Sipping slowly from my coffee cup, I continue to stare in deep concentration at the church.

Despite my better judgment, I had decided I'd begin to do a little light surveillance on Chester.

I know, I know, it's not a good idea.
It's honestly one of my worst decisions to date, but I've got to see what kind of life this scumbag is now living, because I know for sure that it's not an honest one.

I'd taken some paperwork with me, with plans to actually get some of it out of the way while I kept watch, though I am finding it practically impossible to drag my sight away from the church in case I miss anything.

Not that I'd missed anything so far.
It seems the people that run the church get things going quite early in the day, which is logical considering church goers often pray before starting their day. I don't know why I thought coming at this time would serve me well, because as far as I can tell, none of the preachers or the assistants have left the structure since I arrived.

I'd pulled up a little after ten o'clock, wanting to grace the office with my presence before leaving for the day, mostly because I didn't want to alert anyone to think that anything unusual might be going on. Much to my displeasure, Peter didn't seem fussed by me ducking out for the day, giving me a knowing look that I took to mean he thought I needed a day to deal with pregnancy like stuff. Whatever that is.

Without letting myself get annoyed with him for it, I'd smiled in response and said I'd see him tomorrow. I am hoping that my day trip will serve me well and some knowledge will help me move on from the want to kill Chester.
Because I really want to stop fantasising about killing people, I really, really do.

Regardless of my desires, I've got this clear visual in my mind, tucked prominently away in the dark recesses of my mangled and mismanaged mind, a visual that's been on replay over the past week of me slaughtering my past victims. It plays on a constant, tempting loop, pressing me for more blood, more torture, more death.
More and more and more.

But in the other, much quieter corner of my mind, where all life shines brightly, where it is safe and my dreams are prosperous, I've got a spectacular vision of what the future could hold if I end my tirade once and for all.

In my dream bubble, a beautiful baby is cradled safely in my arms, cooing at me as I rock my arms back and forth, speaking gentle words to him or her. Alex peers over my shoulder, an arm held loosely around my waist as he gazes upon us with absolute joy.

That beautiful vision is what I want.
What I crave so much now.
The safety and the comfort and the family life that Alex and I both never got to have for ourselves.
The very real future I could create if only this all ended.

It's not so easy though, ignoring my demons.
They might be laying quietly in the back of my mind right now, however I know that it won't take much to send them barreling back at me with a bloodthirsty vengeance. Which is something I am fearful of and am very aware that I need to be extremely cautious of too.

Paranoia isn't going to help me either.
I keep reminding myself that circling the same pointless thoughts is only going to worsen my mental state, and I can't have my mind getting freaked out about anything when I've got a baby on the way.

I pat my lower stomach awkwardly, still finding it weird that there's something growing inside there.
Fifteen weeks along now and much to consider ahead of us.

Naming the baby is the next big thing we're working on. Well, that and gradually putting together a nursery.

Alex and I have been adding names to a list whenever we think of them. It's not easy choosing a name for someone for the rest of their lives.
I certainly don't want to give my kid a name it'll hate and have to simply accept it forever.

Breaking the long stare that I had been keeping on the church, I pick up my pen again and force myself to flick through the file I'd barely looked upon so far. Surely I can manage to get some work done today, can't I?

As the thought passes through my mind, there's a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye, I look up and my heart is suddenly in my throat.

Justine smiles back at me, gesturing for me to wind down the window, I oblige, shakily pressing the window button.

"Hey, fancy seeing you here." Justine says instantly.

"Yeah, hey, just catching up on some paperwork, you know." I mutter in stunned response.

Justine frowns and looks around the car at our surroundings. "I can't say I'd pick this as the place to get paperwork done."

I glance about us too, realising belatedly how odd this must look, but I'm here and I've got to make this seem at least semi normal.

"The distractions often help me think when I'm stuck on a case." I say, hoping the response sounds viable.

Justine gives me a look that shows she is confused by my answer, but she decides to respect my response and simply nods as though she understands.

An odd silence divides us for a minute while we both try to think of a new topic.

Finally, Justine interjects.

"I was heading to grab a bite nearby, I'd usually ask you to join, but I'm meeting with a coworker to talk about a case. Funny that we're both stuck on cases right now. I just wish mine wasn't the same one I've been stuck on for several months."

My interest piques.
"You're still trying to get more info on that mystery killer? Have you had any new leads?"

She shakes her head, "I wish. My boss is pushing for the case to be dropped completely, but it's nagging at me that we've had nothing more to go on. I can't understand how all of a sudden the killings have stopped when they had been so constant."

I shrug, noncommittally, "Perhaps the killer left the area? Or they've had a change of life style? Or maybe they lost out and got killed by someone they were trying to kill?"

Spinning some unlikely ideas seemed like the way to go. Not that she is going to take them all into account, but it'll likely get her brain ticking, that's all I need to keep her from thinking otherwise.

I must admit, it seems completely ridiculous for her number one killer - me - to be telling her these theories when I know how hard a time I'm having not to even think of killing.

"Maybe you're right. I guess it eats at me a bit, knowing I had so many cases to use to catch this one and all in such a short span of time, but nothing came about. It's the case that I've wanted to crack the most, which is clearly why it gets to me so much. I'm trying to let go and move on, but I still want this one, so bad. I'm sorry to bore you with this, I should probably head off anyway, I'm meant to meet up with my colleague in five. Hey, we should do something soon. Double date perhaps? Get a couple in before two becomes three?"

Feeling relieved at her change of topic, I roll my eyes at her and say, "Sure, yeah, sounds good."

As Justine turns to walk away, I say to her, "Don't let it get to you, it's not worth it."

"They're all worth it. Especially the ones who think they'll get away with it." She smiles then, gives me a casual wave and continues on her way.

I watch her until she turns a corner and leaves my sight. Staring while my heart palpitates thickly in my chest.

Her words echo in my mind.
Especially the ones who think they'll get away with it.

If I were to take the chance on Chester and kill him how I've been long dreaming of killing him, then Justine would likely recall the curious meeting we'd had, with me sitting oddly outside the church that Chester spends most of his time at.
It would be too suspicious to be a coincidence.

I am not this foolish. I am not so destructive as to end it all for one small person who could possibly be doing his best to right his wrongs, despite my belief that he isn't the do gooder that he seems to be on the outside.

This is my turning point.

There's no looking back, I need to stop what I'm doing and make a difference in my life before one of the most important people in my life realises that I'm no good.

I need to be a better person.

Funny that Justine was the voice of reason without even knowing it.

The law straightened me out, without knowing that they were facing a serial murderer.

:::::::::

Well, well, well.
Didn't Danica put herself in a sticky situation here?

Good to see that Justine pulled her back to reality before she got too stuck into things.

Do you think it was right for her to pull away from Chester?

I think she needs to learn restraint, she keeps talking about it, so it's about darn time she acts on it.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter guys,
It's still slow going, but gradually I'm getting more down.

This story will be finished. I've actually written most of the final chapter, so it's just filling in the rest of the story now.

Aren't you keen??
I am!!

Shantelle :)