do," my baby demon insisted, dark eyes determined. His expression was always one of complete certainty. "They were small moaning noises. I could not tell if you were having an extremely erotic dream or choking on your own spit. I only wished to save your fragile and relatively worthless life."

Wow. A cute boy wanted to save my fragile and relatively worthless life.

Swoon.

Theo ran his fingers through his tumble of blonde hair and turned away. "I will leave you to die next time."

Ooh. Double swoon.

Considering last night I had an extremely erotic dream, starring Theo Diego himself, I was sufficiently embarrassed.

"It is time for us to begin the next step to world domination," Theo informed. "I have achieved clothes—" I did not have the time or energy to correct his language use. "—and now it is time for me to begin the next step. I might set fire to the streets."

I had to distract this psychotic demon baby. "Well," I said. "You could, I guess. But there's a flaw to your logic! If you go around lighting earth on fire, the humans are going to hate you. So first, you have to gain their trust."

Theo gestured at me. "I have described my plans to you and you trust me."

That was a very valid point. Although I didn't trust him; I was sexually attracted to him and had a hard time saying no to beautiful boys.

"Right but I'm a particularly stupid human," I admitted, considering how I had let the antichrist into my home.

Theo scowled and grabbed my chin. The touch went right to my crotch. "That is not true. You will be my human advisor once I have taken over this world."

I licked my lips and nodded, charmed by the strong curve of his shoulder muscles and the determined way he looked at me. "Sure. Yeah, sounds good."

He could've asked me to kill my own cat and my response would have been the same.

Wait. Mr. Whiskers.

I straightened up and hopped out of bed. "You didn't kill my cat while I was asleep, right? Mr. Whiskers, where are you?"

"Your attachment to the hellbeast is adorable," Theo cooed. "He will join me in hell when his time comes to perish."

Theo said the most comforting things.

I rolled my eyes and found my cat in the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and then instructed Theo on how to do the same. Theo rolled his eyes and muttered about useless mortal customs, but he did as I told him.

We found my mother cooking pancakes, hair up in a messy bun and still in pajamas. She grinned when she saw us. "Morning, Cy and Theo! Did you have fun last night?"

Theo was apparently more dedicated to acting normal, considering he didn't mention the blood of the innocent or my hellbeast. I pet Mr. Whiskers and sat at the kitchen table. "Yup, we binged Supernatural."

"It was very good," Theo said with earnest. "But the demons are terrifying to me."

Mom visibly seemed to relax at that. Obviously she had her suspicions about Theo being a satanic beast.

I patted Theo on the back. "Theo is quite the scaredy cat. He can't watch supernatural shows without crying."

Theo rested his hand around my waist, which was totally weird, and he squeezed me just a little too tight. His smile was plastic. "Yes, it is true. I am quite cowardly."

Mom laughed and placed a plate of pancakes in front of us. "Don't you worry. I'm scared of them too. But I have this to protect me." She clasped the cross around her neck.

Theo flinched in distaste. "Right. I should try that," he managed.

"I smell pancakes!" Nina screamed, running down the stairs full force. "I need them in my belly now!"

"Eat up, kiddos," Mom said with a wide grin. "Alright, I'm off to do some shopping. I just need to grab that reusable bag from your room, Cy."

I thought of the black marker spirals covering one of my walls. I'd have to repaint that before my mom could ever enter my room again. "I'll get it!"

I hustled away and cringed at the conversation Theo was probably having with my family as I was gone.

Are you considering god worshipping me? he would probably ask. I may not burn down your home if you say yes.

Call the nearby mental institution, Nina, my mom would say, and it would be totally warranted.

When I came back, Theo had cleared off half a plate of pancakes and was sitting next to Nina at the table. "Delicious," he praised.

My mom smiled.

Okay, maybe I'd misjudged Theo's acting abilities.

"Now, might we discuss the matter of your hellbeast?" Theo asked, staring wearily at Mr. Whiskers. "I do not understand why you have not ripped the teeth from his skull. When the apocalypse comes and he has full access to his innate powers, he will forget your loyalty and rip your heads from your bodies."

Right, well that was short-lived.

Nina and Mom stared at me. I grimaced. "Theo, why don't we go out?"

Theo grumbled but allowed me to tug him away from my poor innocent family.