Monday, August 12

After three weeks of constant learning, I was finally beginning to find my way around the immense hospital edifice.

All the nurses were so friendly despite the different ages, experiences, and departments, and they all helped me get along and find my way all over.

There were especially three nurses from the ward with whom I got a special connection to almost right away. The first one was Harriet Campbell, the woman who was responsible for my introduction. We connected very fast by the time she showed me around and taught me about the patients and all the different routines of treatment.

At lunch on the first day already, she introduced me to her friends, Mildred Darwin and Janet Sullivan. The three women were caring and funny and they all welcomed me very well to come and sit with them every day during lunch or supervising hours.

All nurses on our floor worked in different shifts and it appeared that me, Harriet, Mildred, and Janet shared the same working hours. Then there was Donald. It was obvious that he tried to get my attention every time we passed by each other.

I was flattered by his flirting and he was indeed a very handsome man, but I had only spoken to him a few times in the span of three weeks, and for me, it was impossible to catch interest of a man in such a short time if I wasn't only focused on his looks.

Either way the most important thing for me right now was to concentrate on my job. I didn't feel like it was a priority for me to flirt with the hospital guard when I was already troubled finding my way around the big, maze-like hospital.

The weekend was finally over and I was longing to go back to work. I didn't do much this weekend since I was still trying to focus and study the things I learned in the past weeks.

Dolores always told me that I was too ambitious, but I never really comprehended how that would be possible. I just loved what I was doing.

I closed my locker in the changing room and looked in the mirror to make sure that everything was in its proper place before I walked out in the hallway to get to the elevator.

I was excited for this day because I was finally assigned my own patient list after these initial weeks of office work, signing medical files, taking care of visitors and supervising in the gathering room. Harriet and Janet walked beside me and I could hear them talk about some patient I didn't know anything about. They laughed at each other and I smiled to show my interest even though I didn't understand a thing.

"Beverly, you have a session with Jacob Clarke today, don't you?" Janet asked and I picked up the scheduled calendar from my chest pocket. I still hadn't learned all the names of the patients, and I realized that this Jacob Clarke probably was the person they just talked about. I found the name in my calendar and looked at Janet again and nodded my head.

"Yes that's right, he's my first patient after the furlough planning for Grace Jackson, why?" I asked while looking at her with a curious face. I was a little bit ashamed that I didn't pay enough attention to their earlier conversation.

"Well, he's a little bit... tense, sometimes so I would recommend making sure that he gets his meds before the session begins," Janet's voice got a bit more serious than before. I still looked at her like I had a question but as she didn't continue her talking, I decided just to nod my head and not ask any further questions.

I guessed that she was just trying to help me to manage my work. Even though the nurses had professional secrecy, it could be important for us sometimes to share information if we were treating the same person, and since I was still new at St: Nicolai, I gladly received every tip I could get.

The three of us split up as we reached the second floor and started walking our separate ways down the halls.

I entered the office room and walked over to the archive storage to find Grace Jackson's files, and after a couple minutes of searching through the whole J section, I finally found the girl's journal. I took a seat by one of the desks in the silent room and I started to read the files attentionally. This patient was only seventeen years old, with several different types of neurological disorders such as bipolarity, borderline, and OCD.

It was always heartbreaking with patients as young as Grace, but this wasn't the right place for me to be emotional. It was a part of my job to handle it professionally.

After four years in and out of different institutions, and one year here at St: Nicolai, Grace was allowed a furlough after good behavior and mental stability. It meant that she currently wasn't considered a danger to herself or others and that she got permission to spend time out of the hospital, in the custody of her parents or other caregivers.

The job I had to do was decide when, and for how long Grace should have her furlough and who was going to be responsible for her during that time. Even though a person with borderline was regularly medicated, the disorder was serious and could in a second turn into something threatening for the suffering person.

Also because of her other disorders, the assignment was hard to finish since I never met the patient, yet it was never worth it to take any risks when it depended on a person's life so I made the decision to meet with her myself before making any further resolutions.

She was already allowed her furlough, but I needed to have a session with her before I made the final decision about how long she could be away from the care.

As the clock was nearly 10:30 am, I wrote down my conclusions and closed her file to put it back in the archive before I grabbed my stuff and left the office to head to my next session. I walked through the hallway of the ward while searching for room number 334, and as I reached the right cell in the middle of the hall, I checked the list outside  Jacob Clarke's door to make sure that the round of medication was done for this morning before I carefully unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Hello Jacob, I'm Nurse Beverly Frazier, how are you today?" I said with my professional, friendly voice as I looked at the patient who was seated in his bed with his blanket around his head and body.

I could only see the young man's face and he was not making any expressions or sounds. He remained that way, so I sat in silence for a couple of seconds until I made another try.

"We haven't met before, it is nice to meet you, Jacob," I made sure that my words were clear so that he could hear me through the fabric of the thick blanket, still there was no reaction coming from him. But after a passing of some further minutes of silence, the boy turned his face in my direction and pierced his eyes into mine.

I smiled as I allowed him some time to inspect me, and his earlier relaxed, stone-like face suddenly turned into a big, intriguing, gruesome smile as he did.

"Are you new here?" He asked with a raspy voice. I nodded my head carefully as I kept the smile on my lips and responded to him.

"Yes I am, Jacob,"

The blue-eyed boy's smile got even wider. I didn't really think that was possible but apparently, I was wrong. The shivers reached my spine, not knowing what would happen next.

"I like new people," He mumbled. It looked like his face was frozen in that smile.

"That's good. Now can you tell me how you are feeling today? I would like to know more about you," I continued, in an attempt to get somewhere with the conversation.

"I like new people, I like new people, I like new people, I like new people, I like new people, I like new..." The boy got stuck with repeating his words in between the frightful smile and I allowed him to take the time that he needed.

He rocked his body back and forth while staring at the same spot, not hesitating to blink even once. I knew that when a person was manic or had a seizure of any kind, it was very important not to disturb on impulse.

I needed to reach the person's brain and make them realize that I was not a threat or there to disturb their state of mind, otherwise, it could turn out aggressively. Because of this, I decided to leave the room to do the process one more time, from the beginning.

I opened the door carefully and looked at the young boy, sitting in the same spot in his bed, no longer repeating the previous words. My choice was a success. Now I was just wondering how many more times I would have to do this before I could get real contact with him and begin the actual session.