Chapter 95

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Neymar's POV.

The noise around me was deafening. The flashing lights, the yelling, the chanting, the restless energy and amidst all this, the words still ringing in my ears.

NO.

 The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how...

The clouds above opened up and let it out.  

My mind kept replaying that one single word over and over and it almost felt like it was someone else who got ready and rode the elevator to the hotel lobby, who got in the team bus and rode to the stadium, who wore his football jersey and shorts and cleats and was about to play the most important game of his career. It was someone else who did all those things while I hovered a few meters above the ground, detached not only from my body but also my soul. Neymar walked, spoke when he was spoken to, warmed up for the game, stood in line behind his teammates, with his hand on the shoulder of the one in front of him, he sang the National Anthem with his hand over his heart and then assumed his place at the head of the Brazilian offence. And while all this was happening, I hovered above the ground like a ghost.

It looked like it was working, detached as I was from my emotions I played better than I would have otherwise. Maybe Liv and the coaches and the world are right. Maybe she's no good for me. Maybe I'm all the better without her.

Suddenly the chanting grew louder and I saw my teammates run towards me and realized someone had scored. The crowd chanted Thiago! Thiago! Thiago! and as my teammates engulfed him in hugs and formed a circle I too was part of, something snapped in me.

 I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere

When the water filled every hole.  

I blinked and I was there. I was there. It was the World Cup and I was playing. The outcome of this game would be defined by me not by her. Win or lose, it would be on me. Like it's supposed to. For the next 80 minutes Liv would not exist for me. For what came after that, I wasn't sure.

Liv's POV.

Sitting in the locker room all by myself I watched the screen as Thiago scored. The goal was what it took for Neymar to come back to himself. Not that he didn't play impeccably before it too – it would be impossible for someone like him not to— but when he snapped back into winning mode he was truly at his best.

That was the difference between champions and the rest. No matter what you threw at them, they would always get themselves back up, they would always fight. Not that that justified what I had done this morning. I was ashamed of myself and how I behaved the past few days. Since we started dating, all I wanted to do was not let our relationship get in the way of the World Cup and in just two days I had managed to fail so, so spectacularly.

It takes a very great person to be able to put all this aside and perform, let alone at Neymar's level. I was so proud of him, even though I had no right to be. I had no right to be in his life anymore and screw it up. I had no right to do anything ever again that involved him.

In my mind I was already planning my great escape out of Brazil and out of his life. Because this morning I realized, that no matter how much I tried to act like I was a different person, a healed person, I was deluding myself and those around me. They loved me under false pretenses and I couldn't allow that anymore.

And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,

Making islands where no island should go.

Oh no.  

My phone rang again, my brother asking me where I was, getting worried. I knew half time was coming up soon and I would have to get out of the locker room.

"Olivia?" I heard a voice and turned around to see coach Coto.

My hands went up to my face instinctively, but there was no hiding the swollen eyes and red cheeks. I got up and started walking towards the door.

"Where are you going? Sit down kid." He told me and I obeyed.

"What – what are you doing here?" I managed to ask.

"If you must know I have to run something by your program."

"Yeah?" I asked, momentarily forgetting the fact that he found me alone in the locker room crying.

"Yeah. Scolari wants to switch things up a little in the second half. Come here, help me operate this thing. You know I'm lousy with technology."

"That's an understatement." I said as I wiped the last drops from my cheeks and joined him. He gave me a pointed look but relaxed into a smile. "Okay tell me what you have in mind and I'll set the parameters."

Without speaking he got a crumbled paper out of his pocket and I recognized both his and Scolari's writing on it. "The walls have ears too." He said as he handed it to me and I got to work.

Two minutes later it was done and printed on the portable printer they had brought with them.

"Thank you Liv. You're not a part of the team anymore and I still think you're the most useful person around here." Before I could even process what he said, he continued: "I have to go out there in a few seconds but first you're going to tell me what's going on."

"Coach I..."

"I know it's about Neymar." He cut me.

"I was awful this morning. I am messing his focus!" I said quickly, my voice squawky.

"Neymar is playing as well as any other day."

"No thanks to me!"

"I think the same way you give him credit when he plays well, you should give him responsibility when he doesn't. You can't blame yourself for everything that goes bad."

"But I..."

"Liv, everyone has problems. Do you imagine all 22 players out there were having the day of their lives yesterday? That everything fell into place for all of them? No. But every single one of them is equipped to deal with their problems and leave them outside the game. That's what it means to be a pro athlete. Neymar too. And even if he makes a mistake today, even if we lose... It's not your fault. And if Neymar blames you then he is not the person either one of us thought he was."

We both stayed silent for a few seconds as I considered what coach Coto said to me. It made sense, it did. Why didn't I see it that way?

"Hey." Coach said again and I looked at him. He smiled and I felt a smile creep up on my lips too. "Now, if that's our last game, you can't spend it here. Not after all you've done for this team." He said and walked towards a locker. He opened it and took a coaching stuff uniform out for me. "What do you say?"

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.

I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.  

I took the uniform from his hand and run to the bathroom to change. I pushed all the thoughts that would make me doubt what he told me out of my head as I got dressed. I threw cold water on my face which was still puffy but looking a lot better. And I promised myself I would hold it together. For Neymar. And for me.


Neymar's POV.

I saw her from the corner of my eye as she entered the stadium. It seemed like no matter where I was, no matter how many thousands of people were around, I would always find her, I would always see her.

I thought it would hurt but it didn't. I thought about how she said no before, that it wasn't over with that guy but it didn't hurt. It didn't feel like it was true. She loved me. I knew that. No matter what she said.

~*~

  The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.

The distance is quite simply much too far for me to rowIt seems farther than ever before.

Oh no.

When the referee whistled signaling half time I ran towards the bench looking for a bottle of water.

She beat me to it, handing me a bottle of cold water and we started walking towards the locker room.

"Thank you." I said. Her cheeks were still red and I knew she was trying to hold herself together. "It's nice to see you out here." I told her.

"Damn right it is!" David said approaching us. "You belong here! With us!" He told Liv, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

She nodded but didn't speak.

The coaches started gathering the players to give instructions before the second half.

"Olivia!" coach Coto yelled for her and she joined him in explaining the offensive tactic we'd follow to Fred and Oscar.

"C'mon guys! It's time to go back out!" coach Tandres yelled a few minutes later. I stayed back as the room cleared. Liv and I were the last two to leave apart from coach Coto who followed us at a distance.

"Livvie..." I started saying but she clasped my hand firmly.

"Neymar, I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have come to your room and upset you but I had to see you, I had to come clean and then I made it worse. I will explain everything to you, I promise, I will tell you everything, I don't want you to worry and play badly and—"

"I know Liv, I know." I cut her. "I'm good. We're good. And I'm gonna play better than I've ever played, I promise." I said and kissed her.

  I need you so much closer  

Liv's POV.

In the second half something changed. I don't know if it was the game or just me but I was so absorbed by it, I yelled and cheered when David scored and stomped my foot on the grass when Colombia's James did too. It almost felt like the very first game, the happiest moment I spent in Brazil, when Neymar and I got together.

  I need you so much closer  

We had been through a lot. And this last one was the worse by a landslide. But we'd get through it too and it wouldn't hurt if we were World Champions while we did it.

  I need you so much closer  

I would have to come clean to him about everything, I knew that. And it would be the hardest thing I would have to do, but I still must do it. If he and I stand a chance, a real chance, he has to know.

  I need you so much closer  

I checked the clock and we had less than 5 minutes left. While we tried to wind down the clock since we were leading in the score, Colombia was playing very offensively. Too offensively...

  I need you so much closer  

Colombia had advanced again and almost all Brazilians were inside the penalty area playing defense. The ball was close to Julio's net when someone, I didn't see who, threw it outside the penalty area and everyone in the bench exhaled with relief.

  I need you so much closer  

The ball landed close to Neymar who tried to control it midair and launch a counterattack when he took a knee in the back by a Colombian. He fell forward and the ball reached Maicon who continued running towards Colombia's net.

  I need you so much closer  

For a second it seemed like only I had seen, only I realized... The scream that escaped my lips must have been second in volume only to Neymar's. I saw everyone in the bench turn to look at me in terror but I broke in a run towards him. Hands stopped me and I tried to fight them, my eyes still focused on Neymar, laid down on the grass. Marcelo had bent down next to him, talked to him for a second before he signaled towards the bench for a stretcher.

The game paused but the hands around me didn't loosen their hold. I yelled for them to let me go but to no avail.

"Hurry!" I heard someone say and in every giant screen, I could see Neymar crying and screaming in agony. This can't be, I thought to myself.

This can't be happening again.

 I need you so much closer

So come on, come on  

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