Chapter 21

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"You and Alex?" David exclaimed.

"No." I said. "No!" I repeated seeing him still staring at me wide eyed. "It's not like we are together or something." I said embarrassed.

"Then what is it like?"

"We were pretty drunk last night and it was after Neymar and I said we'd be just friends and..."

"And you hooked up with someone else out of spite?" He almost yelled.

"What? No! For God's sake!" I exclaimed. "I didn't sleep with him! How could you think that? We just kissed. And then we fell asleep."

"Still, why would you do that? Are you in to him?"

"Yeah... No. I don't know." I sighed.

"Great. Fucking great." He said.

"Why are you taking this so hard?" I asked.

"Because there is such an easy solution for all of this! My solution."

"And what's that?"

"Listen." He said turning to look at me. "You go up to Neymar and say: 'I like you.' And then he says: 'I like you too.' The end."

"That is never going to happen." I declared.

"Why not? Why am I the only one sane?"

"It's easy to be sane and logical about someone else's love life." I said as Alex came back and we had to put this conversation in the back burner.

"Rio day!" He said as he sat across from us. "Are you excited?"

"To be honest, I'd rather spend the day in bed." I said. When David choked for a second time and Alex's eyes turned wide I realized how they must have mistaken what I said. "I mean to sleep. By myself." I said the last to words to David.

"You couldn't wait to go to the statue of Christ the Redeemer. This is one of our stops, right?" Alex asked.

"Of course." David answered.

I noticed Thiago coming inside followed by Neymar. The got breakfast and joined us. Neymar sat next to Alex, giving me a smile.

He must be really cool with the whole friend thing, I thought. Of course. I wasn't talking to him and he wanted me to forgive him. And now that I had and we were friends, we had seemingly solved all our problems. Except for the fire burning inside of me. I sincerely hoped this fire wouldn't turn into an uncontrollable vomit. I wondered if I had the strength to be friends with him. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to it so quickly. Maybe talking to him would be harder than not talking at all.

And yet in spite of myself I smiled back. Because seeing him smile made me feel like his warmth was radiating towards me. Like it illuminated the room and cast a light upon every living object.

"When are we leaving?" Thiago asked. "We should start waking people up."

David nodded and they started counting people and figuring out the car situation. I didn't pay attention to them. I was looking at my plate and glancing up towards Alex and Neymar.

They spoke little to each other, they weren't that close, but I knew that Alex admired Neymar as a footballer. Having them sit side by side would draw me to start making comparisons but I didn't want to do that. They were so different and trying to compare them wasn't right.

"Thanks for the ride yesterday." Alex told Neymar between bites.

"Sure, no problem. I wasn't even sure you noticed that." Neymar said.

Alex chuckled. "Yeah, no. I didn't. Liv told me later. I was like, hey how did we come back?"

Neymar nodded, amused. But I saw his eyes turning darker as the seconds passed. Did he realize what 'later' meant? And most importantly why would he care?

"How is your ankle?" he turned towards me.

Before I could answer Alex cut in. "Your ankle? What happened?"

"She fell and twisted it. While she tried to get you in my car." Neymar said, his tone suddenly harsh.

"Really?" Alex said, looking very concerned.

"It wasn't that big a deal." I told him. "And it feels better." I told Neymar.

"I'm so sorry babe. I was so out of it." I flinched at the word 'babe'.

Neymar was gripping his fork so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"Que está errado meu amigo estúpido?" David asked Neymar.

I didn't realize what he said exactly but I noticed he had called Neymar stupid. Neymar let go of his fork and looked at David. They seemed to communicate without words.

They both got up. "In half an hour in the parking lot." David said to the rest of us.

I turned my gaze back to my plate, sure that I wouldn't be eating.

"Are you done?" Alex asked me.

I nodded.

"Want to take a walk?" he asked me.

We got up and started walking outside.

"About yesterday..." He started saying. "I'm sorry for ambushing you. I know I didn't communicate my feelings very well before..."He breathed. "I just... I like you. A lot."

My first thought was if yesterday's events were ambushing, what was this? He just said he liked me and I had to give my answer. I knew very well why I hesitated.

I liked Alex. I just wasn't sure I liked liked him. Yesterday was fun but if I wasn't sure about my feelings, how could I be sure I wasn't just using him? And I didn't want to do that. He was too good of a guy to be screwed with.

"You don't have to say anything." He said when a few seconds had passed without me speaking. He is giving me an out, I realized.

I turned towards him and looked him in the eyes. "Let's just take this slow. And see what it is."

He nodded, smiling. He put his hand in mine and we continued the walk. We sat on a bench and spend the rest of the time talking, until we had to be at the parking lot.

When we got there everyone was gathering. Marina gave me a knowing look, focusing on my hand that was intertwined with Alex's. I made a sign with my face, meaning we would talk about this later and gently dropped his hand.

"The sitting arrangements have been made people and there is no changing them!" David exclaimed at all of us.

I rolled my eyes. Typical David.

He started calling people and telling them in which car to go too. "Also, this is like school. You are responsible for your seatmates! Make sure no one gets lost!"

"We aren't fourteen." I told him.

He gave me a look that screamed: Are you sure?

Maybe he had a point.

"The happy couple please go on to Bernard's car." David told Marina and Bernard. "Oscar too."

"I don't want to be a third wheel!" Oscar wheel!

"The sitting arrangements are non-negotiable!" David told him.

I found this whole ordeal pretty funny. David sure knew how to crack everyone up. I wondered if there was anyone doing the same for him. I decided to try to be that person.

"My love," he turned towards me and tapped the white Porsche he was leaning on. Neymar's Porsche. "You had expressed your admiration for this car."

He and I both knew that I couldn't express my feelings about this in front of everyone. A smirk appeared on his face.

"Whose car is it?" Alex asked.

"Mine." A familiar voice said. Neymar had just arrived. "I might even let you drive this time." He said, emphasis on this. He moved towards the car too.

"You've been in his car before?" Alex whispered in my ear.

"He means yesterday." I said, even though I was sure he didn't mean yesterday. What I didn't know was why both David and Neymar challenged me so much in this.

Alex nodded and thankfully the matter was dropped. I knew that me asking to change cars with someone else would be making matters worse and since Alex hadn't made the request either it was better to let it go. I had no idea who else would be in Neymar's car since I tuned out after that, but it didn't matter. It was just a friendly ride, with my friend Neymar.

"Let's do this people! To the first stop!" David said. Everyone started walking towards their cars, getting in and leaving until it was just Neymar, David, Thiago and me.

"The old gang?" I asked, smiling. The four of us would always somehow end up together.

"Not quite." David said and he started walking towards his car.

"We're going with yours?" I asked him but at that moment Neymar got inside his.

"No, we are." David answered, pointing at himself and Thiago.

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, we have to take care of some things for the day, make some arrangements." David told me approaching. Both Thiago and Neymar had gotten in the cars and couldn't hear us.

"Then let me come with you!"

"And leave your poor friend alone?" Again, emphasis on the friend.

"Thiago can go with him!"

"Are you afraid of spending time alone with him or something?" He half asked, half mocked me. "And if you came with me, you'll miss the first stop. It's the statue." He told me.

"You are quite proud of yourself for your little plan!" I said smacking him in the head.

"Ouch! And yes I am!" He laughed as he walked towards his car.

Fuming I turned around and got on the passenger's seat on Neymar's car.

"Is it so hard for you to spend time with me?" He asked me when I closed my door.

I turned to look at him in astonishment. He was right, I realized. My behavior had been horrible. To anyone watching this, it seemed like I was really unhappy to ride with him.

"No, no!" I yelled. "I was mad at David for..."

"For what? For making us ride together? I thought that after yesterday everything was okay between us!"

"Everything is! Look, I'm sorry, you're right. It looked bad, but I swear it wasn't what you thought."

"It seems like we only spend our time apologizing to each other lately." He noted.

He was right. We weren't friends and we weren't anything more than friends. We were in limbo, I realized. And it made matters worse.

"What are you saying? That we should just stop trying? Give up?" "No." he said quickly. "I don't know." He added.

I realized we were driving at a very high speed as we passed Dani's car.

"I do." I said. "I don't want to."

"I don't want to either. But if it's too hard... That's saying something."

I didn't answer. It was too hard. He had a girlfriend that didn't like me and I wasn't sure if I liked her. I had Alex, who wasn't my boyfriend, at least not yet. I liked him, but... I wasn't about to lie to myself. I had feelings for Neymar too and maybe that was the reason I lashed out at David every time he purposefully threw us together. Maybe I was afraid I couldn't handle it.

And sometimes... Sometimes watching Neymar, his eyes, his reactions, I had the faintest idea that he had feelings for me too. But I was always quick to dismiss it. Because he was the kind of guy who always spoke his mind. If he had feelings for me, he wouldn't have gotten back together with Bruna. Therefore he had feelings for her. If he had them for me, he would have made me aware of them, as David had said. He knew his friend.

I sighed and that made him look at me. Our eyes locked for a second and I was glad I wasn't the one driving because I would have put us in jeopardy. He turned his gaze to the road and that gave me a chance to study his features.

I shouldn't, I told myself. I should cut it out.

I will try, I promised myself. I have to give Alex a fair shot. I owed it to myself. Alex could be my future, not a two month thing. But in order to do that I had to push all thoughts away.

When this ride is over, so will my feelings be. Like a drug addict, saying one more hit, like an alcoholic, savoring one last drink. That is how I felt. One more minute and then nothing, one more second, until the engine stops roaring.

And it did. And it felt like something died inside me. I got outside and realized we were the first ones there. There were tourists there but they didn't pay us any attention. Neymar had his cap and sunglasses on but I was sure that once everybody got there we would definitely be recognized. And I shouldn't be near Neymar when that happened.

"Now what?" I asked fully aware that this was the first time either one of us spoke since he said things were too hard between us. "Are we waiting for everyone else before we go up?"

"We can't do that. We will lose."

"Lose what?"

 "The scavengers hunt."

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