Cyrus' POV

Theo stared at the pile of cash I'd given him with a dark and determined look. "This is a great idea," he said, shocking me to the core. "I think you're quite clever, my human."

That was literally the first time anyone had ever called me clever. And it was when I was intentionally trying to do something stupid.

"Thank you," I mumbled, a little confused. "So you understand the plan, right? No murder, no discussing demons, just simple donation of money to charities. Okay?"

Theo grinned at the money. "Yes."

His fingers were sparking. That was never a good sign.

I was sitting with Theo at the counter, casually discussing plans for world domination. No biggie. He'd woken up grumpy because of his new sleeping situation in the basement, so I did the only thing I knew would cheer him up.

...You know, bring up world domination. His favorite subject.

Nina appeared behind Theo. "Hey."

Theo jumped and licks of fire flashed on his forearms. "Fuck you, Jesus!" he snapped. The fire extinguished. "You alarmed me, small and irritable human."

Nina wrinkled her nose. "Wait, what just happened right then?"

She'd been directly behind him and Theo had been holding money in front of him, so the situation was salvageable.

I whipped out my phone and turned on the flashlight. "We were looking to find that little watermark thing that shows up on money when you hold it to the light! Haha."

"Yes," Theo nodded. Ever so helpful.

Nina rolled her eyes. "Okay, I actually don't care what you nerds are doing. Beth is picking me up, so I need you to give me a ride home later tonight, kay Cy?"

I grimaced. "I guess."

"And buy me Wendy's?"

"You're pushing it. Bye, Nina!" I shoved her out the door. Finally, I had Theo alone. "Okay, we're going to begin by taking a drive and heading to Walmart. Got it?"

"Is that your government?" Theo inquired.

"Nope," I chirped. "It's bigger and better."

The two of us rolled up to Walmart, after a long and excruciating drive where Theo pressed every button that he possibly could in the car, and then compared it to his pet hellhound, Abiah.

"Okay, there you go," I said, directing Theo to the guy out front with the bell and the bucket. "Give him money and we'll get back into the car and find another one, okay?"

Theo nodded, grasping his money with determination. I watched from afar as Theo walked up, smiled at the guy, and shook his hand. Then they were talking, and the guy was laughing. Theo motioned at the cross the guy was wearing around his neck, and a few seconds later the guy was ripping the cross off and tossing it into the garbage next to him.

"Wait what the fuck?" I grumbled, wishing I'd gotten out with him. I never should've left Theo alone to engage in social interaction.

The guy shook Theo's hand firmly once again and Theo dropped money into his bucket.

My sweet baby demon came back to me looking delighted. "That went extremely well!" he chirped. "I got him to disown the Lord."

"What."

"As in, I informed him of Christ's shortcomings and asked him to follow me into a new age of religion," Theo continued ruthlessly. "He got rid of his cross and told me that he would read the Satanic Bible."

"What."

"Not that that is a reliable text," Theo scoffed. "I will write a far better one for Father. But for now, it is better than practicing Christianity."

"You just got a guy to do that?!" I yelped. "He just casually listened to your crazy talk and tossed away the religion he's been practicing for his whole life, just to get three dollars?"

Theo glared. "I knew it."

"What?!"

"You are not trying to help me dominate the world," Theo scoffed. "You are working against me, and still giving me such sweet looks and practically begging me to ravish your body."

"Whoa, hold up—"

"You are the true succubus here, Cyrus," Theo said darkly, turning to stare out the window. "I am upset."

Right, because I needed him to spell it out for me after moodily staring out the window.

"I'm sorry!" I kicked the car into drive and headed for Target. "It's not like I've been trying to fool you; I told you we'd do good acts before the bad. And I just don't think world domination is morally right!"

"You will make it up to me," Theo huffed. "Continue to drive me to these stores."

After a half an hour, we had driven to a ton of charities. Afterwards, Theo clutched about twenty crosses in one hand and a box of Girl Scout cookies in the other. The former was from those who swore their loyalty to Satanism, the latter was because Theo truly thought Girl Scouts were 'darling entrepreneurial humans' and decided to support their cause.

"I can't believe you convinced twenty people to renounce their religion and support Satanism," I mumbled. "This is psychotic. Do you have powers to convince people to do stuff or something?"

Theo shrugged. "I am the Antichrist. It is in my nature to be charismatic."

Meanwhile, he was slouched in the front seat of my car, scratching at his ankle. Blonde hair was a complete mess, because he didn't believe in hairbrushes, and he was wearing too-tight hand-me-downs from myself.

There was zero charisma here.

Theo and I stopped for lunch at a local diner, which was a process and a half. Theo tried to get the hostess to give him her cross, which worked, and then he kept poking the pictures on the menu and asking why they weren't coming to life.

The waitress blinked at him. "You have to tell me what you want."

Theo turned his head. "Do you feel as though God has abandoned you?"

"Okay, Theo, just order the chicken salad wrap please for the love of God," I groaned. Theo glared at me and turned back to the waitress.

"He speaks lies; there is no love from God. Renounce his name, find something better for yourself. Toss away your cross."

The waitress nodded blankly and unclasped the cross around her neck.

Here I was, wondering when the hell so many people started wearing crosses around their necks. This was getting ridiculous.

Theo took it and smiled. "Thank you. I would like the chicken salad wrap, or the blood of the innocent, if you have any."

She looked a little like she wanted the cross back.

"I'll get a tuna melt," I groaned. The second she walked away I could ease out a sigh of relief.

"Ah!" a man said, coming up to our table and grinning. "I knew you were in town. And look, daddy's little boy is dutifully convincing people to renounce their religion!"

Theo's head snapped up and he glared. "Aamon."

Great. More demons.