C H A P T E R 18

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C H A P T E R
E I G H T E E N

          Hearing the chimes on her door go off, Alisha looked up and smiled wide when she saw it was Cali. It had been almost three weeks since the two saw each other and Alisha missed her sister deeply.

"Deja, can you take over at the cash register for me please ma'am?" Once the girl came over, she excused herself from the customer, then slightly jogged over towards her embracing her into a tight hug. "It's been toooo long," She yelled.

"I knoow, I missed you so much," Cali said hugging her back just as tight.

"You been so busy lately, I haven't even been able to tell you that a bitch engaged now, but I missed you too daddy." Alisha joked holding her hand up for Cali to see as they pulled apart.

"Bitch you're what!?" Simultaneously Cali eyes started to water as she reached out to grab her hand. "I feel like such a horrible best friend right now, I'm so happy for you babe and this ring is beautiful."

"Thanks Cal, I'm still in shock even though he proposed like three weeks ago.. I really didn't expect him to do it. But follow me to my office, we have to catch up this has been the longest we have ever went without talking to each other."

Waving to some of Alisha's employees, they entered her office sitting down on the plush couch she had. "You thirsty? I have water, lemonade, green tea and apple juice."

"Lemonade please,"

Reaching into her mini fridge, she grabbed the lemonade then handed it to her. "Alright so now catch me up on your life,"

"Wait, before we get all into my issues and whatnot.. lets talk about this engagement. How do you feel? How does Shaun feel?"

At the mention of Shaun's name, a blush immediately came causing her dimples to show. "We're happy, we're in a good spot forreal. I'm just so happy cause I'm literally marrying my best friend. He can be so annoying at times but thats just who he is and I love it, I love him. Alisha blushed, "He is something special, real special .. I honestly didn't think him and I would end up here engaged and with a kid but I guess that's life .. you never know what to expect."

Cali nodded agreeing, she would have never imagined that she'd marry a nigga she met at walmart who helped her grab some fish fry. The thought never crossed her mind like many things in her life but it was still something she always found crazy.

"You deserve all of this and more and I'm glad Shaun was the guy who got your heart and treats you like the queen you are." Cali told her trying not to cry.

Cali was beyond happy for Alisha, she's watched Alisha struggle all her life and go through many heart breaks and bad experiences so it felt good to see her sister do and become everything she had hoped for as kids.

"You always tryna make a bitch cry," She huffed fanning her eyes followed by a laugh, "But thanks boo, if it weren't for your encouraging words and support who knows where I would be."

Cali just stared at her examining her, noticing this glow. "Bitch you're glowing .. is there something else you need to spill?"

She shrugged, "We don't know yet, I mean we took tests but they've been coming back negative so we have an appointment Friday to see if I am but I honestly think I might be.. because my period has been nonexistent and I'm getting those weird ass food cravings again .. Shaun thinks I am but I really just think he hopes I'm pregnant."

"Do you want to be?"

"Yes and no, things with Dolce and Gabana have been booming .. they fly here every week and we pitch ideas .. and we're starting the process of making clothes to put out by this Fall and I just feel like shit is finna get hetic and I don't wanna stress myself out or the baby and Shaun is gonna be like extra overprotective so I feel right now wouldn't be the perfect time for a baby."

"Okay but when is a good time for you Lisha? I mean no offense but you always let having a baby hinder your success and opportunities. Having a baby is an amazing experience, but I didn't let me being pregnant stop my hustle. So what is the real reason cause I feel like its more to this."

"Ever since that incident with Shaun and Anaya happened, I don't like leaving him alone. It's not that I don't trust him but Cali he was raped and taken advantage of against his own will. I experienced that shit as a teen and I know how it emotionally will fuck up a person and I know it fucked him up as well he just doesn't like talking about it. But I just hate how I wasn't there to protect him and I would hate for something else to happen and I wasn't there ya know?"

"I understand that, have you told Shaun this?"

She shook her head no, "If I do, he'll get upset thinking I'm babying him. We really haven't discussed the whole situation since that night .. he doesn't want to open up about it and that worries me sometimes."

"Damn, well you know Derek is like our family therapist so try talking to him and see if he can get through to Shaun."

"I'll try that, but overall I really wouldn't mind being pregnant .. Nolan needs siblings." She smiled.

Cali agreed, "If you are, I just want the baby to be a girl."

"I want boys sorry,"

"What? Why? Armoni needs more girls its too many boys." Cali whined.

"Get pregnant and hope and pray for that girl."

Cali scoffed, "A baby is the last thing me and Ahmad need right now .. I mean we both would love to have another child but things have been so crazy lately. We'll wait when Adrian is like three."

"What's been going on in your life?"

"Everything.. its been real stressful but I'm trying to stay strong and be there for Ahmad the best way I know how and take care of my kids." She shrugged.

"Is everything okay?"

"At this point, I don't even know .. I mean Ahmad sister just popped up and apparently she hasn't been being truthful about how she actually returned so that already has Ahmad on edge and he went to the police station today with Twan and I'm sure when he gets home I have to hear all about it .. then everything with Reggie and my mama .. the kids and work.. life is just hetic right now. But I'm doing my best to stay cool and strong for everyone." She smiled weakly.

"Cali how do you do it?"

Taking a sip of her lemonade, she frowned. "How do I do what?"

"Remain so strong, I mean you and Ahmad have been through so much and not once did you break .. like how do you do that?"

Cali only shrugged, she really didn't have a legit answer to that. But she could say her kids were what kept her going. "I'm not always strong though Lisha .. these eyes here have shed many tears .. but I mostly do my crying in the shower where I'm alone."

"Does Ahmad know?"

She shook her head no, "I don't want to worry him, he already has enough on his plate .. I'm fine."

"Cali.. that's not good babe. Bottling up those feelings isn't healthy. Talk to me what's been going on with you?"

Looking down, Cali eyes began to burn. "I really don't want to get into this Alisha, I promise you I am fine."

Of course Cali wasn't fine, infact she was hurting. Hurting from the betrayal of her mother breaking promises and her personal insecurities.

To the world she liked to seem as if she was okay but inside deep down she wasn't. The only highlight in her life was her babies, Ahmad, Chris, Kamry and Alisha so she knew she had to be strong for them regardless of how felt inside.

"Then why are you crying? Why have you been crying and not telling anyone? People who are actually fine wouldn't be crying so tell me why you've been bottling up your emotions." Alisha urged.

"Because I'm the glue of my family Alisha! If they see me break down and cry they will break down and I can't let that happen! I have to be strong for them even when I feel weak. I have to be strong for Ahmad and the kids." She cried.

"Cali, you can't be strong all the time. You know Ahmad will be there for you whenever you cry to wipe those tears away but you have to give him a chance to be the glue as well babe. You guys are married now, you both vowed to stay together through whatever and to hold each other up. You're always there for Ahmad being his rock, but you gotta give him a chance to be there for you and be your rock before its too late .. people can only be strong for so long until they reach that breaking point and shut down and I would hate for that to happen with you."

Cali heard her loud and clear but she wasn't listening. She felt she would eventually be fine and that this moment of sadness and depression would pass. She saw no point in getting Ahmad all worked up over something that was small, like she stated before he had so many other things on his plate, his sister being one of the main things and she didn't want to seem like a bother.

So she was just going to continue to do what she does best which is hide behind a fake smile and continue to be strong for those around her.

   "So what exactly happened Amir?" Ashley asked handing him a bowl of ice cream before taking a seat beside him on the couch.

Amir had been staying at his parents house for the time being, and of course they both welcomed him in with open arms but they were also confused and worried about their son. So Ashley was making it a mission to find out what had her baby all sad especially since she thought things between him and Justin were good.

Of course, Amir missed him like crazy but he really needed Justin to get it together. They could have something great together but that accusing shit and starting up arguments for no reason was getting old and Amir wasn't here for it. He felt they had been together too long for them to still be having arguments over assumptions.

Everyday that Amir had been gone, Justin would text him, telling him how sorry he was and how much he loved him and that he would do better as a fiancé and just for Amir to come home but Amir just needed space .. and time to himself.

Amir knows that in a relationships that couples are gonna argue, that's just what happens. But he felt with everything that was going on like the adoption and the wedding planning arguments shouldn't be as frequent as they have been lately. They had so many other things going on that he felt like arguing should have been the last thing they were doing.

Plus everything Amir did in his life was always to benefit him and Justin, but mostly to make Justin happy cause to him that's what mattered the most .. his happiness. He loved him and he wanted to do whatever for him so he would know how much he did.

But lately .. it seemed as if that wasn't enough.

"Justin has been on one lately and I thought we were getting better .. I wouldn't be doing this adoption shit if I would have known we would be back tracking like this. I love Justin, I always have and I always will despite what he did in the past and I wish he could see that I'm not going nowhere or leaving him for somebody. I'm tryna grow and build with him but he's holding us back with his this petty arguments over nothing."

Shifting a little in her seat, Ashley ate a scoop of her ice cream giving him her full attention. "What did he do in the past?"

Sighing, he leaned forward to sit his bowl of ice cream down on the coffee table so he could explain this whole story and not be tempted to throw the ice cream bowl out of anger. "Around the time Armoni was born .. I was planning on taking it to the next step with Justin. We had been dating for six years at the time and I just knew it was time to make him my husband. I loved him, he loved me and we were happy so I was like why not?" Laughing a little, he looked down at his feet. "...But uh I remember how he used to always want to wait until shit got right with his family .. and I respected that, because I knew how much his parents and family acception meant to him but after three months passed I was just like fuck it, your family ain't gotta support us .. we love each other and the main point of relationship is to grow within' it so let's just get married. I didn't want his fake ass family at our wedding anyways and I was starting not to understand why he was so bent on this when it was clear they would never accept him .. he was just hurting himself at this point." He explained feeling his eyes start to burn.

"So in the same night after I voiced my opinion and asked him to marry me again .. he sat me down and told me he wouldn't feel right accepting my proposal knowing he did something behind my back. I was confused, but I just kept saying whatever it is it won't change my mind about us getting married .. we'll work through it. But I should have known it was something bad, I noticed his change in behavior before he admitted to what he did but I just assumed it was because of his parents .. It didn't even cross my mind that he might have been cheating because I trusted him but sure enough .. he went onto explain that he had sex with an old childhood friend one night after he left his parents house upset." Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Ashley quickly sat her bowl down and pulled her son into her as she hugged him tightly.

"I didn't understand why he did that ma'. I thought he was happy with me and I thought I was enough for him." He cried. "We didn't talk for a few months, I moved out and stayed in a hotel. I couldn't be around him .. I felt betrayed and empty inside. Just the thought of another man pleasing him the way I do and doing my job as his man hurts me and til this day I still don't understand why he did it."

Using her hand, Ashley wiped his tears she didn't say anything though, she was just gonna let him vent and finish out the story before she gave her opinion. But it did hurt her to see her baby hurting like this.

"Then he has the nerve to be insecure and have trust issues like I'm the one who cheated on him. That's where most our arguments come from, him acussing me of cheating. And its like I do everything for him, I break my back to make sure he is good .. I don't see how he can't see he's the only one I want. When I made the decision to take him back, I knew I had to accept what happened in the past and move forward. So after we had our long talk about it, I vowed that I wouldn't bring it up or throw it in his face about how he cheated during an argument to make him feel worse about himself. I knew he was sorry and I know he loves me .. and I knew if I would have kept bringing up what happened we wouldn't grow as a couple and the relationship would just be over and I didn't want that. I want Justin and I make that clear everyday. But over the past year or so, he's been assuming I've been cheating and going through my phone like I'm some hoe ass nigga."

"It pisses me off how he acts like I was the one who stepped out, when he told me he cheated my trust was indeed fucked up and I hated him but I knew just like everyone else should know when you take a cheater back .. you made the choice to accept what happened and you made the choice to move forward and you basically gave them a second chance which basically means you're putting your trust in them again. So I never looked through his phone, I never hounded him about where he was or who he was with .. I trusted that he would not hurt me again. But Justin found my actions strange and started to assume that I was up to something so he went looking for shit."

"And this went on for about six months and after a big argument .. he chilled out and we were doing better. Things were going back to normal so after awhile I asked if he wanted to marry me again, he accepted it then we started discussing kids like life was just rolling on and we were in a good spot. Now I'm just like how tha fuck did we get back to this spot in our relationship? We came so far just to go back."

Ashley nodded. "Okay so you said things got better but what lead to you guys breaking up now?"

"Its a guy at my job who likes me, its clear he does but I'm not checking for him whatsoever. Any time we have to talk or text its always about work. But last week on our way to meet up with the adoption lady he texted me informing me about our business trip and he ended up telling me that him and I would be sharing a room .. mind you this was my first time even hearing about this but Justin just goes off and doesn't even left me explain but when he finally did and I told him I didn't know, he called me a liar and proceeded to assume that I was cheating .. and I just lost it .. I went off, and I shut his ass up. I couldn't just sit there and let him continue to run me down so I let his ass have it and I didn't say anything during the meeting or on the way home. He tried to apologize but I'm just tired ma', he looks at me as if I'm the bad guy and that shit hurts and I don't know what else to do to prove to him that its just him and no one else."

Ashley took in everything trying to come up with the best response for all of this. "I feel you should do nothing, I mean what else is there to do to prove that its just him? I love Justin and I love you guys together, but its clear Justin isn't over what he did to you and he's scared. This often happens when one spouse cheats they assume the other will do them the same out of revenge, its stupid I know but it happens. All I can say is that Justin really needs to get it together and stop pointing the finger at you like you're the problem when its him. He really has no room to blame or accuse any one of cheating especially since you don't do it to him or even cheated before like he has. You guys just need to have a long talk with no yelling or arguing just hear each other out and talk through this."

He nodded, "I will,"

"Good, now lets watch a movie to get your mind off all of this and enjoy your time with your mother." Pressing play on the movie, they grabbed their bowls of ice cream and focused their attention on the tv.

But even though the movie was suppose to be a distraction, all he could think about was his relationship and ways to make it better.

Entering her home Cali wiped her eyes as she slipped out of her heels leaving them by the door. It was now almost twelve in the morning and she knew Ahmad would be on her ass about coming in this late and not calling so she mentally prepared herself for an argument even though all she wanted to do was just get in bed and cuddle with him and let her issues fade away just for a moment.

Walking towards their room, she took her hair down from the bun it was in sighing in content.

When the sound of music caught her attention, she raised her eyebrows in confusion wondering what was going on. Kissing You by Faith Evans could be heard playing lowly from the outside of their bedroom so she assumed Ahmad had to be up to something.

Pushing their room door open, she smiled small when she saw Ahmad sitting at the edge of their bed as if he was waiting for her.

Getting up he pulled her into a hug, and kissed her forehead. "I know things around here been crazy as hell and me and you haven't had time to ourselves. So I dropped the kids off with my folks, so its just me and you tonight and tonight I just want to show my appreciation to you for being the perfect wife, the perfect mother and my biggest and greatest support system .. I don't know how you do it babe, but I commend you for being so strong and being my rock."

"I'm not perfect," She muttered out lowly but he heard it. "Perfect enough for me and that's all that matters. I wouldn't want you any other way," He told her honestly.

Ahmad knew that lately shit has been stressful in

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