• child's regret •

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If you were to describe the new profound group, it would be chaotic but in an odd and entertaining way.

Seeing the reaction of the Oikawa boy around them, you were pretty surprised yourself how quickly he's adjusted around them in the short amount of time. With the help of his friend, Aomine, and yours, Koshi, it simply opened up a new characteristic in Tetsu that he never discovered before.

He's starting to become outgoing.

Speaking of which, your conversations with your childhood friend were pleasant which is the most surprising to you. It was like you two never grown apart. Of course, what do you expect after ten years besides relinquishing the past? He's a completely new person, taller and more mature. His sweet nurturing personality is channeled in his teaching career with children which it explains why he's so good with Tetsu and his mannerisms, you were awestruck.

No matter how much he changed, he's still the same boy you once knew in middle school.

When you sat down with him on the wooden bench, you watched Tetsu from a far playing with Daichi and Aomine over at the game table while the Tanaka parents went on an errand to buy hot tea for everybody.

"So," Koshi started with a lingering thought and you brought your eyes over to him tracing the seaweed on his riceball with his index finger. The way he looked down and somewhat nervous made the air seem tensed, "is Tetsu yours?"

Then you quickly stopped sipping from your banana milk carton at the abrupt question. It didn't fright you but you were so close to saying 'yes' that he is, and you stopped yourself before declaring such ownership on the boy.

"Ah, no, he's not." Sadly, you wanted to add. The thought of it made you a bit glum - if only he is yours. You wish he is yours.

The weight on his shoulders lifted when he heard your answer and, without your knowledge, sneaked a small smile on his face, relieved. "I see. He's a cute kid, kinda looks like his dad."

Your brow arched at his words. "Do you know him?"

"Personally, no, but our high school volleyball teams went up against each other for Nationals. He's a mean player but he's honestly one of the best setters we ever faced."

Then they came flooding in. The memory of Karasuno's league games brought nostalgia to him as Koshi remembered the brunette in his young years serving the nastiest serves across the court - one of the most threatening and memorable characters they ever challenged before their last year of high school.

Amazed, you can imagine what a small world that is - a world you wished to see, Tooru's world. A pretty head captain leading a group of boys, girls screaming from the stands, the crowd's excessive shouting when he scores a point - it made you more curious to see a high school version of himself.

"Wow, I wish I could've seen it," your voice lowered with a faint smile and Sugawara took notice of your change of expression.

When you stared down at your lap, he saw the way you looked deep in thought, eyes glowing underneath the sunlight and your lashes batting so prettily. He was so curious what you were thinking about to make you radiate such beauty by pondering. There was no way you would appear like that if you were thinking about him.

Perhaps, you were thinking about someone else.

"Sugawara! Look, look. I won a bear," Tetsu's shrilling voice cut off the man's sweeping state when he's about to crack the case.

Koshi grinned at the boy and pulled his plastic crown over his eyes teasingly but almost like a punishment for disrupting his conversation with you, "It's not a bear, Tetsu. It's a porcupine!"

"Ah, it's cute!" the child replied.

Kiyoko and Ryuunosuke finally arrived with cans of warm beverage within their crossed arms, mostly carried by him, and approached the group with contentment. After giving your gratitude to them, Daichi appointed once everyone was full and quenched of their lunch. "Carousel, anybody?"

The two little boys cheered in excitement at the option, not knowing what it means and not caring if anybody have any objections to it or have other suggestions to spend their day.

You stood to your full form to dust off the sesame seed off your lap but you were startled when Tetsu's hands grab at the side of your pants. He gazed up at you with big black pupils. "Is it scary?"

He meant the carousel, and you chuckled at his ignorance.

"No, no. It's a ride where you get to ride animals." A small laugh blew pass your lips at the boy's innocence and he looked even more struck with delight.

He grew more curious. "Will they bite?"

"Of course not!" Koshi joined in, taking a step closer to the boy. "They always bite me because I'm a wimp. They only stay still for special people." The assurance made the little one more at ease by the way he described it, and widened his grin with teeth.

Tetsu giggled at the grown man and followed you to where the group was heading to the busy attraction. Crowds overflowed once getting in line along with other families and their young ones. Skipping over the cracks of each concrete tile, he came to reach for your hand and clung to you at your hip while the both of you waited for your turn to jump on the statue-like animals.

Another hand was offered to the Oikawa boy as Tetsu blinked up to see Sugawara's open hand, gentle and welcomingly.

His initial instinct is to grab it, of course, but when he trailed his eyes back at Aomine swinging arms with Kiyoko and Ryuunosuke, Tetsu froze with his hand floating almost to Koshi's hand. Then he drew his hand back by curling it into a fist and you can't help but notice the stressful expression he made when he did this.

Koshi raised his brows at you with a puzzled face but you bit yourself back from discouraging him, but he certainly got the point and smiled weakly.

"Guess he's still shy, huh?" he muttered to himself, hiding the rejection from his face with optimism in his eyes. "Let's go ride on the carousal!"

That was one reaction you noticed from Tetsu throughout the day but you only threw it at the back of your mind when getting on a couple rides with him and indulge in a couple of park snacks. He seemed to be normal but yet distant at the same time, as if his mind kept on sweeping somewhere else.

It was until your group of friends finally mentioned about rollercoasters, that's when you thought things couldn't get any more complicated.

"Man, I don't know about that tea cup ride but it made me sick!" Ryuunosuke exclaimed after exiting the spinning cup through a latched door, holding his stomach in pain while his hawk-like eyes drew a blank.

"I told you not to eat so much corndogs before that ride," lectured Daichi with a glare, not giving any sympathy for the bald headed man who neared the trashcan with his head hovering over it. "Now, look at you. Sick and stupid."

While they're having their dispute, you turned to face at your favorite boy jumping up and down once he ran through the exit of the ride to catch up to you. "That was so fun, [Name]! Did you see me spin really fast?"

"I sure did, kiddo. I got so dizzy from it," you praised, rubbing the top of his head, careful not to knock down his crown off his head. You were surprised he's still keeping it on for so long. He fixated it himself before you asked, "So, do you want to go ride the roller coasters now?"

Tetsu's smile faltered slowly, lips parting in a daze and eyes not meeting yours again. It was obvious that he was buried in his own thoughts and gave an empty stare. You just narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously.

"Is something wrong, Tetsu?" you brought his chocolate eyes back to you again, head snapping in realization and pursed his lips tightly.

His head turned from looking up at your studying face. "I don't wanna."

Eyes blinking, his protest startled you and left you in a sea of confusion. Did he just say that he doesn't want to? How could he say 'no'?

"Why not?" you pestered tenderly, making sure not to accuse the fellow harshly before he goes berserk again. "Aren't you excited to ride rollercoasters finally?"

Your argument was valid. From the last time he spoke about it, it was the one thing he looked forward to the most when coming here. But his expression right now says otherwise.

"No," he said flatly with a tiny glare at the ground. "I can't."

You only stared at the boy with balled fists and you knew he's going to go on a tantrum soon enough. With a blow of a sigh, Kiyoko's voice reached for your attention by calling out your name from a far. "Are you guys coming with us to ride the kiddy coasters now?"

Then, you aimed back at the boy who gave no answer but only shook his head to refuse the offer and turned his face from them. Guess this is where you have to part ways with them.

"You guys can go ahead. We want it to be just the two of us now." The Tanaka wife understood quickly by nodding her head at you and walked off with her husband and child, their hands held in hers. Sugawara presented to stay with you but you persuaded him not to. Not that you didn't want to be left with him, but you wanted to spend time with only Tetsu on his birthday. Eventually, he came to an understanding.

"We'll talk real soon," he granted before chasing after his group where another line is building up.

Soon, it was just you and Tetsu in the middle of the park. His behavior didn't change so you led him to a bench for the both of you to sit down. The tension was obvious, you were a bit scared to interrogate the boy.

"Alright, what's wrong?" you started with a knowing tone and Tetsu jolted at the change of emotion in your voice.

He pouted sourly with lips quivering from saying his truth. His arms were crossed over his chest to put up front as if he was tough. "Nothing."

"Tetsu," this time, it sounded like a warning while you faced him in your seat. "You can tell me what's wrong. Are you not having fun on your birthday?"

The atmosphere became silent after your little questionnaire as it struck him in the nerves. Tetsu shook his head in a hurry before you can conclude any other ideas. "No! I'm having fun," he argued.

"You said you can't ride rollercoasters," you pushed further, hoping to dig something up from him and know what's causing him to be in distraught. "Why? Is it because your Daddy isn't here?"

He paused, staring at your captivating eyes before he started to whimper quietly. Taken by his sudden reaction, you watched carefully when he began to blur his vision with tears swimming to his eyes. He was crying.

Sob after sob, you waited patiently for him to say something by swaying your hand behind his back encouragingly. His hands shot up to his face to stop the tears from coming but unlucky for him, his bottled up emotions came pouring out.

"Don't be mad at me...!" he wailed silently, cheeks growing red from his unknown embarrassment to cry at the smallest things. But you were more confused at him by his apology.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" you enticed the boy to speak more by hushing his cries. "What makes you think I'm mad at you?"

"Because...," he hiccuped once, "Because I said I hate Daddy!"

So that's what he's worried about. You weren't sure if that was expected or not - simply because last night's discussion couldn't make him forget. You thought he was doing good up to this point. He does worry.

"I'm not mad at you," you explained to him. "What you said yesterday-"

"It's not true!" then he caught you off guard by the disruption. "I don't mean it... I don't hate Daddy at all... I miss him... I-I want to ride on the rollercoaster with Daddy and [Name] together, and hold hands together! I want to go home with him!"

He continued to ramble and you just allowed him do so. You knew this sort of thing was coming. He may hid it well but eventually after all the energy he exerted, he can't dismiss his feelings for his dad. The signals he gave, he was thinking about him.

The boy didn't wander his stare to you instead, they remained on the floor.

"I want Daddy here," Tetsu panted. "Why does he go away?

Feeling sorry for the boy, you knew Tooru's absence would be something he will remember for the rest of his life. Too bad, Tetsu has to suffer it without comprehension and you don't wish for any kid to feel neglect at a young age.

"Don't worry," with your hand sweeping off the crown off his head, you planted a small kiss on the boy's forehead. Silenced, Tetsu was baffled at the foreign contact touching his warm skin, but most of all the comfort to his heart. "He'll come back to you. And he'll still love you for who you are."

Suddenly, Tetsu stopped crying when he heard your words. They were so simple but so assuring, he never thought this is what it's like to have a female figure nurturing him as if he's her own.

Your sweet smile dazzled him with teeth showing just slightly, a bit shy but uplifting to bring up his mood. "Your Daddy will understand, Tetsu. He'll be happy when he knows you miss him."

"And I definitely am."

Hearing the smooth and delicate voice, you thought you imagined it. But how the sun shone behind his head, creating a rainbow halo and a silhouette by the beaming light on his back, you knew it wasn't a dream and nether did Tetsu. The familiar brown locks and molten are indeed real as well as his familiar scent approaching near you with hands behind his back, dressed in a mustard sweatshirt and white button up underneath along with a black blazer and black pants.

A relaxed smirk twinged in his lips while peering down at his son, then revealing what's inside of his hands; a small wand of a star tied into a ribbon.

"Happy fifth birthday, Tetsu."

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Posted: 05-20-21

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