It was almost dark when I woke up the next morning. The sun was barely out but I decided to get up anyway. I found myself wanting to walk around, at dawn and appreciate the place. In a few days we had the first game of the World Cup which would be held in Rio, but after that we'd start travelling a lot around Brazil. I wanted to see all of Brazil but at the same time I didn't want to leave Granja Comary. I had grown to love this place.

Life was complicated lately, but somehow I didn't feel anxious about the future at all. I guess, the serenity and the quietness of the morning in such a beautiful place helped you gain perspective.

I have overcome a lot in my life, I thought. This is nothing. I lived through the worse experience of my life two years ago. Lived through it and survived. One thing is certain in this world and I don't know if it's good or bad. Life goes on, no matter what. No matter who you are, time doesn't stop for anyone. Wounds don't heal completely, there's always scar tissue left but maybe the remainder that you lived through that and survived is a good thing.

"You look very deep in thought."

"Alex. Why are you up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He said approaching me. He sat next to me on the bench that looked towards the pond, the same bench we had sat on a week ago, when I told him we should give our relationship a try. We tried and failed.

"I'll miss this place." I said.

"I'm not sure I share the feeling." He told me, looking ahead. The sun was coming out in front of the pond, the rays illuminating the water, playing with the different colors and shades.

"You can't not miss that." I said gesturing ahead of us, towards the pond.

"The view is good, I'll give you that."

"Alex, I am sorry for everything." I told him.

"You know," he started saying and took a deep breath, "when I broke up with you, I told myself she'll come back, if she comes back it means she does care. But you never came."

I didn't say anything right away. He was right, I didn't fight for us. It was on me to save or sink our relationship and by choosing to do nothing I chose the second.

"And I guess that was my answer." He continued.

"I really like you, for what it's worth. And I tried to not be stuck at him, I really tried. I thought that he had his life and I should move on with mine but I couldn't. Not fully. But I never meant to hurt you. And when we were together I would never..."

"I know you wouldn't cheat on me Liv. I know you'd rather suffer in silence like you did, making me think that everything was great with us."

"I wasn't suffering with you. On the contrary. You were always a relief for me Alex and a source of joy. It's myself I can't live with."

"I wish you'd see yourself through my eyes. Or his eyes. Maybe you wouldn't be so hard on yourself then. Instead of punishing yourself for what you wanted maybe you'd be out there trying to get it."

"Have you ever considered that I might actually deserve it?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Never." He said turning around to look at me. He took my hands in his and the familiar warmth spread through me.

I smiled at him but I felt like I was on the verge of crying. He leaned towards me and kissed me lightly on the lips and then on the cheek.

"You'll be alright." He said.

"Can we stay friends?" I asked him as he stood up. "And I don't mean just here, in Brazil, but when we get back too."

"Of course." He said, giving me a half smile. "I just have to get over you first." He said as he walked away and I wasn't sure if he was joking or being serious.

After a while when the sun had come up in the sky and the restaurant opened I decided to head for breakfast. Only a few people where there and I spotted Neymar but he was with his father so I went to the other side of the room and sat on a table. I wasn't very hungry and I pushed the food from the one side of the plate to the other instead of eating.

"Hi." I heard him say. I hadn't even realize he had walked up to me.

"Hi." I said, raising my head to look at him. From the corner of my eye I noticed his father walking out the cafeteria, looking at us angrily. "Your father doesn't like me." I commented.

"No he doesn't." Neymar said, sitting across from me.

"He doesn't?" I asked and he looked at me confused. "I just said that 'cause he looked angry but... you were supposed to say I was wrong."

"He doesn't like you. He thinks you're distracting."

"Yeah? Do people get dizzy looking at me?" I asked mockingly.

"Not people. Just me." He said, his tone serious.

"I am distracting you?" I asked, suddenly breathing heavily. We were once again in our own little bubble, the only two people in the world.

"Very." He said and licked his lips absentmindedly. I wondered who was distracting who. "Besides there was this black eye I was sporting a couple of days ago and he thinks you are to blame for that."

"He is actually right about that one." I sighed. "Want some pancakes?" I asked trying to change the subject. Typical me. I pushed but when he started pushing back I pulled back in.

"I already ate." He said, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Stop looking at me like that." I said.

"Like what?"

"You know like what!"

He smiled, his brilliant smile that illuminated his face.

"How is David?" I asked. "Did you talk yesterday?"

His face turned serious again. "Yeah but it didn't do much good. Sarah called him a bunch of times but he didn't pick up. He's convinced she cheated on him."

"They were broken up."

"It doesn't matter though, does it? That kind of relationship, you aren't broken up. There's no one else for David but Sarah and there's no one else for Sarah but David. And that's how it is."

"That kind of relationship doesn't sound half bad."

"No it doesn't. Not at all." He said, eyeing me carefully. "But it's not for everyone."

I nodded. "But them? They will figure it out."

"I think so too. If they talk..."

"Then we'll make them talk."

~

"I can't believe this." David said when he saw Sarah. She was waiting in the game room with Neymar who had driven up to Rio to get her.

"C'mon David, don't be a child." I told him, urging him to move forward. When Sarah saw him, she got up and took a step towards him which caused David to stop abruptly and me to fall onto him.

"Ouch." I explaimed, my foot hurting where he stepped on me. David didn't even realize.

"We are gonna leave you two. Sarah I trust that David will take you home." Neymar said. David opened his mouth to say something but we shut the door behind us before he could.

"I hope this works." I said.

"Me too." Neymar said as we walked towards the hall. "Hey Marcelo!" He yelled when he spotted Marcelo ahead of us.

Marcelo stopped and turned around. "Hey guys."

"Where you going?" Neymar asked him.

"The pool. Almost everyone's there." Marcelo said. "Your boyfriend too." He told me, winking at me.

"My what?" I asked in disbelief.

"Hey don't even deny it! My room is just above your love bench!" He said jokingly. When no one laughed his face grew serious too. "I mean... not your boyfriend..." He started saying.

"Excuse me." Neymar said and walked off.

"I screwed something up, didn't I?" Marcelo asked.

"What did you mean?" I asked him.

"Alex. I saw you this morning."

"Oh." I said, finally remembering. "Did that look like making out to you?"

"I thought you two got back together!"

"No... The opposite actually." I said.

"Sorry Liv."

"No harm done." I said reassuringly. It wasn't as if we weren't standing on two different sides of a chasm already. Who would take that kind of leap?

"Wanna come to the pool?"

"I'm gonna pass. See you later though?"

As Marcelo walked away, I walked towards my room. Standing in the corridor, wondering if I should go to Neymar's room and explain or let it go, Alex's words came back to me: 'if she comes back it means she does care. But you never came.'

 With a sigh I opened the door to my room and got in.