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The slow motion of Ms. Schwartz's hand pulling the bar to the electrical machinery made me freeze to ice.

Brandon was now laying in front of my eyes, with hundreds of volts going through his body, dispersing his flesh and bone to burn from the blistering lightning.

Never before had I witnessed something so obscene. The whole situation was like watching a horror film. His entire body was twitching and shaking by the chock and his eyes rolled back in his head, making only his sclera visible. There was no sign left of his beautifully brown iris. He almost looked possessed.

I took a step backwards while trying to keep my focus on Brandon's tensed jaw. His violet veins were clearly showing through his neck as he bit the mouthguard that was forced into his mouth not to break his teeth, tongue, or inner chin.

My heart beat with sympathy as I watched the therapy going on in front of me. I could never imagine how it must feel to get five hundred volts of electricity through my body against my will.

Even if I knew that electroshock therapy could lead to good outcomes and less suffering, it was just out of my morality to violate patients into treatment.

The smell of electricity slowly began to fill the room as the strong machine worked harder and harder with every second to fill Brandon's anatomy with chocks. His brain was probably burning inside which made me want to throw up by the imagination. Maybe the smell even emerged from his smoking brain.

Either way it was disgusting.

All I wanted to do was jump over the room to turn the terrifying and hard-working machine off, but that would only lead to more consequences. I knew deep inside that this was for Brandon's best.

Even if I wasn't forced to do anything myself, I felt guilty enough just to witness the dramatic situation. Why did I have to stand here and watch? Did Dorothy try to get something out of me? Was this a test to prove my profession and not let my conscience and emotions take over in a rough situation like this one?

Probably she wanted me to learn. Practice for future procedures, get used to watch the vicious scene of inhumane screaming and pain, prepare myself one day to pull the bar myself.

Everything about it made me too uncomfortable, but I had to do my best to keep myself stable even if it was nearly impossible.

Suddenly the terrifying buzzing sound ended and the twitching in Brandon's body stopped, and the room instantly got completely silent.

The therapy session was finally over.

Ms. Schwartz leaned over Brandon to check his consciousness, but there was not much sign of him being present.

I could see his chest rise and fall heavily in pace with his breathing, and despite the circumstances I was just glad he was alive.

His eyes were peacefully closed, and little bit of saliva dripped from his opened mouth by the sudden relaxation in his muscles from the previous tension.

My stomach knotted as I looked at the absolutely exhausted human in front of me, but I was so pleased it was finally over.

"Take him to his room and let him rest," Ms. Schwartz ordered both of the men before they lifted Brandon from the bed board over to a wheelchair.

His head hung down loosely and so did his arms, looking like all his muscles had just given up and there were now only strings of flesh left inside of his body. This vision of him once again proved that he was still not here with us and my whole body ached.

I shivered as I watched the men roll Brandon out of the room, seated in a wheelchair due to what they had just put him through. It was awful, purely disgusting, and out of moral.

Even if it was perfectly legal and a very usual type of therapy, I could never understand how a person could get so cold-hearted and brutally force a patient into therapy when they did so much to fight back and refuse. Also, it was not quite normal to take the treatment so far the patient remained unconscious afterwards.

"Someday it will be you, pulling that bar," Ms. Schwartz said while she penetrated my soul with her stiff black eyes, noticing my weakness and using her bluntness to overmaster me.

Her words made my heart skip a beat with sickness, yet I nodded my head carefully as I strained up to appear confident.

"I am glad you let me watch and learn, Ms. Schwartz," I responded as I swallowed my dishonesty and bit my tongue.

"That's what this hospital is for," She said proudly. Like this was something to be proud of.
I couldn't stand that woman.

I tried my best to force through a smile to make Dorothy satisfied, but never before did I fake a smile as much as I did now. Dorothy turned her back and went out of the room, leaving the tapping sound of her heels echoing in the corridor.

Left alone, relieved by the silencing emptiness embracing me, I took a deep aching breath.

Once again I got to experience being overwhelmed and humiliated, just like so many times before in this place.


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