18. there's always a reason

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"One day, you're going to realize that all the little things that happen in life, they all happen for a reason, Stel. They all have a purpose."

Twelve-year-old me furrowed her eyebrows at Brooke's vague words. The two of us sat on the roof of my house, feet casually dangling over the edge.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my curiosity peaking.

Brooke smiled with a small shrug of her shoulders. "What you're feeling right now, Estella. It'll pass. The sadness, the confusion, the anger," she sighed. "One day, you're going to look back at these days, the days you felt so many different emotions and you're going to realize that everything happens for a reason. Every obstacle, every failure, every setback... It all happens for a reason."

I nodded along, hanging onto every word. I believed everything Brooke said without a single doubt in my mind. Without actually saying it aloud, I knew exactly what Brooke was referring to.

There's a reason Mom left all the time on 'business trips'.

There's a reason Dad moved to Virginia with my brother and left me behind.

There's a reason my parents got a divorce as quickly as they possibly could.

There's a reason for those things.

There's always a reason.

I frown at the memory as I stand in Brooke's empty bedroom. Ever since she left I've looked in there as though I'll discover something that'll tell me exactly what happened while I was at camp for three days.

But with every day that passes, my hopes are crushed a little more. One day, they'll be diminished into nothing but tiny, microscopic crumbs that can no longer be salvaged.

If everything happens for a reason, why did Brooke leave?

Why didn't she say goodbye?

My mind races with questions about Brooke's leaving. So many questions, and I'm left with no one to answer them. A conversation where my mom willfully talks to me about it all is something I can only dream of happening.

I walk down the stairs of the quiet house. My mom left last night, said she had a client to attend to. Being a criminal defense attorney, my mom works with a lot of dangerous people and is called into work all of the time to take on new clients, which is the very reason I never used to question the countless business trips my mom would leave to and how she wouldn't come back for weeks at a time.

Until I turned eleven, that is.

I learned the truth then.

And so did my dad.

This is the first day I'll be walking to school after one month of attending Westwood High. Without Brooke or my mom driving me (which only lasted a couple of days), I don't have any other mode of transportation but my own two feet.

I lock the front door, activating the security system before heading to school. I barely make it down the walkway when a familiar black Mercedes Benz slows down, coming to a complete stop right in front of me.

The tinted window rolls down to reveal a head of wavy dark brown hair and sea green eyes. Asher sits in the driver's seat with a smile on his face.

"Holy shit! You live here?" He asks, lazily pointing to the large house behind me.

"Yep." I nod, tugging the straps of my backpack.

"That's crazy, I live down the street," he replies. "On the next block. What a small fucking world, huh?"

"Yeah," I agree with a nod. "Small world."

Who would've thought that Asher and I lived so close all of these years. And to think, we never would have met if I hadn't enroll at Westwood my final year of high school.

"Are you walking?" He asks. "Cause I can give you a ride if you want."

I weigh my options for a moment. A part of me was actually looking forward to the walk. It's only about fifteen minutes and it would give me a lot of time to think— or better yet, clear my mind.

Then again, it would be strange to decline Asher's offer of giving me a ride.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks." I smile as I open the passenger door, hopping inside of his luxurious car. Once I have my seatbelt on, he drives off toward the direction of the school.

"I have a question," he says as he glances over to me quickly before looking back out onto the road.

"What's up?"

"Last week," he begins. "The day after we got back from camp. You seemed a little off. I wasn't gonna ask cause it's not really my business. But I just, you know, wanted to make sure everything was alright."

His tone is cautious. I can tell he's being as careful as he can approaching the sensitive topic. But I can also tell he's being sincere. He really does want to know if everything is okay.

I absentmindedly crack my fingers, recalling the way I felt when I found Brooke's empty room. The feelings that bombarded me when I realized she left me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I nod. "It was just a bad day. Bad week."

He nods. "You can... you can talk to me if you ever need anyone. You know that, right?"

"Yeah." I smile. "Thanks."

Even though I'm far from being a morning person, talking with Asher has always been easy for me. He was already teasing me the day I met him. After all, he is the most morning-loving person I've ever met.

"I usually pick Aaron up, sometimes Devin too, but the little assholes had to come to office hours for help on a project," he says as we get out of the car.

"Oh, the History project?" I ask.

His eyebrows furrow. "There's a History project?"

I laugh as I sling my backpack over my shoulders. We walk through the parking lot, my mind still caught on the thought of him having no idea there's a history project. I watch him with interest as he spins his car keys around his index finger casually.

"What's up, my bitches." Asher smiles as he takes a seat at the same round table we have lunch at every day. "Missed you this morning."

"Then you should've came to office hours with us. Me and Aaron basically got guaranteed an 'A' because we asked a bunch of random questions," Devin replies, running a hand through her straightened hair.

Asher shrugs. "Oh well."

"Did you guys come to school together?"

Aaron gestures between me and Asher with a questioning look. I mutely nod in response, but of course, Asher can't leave it at that.

"Why? You jealous?" He smirks.

"No, I'm not."

Asher cracks a smile, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm just fucking with you."

The first bell of the day rings, notifying us that we need to start heading to our first class of the day. The four of us stand up from the table and walk inside the building to the cafeteria. With a few goodbyes exchanged between us, Asher and I walk to Physics class while Devin and Aaron head to their first periods.

"Estella, I feel like we haven't talked in forever. I haven't had a full conversation with you since camp— last Wednesday."

Madison, Vanessa, and I are just about finished with our Newton's Laws project, leaving us lots of free time to do what we please during class.

Madison's right. I haven't really talked to either of the girls since camp. I've been spending much more time with Aaron, Asher, and Devin since the trip.

"I know." I frown. "I've missed hanging out with you guys."

Vanessa has pretty much remained silent since work time started. She seems to be very focused on finishing the project without distractions from either Madison or me.

She finally looks up from her laptop to engage in the conversation. "You should sit with us at lunch today then, if you miss hanging out with us."

I'm slightly taken aback by her sudden suggestion. It's not that I don't want to hang out with the girls. They've shown me nothing but kindness since I first met them. Lately, however, I've simply found myself more comfortable when I'm with Aaron, Asher, and Devin. Nevertheless, I can't say I haven't missed hanging out with Madison and Vanessa.

"Yeah, of course. I miss sitting with you guys."

-

"Stop touching my hair. You're ruining the curls," Madison says as she swats away Austin's hand. "I spent a good amount of time getting them to look like this."

I let out a chuckle at Madison's flustered state. Her curls do look extra bouncy today.

I pick up my fork, jabbing it into the chicken salad I picked up for lunch. My body tenses as I feel a hand slowly run along my tied-up hair. I immediately pull away.

"How long does it take you to straighten your hair?" Jacob, the same boy Aaron almost fought at camp, asks me with a grin.

I look up from my salad, turning to face him. "My hair's naturally straight."

A smile grows on his face as he runs a hand through his red hair. "Mine too."

"Excuse me, are you implying that these curls come from a curling iron?" Madison interjects, a look of offense written all over her face. "No, no. This is all natural."

Jacob's smile slowly disappears. "I— I wasn't... I didn't mean—"

Madison's booming laughter cuts him off from speaking, causing a small smile to form on my face. "I'm kidding! Sheesh, lighten up a little, would you?"

He turns to me, shaking his head with his thumb pointing in Madison's direction as if he were saying 'this girl'. I respond by giving him a tight-lipped smile.

I continue eating my salad, wishing he wouldn't have sat next to me the moment I joined the girls' table, which is now also filled with the same jocks Madison and I sat with the first morning of the camping trip, Austin's friends.

"So how's it been hanging out with Aaron and them?" Vanessa asks from my left side.

"Um... good." I nod. "They're really nice."

"To you." Madison adds before taking a sip of her water.

I smile, exhaling out of my nose. My intuition tells me a something happened between them and the two girls, who obviously seem to have strong opinions of the group.

"They're good people." I shrug, defending the group I've grown accustomed to.

"They must be," Vanessa replies. "You know, since you know them so well."

The casual tone of her voice contradicts the meaning behind her condescending words. Whether to pursue the conversation or not is the question I ask myself as I watch Vanessa pop a grape into her mouth.

Just let it go, Estella. It isn't worth it.

"What do you mean by that, Vanessa?"

She finally pulls her attention away from the fascinating bag of grapes in front of her. Madison visibly tenses, her eyes shooting from me, back to Vanessa.

"I mean— I'm just saying," she says with a shrug. "You've spent all of five minutes with them and now you're an expert on the type of people they are."

"Type of people?"

She sighs, tapping her acrylic nails against the table. "No offense or anything, but I'm bored of this conversation. Let's talk about something else."

Let. It. Go.

"Sure." I nod. "Yeah, we can talk about something different. Sorry I bored you so much with the conversation you started."

I swallow, immediately regretting my passive-aggressive tone. She stares at me, zero emotion displayed on her face. I look down to my salad, finally backing down from the entire situation.

I'm not exactly sure what triggered the line of defense I put up at the mention of Asher, Aaron, and
Devin. Something about the way she talks about the three of them bothers me more than it used to.

"Oookay." Madison chimes in with a forced laugh as she twists the cap of her water bottle. "Let's take it down a notch."

"I'm actually really loving the tension at this table," Austin adds. "I feel like we're on some sort of reality TV show."

I crack a smile, somewhat grateful for Austin's comment, which noticeably changes the atmosphere. Madison shakes her head, nuzzling into his chest. Vanessa bites her lip, stifling a chuckle.

I feel Jacob's gaze burning into my side. Turning to face him, I find him looking at me with the left side of his mouth turned up in a crooked grin.

"What?" I ask, becoming self-conscious, courtesy of the clear look of inquisition displayed on his face.

"Nothing." He shrugs. "Sorry."

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