"Utah?"

I nod, breaking off a piece of my protein bar and popping it into my mouth. Asher holds his hand out for a piece. I smile, tearing a piece of before handing it to him.

"What do you guys do for Thanksgiving?"

I watch the vapor come out of my mouth as I speak, courtesy of the cold temperature. My thin sweater doesn't do a great job of keeping me warm.

"Going to my aunt's house," Aaron replies as he rubs his hands together. "We do the same thing every year."

"Fuck, I live for Thanksgiving." Devin sighs with a smile. "The food, and it's—"

"That's it," Asher interjects. "That's the only exciting thing about Thanksgiving."

"Well, if you would've just let me finish, dickhead." Devin rolls her eyes before continuing. "I was gonna say that it's one of the only times I get to see my cousins from the Philippines."

"That's nice." I smile.

"Mhm," Asher adds. "Super cute."

I turn my head toward him, shaking my head subtly as I shrug my shoulders. I'm still not sure why he can be so mean at times. It makes me wonder. Maybe one day I'll ask.

"Were you an asshole from the moment you were born or did your super sad 'I'm so rich' life make you that way?" Devin asks.

He looks at her with the same dead expression that usually takes over his features when they bicker. Then, he smiles. An emotionless smile. "Straight out of the womb, Dev."

The first bell of the day rings, abruptly ending their argument. I don't think I've ever been more grateful for the obnoxiously loud ring I hear every morning.

"Let's go," Aaron says as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. "I'll walk you to first period."

Devin walks away, annoyed with Asher's antics. I turn around, watching him trot down the steps and back to the parking lot. I unwrap Aaron's arm from my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Asher's leaving."

He turns around to face the lot. "He's always doing that," he replies, wrapping his arm around me again. "He'll show up later, Estella. Come on. We're gonna be late."

I remove his arm from my body again as I slowly take a step down. "I'm— I'm just gonna go talk to him really quick. Just to make sure he's alright."

"Estella, you'll be late to first."

"It's fine." I wave him off. "I'll be there in a sec."

Without another word, I trot down the steps. My feet move fast against the pavement, trying to catch him before he can get inside of his car and speed out of the parking lot the way he always does.

Last time he left, I let him go. And when he showed up, he entire demeanor was different. Something was off.

I'm not letting him go again.

Once I reach his car, I quickly make my way over and open the passenger door.

"What the fuck?" His head whips around to face me. His eyes widen. "What are you doing, Estella?"

I furrow my eyebrows, offended. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

The audacity. The attitude.

"It looks like you're leaving," I reply.

He mocks an exasperated gasp. "Well now I know you're not just a pretty face."

My eyes narrow. He stares back at me for a couple of seconds before turning away. I press my tongue against the inside of my cheek, waiting for him to say something.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles before turning his head in my direction again.

I remove my backpack straps, dropping it in front of me before I grab the seatbelt from beside me and buckle it in. He watches me with a confused look on his face.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

He laughs. "I don't know, but it looks like you think you're coming with me."

I nod. "I am."

He shakes his head. "No, you're not," he counters, reaching over to push the red button, removing the seatbelt from my body.

I pull it down, clicking it back into place. "Well I'm not letting you leave," I say, resembling a stubborn toddler. "At least not without me."

He inhales deeply. "Why do you care so much, Estella?"

I don't know why, but I'm taken aback by his question. He stares at me, his eyes slowly grazing over what seems like every inch of my face. By the looks of it, he's expecting a real answer.

Good question, Asher.

Maybe it's silly of me to care so much. It's obvious his two life-long friends don't take it as seriously as I do. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I just want him to be okay. Sometimes I get this strange feeling he isn't.

Then again, I could also be overreacting. So many seniors ditch class every once in a while to get away. Maybe Asher just wants to get away for a bit. And maybe I should have just let him.

"I don't know," I reply, shrugging. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright." I bite the inside of my cheek, quietly adding, "I care about you. You know that, right?"

His face lights up at my words. He stares at me with soft eyes for a moment, just a single moment before his demeanor changes.

His laughter makes me frown. "I'm fine. God damn, Estella. Lighten up a little."

And just like that, he's back to happy-go-lucky-Asher. I sigh in annoyance, unbuckling my seatbelt and grabbing my backpack from in front of me.

He opens the door, grabbing his backpack from the backseat before shutting it. I do the same, walking over to him as he locks the car doors. He shrugs his backpack on as we make our way back to the school.

"Can't believe you're making me go to Physics," he complains. "I really don't think you understand how much I fucking despise that class."

"I'm not making you do anything."

He sighs. "Well if I don't go to class, you would be all pissed with me, right?" He asks, leaning down to get a better look at my unamused expression. "And pissed Estella doesn't seem like a lot of fun... I think I'm actually getting a glimpse of her right now."

I roll my eyes, crossing my arms as we walk up the cement steps. I try my best to ignore him, but it's close to impossible considering we're the only two people in our vicinity.

"Don't get me wrong," he continues. "And I mean— I don't wanna be blunt, but the whole angry, don't talk to me kinda thing is hot. I like it, Estella, I do—"

"Sorry, that's you trying not to be blunt?"

He smiles. "I can use a lot of other words to describe it..."

I shake my head, opening the door of the front office. The both of us walk over to Courtney's desk. She looks up from her phone, giving us a bored look as we stand in front of her.

"You two are ten minutes late," she says.

"I know," I reply. "We're sorry."

"Yeah, we were having... a heart-to-heart," Asher explains. "We kinda needed some privacy."

I rub my eyes. "Oh, my God, Asher. Shut up already."

He bites his lip, a small smile on his face. Courtney furrows her eyebrows, switching her gaze between the two of us.

"I don't need any details." She shakes her head as she writes on two slips of paper. "Just— just go to class."

-

I gather my supplies from my desk as the bell, notifying us that second period is over, rings. Stuffing my Econ notebook into my bag, I quickly push in my chair and make my way out the door.

"Hey," Aaron says once I'm out of the classroom.

"Hi."

He licks his lips. "Can we talk?"

Another heart-to-heart? I already had one with Asher this morning. I cringe as I recall the look on Courtney's face when we entered the office and Asher explained, very vaguely might I add, why we were late to school.

I nod, answering Aaron's question. He leads me to a much emptier hallway. My mind begins to race with possibilities as we find a private place to discuss whatever it is he wants to talk about.

He's bored of you, Estella.

I bite the inside of my cheek, realizing that the idea is a reasonable possibility. My mind is pre-wired to come up with the worst of conclusions. No matter how hard I try to steer away from them, they always find a way to slither right back into my head and have a hell of a vacation inside.

"What's up?" I ask as confidently as I can.

"So..." he begins, looking at the ground. "I'm not really sure how to... how to say this, Estella."

I swallow. I was right. My mind was right. I guess those thoughts have the right to vacate.

"I don't—" He continues and pauses once again, obviously trying his best to spare my feelings. My fragile little feelings. "I don't think this is working out."

My subconscious saw this coming a mile away. Deep down, I knew this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I knew it wasn't right. I decided to ignored it, though. I ignored it for much too long. I was caught up with the new experience to even realize that for the most part, it was one-sided.

Aaron and I were never exclusive. He could have been talking to other girls and I wouldn't have had a clue, but I also wouldn't have had the right to tell him not to. We never dated. I wasn't his girlfriend and he was not my boyfriend.

"Oh."

He got bored.

"I think that we're looking for different things right now," he explains. I nod slowly. "It's our senior year, you know? Everything kind of changes after we graduate— I just... I don't wanna start something I know won't last in the end."

I blink away any threatening tears.

A pang hits my chest, but I don't know if I'm actually hurting because he's breaking it off with me or if I'm hurt by the idea of it.

"Right." I nod. "I get it."

And I do.

He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. But I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."

I shake my head, forcing a smile onto my face. "No, don't be sorry. I get it."

He reaches for my hands, grasping them with his own. I look up to meet his blue eyes. He lets go of my left hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"I don't want this to ruin our friendship."

I shake my head. "Of course not."

He smiles. "Okay. Good."

I remove my hand from his hold. "I need to get to class."

I turn around, walking down the stairs to get back to the second floor. I wipe away and stray tears on my cheek.

Crying is weakness.

My mom's words replay in my mind. I open the door to the bathroom, grabbing a couple of paper towels before gently wiping down my face.

"Are you okay?"

I look behind me through the mirror, being met with Vanessa coming out of one of the stalls. She slowly makes her way to the sink next to me, pumping some soap to wash her hands.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Did something happen with Aaron?"

Is it really that obvious? Obvious enough for it to be her first guess?

I turn my head to look at her. "Yeah."

Her tone almost sounded... hopeful. She frowns, walking over to me. Her arms wrap around me in a tight hug. I sigh, bringing a hand up to wrap it around her arm loosely.

"I'm so sorry, Estella."

I give her a tight smile before shrugging her arms off of me. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that it wasn't a sincere apology. It was more like a sorry it didn't work out! Guess it's my turn! apology.

"Thanks," I say. "I'm gonna get to class."

I throw away the paper towels before opening the door of the bathroom. I make my way down the hall, trying to avoid all eye contact with my peers. I slow down when I hear footsteps trotting behind me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Vanessa asks once she's caught up to me. "I'm here for you, Estella. Whatever you need."

I stop walking, turning to face her. "I need you to just... stop," I say. "This isn't a big deal and I don't need you to make it one. I know you're just being a good friend, but I really don't want to talk about it. I'm fine. Honestly."

She nods. "Okay."

"Thanks."

With that, I walk away, heading for the locker rooms to get changed for PE. I enter, immediately making my way to my locker to twist the lock open. I pull out my t-shirt and shorts and get dressed.

"What's up with you?" Devin asks, tying her shoes on one of the benches in the room. "Were you crying?"

"No." I bring my Nikes and sit down on the bench across from her, slipping my shoes on.

"You were," she replies, leaning forward. "Please don't tell me Jacob said something to you. 'Cause we'll go beat his ass right now, I'm serious."

I shake my head and stand up. "Wasn't Jacob. It was no one, actually. I'm fine, I promise."

We walk out of the locker room. Somehow, the two of us always end up joining the class just as they're running the mile. Devin and I walk it. If I'm in the mood, I'll jog.

"Well you better plaster a smile on your face or something cause if Asher sees a trace of tears on your face, he'll go batshit crazy and won't stop bothering you until he knows what's wrong," she says as we walk around the track.

"Pick up the pace, ladies!"

I hear Mr. Rod's whistle blowing. I sigh, switching from a slow walk to a light jog instead.

"Finally," Asher says as he comes up beside us. I'm sure he's already finished the mile. He can do it in less than six minutes. "My favorite girl. And Devin."

Devin says nothing, but holds up her middle finger.

His friend, Nick from my Calc class, walks with him. He's also one of the fastest runners in our class. He moves over to the other side of the track to walk beside Devin. I didn't even know they were friends.

Asher wraps his arm around my shoulder. I avoid eye contact with him. But only for about two seconds because his fingers curl around my chin and he turns my head so I'm looking at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why?" I ask with a casual shrug.

He narrows his eyes. "You're getting good."

I can feel the subtle strokes of his fingers against my face. I almost let him keep his hand there, but I move it away and unwrap his arm from my shoulder.

"Good at what?" I ask as I jog again. He does the same, taking small strides so he stays beside me.

"Lying," he replies. "But not good enough for me to believe you. You have way too many giveaways."

I furrow my eyebrows. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"What are they then?"

He smiles. "Can't tell you."

I sigh, speeding up a little when I realize I'm one of the last people still on the track.

"Well, I'm okay. Seriously."

I'd tell Asher about mine and Aaron's conversation during passing period, but I don't really want to talk or think about it at all. He'll find out soon enough, anyway.

"You don't have to run with me, you know," I say in between breaths. "You already finished your mile."

"I can run another one."

I slow down to a speed walk. I have no stamina.

"Can you walk another instead?" I ask with a smile.

He slows down too, walking beside me. He returns my smile with one of his own. "Yeah, I can walk with you."

-

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