J A S P E R

I understood how different my life was compared to the people I went to school with. I noticed when I parked my beaten up car next to there sports cars in the parking lot. I noticed whenever lunchtime came and I endured the embarrassment of being told I didn't have money in my account. I noticed whenever I drove in there neighborhood and even when I lived it in.

Most importantly I noticed that I couldn't do what they do.

So whenever Kinsley texted me asking me to join her and her friends. I couldn't explain to her that I have I was dealing with my drug induced mother.

My life was different.

And the only reason our lives even mixed and I wasn't sitting in some poorly funded school on the east side was because I was offered a scholarship. Giving my luxury of a great education. Despite the misfortune of having no fortune at all.

"Hey Picasso!" Lanetta the cashier greeted as I entered the small convent store.

One thing that made the East side so different from the West. Was that here I wasn't  known as the Deaf Boy, it was a small factor of my life and no one looked at me differently because of it. While at school we were taught French and Mandarin on the East Side sign language was taught in grade school.

Except here I wasn't " The Deaf kid."

I was the crack heads son.

Both brought along looks of pity. But my mother's reputation of being the Neighborhoods Celebrity Druggy knocked being " The Deaf Kid" out of the water.

" Hey,  Lanetta." I greeted and chuckled at the nickname, grabbing a bag of potato chips and M&M's.

" How's your Ma holding up." Lanetta asked

It was common question.

But even with it being so common. I didn't know the answer.

Honestly, I hadn't seen her since I got back. Jayce was angry said they had got into an argument  because she had stole a few pills from him. She said she would pay him back, but her inability to pass a drug test we all knew the only way she could ever make the money to pay him back.

She was some where, with someone.

But that was days ago.

And because of my own pride I didn't have the nerve to ask Lanetta if she had seen her.

" Well that's just it, she's holding up." I lightly laughed hoping it would mask the truth. That my Mom was somewhere selling her selfs and I hadn't seen her.

" 6.13." She smiled.

I handed her the money and grabbed the bag. " Well tell her I said Hey."  She signed effortlessly

I nodded " Yes ma'am." 

    I walked out of the store, and I wasn't greeted by the cold night. It was the weekend, so know surprise the neighborhood seem to be lit up. People sitting outside the convent store as it wasn't just that.

" Jasperrrr!" Lonnie one of my brothers friends greeted me as I existed. " Where your been, your brothers been looking for you? You haven't checked your phone?"

Not since Kinsley texted me.

Lonnie looked around making sure no one was watching his words or hands as he spoke. " He found her."

I didn't have to ask for an elaboration or a repeat. I understood just what he meant. The bag I held in my hand dropped to the floor, and my feet hit the pavement as I sprinted home.

Ma

I ran fast, so fast that all the festivities and the lights around me became a blur. So fast that my lungs burned and my heat pounded in my chest.  I saw our small house coming into view and I pushed even faster hurrying up the steps and through the unlocked front door.

My heart went pounded to stopping in less than a second as I saw her condition. Dazed, and sweaty barely able to keep her eyes open. She was high as kite, so high that I feared that if she closed her eyes she'd go under.

" What the fuck happen to her!" I exclaimed as I entered.

" What the fuck do you think happened! You took some shit she shouldn't have!"Jayce shouted back in panic. It was obvious he didn't know what to do as she laid in his arms.

" We got to get her to the bathroom."  I rushed to help. Her green eyes where faded no longer holding they life they use to. She smiled her fragile hands touching the side of my face,  " B. Clyde is that you?" She asked weakly.

I looked up at Jayce he shock his head, wanting me to just go with her allusion. " B. Clyde " it was a common name she would speak when ever she was high or drunk. Neither Jayce and I knew who he was, but from all these years what we had manage to put together was that whoever "B" was he was our Father. A man neither of us knew.

My hand touched her " No Ma,it's me Jasper."

I should have listen to Jayce.

She snatched her hand away, and quickly moved away from me as I was a stranger. " N-no! You get away from me!" She screamed .

" You're cursed! You cursed me!"

I'm cursed.

" It's alright Ma. I'm here." Those where all the word she needed to console her. With Jayce back , things where easier. She was happier, but at the same time I think she was only happier because the drugs.

He made her better and worse all at the same time. He was her supplier, supplier of happiness, of light, and love,

And drugs.

He had hard time saying no to her, so even when she did beg for a few pills or some pot to smoke. He couldn't say no.

Because she was hurting.

And he was the medicine man.

Sometimes I envied him. Who knew a good pair of ears could guarantee your Mother's love.

He carried her to the bathroom and she laid against his chest. She laid her on the ground, and while Jayce prepared a cold shower. I wrestled with my mother doing what I had done plenty of times before. She protested as he shoved his fingers though her throat forcing up whatever pill had brought her high.

And as usual she looked at me, with hate and disgust.