It's me again.

One more to Go 🌚🥺
The last chapter had very little comments but I promised myself an update today and here it is.
Please please please comment 🥺
You're all breaking my heart😭

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The only time Khadijah had a taste of the cake Layla did so much to have delivered on time was when she felt a bit woozy and needed sugar in her system, and that too was only because Fahad wouldn’t let her have coffee in that state although she wanted it more than anything.

“You can’t have black coffee after just waking up, before dinner even.” He said handing her the saucer with a slice of the chocolate cake covered in cream frosting.

“And dessert before dinner is apparently healthy, which medical school did you graduate from again?” he rolled his eyes, she didn’t think he would reply but after she took a single bite and fought to hold back a small moan he replied.

“Your sugar level is down and if you don’t have something to boost that, you’re going to find yourself on the floor. I’m not a fan of my wife falling so do me a favour and take care of yourself.” Not knowing what to say to that while also trying to ignore the flutter she felt, Khadijah rolled her eyes and took another bite.

When Fahad saw that she would actually keep eating, he got up and left the kitchen to make a phone call he had been postponing since their wedding.

Like he expected Shaheed picked up on the fifth ring and more or less growled into the phone, deciding he had to be the bigger person for the duration of the much dreaded phone call he ignored it.

“What do you want Fahad? I don’t know about you but I am quite busy.”

“Yes, because Jigawa is such a busy state.” He muttered sarcastically and before Shaheed could think of a reply he added in a serious tone. “Don’t kid me, I need to speak with you.” Another annoyed sound before a reply.

“I believe we’re already talking and make it quick, I am actually busy.” He wouldn’t say his voice was hostile but it wasn’t welcoming either, borderline he sounded like his usual self but just more cold if that made any sense.

“Okay then, I’ll try to make it as brief as possible.” He made a sound for him to go ahead and he did. “We can’t keep doing this man, you’re my brother, has been since I knew what the word meant and we won’t lose it over something like this. Something went wrong between us and I may have wronged you unintentionally but that isn’t enough to cause a rift.”

“I’m not fighting with you, I’m not even upset.” Shaheed grumbled interrupting him.

Fahad nodded running his hands through his hair, he looked towards the kitchen where he couldn’t hear any movement from but it wasn’t surprising. He has never met someone as quiet as she was, it was like she craved to be invisible and though he wouldn’t say it was a bad thing, he just didn’t think it was actually her.

“Are you switching up on me?” Shaheed’s voice pulled him from his train of thoughts and he had to clear his throat hoping it would clear his mind.

“No sorry, I just got um distracted for a minute there.” He breathed out, all in the bid to focus on his conversation. “Since you say we’re cool, I’m taking your word for it but you really have to work on your people skills man.”

A low deep laugh he hadn’t heard in a while sounded from the phone, his lips lifted too finally feeling like things were falling into place finally, not everything but it was better than he had expected since he started to face his problems and try to solve them.

“I won’t promise you that but yes we’re all good.” None of them said anything after that.

“How is she though?” Shaheed broke the silence first.

Fahad glanced towards the kitchen Khadijah’s episode only a few hours ago still on his mind, she wasn’t fully opening up to him but they were doing so much better than he expected.

“She is fine and we’re taking each day slowly but, it is all great.” His lips curved upwards automatically, just thinking about her had that effect on him.

For someone who knew him for as long as Shaheed has known him and after seeing how he has changed since they were teenagers and now, he was hearing the old Fahad. One that he would say he hadn’t heard in more than fifteen years, he sounded at peace, happy.

“I’m glad you’re happy, love does look good on you.” They both laughed at that and after talking about work for a few minutes before leaving for isha prayer.

Khadijah nodded at Fahad who was telling her he was leaving for the mosque, Layla screamed trying to speak to him through the phone which only made Khadijah roll her eyes.

“Don’t destroy my eardrums Layla, you’re not on speaker.”

“Oh,” she sounded like a disappointed child. “When did you stop answering my calls on speaker? Thought you said it was risking your hearing.”

“Yes you’re risking my hearing but I’ve learned your mouth cannot be trusted in public.”

“You’re no fun,” she opened her mouth to reply to that but Layla beat her to it. “I never got to ask, you didn’t tell me if you two actually kissed or all those stuff since you keep hanging up on me.” Ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, she rolled her eyes hoping the act would lessen whatever she was feeling.

“Nothing of that sort will ever happen get your mind out of the gutter, I need to wash both your mouth and brain with bleach.” A loud hoot of laughter made her roll her eyes again.

“You act so virginal Dee, grow up please.” Layla scoffed before adding in a low voice. “You’ll swallow your words, I promise you that.” They didn’t get to talk for long after that because after he came back they went in for dinner.

Forgetting everything Layla had said was a lot harder than she thought she would and it made her anxiety hit an all-time high, she didn’t need her mind to be filled with thoughts like that, not that soon after her episode and the flashbacks.

The mere thought of being with a man like that frightened her, not to mention the underlying fear and need to meet expectations, she hated all of it.

Many women whom she had hoped everything they said would just go through her ears actually stayed in her head, it wasn’t on her mind before but with Layla not keeping her mouth shut and knowing how that is inevitable, all the things they have said came back running to the forefront of her mind with so much force it was like the breath was knocked out of her lungs.

It remained that at the end of the day, she has been married before—had a daughter even—and he has never gotten married.

“Dee,” she jumped when she felt a hand holding hers. “Are you okay?” his tone was worried and he was looking at her so intensely she felt it all the way to her toes.

“No, I...I’m fine.” He didn’t look like he believed her, she wasn’t exactly convincing and well for the first time she could see that he wasn’t just going to let it go.

“Dee, we’re way past that.” He intertwined their fingers stroking the back of her hand with his thumb gently. “Tell me, what is bothering you?” his voice dipped lower again, hoping to not scare her but it seemed to have the opposite effect because he could see goose bumps rising all across her skin.

She moved back so sharply he had to hold on to her hand tighter to stop her from falling over, panicked he got up and pulled her to him wondering what scared her, remembering the last time something similar to that happened in Abuja he quickly let go of her and stepped back, putting at least three feet of space between them.

“Khadijah breathe in please,” his voice was desperate.

The multiple times he has seen her panicked and the fear he has felt all those times felt nothing compared to the fear he felt just then, only one thing kept running in his mind and that was she wasn’t breathing well.

Touching her wasn’t an option and the fastest way to get her to breathe again was distracting her from the panic, that wouldn’t work out with her scared of his touch.

“Khadijah,” she moved back again and turned away from him, he didn’t pay attention to the pain he felt when she did that but that was secondary, he needed to know she was fine.

Doing his best from a distance and Khadijah trying her absolute best to not crumble in front of him for the second time in one day, she used his voice as her anchor and was finally able to breathe through her nose and her heart rate slowed till it was almost normal.

She didn’t turn back until she was able to stand on her own without crouching and the colour returned to her face.

“Khadijah,” his voice sounded pleading and when she met his eyes, she saw something she has only ever seen in her own eyes whenever she was stuck in a corner with Suleiman, she saw fear.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” She repeated it a third time seeing how struck he looked.

“You—you just panicked.” He whispered, took a step forward before moving back instantly scared he would trigger her again.

He ran his hands over his face in frustration.

The self-hate she tries so hard to tamp down bubbled up from her throat and the same acidic taste filled her mouth, she pushed it back down. Here was one person who was gentle with her, who listed to her and does his best to make sure she was comfortable and she was making him feel like the bad person for trying to console her.

He wanted to be there for her and she just made everything terrible.

“No one would love you, no one could love you.”

She shivered remembering the hateful voice of her ex mother in law, tears filled her eyes.

“Snap out of it,” through her blurry eyes she could see him wanting to step forward and hold her but then he was scared she would freak out again.

A freak. That was what she was, maybe they were all right. Since from her childhood, she didn’t deserve to be loved.

“Khadijah, I beg you to please snap out—“his voice faded out and when she could finally see beyond the black in her gaze, she found herself on the living room couch and her head on a pillow.

Fahad was sitting at her feet, his hand gently massaging her feet. She didn’t want him to be aware of her waking up so she sat still, calming her mind into believing he wasn’t going to hurt her, his touch was as light as a feather’s.

Not up to a minute later she heard his voice and thinking he was speaking to her she shut her eyes closing them tightly but when what he said registered in her head she realized he wasn’t speaking to her.

“Yes, tomorrow insha Allah…. I’ll be sure to tell her…. Okay, okay ammie I know chamomile tea. Alright goodnight.” He muttered something she didn’t hear before hanging up.

Tired of laying still Khadijah decided to sit up surprising Fahad who let go of her immediately he noticed her moving.

“Hey, are you okay?” his voice was so soft she had to strain to hear him. With a nod she sat upright completely her head feeling a bit heavy but she reminded herself to act normal to stop him from worrying.

She heard footsteps and a maid walked in holding a tray which contained ceramic tea cups and a jug she has never seen in the kitchen.

“Thank you,” Fahad said on her behalf, with a nod the woman walked out Khadijah following her with her eyes.

She sometimes forgot they had workers in the house because she never saw them.

He poured the tea in a cup for her then added one teaspoon of honey shaking his head when she tried to protest.

“Here, for your nerves.” Khadijah accepted the cup gratefully and took a sip.

He waited until she was done, mainly because he was thinking of the perfect way to broach the topic. He had actually meant it when he said he wasn’t ever going to leave her and he wanted to be her peace, she needed to be at peace and he would do everything he can to make sure she knows what that feels like again, and while at it maybe pay her ex-husband a much needed visit.

Now it was personal, what he had done to her he would make sure he pays for it. He wasn’t above playing dirty if it meant getting justice for her.

Seeing a therapist wasn’t an option and with the way Khadijah was he knew the last thing she would want is to talk to a stranger about everything she has been through. Professional or not, talking about one’s feelings isn’t as easy as it looks, that coming from him since he still has his therapist on speed dial though he couldn’t remember the last time he spoke to the man.

If she could tell him, he would try and find a way to undo what the psychotic narcissist had done. Thoughts of what it might be made the hairs on his body rise.

“Khadijah,” he started softly, knowing procrastinating wouldn’t help either of them.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it right now but I need you to trust me, okay?” when she nodded he continued. “I need to know what your triggers are so I’ll avoid them, I hate scaring you.”

Khadijah twirled the teacup in her hand, trying so hard to listen to what he was saying while at the same time silencing the voices in her head. It shouldn’t be so hard, she reminded herself and gently placed the cup back on the larger tray.

“I don’t know,” she muttered when she realized he was waiting for her to speak. “It….I….just,” she swallowed then looked down.

“Go on,” he was facing her now, she could see that from her peripheral.

“When you get too close,” he nodded slowly, encouraging her to go on. As much as she would like to keep it to herself to not hurt his feelings, if she was ever going to not stop freaking out she needed to tell him, maybe hearing it out loud would make her realize he wasn’t going to hurt her.

If for eight months he hadn’t done anything that will make her uncomfortable, why then would he just do it now?

“It makes me think of things and how it could go wrong and just, I don’t like people touching me,” He heard the unsaid words, ‘men, she didn’t like men touching her’ but she was too polite to say that.

He didn’t mention how much calmer she had been the past months, that would be low not to mention she was finally opening up in regards to that idiot man, but he didn’t shake off the feeling that there was more to it than just that. She wasn’t scared of him holding her, not per se she was scared of what it would lead to and now everything makes sense.

Layla had gotten in her head with everything she has been saying, he was tempted to call her and give her a piece of his mind. Later, he reminded and mustered up a small smile.

“Okay, no one will touch you. Anything else?” maybe he has been coming off too strong for her.

Take it slow, literally everyone has said but they didn’t know how hard it is to not get on his knees and tell her everything she does to him, how much she completes him, how that call that had night was the best to have ever happened to him. He ignored the little voice telling him how much better it would be if she was fine, if she hadn’t gone through so much turmoil at the age she did, that was just a wistful thought and he would take her how she was now, scars and all.

“No, I---I don’t know.”

“When you think of it, do tell me please.” She lifted her head and nodded slowly.

Fahad watched how timid she looked, like she was trying to enter her own body. He didn’t know how to explain it but then, he liked the square shouldered her that gave orders. They will fix that.

“Can I?” he pointed to her hand on her thigh and she hesitated before nodding.

“You won’t get over it until you try to, leave your comfort zone Khadijah. This isn’t what a marriage looks like and though it seems all rosy living in your little bubble that you both created, this is a forever kind of thing and it doesn’t work that way.”

She pushed Sadiya’s voice to the back of her mind, then stretched her hands so he could take it.

She waited for the disgust to slowly creep back it but she felt nothing, she looked down at their intertwined hands as though in question wondering why it felt different at the same time noting it felt like it did in the car, where she was sure nothing would happen.

Because nothing would happen.

“Dee,” his voice was calming, she has heard him use it when talking to Huda whenever she was feeling down or after she fights with one of her siblings.

A small sigh left her lips when it clicked that talking calmly actually calms people down, or maybe it was his voice. She killed that thought as soon as it came.

“I would never do anything you’re not comfortable with, have it at the back of your mind and when I get too close or you feel like you’re about to have a panic attack, tell me.” His hold on her hand tightened but only a fraction.

“We’re beyond that, you can trust me.” He keeps stressing the trust. It was actually true though, she needed to trust him.

It wouldn’t be easy but now she was willing to try, friends trusted each other.

She could picture Layla rolling her eyes at the ‘friends’ but it didn’t faze her.

“Ignore whatever Layla tells you, she needs to be locked in a psych ward somewhere.” He muttered the last part lowly. A smile broke out on her lips and like that, they sat their hands intertwined between them.

*****

THREE WEELS LATER

Khadijah adjusted the tab on the couch so she could sit well, again she asked herself why she didn't bother to wear something over the camisole but it's too late already.

Barr Salima spoke with a smile on her face.

"Wasn't that just two weeks ago? I need to get a hold on that girl." Huda who was said girl argued beside her mother but only got a glare in reply.

"Adda do you see why I want to leave? No one takes me seriously except you." She heard Huda say before the sound of a door closing sounded.

"I'm glad her father is back, they are alike anyways." This time it was Khadijah that chuckled.

How she kept insisting they were like their father surprises her, everyone knows him to be quiet but she guessed there had to be some truth to it. Who knows her husband better than her? To even make it a point, the only time she sees him talking so much and animatedly is when he was with his wife.

"Are you not going to change your mind and come with him?" Khadijah scratched her hair the veil almost falling off but her mother in law didn't seem to mind.

"I don't know, maybe." She shrugged in reply.

They've all been trying to convince her to go to Australia with Fahad since he was going for a week for a convention he keeps saying is unnecessary, but he has to go and she isn't a fan of traveling.

"Think about it please, you still have a few days. That'll be enough yeah?" She nodded once then turned sideways when she heard his taslim and soon he walked into the living room.

"Hey," She replied with a smile.

"What are you up to?" Fahad asked coming to sit beside her.

He saw his mother's smiling face on the tab and he smiled back at her.

Khadijah tried to give him space to pick it but he didn't seem to mind wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on her shoulder.

She felt like sinking but he looked very comfortable with that smile on his face.

"I wondered why my mother stopped calling me," He said giving her an accusing look. Barr Salima shrugged and looked around the room she was in.

"Didn't you wonder why you stopped calling her?" She pointed to Khadijah that was trying to get him to let go of her but to no avail.

She considered telling him to let go of her but that would mean she noticed and the poor girl