When I woke up the next morning the sun was barely out. I got up feeling even more tired than I was before I went to bed but decided to get ready anyway. There was no one awake yet so I decided to go outside for a quiet walk. There was mist and the grass was wet.

As I walked across the empty football fields I wondered how I screwed up so bad. And then my mind wandered and memories that I had tried so hard to repress came right back. I felt so guilty.

I remembered icy blue eyes starring right at me. I remembered steady feet kicking the ball, I remembered screaming and laughing and living and then I remembered the promise I made to myself two years ago.

"Hey." I heard and realized someone had walked up to me. "Lost in thought?"

"Unfortunately." I said recognizing the voice and turning around. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep." Thiago said.

"Same here."

"Is it about yesterday?"

"And a few others things." I said. "But let's not talk about that." I said.

"Let's play." He said.

"No, no Thiago." I said remembering another promise I made myself two years ago. No playing football ever. How I forgot it so easily since I came to Brazil?

"You always say no! But I don't get it!" He said controlling the ball with his foot. "It's like you want to play so much but you feel like you have to say no."

"It's kind of like that." I said.

"Aren't you surrounded by a cloud of mystery?" He said throwing me the ball.

More like a cloud of sorrow, I thought.

"Maybe you could make an exception this time?" He offered.

"You know what? I will." I said. Maybe promises are meant to be broken sometimes. If it means breaking them makes you happy.

 "I can't believe you are playing without me!" David exclaimed approaching us.

Before I knew it the sun had come up and people had come outside joining us in the game. Almost everyone was there. I was sweating and the sun was blinding but it was the best game ever.

"Started practice early, I see." I heard and turned around to see Scolari. He and a few of the coaches had come and were watching us.

"You know us, coach! The first game is coming up and we take every chance we can get!" David exclaimed.

"I see. And how about you son?" Scolari turned around. I realized he was talking to Neymar who at some point had come outside but didn't join us in the game. Instead he was sitting on the grass, watching.

"I'm enjoying the game." He said making a gesture towards us. I felt a pain in my chest. Had the events of yesterday not transpired, Neymar would definitely be here playing with the rest of us. He never missed a chance to touch the ball. But the dinner had happened and there was no going back. So him not playing and keeping his distance from me was exactly what he was supposed to do.

I should be the one not playing, not him, I realized.

"C'mon up. Let's play." Scolari said.

"No warming up?" One of the coaches asked.

"They are already warm enough!" Scolari said pointing towards Maicon and Fred. In truth we were all sweating under the torturous Brazilian sun.

I started moving towards the bleachers.

"Where are you going?" Scolari asked me.

I froze.

"Is your foot alright?" He asked me.

I nodded.

"Then you're playing."

"You want me to play?" I asked in disbelief. I am not one to deny my football abilities. In fact I was pretty decent until two years ago when I stopped playing, but nowhere near the level of an NT, even then.

It was his turn to nod.

"C'mon Liv!" Thiago shouted.

Everyone gathered in the center of the field. Peter and Alex were already playing before but they were unsure if they should stay. Scolari asked them to do so.

"Okay we'll do this old school. I pick two captains and they pick teams. But captains be careful to come up with a good plan and fill your positions correctly. Let me see..." Scolari said looking at all of us. "I'm not gonna pick you Thiago, that would be obvious. Okay... Neymar and Julio."

The two of them played a round of scissors paper rock to determine who would pick first and Julio won.

"Thiago." He said immediately.

If I was Neymar my pick would have been either Luiz Gustavo or David, I thought. But Neymar surprised everyone. "Olivia."

David nudged me to go forward and join Neymar as everyone looked at him surprised. This was like picking the worst kid on the team first to cheer them up. But so much worse.

I looked at Alex and I couldn't decipher his expression.

"Bold move." Scolari commented.

"Luiz Gustavo." Julio said and the picking resumed.

Once the teams were picked – David was on ours, thank God- we retreated to the two sides of the court to discuss strategy.

"Why the hell did you pick me first?" I asked Neymar quietly.

"Why not?"

"Don't you remember what we agreed yesterday?"I asked him.

"You agreed."

"Are you seriously trying to make Alex hate me?" I asked spitefully.

He stopped walking and looked at me. "That's not what I am trying to do! I'm trying to get you to understand that I am not giving you up!" He said, raising his voice.

"You should. You have to."

"No I don't." He said.

"I want you to." I said and ran towards the others.

Oscar, Fred and Jo were all on Julio's team so Neymar made me a forward too.

"I think that's your position." David said. "If you played."

"That was my position." I said absentmindedly as we walked.

"You played for real! I knew it." He said excited.

I realized I had slipped up.

"Long, long time ago." I said.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked me.

 "No reason." I said and run up towards the center, getting ready to run forward once the game started.