Chapter 21

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  I felt the bad vibes drifting from the seat next to mine. There was a very likely possibility of being sent packing. "Rowan."

"Just shut up and drive."

Rowan's bad mood be damned. Getting insulted was becoming part of my daily routine.

I clenched the steering wheel hard; I might as well drive into a damn tree. I drove the entire way without a word exchange from the either of us. When I outside the dorms, I grabbed for my luggage, said goodbye to Minnie, ignored Rowan like he was the air, walking in the opposite direction of my car towards the dorm building. Rowan had probably expected a formal goodbye with a nice peck on the cheek since he shut the door with an ear-piercing loud bang and drove away. I literally heard the car screech.

Who the hell was he kidding? If he was going to treat me like shit, he was getting shit. No sugar smooches and no 'call me baby.'

                                                                                      ****

I took regular classes from Rowan time to time, for about two hours a day after my daily routine classes. While in the midst of everything, Chez repeatedly showed me the 'I'm hollow man' card and chose to ignore me otherwise. Nina met me in the hallways, but that was only for a few brief minutes. Chez opened his fat mouth once in a while to throw a string of sarcastic insults which were supposed to make me go into hiding, but I fired back with equally witty comebacks. Nina was our usual referee. So far round one was down. If that guy had a bag of guns I was armed with a wider range of artillery. So Bring it!

That was pretty much my routine.

Nina and I were in a mood for a chat and a sip of coffee, so after my study session with Rowan in the noon, we walked to the nearest barista and ordered our favorite lattes as we made our way towards the picnic bench in the park. Just when I thought my evening couldn't get any better, my phone began to ring. I checked the phone that flashed 'SHOUTY WOMAN'

"Its mom. I need to get this." I told Nina as I watched her take a sip of my caramel latte.

"What's up?" I spoke over the phone.

"Don't you, what's up me, Alana." I heard my mom yell on the other end.

Oops! Something bad was going up my alley.

"So...Is it my birthday today?"

"Does turning eighteen give you permission to bend over for the professor?"

I thought I went deaf for a second. Darn it! But, I never thought I'd hear something like that from this woman, "It doesn't, but it defiantly gives me permission to choose who I want to be with or how I want to live my life and that also includes bending over for the professor."

"ALANA." I heard her shout on the other end and the muffled words in the background, which I sure as hell knew was Dad telling mom to calm down or handing her an oxygen mask.

"What is it this time?" I was trying to put up the brave front, but the wonder woman facade was coming apart. I knew I'd be in tears in no time. What's worse, it seemed like Nina probably figured out what was going on since she stared at me wide-eyed, the coffee sipping coming to a pause.

"What is going on between you and him?"

"Your sources are correct; I've been sleeping with the professor for a while now."

"I want a straight answer, Alana."

"I'm dating him, is there a problem?"

"Disgusting." I could practically hear her distaste. "We allowed you so much freedom and you threw it back in our faces. Do you know what the Dean's secretary told us about you?" 

"I'm seriously not interested..."

"He told us how you were seducing the professor for passing grades and you're covering up your tracks by telling me you're dating him? You've got some nerve, Alana. Do you have any idea how humiliating it was for us to hear all that trash?"

"You believed him, right? You think I would do all that for grades?"

Nina became agitated by every passing minute as she fidgeted and started to get busy with her phone just so I could get some privacy, but I knew she was all ears for my conversation.

"Do you have a relationship with him or not?"

"Yes, I do." I told her.

"That explains. You're coming back to Ridgewell with us. I don't give a damn if you miss a semester and stay back a year."

Wow. So, now she was trying to handle the Alana Tv remote control. The last thing I wanted right now was going back to Ridgewell and rot in the prison they called home.

"Thought, I made myself clear when I left that place. I go where Chez goes and even if he chooses to leave Carmel, I'm staying back. I don't plan to come to Ridgewell, like ever. I'd much rather be alone in the dorms then live with you guys."

"You heard her, Rick?" she spoke to Dad in the background, who obviously was listening from the sidelines, better yet, the call could be on speakers and he probably helped her with a few comebacks because my mom's brain only worked where the brain was concerned, the smart lines were probably coming from the lawyer. Then again, my dad had been more on my side. It had to be my mom dominating the situation.

"I'm not coming, but if you do want me to come so bad, why don't you call a minivan full of thugs and get me kidnapped. Yeah?" I told her, "And the last time I checked, I could buy myself an alcoholic drink in the bar, and that makes me oh so legal. I can do whatever the fuck I want."

I heard my mom gasp in horror, her daughter was talking back to her and using the 'F bombs'. That was news flash.

"Well, you are, aren't you?" she chuckled on the other end, like a damn vamp, "how about this, we block all your cards and see how long you can survive without daddy's or mommy's financial help. Let's see how good you can pull those survival instincts and let's not hope you come begging to us within a month."

"Wow, I'm game." Gosh, mom sure knew how to pull those bitchy instincts and I was her daughter.

With that the phone went dead. I could hardly see Nina's facial expressions since my vision became too blurry. She quickly handed me a few Kleenex, "Do you know how cheap she made me feel?"

"It's not your fault."

I rubbed my temple. I knew I looked miserable, "Every. Damn. Thing, is my fault, Nina." I dabbed the tissue to my eyes, smearing most of the liner, "Rowan lost his job because of me. Chez thinks I'm a liar and my own parents cut off my financial sources."

Nina squeezed my hand with both of hers, and then she took over the empty space next to me. Usually you feel comforted in situations like these, but I always had an opposite effect. I cried harder.

"Why does everybody misunderstand us?" I cried softly, "I love Rowan so much, Nina. There's no ulterior motive behind those feelings."

She pushed her latte and her untouched chocolate donut towards me, like it was going to cheer me up. She was at least trying. I looked over at her with teary eyes; "My parents are blocking my cards."

"How are you going to manage?"

 "I only have some money saved up, do you know of a job I can take up? Anything is fine. I just need a temporary job."

Nina must have noticed the desperation in my voice and she looked like someone who'd do anything for me if I would just stop crying so she offered, "You know that diner, right? The Red Grill? Veronica is on temporary leave. I could talk to her if you want. They are looking for a replacement." 

"But...You told me you were taking that job?" Nina had told me earlier about taking up a job at the nearest diner.

She began waving her hands at me, "Don't worry about me. I'll look for something else. Promise."

I was already feeling like a job stealer. But one doesn't protest when having nil choices, "Okay, I'll take it."

"Right, so I'll speak with her and have her call you back."

I pushed the donut back at her, "Thanks Nina. Please don't tell Chez about this. He'll be worried."

"MLAS."

"What's that?"

"My lips are sealed," she snorted, "DUH!"  

We watched a few bicycles and a few people walking their dogs. Kids taking long swings, their happy faces were making me jealous.

Nina decided to break the silence, "I was wondering y'know, if we could all go out together for dinner this weekend."

"Together includes, who?"

"Don't get mad, it's just my idea of fun." She was already under the suspicious eye, "Rowan, You, Me and Chez could go out together for dinner. How does that sound?"

I laughed in her face, making a few birds fly in the opposite direction.

"You're really suggesting that? Chez and I aren't speaking if you haven't noticed yet and I'm really not sure how Rowan would react to a dinner night with my friends, Plus I know Chez would not leave an opportunity to spit in Rowan's face. Sounds like a fancy dinner?"  

"I just think it would be a great opportunity to show Chez how great Rowan is. You think I'm not terrified of Mr. Masters, like c'mon, I used to end up so many times in his office just to get blown off." She shuddered at the memory. Rowan seriously had an impact over Nina.

"Rowan is not like that." I blushed at the mere mention of his name.

"I haven't met him outside of University so I used to think he is pretty strict but I can see what he has done to you, Alana. You guys are so in love, I think it's time you proved to Chez how wrong he is." 

I nodded. "I'll speak with Rowan about it, but I can't guarantee he's going to agree."

"I'll convince Chez, alright?"

And Nina launched into a long conversation about where we should go for dinner, and we settled with the new Pizza restaurant that had opened nearby. Seeing how small Carmel was, our options were limited. I was darn sure Rowan wouldn't want to go since he directly fell into the 'introvert category' but then again I felt excited. I wanted to go out with Chez, Nina and my boyfriend and show them how great we were together.

                                                                                 ****

  I was expecting Rowan to flat out deny the dinner invitation but he surprised me with a wide grin and a 'Sounds awesome.' Does this guy give me a chance to guess?

It was yet another evening of slacking off; I was sprawled on the soft plush rug, watching re-runs of The Supernaturals while Rowan worked in the kitchen, dicing away the red peppers. I was introduced to a new fact that told me cooking was an art. The way his slender fingers worked as he diced each vegetable screamed expertise. I had a sudden urge to copy him, but I knew I couldn't get past cutting my own finger. My cooking skills were shit and cooking for me equated reheating the frozen food.

I had done that mostly back at home and I was sick of it.

I hopped onto the island, dug my fingers into the moist green olive jar and popped one into my mouth. Rowan ignored me at first, concentrating on his cooking. When I had dug my hand into the jar for the fifth or the sixth time, he slapped my hand and said, "Don't do that. You want to eat the olives, get yourself a bowl. You're grossing me out." then he smiled, I knew he was only teasing me, "I'm the boss. My house, my rules."

"Yes, sir."

There were a lot of things that I wanted to discuss with him, but I mostly didn't want to get on his bad side at the end of the day. My questions were likely to taint his good mood; I took my chances nevertheless, "So how did the interview go?"

He shrugged, "I didn't make it."

Rowan had applied for a professor's job at a nearby university which was hardly an hour away from Carmel. With Rowan's qualifications and experiences, it came as a surprise to me that the jack-asses had rejected him, "Why didn't they select you?"

"The C.U committee chairman made sure I don't get a job in any other university for at least a year, it's not like I didn't know about it. It was all about luck which I'm clearly lacking in. Every dog has its day and today, it sure wasn't mine."

Rowan's frustration was hitting rock bottom again because the next thing, he grabbed for a bottle of Jack Daniels and poured himself a second glass. I refrained from spouting any smart remarks but I couldn't keep my cool when he downed a fifth drink. I snatched the bottle away from the island, "You need to STOP drinking. This isn't going to solve your problems and neither is it gonna give you a job."

OKAY. I might've crossed the line there.

"I love it when you rub my issues back in my face; it just reminds me of how worthless I am." That didn't stop him from taking another swig, his voice laced with sarcasm, "You patronize me in a very polite way, Alana. A rare talent."

"I'm not patronizing you," I blew out a breath, "I think you should quit drinking."

 "I see the change in you." He said acidly, downing another glass as he added the ranch dressing to the salad.

"Excuse me?"

"You've been acting very strange lately; it looks like Dwight screwed up your brain that other day you were in his bedroom." I heard him put emphasis on the last word. "You never had a problem with my drinking before, and all of a sudden; you have a damn problem with everything that's me."

"You don't have one drink, Rowan. We are talking about downing a bottle at a time. I had no idea what triggered the anger inside you and I didn't know why it heightened, now I do. Dwight never said anything against you. In fact, he helped me figure you out more."

 "So now I'm the bad guy?" his voice filled with dread and annoyance. I wanted to butt kick this guy hard. "You wanted to know about my past, why didn't you ask me?"

"For starters, you suffocate me with your insecurities." It was time I downed a bottle or two. "If you don't cut it out, you're gonna pull us apart. Do you want that, Rowan? Do you want me gone? Maybe if I go away, you'll be able to drink as much as you want."

The thought of leaving him was horrifying even for me.

Rowans eyes went wide in horror and confusion, the thought of us not staying together was torturing him from the inside. His mocha eyes smoldered to a softer shade, "Don't say that baby, please. I'll try my best to quit, Alana, You're all I want."

"Then will you do something for me?"

"Just say it."

"I'm gonna make an appointment with Dr Sydney Thompson, let's go see her together."

"You think I need to see a shrink?" his calm voice was going to blast in a second, my instincts never lied, "YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?"

"There's no harm in a session. Only one, if you don't like it—we'll step out. I promise."

Rowan let out a loud growl before dropping the large sized crystal bowl shattering down.

"You stop that right now or I'll walk out that door and not come back."

"Do you even know what those medicines do to me?" his voice crackled, the tears dripping from the corners, "They control me, those doctors can't do shit to me—they talk crap about how I'm going to be alright. Do I seem alright to you, Alana? I've spent years being institutionalized, trying to become stable again and they told me I'd be okay once I'm out but it keeps coming back. Those demons keep controlling me and NO FREAKING BODY can do anything about it."

Manic depressions.  Anti-psychotic medication.

Was I doing this to him? Was I putting him back in the pit of darkness that he'd been recovering from?

"Don't push me in that place, Alana. I don't want to go there. It's pitch black." He sniffled.

"I'm not telling you to get admitted in a psychiatric hospital, I'm just saying you should talk to her. If I'm with you, I might be able to stop whatever's happening. I can help you, Rowan."

Rowan gave me the silent treatment again, we had dinner in silence after which I cleaned up the house, helped with the laundry while he sat cooped up in his room staring into space, and the best way to let him deal with his issues was to leave him alone. One peek into Minnie's room and she appeared to be sleeping soundlessly, I left the apartment.

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I hope you enjoyed the chapter :) Please do VOTE and COMMENT to let me know what you think of the chapter. You guys always keep me motived. Also, I hope you enjoy the song.  It's slow but it's beautiful. Original version by Elvis Presley.



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