C H A P T E R
T H I R T Y - F I V E

"Baby it hurts so bad." Cali cried as she crouched over holding her stomach trying to find a way to cease the pain she was feeling, as Ahmad drove crazily towards the hospital.

He was trying his best to comfort her and focus on the road but it was becoming hard and seeing her in pain like this was breaking his heart especially since he felt this was partially his fault.

He felt all this was happening because of what he did and how he handled the whole situation between him and Shanice. He knew he was partially wrong for staying out with her until five in the morning knowing he had Cali waiting for him at home, but apart of him just didn't want to be around her because things just weren't the same and it was still a constant reminder of what happened.

He knew it was fucked up to think and feel that way especially towards his own wife, but he couldn't help it. He felt what they had was solid and never even thought Cheating would be an issue in their marriage since he knew for a fact he would never purposely cheat on Cali.

All of this just had his head so fucked up and he was trying to grasp on to what was happening in his marriage, but he couldn't. A part of him really felt this might be the end for them, a part of him felt maybe what she did just wasn't fixable but then another part of him wanted to make it work and stay with her but he knew he would never look or trust her the same.

Coming up to their exit that exited off towards the hospital Ahmad sighed in relief before placing his hand back on Cali's lower back being sure to apply pressure in certain areas to help with the pain. "We almost there baby, we'll soon find out what's going on in a minute." He reassured and she nodded.

Finally arriving to the hospital, Ahmad parked in the front quickly shutting off his truck and getting out to help Cali. Opening her door, he reached out his arms and grabbed her shakey hands pulling her out. Once she was out he held onto her and walked inside the hospital instantly alerting nurses and doctors passing by once they seen she was pregnant.

"What seems to be the issue?" A nurse practioner questioned as she approached them.

"We're not exactly sure, she's just feeling a lot of pain in her lower abdomen."

With the help of a nurse and Ahmad they got her in a wheelchair and began pushing her to a room with a Ahmad walking alongside worried out of his mind.

The dream he had kept popping up in his head and he knew a miscarriage was the last thing the two needed in this moment. This miscarriage would honestly put them further back and bring on another set of issues.

When they approached a room the lady nurse helped Cali stand and helped get into the bed. "Just lay on your side, the doctor will be in here shortly to check your stress levels along with the babies and will go from there."

Leaving out, Ahmad walked over and began pressing around on her lower back. He remembered last time she was in this state when giving birth to Adrian she liked when he massaged her lower back, it didn't take the pain away but the feeling of knowing he was there right by her side through it all helped her push through.

An hour or so passed and the tests had already been ran now it was just a waiting game to see what exactly was going. Holding onto Cali's hand he gently placed small kisses on it as she laid in bed feeling a little better and half way sleep. The pain she was feeling wasn't as bad so she was a little relieved with that.

Hearing a slight knock on the door before it opened revealing the doctor, Ahmad let go of Cali's hand and walked towards him. "Everything alright Doc? Is she and the baby good?"

"Her stress levels were extremely high and she was putting a lot of stress on the baby which kinda sped up the process of her pregnancy. The baby is fine now due to her calming down as well, but the baby is ready to come today which isn't so good especially with her only being twenty-four weeks. We can deliever this baby but of course she will be premature and will have to spend some weeks up in here in the hospital until we feel she is well enough to go home." He explained and both Cali and Ahmad sighed in relief liking this news better than what they both where expecting.

"Okay, long as our baby is good I'm good."

Giving Ahmad a warm smile, the doctor walked over towards her and instructed her to lay on her back. "I just want to check and see how much you have dilated."

After checking, he stood up and threw off his glove he was wearing in the disposable trash can. "You're already at five centimeters so you're close to the transitioning phase at the moment."

"Can I please get the epidural?" Cali questioned as she turned back onto her side.

"Yes'mam, I'll go and get the doctor who is specialized for that. By the way congratulations you two." He stated happily before leaving out.

Moments later the doctor entered with all that she needed for for the epidural, sitting Cali up and having her sit sideways on the bed. Ahmad walked in front of her and held onto her hands to help her keep still.

"Alright Ms. Sinclair, I'm going to need you to be very still as I stick this needle in any sudden movement can result in something horrible okay?" Nodding her head, Cali closed her eyes to mentally prepare herself for the pain she was about to feel.

When she stuck the needle directly in her spine, Cali winced and clenched onto to Ahmad's hands. "You're doing good it's almost over." He reassured and she smiled weakly at his attempts to keep her in good spirits.

When the lady was done she removed the needle slowly, then bandaged up the area she stuck her at before motioning her to lay back down. "It should kick in shortly and soon the pain you're feeling will halt. If you start experiencing any pain to where it becomes unbearable please don't hesitate to contact the doctor."

Leaving the two alone, Ahmad walked back over to his seat looking directly down at Cali who was already staring. "Should we call everybody and let them know what is going on?" She asked and he shook his head no.

"We'll tell them after the baby gets here, but I feel we should really just go through this alone and explain everything later."

Agreeing, she laid there just simply staring at him taking in all his features before sighing. "I was so scared Ahmad, I just knew this was a miscarriage and I thought I was going to have to experience it alone when I assumed you left when I told you to leave."

"A lot of what was said from both ends was just coming from places of hurt and ego. When I walked out the room I knew I wasn't leaving, when I heard you stumble I was in the middle of getting comfortable on the couch to go to sleep, the plan was to just wake up in the morning and work things out then." He shrugged.

Nodding her head, she didn't say anything else. Instead the two just stared at each other not sure what to say or even do at this point. After a few seconds later of silence, they both blurted out "I'm sorry," at the sametime followed by a laugh and a smile.

Motioning for Cali to sit up, Ahmad grabbed both of her hands and kissed them. "Baby, I'm forreal sorry though for how I have been handling everything. I'm sorry for saying I want to work things out when in reality I wasn't fully ready, I thought I was but I'm not. In my mind I felt what I was doing was right and my ego wouldn't let me see what I did wrong, and I apologize for that. I should have told you about me and Shanice hanging out and I should have took your feelings about the situation into consideration—" He expressed.

Shaking her head, she held her hand up stopping him from talking. "I was wrong for how I handled it too, I know shit between us is not the same and that the wound is still fresh so I can't expect things to be how they used to be especially when I am the one who caused this major split in our household. I was only really upset because when I saw you two at the restaurant it just reminded me of how we used to be, your smile was genuine, and you looked so happy and just seeing her be the cause of it hurt me. But I can't be mad because I'm the one who took that genuine happiness from you."

"Whenever we're together and you smile I can still see the hurt, the pain and the distrust in your eyes. I can still feel the resentment in the air when we touch, I know you want this to work and I want this marriage to work as well but Ahmad I wouldn't be mad at anybody but myself if you were to throw the towel in and let go." She expressed honestly.

"I know what I did was unforgivable and by the grace of God you was willing to forgive me and move forward and I took that for granted, but I don't deserve your forgiveness though Ahmad. I treated you so bad these past few months, I lied to you, I defended this man and basically took that title of you being Marquette's dad away from you and let him disrespect our family on mutiple accounts and you still stayed. I simply got comfortable and fucked up something amazing and I have to live with that forever."

"And right now my only fear is that you will move on and will be this perfect man to another woman. It's selfish on my part but I can't help but feel that way. You didn't deserve what I did and I know I can never make up for doing what I did either." She stated sadly as tears fell from both their eyes.

"It's honestly just gonna take time at this point, I don't know when I'll fully be over all of this or if I ever will be over it. Only time will tell and only God knows what is gonna happen. I don't see myself with anybody except you, but I also don't even know if I can trust you again like that. The shit is hard like I want to move on so bad and just forget about it all, and go back to how it used to be but I can't. I think about the shit all the time and it just leaves me so depressed and sad all the time because I don't understand it or why it even happened." He expressed and she nodded understanding everything meant and seeing where he came from.

"But don't look at Shanice as competition or as a replacement because nobody can replace you or even be half the woman you have been to me. My love for you runs deep which is why a part of me wants to stay and keep what we got going, but even then sometimes I still be questioning if love is even enough at this point to keep our marriage together ya know?"

As he spoke Cali listened and understood every word he meant, she felt the argument they had earlier was solely based on them both being hurt, pride being the main factor and how they both felt that they were right.

She was speaking from a place insecurity and jealousy while Ahamd was speaking from a place of pain and they both knew at this point if they didn't get their shit together then they would never be back good.

When Ahmad left out the room to take a phone call and to go move the car around. Cali took that time to really reflect on herself as a person, as a mother, as a friend and as a wife. She knew it was a lot she needed to work on and get better at if she wanted things to get better for herself in life.

She knew she had to be patient with Ahmad during this time since she knew he was a man who dealt with pain differently from others. She knew she really had to put in some work to prove to him how sorry she really was and how she deserved that second chance, and she was willing to do whatever.

          Two hours later, Cali was fully dilated at ten centimeters and it was time to push. Dressed in the hospital clothes the nurses gave Ahmad, he stood right beside her holding her hand getting ready to welcome their fourth child into the world.

Leaning his head down, he kissed her on the lips. "Just like I told you the very first time we experienced this with Armoni, I wouldn't want to experience this moment with anybody else besides you." He reassured just when the doctor was starting to instruct her to push.

Squeezing onto Ahmad's hand for dearlife she pushed with all the strength she had before stopping to catch a deep breath. "When you feel that next contraction come give me another big push like that okay? You're already doing amazing."

Soon as she felt that contraction coming she began to push using all her enegry growing more exhausted each time. After three successful pushes, the doctor had annouced she was crowning and both Ahmad and Cali where relieved, but Cali honestly felt like she couldn't push no more.

Her energy was completely gone and she was beyond exhausted at this point. "Alright Cali, I just need one more big push from you and before you know it your baby girl will be here in your arms."

Wiping her tears, she shook her head. "I can't,"

"Yes you can, look at me." Looking directly at the doctor he told everyone to be quiet before he spoke again. "I know you are completely exhausted and ready to give up but we are at the end mama, your bundle of joy is a push away all we need is one big push and she's here. You wanna see your baby right?" He asked and she nodded.

"Alright, well try to muster up as much strength as you can and push this baby out for me. Can you do that for me and daddy?" He asked and Cali looked over at Ahmad who gave her a reassuring smile before nodding.

"Okay, soon as you feel that contraction coning Cali I want you to push with everything you got." He instructed and just like the contraction came full force and Cali pushed with all the little energy she had and before she knew it her baby loud cry filled the room.

Clipping the umbilical cord, they placed a hat on the baby's head rubbed her down then placed her directly on Cali's chest for thay skin-to-skin contact.

A few seconds later the baby stopped crying and both Ahmad and Cali couldn't help but stared at her in amazement. She was beyond small and looked so fragile, they where almost too scared to touch her.

After letting them get their moment in the baby had to be escorted to NICU. Cali honestly didn't even want to part ways with the child, but she knew she had too.

Looking up at Ahmad, she grabbed his hand and kissed it. "Thank you for always being here and never leaving my side." She stated tiredly fighting her sleep.

Although their situation was messy this incident was a blessing, their babygirl Mariah Ava Sinclair was born, one-pound eight inches long and they couldn't be happier.

They weren't sure what was to happen for them far as a couple, but for now they were simply going to just embrace the birth of their baby girl and focus on her health and full development and focus on the other shit later.

          A few days had passed since Amira had seen the message from that Christina girl and she was trying to find the best way to address the situation without stressing herself out too much. She had so many questions to ask him and each day she didn't say something she could only think about what he could possibly be doing when he leaves the house.

But today she was saying something and since she wasn't sure how this would play out she had Imani get Normani and take her back to her and Tremaine's place.

It was now pushing close to ten so she knew he would be walking through that door at any given moment and she was so ready.

When she heard the locks turn, her heart rate began to speed up and when he stepped foot in the door with food and a big smile on his face a part of her just wanted to drop it, but she knew this had to be addressed now.

Noticing how she didn't return the smile or even greeted him he frowned. "You good baby?" He questioned as he approached her and tried to give her a kiss but she rejected it by moving.

"We need to talk."

Taking a seat beside her, he sat the food along with his phone on the coffee table before giving her his full attention. "What's up?"

Taking a deep breath, she played with her fingers feeling the tears she's been wanting to let fall finally come. "Who is she Twan and please don't lie to me." She asked.

Frowning he looked at her confused. "Who is who? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Christina, who the fuck is Christina? Are you really cheating on me? Is it because I'm not having with you? I mean what is it Twan?" She asked starting to act frantic.

Rubbing his hand down his face, he let out sigh knowing he had a lot of explaining to do. "I'm not cheating on you, I would never do that to you. But Christina was a girl at my job that I did start talking to during the years you where gone, we never had sex, we kissed and did a few oral things but that was in the past and before you came back. Well during the time when you did come back, I was already thinking about making things official with her because she had been there for me through the coping of losing you. But the moment you came back, I ended shit with her and I hadn't talked to her in months. But recently she has been hitting me up and acting real stalkerish, and I keep telling her nah I'm good, I'm happy with who I am with and all that but it's like she not getting it."

Amira stared at him looking in his eyes to see if he was lying, but it was clear he wasn't. "Explain how you got that hickey on your neck then? And why you always smell like women perfume."

"A hickey? What hickey?"

Pointing to the side of his neck, he felt where she was pointing and laughed. "That's a rash that I got from the headseat we wear at work, I sometimes have it resting on my neck and due to it being old and rusty it broke my skin out. It's actually healing now and that's just the mark it left behind. And the reason why I smell like women perfume is because my partner at work is a female and she comes to work everyday smelling like Japanese Cherry Blossom."

Listening to him explain all of this Amira felt like a fool for assuming he was cheating but she knew she had a valid reason to think so. The signs where all there, it just wasn't what it seemed.

Looking down, Amira shook her head. "I'm sorry, I just thou—"

Stopping her from talking, he pulled her onto his lap. "Thought I was stepping out on you, I mean I get it and I understand but I wouldn't do that to you Amira and I especially wouldn't cheat because you aren't sleeping with me. I don't give a damn about sex, your mental health is ten times more important and whenever you're ready, I'm ready." He reassured her and she nodded.

"But what if I'm never ready? What if I never get over what happened? Then what?"

"It's not what if babe, you have to get over this if you want to get  better mentally and emotionally. I can't imagine what you're feeling on a daily basis but I know deep down you want to get back to your old self and that's gonna take but know that I am here for you for support, love and reassurance through the whole journey." He explained to her and she nodded.

Kissing him on the lips, she wrapped her arms around his neck and just hugged him. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too Amira and I always will."

-

I'm really on a roll guys, I'm tryna make up for not updating so long. I literally wrote this whole chapter this morning 😭

but as always, thanks for the love & support!
- Denise 💋