29. what, you like 'em?

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I fiddle with the frame of my glasses, pushing them down and then back up on the bridge of my nose as I stare at my bright computer screen, which displays a blank document where my personal statement is supposed to be written.

Sighing, I close my laptop. I haven't been able to find an exceptional topic to write about. At least not one that'll stand out from every other application sent in.

After changing into a plain white shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, I collapse onto my bed in defeat. My mind churns with ideas, all ultimately too boring to be written about.

As I stand up to turn my desk lamp off, I hear rustling from outside of my window. I slowly make my way over, pulling the blinds up. I jump back at the figure lifting himself up onto the roof with ease.

"Asher!" I yell as I pull my window open. He lifts his head, giving me a smile before he wedges himself through the window. "What are you doing?"

"Standing in the middle of your room," he replies smartly. "You?"

I glare at him. "You can't just show up out of nowhere! What if my mom was here, Asher? She would— she would kill you and then kill me after."

He shrugs. "But she's not here. The white beemer isn't out front. I made sure— I'm not stupid, Estella."

I cross my arms, furrowing my eyebrows. "How'd you know this was my room?"

He walks across the room to my desk, taking a seat on the grey chair before spinning around to face me again. "Lucky guess?"

"Lucky guess?"

"Fine," he huffs. "Just wanted to you think I was like— super smart. But, I knew it was your room cause it's the only light I saw in the house that was on. All of the others are off so I jumped up that little thing and sure enough..." He lifts his arm. "I was right."

I'm sure my face is still full of shock as I stare at Asher's casual state. He tilts his head, looking around my room with interest— the two-toned blank lavender walls my parents painted for me when we moved into this house, the mess I currently have on the nightstand to the right of my bed, the small futon near my closet.

"I can go," he says as he stands from the grey chair. "Sorry, I- I shouldn't have just shown up. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

I watch as he walks back to the window. A part of me wants to let him go, save me the trouble of having to explain to my mother why she saw a random boy sneaking into the house through my window. But at the same time, I'm not sure she checks the security system. And if she does, I guess I'm already screwed as it is.

My mouth opens before I even think about what I'm about to say.

"No, Asher— stay. It's okay."

He turns around, hope in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

A small smile grows onto his face as he walks toward me again. "Thank you."

I nod slowly. "So... why'd you decide to come over, anyway?" I ask as he sits back down on my desk chair. I still stand in the middle of my room, not knowing where to sit down or how to seem as casual as Asher does.

I've never had a boy in my room.

Swiveling around it, he replies with, "I don't know. Boredom, I guess." I see a flash of an emotion I can't figure out before his demeanor changes again. "Hey, so don't get me wrong. I like this chair and all, but I think I'm gonna migrate over to your bed instead. Looks comfier."

Before I can respond, he's out of the desk chair and instead lying on top of my bed. He shifts until he's in a comfortable position.

With his shoes on.

"Asher! Your shoes."

He smiles. "What, you like 'em?"

"They're on my bed!"

"No, they're on my feet."

I walk over, untying his laces and pulling his black Vans off of his feet. I carry them over to the window so they're easy to grab when he leaves my house.

"So what were you doing before I showed up?" He asks as he scrolls through his phone. I sit down on the edge of my bed, opposite side from where he's lying down.

"Trying to come up with something to write about for my college applications."

"You're going to college?"

"Yeah, of course," I reply. "You're not?"

He shakes his head, sitting up and leaning on his palm to look at me. "It's a waste of time. Waste of money, too... Waste of life."

I furrow my eyebrows. "You don't think it's important? Getting an education?"

He shrugs. "I just think there's more to life than being stuck in a classroom for another four years. I've spent most of my life in them. You don't have to agree with me, most people don't. It's cool, though."

I frown, nodding my head. He waits for an answer, grabbing my elephant stuffed animal before lying on his back again.

"I understand that," I say to him. "School takes up a lot of our time, and it's not like it's our only option. I know that. But I also can't see myself doing anything else for the next four years of my life."

He hums in understanding, continuing to toss my plush elephant into the air before catching it again. "What does your mom do?"

"She's a criminal defense attorney."

He pauses his tossing to look at me. "Holy shit. What about your dad?"

"He works for the FBI," I respond. Am I supposed to tell people that? Oh well, too late now. "He lives in Virginia."

His eyebrows raise slightly. He sits up on my bed, his curiosity seemingly piquing. I begin to feel a little nervous, realizing that I've never really told anyone anything about my parents. No one's ever asked. Brooke is the only person who knew.

"Do you still talk to him?" He asks.

"Yeah, sometimes." I lie, cracking my fingers before standing up to grab my laptop from my desk. He looks at my hands. "Anyway, since you're here, you can help me list possible things to write about for my personal statement."

He hums in thought. "No, thanks. How about you turn on the tv and we can find a movie to watch or something."

"Come on, at least help me make a list." I sit back down on my bed. This time, not as far away from him as I did before. "Maybe you can come up with a good idea because I can't, for the life of me, think of anything. I'm the most boring human on Earth."

He stares at me. I sit, my laptop resting between my crossed legs. I furrow my eyebrows, waiting for him to respond to my plead.

"You're so far from boring, Estella."

"That couldn't be farther from the truth, Asher."

He shakes his head. "You'll think of something."

On that note, he grabs the TV remote from the small table beside my bed. Without a hint of hesitation, he presses the power button and begins to browse through Netflix.

"God, your entire recommended section is full of romance movies," he says as he looks through the list. "Are you.. are you a romantic, Estella?"

I narrow my eyes. "How do you know all of those are romance movies? You watch them yourself?"

He laughs, throwing his head back before lying on my bed again. "Hell no. Romance movies are stupid. And unrealistic."

"You're such a pessimist."

"No, I'm a realist."

"Well, stop making fun of my interests."

I grab onto the remote, prying it out of his hands until he finally releases it from his grasp. He lets it go quickly, sending me flying backwards. I shriek as I fall off of my bed, hitting my head on the leg of my desk chair as I hit the hardwood floor.

"Ow!" I wince as I hold my head.

"Fuck— I am so sorry," Asher says as he rushes over to me. He presses his lips together as he pulls me up from the ground and brings his hand to rub my head gently.

"My head hurts."

"You have an ice pack?" He asks, still trying to hold in his laugh. "It'll—" He clears his throat. "It'll help."

"Stop laughing at me!"

"I'm not." He stifles a laugh. "See?"

I walk away from him, opening the door to my room. I make my way down the hall before trotting down the stairs to grab an ice pack from the freezer.

"I'm sorry for causing the head injury," he says as he follows behind me, finding me holding an ice pack to my head. His shoes are back on. "My bad."

I stay silent, watching as he examines the house. He walks over to the living room, looking at the pictures my mom and dad hung up years and years ago. It seems like so long it ago, it could be another life.

One where we were happy.

"Is this you?" He points to a portrait of me that my mom had professionally taken when I was about nine years old. She dressed me in this horrible, itchy burgandy dress. But I smiled through it. I loved the camera. Can't say it loved me, though.

"Yeah." I nod.

He smiles, staring at the picture with interest. I start becoming self-conscious, even if the picture is from at least eight years ago. His smile disappears and his eyebrows furrow when he turns to me.

"You know those random memories that stick with you for no reason?" He asks me with curiosity in his tone. "Like, you have no idea why you remember them, but you just can't forget them."

I walk over to him. "Yeah, sure."

He nods. "Did you ever used to go to that little park a couple of blocks down? The one by the grocery store." He snaps. "Lincoln Park."

"Yeah, I used to go all the time."

"Holy shit."

"What?"

"You know how there's a mini soccer field near the playground?" He asks.

I furrow my eyebrows, nodding my head slowly. I have no idea where he's going with this, but the way he's looking at me like he just solved a puzzle is beginning to make feel nervous about it anyway.

"It was you. I remember."

I chuckle awkwardly. "What was me?"

He licks his lips before explaining. "It was years ago. Me and Aaron were both just starting to get into soccer," he says. "We were both pretty shit at the game, but I was so much worse than he was. And this one day, we went out there after school— we were like, nine. His mom dropped us off and told us we could practice for a couple of hours."

"Asher, what does this have to do with me?"

"No, yeah. I'm getting there," he continues, holding his hand up. "Anyways, we were playing on the mini field for a while. And when it was his turn to be goalie, and well, you know— I tried to make a goal. But I was so ass at aiming that I kicked it out of the field."

I narrow my eyes.

"There was this girl. She was minding her own business, trying to make sand castles out of dry sand— which obviously was pointless," he says. "Anyway, the ball I kicked hit her right in the head and I ran over to apologize, but—"

"You hit me on the head with a soccer ball!" I yell in realization. "You ran over to apologize, but you were laughing!"

He smiles, cracking up at the memory. I shake my head in disbelief. If the inside of my head looked like inside of Riley's head from Inside Out— that soccer ball experience would be a core memory, stemming a disinterest for soccer and a slight fear of boys that I still feel to this day.

"It's because you cried," he says through laughter. "You cried so hard I didn't know what to do."

"Because you hit me hard!"

"But it was an accident."

I crack a smile, remembering the look of shock on Asher's face when I cried because of the pain from the soccer ball. He looked around and looked at me with wide eyes, silently pleading for me to shut up. I know now that I may have overreacted a bit, but at the time, I couldn't stop crying.

"Did you try to get back at me by kicking the ball right over my head during PE?" He asks.

I laugh, shaking my head. "Complete coincidence. I'm starting to wish you hadn't ducked, though."

That was the last time my mom took me and my brother to the park. I had embarrassed the family so much by being a crybaby that we never went again. Nate blamed it on me. He was angry that he wouldn't get to play basketball with his friends anymore. I remember apologizing in different ways, even by cleaning his room for him when he was at school the next day.

I didn't do that right, either.

"Are you okay?" Asher asks, pulling me away from the memories of my family.

I crack my fingers, nodding my head. Turning around, I walk over to the kitchen to put the ice pack in the freezer. I decide to change the subject, not wanting to think about my absent family for another second.

"Aaron and I kissed."

He sits down on the white stool I always sit on. "You did? When, yesterday?"

"No," I reply. "It was the night of the Halloween party."

I expect some sort of joke. I almost wish for it, hoping it will lift my spirits a bit. But he doesn't make a joke. He doesn't even crack a smile.

"You like him."

I sigh. "Yeah, I do."

He nods, looking down at the marble counter before he meets my eyes again. "He's a good guy, Estella."

I smile, nodding my head. Aaron is a great guy. He's sweet and funny. He's gentle, caring, nice to me. And I really like him.

"Are you together?" He asks.

I shake my head. "No. Well— yeah, no."

"Hm." His fingertips tap the counter in a rhythm. I stare at them, my eyes trailing over the rings on his fingers. "Do you want to be with him?"

I run a hand through my hair, sighing. "Yeah, I do. But— but I don't know if he wants to be with me." I backtrack, realizing how pathetic Asher must think I am right about now. "Don't tell him I said that. You know, actually, just forget I said anything."

"Can't," he replies, tapping his temple. "I have great memory."

I smile, nodding my head in agreement. How else would he remember that I was the girl he kicked a soccer ball at almost nine years ago?

"I'm not gonna tell Aaron."

"Thank you."

He nods. "Anyway, I think I should get going."

I frown, an unexpected feeling of disappointment filling me. "Oh. Okay."

"Thanks for letting me stay," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow. Pick you up at the same time, alright?"

"Okay. See you tomorrow." I lean against the counter and smile sheepishly. Asher gives me a look. "Can you hop out of the window? There's a camera by the front door and I... well, I don't want to risk my mom seeing you walk out the front door."

He laughs. "Should I feel offended?"

"No, just safety precautions."

We walk back up the stairs and into my room. I lead him over to the window.

"Well, don't watch me," he says. "You're gonna make me nervous, Estella."

Asher? Being nervous? I can't even imagine it.

"Okay. Goodbye, Asher." I usher him to the window and he hops up onto the sill.

"Fine. Bye."

-

author's note:

hi!! another update for you all! thoughts on the story so far? i'm always open to feedback and also looove to hear what you guys think of it.

last chapter and this chapter have been two of my favorites so far in the book. i've got more of my personal favs coming soon :))

- blizfvl <3

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