Chapter 1

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Daniel POV

"Wake the fuck up!" I heard my door get pounded followed by the sound of my mother thundering away.

The cold air blew through my window making me snuggle further into my sheets. That was my favorite feeling— the thick security of a warm blanket surrounded by cool air. I was just starting to doze off again when I heard her loud footsteps leading back to my room. I snapped my eyes open and angrily tossed my blanket aside, getting out of bed. Can't she give me one more minute?

The door flung open and her sunken eyes spotted me rummaging through my closet. Seeing that I was out of bed, she left, and I grabbed my clothes taking them to the shower. I turned the water so it was cold, needing something to wake me up. My muscles tensed when I stepped in and I felt my head go numb before I got used to the cold.

This was my favorite part of the day that didn't involve sleep. I was alone, with just my thoughts. Even if they got dark, at least nobody could get me in here.

I got out in less than five minutes, then pulled on my dark clothes, starting my walk to school. The streets weren't alive yet, so it was relatively safe.

First class was History, with Mr. Carter. I pulled on my hoodie trying not to be noticed, walking towards the classroom.

"Hey! Faggot!"

I walked quicker.

"Hey—!"

When my dad was alive, I felt comfortable to come out to my parents at age eleven. My mom wasn't tolerant at first. She said I was too young to know, that blue states like California and Oregon were brainwashing people into thinking being gay was cool. My dad eventually talked her into accepting me. I had a feeling he'd always known— maybe even before I did. Still, the looks of disappointment I saw every time my mother looked at me would never go away. It was likely that she complained to other parents about my "condition" early on, because soon most of my friends and classmates knew. The only one who stayed with me was Sean. I had been bullied before for being smaller than the other kids, but after that everyone knew I was gay, it became worse. Sean was stronger than most of the bullies and their leader Mason Williams, so by the end of middle school they learned to stay away from us.

But then Sean left.

His dad got a killer job in Los Angeles, and his family moved there right before freshman year.

I had hoped that Mason and his posse would have forgotten about me in high school, which worked out okay during freshman year. Before the year ended— I'd almost made a few friends. They seemed to remember at the start of this year. As soon as Mason started paying more attention to me, the friends I thought I was making started acting like I didn't exist. I couldn't blame them— there were whispers around the school about Mason that he was friends with the gang members around town. Around this time I would start to get anxiety attacks. Early in the year, Mason and his friends would just do small things, like shove the books out of my arms, or spray paint my locker, as if they were testing how far they could go without upsetting the teachers. But the teachers didn't seem to exist outside of the classroom, which Mason soon learned.

"I'm talking to you fag." Mason spat in my face. Jay and Tyler, his brainless sidekicks, laughed behind him. I didn't say anything and closed my eyes, trying to calm down.

Then Mason slapped me. Hard. My cheek burned and I started to back up towards the classroom away from him, but Jay stuck his foot out and tripped me. My head hit the floor painfully, and I felt an ache spread throughout my skull.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself, trying to cover my head. Tyler grabbed my arms and tore them away then Mason hit me again.

"We're not done with you, fag." Mason spit and they walked away to class.

I sighed in relief, savoring my moment of peace on the ground, before dread started to fill me. I'd have to find somewhere to hide during lunch. I slowly got up and walked into the classroom, a little dazed, my head throbbing. Sitting at the back of the class in the corner, I put my backpack on the desk and rested behind it until class started. Mr. Carter droned on and on about some war we were supposed to have read about last night. After history was English, which was just as boring. We were having a class discussion about Macbeth, which basically meant that the teacher sat behind his desk and daydreamed, two of the top students engaged in a heated debate with a few others sometimes chipping in, while the rest of the class passed notes and stared at the clock for an hour an a half. Then it was lunchtime.

I walked down the hallway and into the bathroom, where I hid in the last stall, hoping Mason would stay in the lunchroom. Every time the door opened, I cringed hoping it wasn't him. Eventually, I heard more than one pair of footsteps enter and froze, trying to keep my breathing as quiet as possible.

"Yeah, he probably went home to go cry to his mom." That was Tyler.

"Dude. You know his moms like, a whore right?" That voice belonged to Mason.

"Whaat?" Jay and Tyler laughed.

"Yeah my dad came home one night last week and he told me she was a really easy ride."

What...?

"Dude that's hilarious," Jay said, before trying to open the stall I was in. "What the— why is this locked this stall is empty." He said looking for a pair of feet.

Fuck.

Tyler grabbed onto the top of the stall and pulled himself up to see me crouching on the toilet seat.

"Wow that's pathetic," he said dropping back down to the floor, "guys Layman's in there."

"Fuck off." I said loudly, hoping they couldn't hear the quiver in my voice.

More laughter.

"Get out Dannnyyy," Mason teased.

But I didn't. As long as the stall was locked, I'd be safe.

"Fucker. Dude I'll just go under he can't fight for shit" said Jay. He started crawling and my heart was racing. His head appeared. I panicked and kicked his face as hard as I could. Crack. The back of his head hit the door and I saw blood spurting out of his nose. He quickly got out, clutching his face.

"Shit!"

They're gonna kill me.

"You're dead."

They took turns kicking the stall door, and I saw it slowly start to break. I hoped the bell would ring before it did. Luckily, they eventually gave up.

"Guys let's just go, we'll finish this after school." Mason said.

There was a slight pause, then—

"Okay." The door opened and closed and I was alone in the bathroom again. I waited a moment, and once I thought I'd heard their footsteps fade away, I got out of the stall. Class would start soon. I opened the door and jumped back at the sight of Mason's evil grinning face.

My heart stopped. I stupidly tried to run past them but was immediately grabbed by the back of my hoodie and back thrown to the floor of the bathroom by Tyler. Shit.

"Get him back for your face," Mason said to Jay, as he grabbed my hair and forced me to stand. Jay looked furious. His face was a mess. Before I could get out of Masons grip, he slammed his fist into my eye. I felt it start to swell and my vision blanked for a minute.

I tried to cover my face with my arms, but he still managed to hit my face again, then my stomach. I hunched over, losing my breath, and felt blood slowly running down my face from my nose.

"Stop-" I tried choking out. I was struggling to breathe and started coughing. If I had eaten anything, I probably would have thrown up.

"Hey, let's go before someone comes in," Tyler said with— was it fear?

Jay ignored him and started dragging me toward the full size mirror. I struggled against him but I was too weak and out of breath. He grabbed my hair and slammed my face into the mirror. I heard the sound of the glass shattering, and falling to the ground. I felt some of my skin slice open and start to bleed. I groaned in pain, blindly trying to fight him off. All I could see were blurs and black spots. He shoved me away from him and I stumbled backwards landing on the floor. They walked out with Mason laughing loudly, right as the bell rang.

I waited five minutes on the ground, trying to keep my consciousness. I heard the bathroom door open but the footsteps retreated and it closed quickly. I opened my eyes and tried to stand up. My legs were shaking badly, so I had to steady myself on the sink while washing my face. I painfully picked out a thin shard of glass from my forehead, and tried wiping away the blood with a damp paper towel. When I was done, there was much less blood but my face was still a swollen mess.

"Shit."

I left the bathroom, about ten minutes late to Chemistry. I pulled my hoodie back on when I entered the room and ignored the teachers reprimanding. I shared this class with Mason, Tyler and Jay. They laughed loudly when I took a seat. Our classmates looked around curiously as I hid behind my backpack.

Two long class periods later, I rushed out of school and started walking back home. I passed through one alleyway where there was a small huddle of gang members smoking and staring at me until I was out of sight. I kept my hoodie up and my head down, then accidentally ran right into a guy about a foot taller than me. He grabbed the front of my jacket.

"Watch where you're going," he said and shoved me away.

"Sorry" I mumbled, still looking down. He walked away, looking back at me and shaking his head. I kept walking through dark alleyway shortcuts, and when I finally got home I went straight to my room in case my mom was there too. I didn't want her to see my face. I heard the front door open a while later and heard her giggling and talking to a man with a deep voice. I remembered what Mason had said about his dad and my mom and jumped to my feet. Forgetting about my appearance, I walked down to see who she was with.

The man was average looking, with brown hair and dark eyes. He seemed to be in his early forties. He looked at me when I entered the room.

"Who's this?" He asked.

"This is my son. Weren't you going to your friends house soon Daniel?" My mom said, sending me an annoyed look.

What friends?

"Hey Daniel. My name is Dave." The man said.

"Hey. What are you talking about mom?" I replied to both of them trying to piss my mom off.

"What's his name- Sean! Weren't you going to Sean's house later?"

"Mom I told you. Sean lives in California now. But great idea." I said dully. My stomach grumbled and my face throbbed, reminding me about how fucked up I probably looked. I was curious as to why my mom hadn't mentioned it, but knew she didn't care. I gave them a last glare and went back upstairs.

I tried to get some homework done, but mom and Dave were making so much noise I couldn't concentrate. I climbed out of my window and crawled up to the roof, where I couldn't hear them. The roof was nice because I could sit there and nobody would know where I was. Not that anyone looked for me. But it was more peaceful than anywhere else.

About half an hour later, I heard a car pull out of our driveway, so I went back down to my room. My mom burst through the bedroom door.

"What the fuck happened to your face? Did you pick a fight?"

I didn't know why she would think that. Nobody had ever taught me how to throw a punch.

"No."

"Well do something about it- you can't just come down and embarrass me like that! Don't let it happen again." She left the room.

Well thanks for asking mom, I'm fine.

I lay down on my bed and tried doing my homework. Ten minutes in, I realized that I had no chance, so I stuffed my unfinished papers into my bag and tried to sleep.

What the fuck do I have to live for?

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