Dear mom and dad,

I don't think I actually realized what I had until it was taken from me.

Nobody really does. Everybody only notices the bad things that happen, the things that make their lives just a little bit worse every day.

But they never realize the consistencies. The good things that unconsciously keep them going, day after day.

I think Alastor is my consistency. At least, he is now that I'm in hell for all eternity or whatever. He's the good thing that keeps me going. I didn't stop to appreciate his worth until he was gone, if only for a day or so.

He's playing some sort of tune on the violin right now... it's quite sad-the notes make my heart hurt in a strange way that usually comes when my favorite book or show comes to an end-but it is still very pleasing to the ear. I wonder when he learned to play.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do from here.

Maybe, some day, Alastor won't be my consistency anymore. Maybe, some day, someone or something will take him away from me, for good. Or maybe he will remove himself from my life.

Maybe I will remove myself from his life.

I'm not sure. I'm supposed to be dead right now, according to... everyone.

I suppose my life is pretty sad. Kind of empty, like someone took a big ice cream scooper and spooned a handful of effervescence out of my soul.

But... I guess I like it?

Or do I?

I don't know. I never know anything anymore these days. Hah.

I think I'm going to start writing a new book. I think I'll make it about two children, each of whom talk to each other every day, but never see each other in person, because they're always separated by this big door or fence or something. When they become older, I think I'll make them realize that they're actually enemies. Something like Romeo and Juliet, I suppose.

Hmm.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Well, I feel the aching desire to kiss Al right now, so I'm going to stop writing. But I'll definitely be keeping up with these. I think it will help my mental health. :)

And, if you're up there... I love you, and I miss you.

Goodbye.

- Love,
(Y/N)