I woke with a bad start, my head throbbed like it had been minced into tiny pieces and put through a grinder.

It was that bad.

How did I end up in my dorm room, in my bed? I had lost the remaining amount of consciousness last night when I stepped in Dwight's car and I couldn't recall even riding it. I pulled away the comforter and heard footsteps closing in on me. I looked up to see Nina approaching me with a mug of hot chocolate; she perched at the edge of the bed, "Are you okay?"

I snorted, "I've been asked the same question a gazillion times since yesterday. Well, do I look okay?"

"You look shit."

I nodded, at least she was being honest. I loved that part about Nina. She didn't sugar coat anything, "Thanks. I wasn't expecting any better."

I enjoyed my little cup of paradise, "So how did I end up in bed?"

"Let me see..." she pretended to think, steering a spoon in her mug, "You never told me Rowan Masters had a sexy doppelganger. He was the one who carried you in. Said you fell asleep in his car."

"That's Rowan's older brother, Dwight." I told her refraining from throwing back comic comebacks. I wasn't feeling right for it just yet.

"Introduce me to him?" her eyes twinkled.

"Sure."

Dwight could try and charm Nina's panties off, but then again. I'd be jeopardizing Chez's new budding relationship.

I grabbed my phone off the dresser to check for new messages from Dwight but there weren't any. I figured I had to cut class and call in sick at work. Gabe could work as a good cover since calling Manager Blake wouldn't be such a killer idea. He'd just dig me a new route to hell hole.

My continuous mind mapping was cut off by Nina, "we are friends, right? Alana?"

"What? Ofcourse we are. Why that question all of a sudden?"

She shrugged, her shoulders squared. She was in need of a snickers bar, "I don't know. It feels like, you're kind of hiding stuff from me."

"Let me guess the author of your accusation." I took another sip of my hot chocolate, letting the goodness of the flavours to cheer me up a little. Nothing was working yet, "Chez is the answer."

"Not exactly." She bit her lip, "Is something the matter? Something bothering you? You can tell me."

"Rowan just had a very horrible car accident; he'd probably be dead if I hadn't reached on time. The doctors say that he has a forty percent chance of making it out of it. Alive. If that constitutes as a bother than yes, things are bothering me."

Nina's hands went to her gaping mouth, "How? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You told me Dwight brought me in. Didn't he fill you in on that bit of information?"

"No, he just said you were exhausted." She bit her trimmed nails out of nervousness, "I thought you guys were out together with Rowan so I didn't enquire."

When I didn't say a word she continued, "It's not just about yesterday, Alana, I've watched you stress all week. You hang out with us yet your mind wanders elsewhere. I'm just concerned for you is all. I'm probably over-reacting because every relationship has some minor problems if that's what this is about."

"Yeah, you're right. Every damn relationship has problems, but guess what? My problems aren't normal or minor. My relationship problems don't start with Facebook fights on which stranger I added or end with 'which guy I was flirting with'. I wish my problems were that simple but my problems start with my boyfriend getting drunk and ends with him lying in an I.C.U bed." Crying for twenty four hours straight had managed to an end to my non-stop tears.

"I'm sorry Alana."

I was entitled to the word 'Sorry' more times than I could count.

She continued, "It's just that, I don't want you to bottle up all your emotions. I'm here if you want to talk."

"I don't deserve Rowan, Nina, I did so much for him and yet it wasn't enough. Right now, he is in the hospital because of me, because I screwed up. He has a family who cares for him, a daughter who cannot live without him and I...." Nina hugged me close to her, cutting me out.

"You don't need to say anything." I nodded back, "He's gonna be okay."

***

Nina and I cut class to visit the hospital. Chez tagged along with us and when we reached the hospital, I was surprised to see the throngs of people hurdled near the I.C.U wing.

All of them were University students and faculty.

I found Dwight between the swarms of people, looking stressed and half-dead. He spoke to the doctor and allowed me the visitation. The room smelled of fresh flowers, filled with 'get well soon' cards from ex-students that Rowan taught. His eyes remained closed; I touched his hand lightly, taking a seat next to the bed. I spoke to him even though he couldn't hear me; I told him each and everything going on, stuff that I couldn't tell him when he was conscious. That was the drill for the entire week. I made sure I spent quality time next to Rowan. I wasn't going to give up on the little hope I still had within me. Every single night I'd cry myself to sleep and only dream about Rowan talking back to me. Every stream of morning light came off as a reason for me to wake up. I waited for that moment when I'd receive a call from the hospital informing me that he'd woken up.

"You look happy today, Alana?" Gabriel noticed me smiling to myself, "does that mean Rowan is okay?"

I pushed an empty coffee cup into the dispenser, I still sucked at making coffee but with Gabriel around me all the time, I was beginning to pick on a few magic tricks, "The doctors told me he was recovering, almost like a miracle. That's good news right? I mean, he had only forty percent chances of living."

"I'm happy for you, my love" he smiled genuinely at me, that warm soothing angelic halo-ish smile, "It's great to see you smile after so long."

"Once he wakes up, I'm not going to let him go. I'll move into his apartment if that's what it takes." I added extra sugar into the cup of coffee.

My phone in the back pocket of my denims began to vibrate, using phones during duty was a strict NO NO but with what was going on, I could live with breaking some rules. Getting fired off a job wasn't going to kill me anyway.

"Dwight!" I almost shrieked on the phone.

"There's some good news for you."

My insides twisted into little knots with excitement and anticipation, "Tell me, Dwight."

"Rowan has gained consciousness and the first word he uttered was 'Minnie', but he called out to you.  you know what to do babe? Get your ass moving fast."

"If this is some kind of a nasty prank, you're so dead, Dwight." I clicked the phone shut, letting it tumble back into my denim pockets. I pulled at the apron; it came off loose and bundled on the floor.

I threw a fist in the air and jumped into Gabriel's arms, "WHOA, girl, slow down."

He chuckled softly, patting the back of my head, "what happened? Your heart is hammering."

I pulled apart and watched his eyes smoulder, my excitement was going to give out some very wrong signals. I pulled my act together as my legs touched the ground, "My prince charming is waking up from his spell and I need to see him right now."

"Well, can I be your fairy god mother and offer you a ride in my pumpkin?"

Gabriel stared at me in awe as I giggled, "You don't have to Gabe, I don't want to jeopardize your job."

"Leave that for me to worry." He wasn't taking no for an answer, he pulled down his own apron, "Rose, cover for us."

Rose twirled from her grill station, "No problem, boss."

***

The ride in Gabe's beat up truck was pretty slow; the guy jogging on the street was much faster. He kept apologizing for his car. What with the rumbling noises of the engine, I thought the parts of the car would come apart before we even reached the hospital on time. Thankfully, the car was stronger than I thought. I had a better idea; maybe I'd ship my little beetle from back home and let Gabe use it. It wasn't like my parents were driving it. I sure as hell knew it was parked where I'd left it in the garage, catching dust.

I dashed into the hospital building, Gabe remained close behind me. Dwight lingered just outside the door, signing some papers frantically, the thin rims of spectacles hovering over his nose. He seemed to be in deep conversation with the nurse, I watched as the blond petit woman squirm shyly, grinning at something Dwight had mentioned and as if Dwight had sensed me walk in, he glanced up to meet my gaze, "Hey." Then his eyes took a turn and landed on Gabriel, "And who might your friend be?"

"Dwight this is Gabriel, friend and co-worker and Gabe, this is Dwight. Rowan's older brother."

Gabe was the first one to offer a hand shake; Dwight stared at the hand for a moment calculating whether he really wanted to take it and a second later he took his hand without hesitation, "Alana's friends are my friends. Pleased to meet you."

"Uh..Yeah, same here." Gabriel was clearly intimidated by Dwight, "I'll stay here, Alana."

I nodded. The excitement wouldn't stay at bay, it was like meeting your crush for the very first time, "Can I go inside?"

"You can but word to the wise, my lady, stressful arguments is off limits. You know what I mean?"

"Aye, aye Captain."

I took a deep breath as I pushed the door to the I.C.U room open and spotted Claire seated close to Rowan. His bed had reclined upward which had pulled him in a seating position. There was a flutter of butterflies in my chest the second I saw him. Claire rose from her seat, "I'll leave you guys alone."

She winked at me, leaving me to deal with the awkward situation.

Rowan stared at me, remaining tape-lipped, waiting for my reaction. I was all mixed emotions, I wanted to yell at him and I wanted to even apologize for being such a self-centred bitch.

I cleared my throat, "Hi."

Rowan shrugged. Unable to make eye-contact, he murmured, "Hi."

"How are you feeling?" I took the vacated seat next to him.

"Better."

Rowan was playing the mono word game with me again which I so wasn't good at but then he totally stunned me by saying, "I'm sorry."

I caught his intense gaze for a good second, "I'm the one who is supposed to be sorry, not you. Leaving you alone during your darkest time was my mistake, I should've stayed longer but baby, I had no idea that you'd go so far as to..." I couldn't complete the sentence; something just flew in my eye.

Rowan's hand rested over mine, the painful looking injection cap remained inserted, "Baby, don't cry and stop blaming yourself. I'm responsible for my actions. You don't need to cover for me. I have the ability to perceive each and everything in the worst way. I know how scared you were, I saw the way you looked at me and I didn't know what to do. I just flipped when I watched you walk away, but that's how insecure I'm. The real me. The egocentric man, who was seeking for his girlfriend's attention. That's how messed up I'm. I knew I was doing wrong and yet I reached for the gun. I wanted to put an end to everything. It's not even a justification, Alana; I just want you to know how I felt, and I'm ashamed of it."

He then noticed the ring he'd given me and those beautiful dimples kicked in, "You're wearing that?"

"How could I not." I turned crimson like a freakin school girl confessing.

"Do you still love me Alana?" Rowan blinked, trying hard not to daunt me with his anxiousness.

"Ofcourse I do. I love you so much Rowan, that I'm scared....Scared that I might lose myself one day."

"No.No.No. Don't say that baby, I don't deserve your love. Not after the horrible things I've put you through. "

I kept holding onto his hand, caressing it softly, "Demoralizing yourself isn't going to help here. You don't understand Rowan; none of this is your fault. The reason you tried to..." the word got stuck in my throat again, "The reason you tried to kill yourself was because you couldn't control your emotions, it crossed the limit. I was there with you the entire time and I just switched on my coward button. I was scared of you at that point which was the last thing you needed. I was supposed to stop you from reaching that gun but I couldn't. I inflicted so much pain inside you that the last resort you saw was to end everything."

Rowan shook his head timidly, he was in tears again, "That's just me Alana, I tend to go over the edge and make decisions on a whim with too much alcohol and drugs. Insert mental issues and you have the lunatic suicidal version. It's time I started taking responsibility for my actions, so to speak."

I squeezed my butt onto little corner of Rowan's bed, and lightly put my head on his broad and possibly scarred chest, inhaling the hospital soap and gut choking medication smell, like I even cared. It was Rowan, alive and breathing---that's what mattered. He seemed to be muddled by my sudden actions but then he lightly brushed my hair, resting his cheek on the top of my head. There was a momentary silence before Rowan whispered, "Can I ask you something?"

"Hmmm." My mind was reeling on the fact that Rowan had nil clothes beneath the hospital gown; my hand was close to the hem of it which was my route to easy exploration. Dang it! Since when did I mind become so dirty and perverted? I was so close to assaulting a patient, not that the patient would have any issue with the assault.

"Do I have your forgiveness?" he asked me so softly in that polite was of his.

"What kind of question is that? Ofcourse you do."

"But what if I did something similar to this? Would you forgive me then?"

"Haven't I always?" I jerked my head a little upward; tracing his bristle jaw-line. That crestfallen look again was telling me something was wrong, "what's wrong baby? Talk to me. You're not planning on blowing up or terrorizing an entire town, are you?"

He laughed softly followed by a harsh cough, "There is no room for more mistakes, I just want to know if you're still willing to forgive me. One more time."

I began searching his eyes for any hidden truth, "Depends on how colossal your mistake is." I narrowed my eyes at him, "Y'know your question is sounding suspicious even for a hypothetical one. Promise me, nothing stupid."

"I promise." He said, looking me straight in the eye, "no tears. This time, I'll make you proud."

"You already do." I couldn't hold myself as I inched closer and sealed my lips with his. My hands automatically got tangled in his soft curls, his tongue twisting in a sensuous dance. Maybe I pressed a little too hard on his injured chest since he yelped, I pulled away abruptly, "I'm so sorry."

He grinned, "They should transfer me into that private ward now. I'm not needed in here." He beckoned me again so I complied with his wish, spiralling into a hot make out session.

The door barged open without a knock, Dwight poked in, "I was expecting more than this, you love birds need to get a room. The hospital is off limits for sexual pleasures. Oh and by the way, you have a visitor."

Gabriel sauntered into the room, embarrassed on my account. "Hey."

"Rowan this is Gabriel, my friend and co-worker.." emphasis on the word friend, "and Gabe this is Rowan."

Gabe smiled friendly at him, "Alana's keeps talking about you."

Rowan didn't seem pleased to see him, "I'm sure she does."

There. The sarcasm was so obvious. I needed to give a printed hand out with the rules that said 'How to play nice'.

I threw a pointed look at Rowan.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Gabriel said.

"I'm good." Rowan's mouth was set in an arrogant line, "Thanks."

Gabe turned to me, "Alana, I got a call from Rose, we need to go."

"Can you wait outside for a minute, Gabe?"

"Sure." Gabe turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

"Is there something, I should know about?" Rowan interrogated.

"He is a friend and a co-worker, there's nothing else to it." I corrected him.

"I hope. I've noticed the way he gawks at you and I don't like it. I don't like him or the fact that you call him Gabe."

"You're one to become insecure, Rowan because I'm not the one with a clingy ex-girlfriend trying to barge into someone's life so you're entitled to your own opinion."

He ignored me completely as he diverted to a Gabe free topic, "I want you to quit the job and it has nothing to do with your friend."

"What do you mean by quit my job?" my pitch was moving up on a higher notch, I had to be wired up to be thrown out of the room by one of the nurses for being a noisy visitor.

"Let me rephrase my sentence. I want you to resign from your job."

I swear I felt fumes flare from my nose and ears, "You can't go Alpha male on me, Rowan, my parents are already trying to be in control of my life."

"I'm not arguing with you, Alana." He coughed hard, "You need to focus on your university. There's a lot of time for job after that. I've already made arrangements for everything."

"You're gonna pay for my university?"

"University and your personal needs. Everything will be covered. All you need to worry about is your exams and studying, babe please." I was put in a dilemma again, I mean, he was right. The long lectures in the morning, the job in the evening and my endless assignments were becoming a massive overload on my body. "Think of it as a scholarship. This is a professor's request to her favourite student."

I smiled at me, "I don't know. I'll think about it."

"There's no thinking. You're giving your resignation. Period. End of discussion."

"Okay." I couldn't argue more and I didn't want to. Dwight had strictly told Rowan shouldn't be stressed and I knew if I continued with my conversation, it would only be ending up in a huge fight, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Rowan smiled, "Sure."

I pecked on his lips, pulled the covers over his chin and left the room without a second glance. Rowan was already controlling my strings, and I didn't think I could walk out that room with him lying on the bed like that.

****

A/N: Hey guys, hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Again, I'm sorry if's its long. Please vote and comment telling me what you think. It always helps me to improve.