Rowan

      "Cat caught your tongue, Mr. Masters?" Alana said, sarcasm dripping her voice.

       She was the same. Fierce and strong as ever.

      "Kind of hard to think of anything to say when you're all dolled up looking like a movie star."

   "Oh, Stop it!"

   "Stop what, Miss Hayes?"

   "Flattery isn't going to get you out of this situation." For the first time she gave me that heartwarming smile. 

    "Well, it sure made you smile." She laughed  and I thought my heart skipped like a little girl in a meadow full of flowers. She still had that impact on me. I loved her. A lot.

    Suddenly, her laughter disappeared and there were fresh tears in the corner of her eyes.

    The world around me seemed to have disappeared because I saw only her and it pained me to think that she had traveled all the way just to see me even though I'd been against and had acted like a douchebag. Alana did things to me that I never thought I would ever allow anyone to.

    I grabbed both her hands in mine. "Why are you crying, baby?"

   "I'm so happy to see you." Her lower lip quickened. "This is all my fault. If I had been a little more supporting...you would never have..."

    "Hey....hey. Don't blame yourself, Alana" I wiped her tears with my thumb. "This is no one's fault. I ended up doing this because I wasn't thinking straight. I'm still not stable."

    She hugged me tighter like I would disappear if she let me go. I breathed in her familiar scent of peaches and something else I couldn't put my finger on. "I love you so much." She whispered.

    "I love you too, baby." I whispered back.

     I led Alana to the sitting area. We settled down on a leather couch, Alana wasn't letting go of my hand.

    "You look beautiful, but you've lost some weight. Haven't you been eating well?" I asked her.

     "I guess I was just tensed for a couple weeks, you know, with everything happening." She said.

     "I'm sorry, baby."

     She shook her head. "Can I visit you again tomorrow?"

     Alana looked hopeful and I didn't want to disappoint her. "Of course, you can. How long are you planning on staying in Denmark?"

     "I can't stay long. I'll be going back on Monday. So, I just have the weekend." She said, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

      So we only had tomorrow together.

      Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea.

     "Where are you staying?" I asked.

      "It's a hostel, not that far from here. Probably fifteen minutes away."

      "That's great, Baby. I'm not sure how you are able to afford this, but, I'll arrange to have your ticket and your hostel paid." I assured her, and expected to smile in return, but she scowled at me.

      "I don't like this, Rowan!" she pulled her hand away from mine.

       I didn't like having to lose her touch.

      "What are you talking about?"

      "Why do you always treat me like a child? I'm not Minnie!" she was on the verge to yell at me, but somehow toned down her volume when she realized there were people around. "I had savings from when I worked at the restaurant and the ticket was an advance birthday gift from Chez and Nina."

     I was speechless for a moment.

    "Baby, they are students. Chez and Nina have college in future, how could they afford to pay for it? I'm very touched by their gesture, but I can't allow them to pay for something that I could have covered easily."

   Alana threw her hands up in frustration. "Covered easily? How much will you lie to me, Rowan? I know that your father is paying for the rehabilitation and you promised him to pay back when you're out of this place."

   Once again, I was overcome with shame. I'd failed as a teacher, a boyfriend and now as an adult. I covered my face with my hands. Alana knew that I was knee deep on the verge of bankruptcy.

    "I'm sorry, Rowan, I didn't mean to say that."

    "It's okay, Alana. You're right. I'm not doing that well, financially. And it's part of the reason I couldn't come to meet you."

    "So just let this go, okay? They did it for me. And you're just going to hurt their feelings if you offer to pay for it." She smiled again, and I didn't want to upset her again.

    "Yeah. I understand." I took her hand in mine again and kissed it.

    We talked some more, mostly I listened to her speak. I liked the sound of her voice and it felt peaceful to hear her talk about herself and how she spent her time while I was gone. She mentioned that Dwight had been nice to her and took her out almost every weekend, be it the beach, park or the aquarium. Envy sunk its claws into my brain, I felt envious that I wasn't part of it. From the looks of Dwight and her had gotten pretty close. Closer than what I liked.

    "Can I kiss you?" Alana asked me out of the blue.

     "Why, baby? Can't you wait until tomorrow, when we are all alone?" I whispered.

     "Just one kiss. No one would notice." She whispered back moving closer.

     I chuckled glancing around to see if anyone would care to notice. "I don't think a quick peck would be a problem."

     I leaned in and she claimed my lips. I kissed her only briefly, tasting her sweet lip-gloss and pulled away when our tongues almost touched. I couldn't go on knowing that I needed to keep my emotions in check.

       "So, how is it like here? Do you have any friends?"

      "I do. Would you like to meet them?" I asked.

     The next few minutes passed by in fast introductions, Hansen was glad to see Alana, but by the look on his face, I think he hadn't imagined her to be so young. Sometimes, I wondered if I'd been right to burden Alana with myself. All of this was a lot to handle for a eighteen year old because she deserved better and not a boyfriend with a history of alcohol and drug abuse. She deserved someone safe. Probably someone who was the same age as her, a guy who could take her out to movies and cute dates. I should have been the least of her worries, but I had failed her.

     An hour passed in a blink of an eye, and it was time for the visitors to leave. Alana wasn't letting go of me, she hugged me once again. I caressed her back, drawing slow circles on her back.

     "You'll see me tomorrow. I promise, and I'll have something special planned just for you." I kissed the top of her head.

     Alana pecked my lips once again. "Can't wait. Bye, Handsome."

     "Bye, baby. See you tomorrow."

      I waited until I watched her disappear out of the visitors room and made my way back upstairs with a goofy grin on my face.

****

    "Thought you weren't going to be done sucking face." Hansen teased me as I passed him in the library. He appeared to be reading a Edgar Allan Poe book. Very ironic for someone who suffered from schizophrenia.

     "I met her after five months, what the hell do you expect?" I asked, pulling out One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

     "She seems like a good kid." Hansen said, smiling at me. 

     That word kid again, it stabbed right in my heart.

   "Hansen, do you think I'm doing right?" I asked.

   "I don't think I can answer that question, Rowan. It's your call. But, personally, I think she is too young for this shit. No offense, but the girl looks at you like you are a movie star. You know, kind of like that British boy band...what's the name again? Two Direction? Three Direction?"

  "One Direction."

   "Right. That one." Hansen said. "If Alana was my daughter, I would tell her to stay the fuck away from you."

    "I kind of have an urge to punch you man." I admitted, flexing my fingers. "But, I love her. And she loves me."

    Hansen stared into the distance for a long minute, and for a minute I thought he had totally forgotten that I was here having a conversation with him, then a second later he said, "my daughter  was in love with a guy. Big, and bad, he was actually a bully. She said 'daddy I love him and he is my forever and to be honest, it hurt like a bitch. But, what do ya know, she was with another guy the next week. And I heard her say the same thing about him."

    "Do you realize your daughter is in middle school, Hansen? She is fucking ten years old."

     "Yeah. I'm schizophrenic, not stupid. All I'm saying is that kids tend to go through a phase. Teenage girls especially are more fond of older men. The type who drive expensive cars, gave flowers and did some fine and dine. Well, if the man happens to be a little on the wilder side and gorgeous which is your case, then it's like a cherry on top. You understand? Young girls love their thrills and bad boys. Like those Romance novels. Fifty shades of blue, was it?"

    "Fifty shades of Grey." I corrected him. "I get your point, Hansen. You don't think my dating a young girl is a good idea."

     "I didn't say that. But, do you have any idea how long it takes for people like us to actually start living a normal life outside of these damn walls? Do you know how much of a tug of war my wife and I have played because of my issues? You wouldn't know. But, when I see her in pain, when I see her crying her eyes out while I'm not watching, it hurts like a mofo. And makes me wish I'd let her go. I love her that much."

    "I can't let Alana go." My throat tightened. "I love her too much."

    "Think about it, Rowan. Think about what's the right thing to do."

   "I want normal in my life, Hansen. And for once in my life, I think it's Alana who can give me that. Her love is unconditional. She loves me for who I am, not because my father is rich or I have given her gifts. She is different."

   "You see a future with her because she treats your daughter like her own and you plan on going with the flow and making her family. Am I right?"

    Hansen had hit the bulls-eye.

    I let out a sigh. "It's not just because of Minnie..."

    "You want to marry her because she is your comfort zone, but you have never thought about how she will handle this in the future. Rowan, she may stop caring, or she may move on...are you ready if..."

    "Shut the fuck up, Hansen!" I growled. "Next time, I wouldn't talk but my fists will."

Hansen realized he had crossed a line because he raised his hands in surrender. "You gotta take a chill pill, Row. Lashing out at me wouldn't change a thing."

  I brought the book case tumbling down. All the books spiraled on the floor. Frustrated, retreated back to my room and lied down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, realizing that what Hansen had said was indeed true.

  Alana thought life would be rainbows and flowers once I was out of the rehab, but that was far from true. It would be far difficult than what either of us could imagine. I didn't want to ruin her life just because I was selfish enough to let her go.

My eyes glazed over with tears as I turned to face the wall.

Alana had gone through a lot for me and although I always dreamed of her being present in my future, the thought of hurting her made me feel worse. She was only eighteen dammit!

And Marriage would never be easy with me, I knew that much. I would never put Alana in that position.

Even if that meant losing her.

****

A.N: Heya! Hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter! Please Vote and Comment telling me what you think. :)