*Back to Charlotte's point of view*

I grabbed my bag and headed to lunch, ready to just have some peaceful times with my friends. However, when I got there, it wasn't like that. Janie and Maria were sitting at our normal table, hunched over, speaking quietly. When I approached them they both looked up. 

"Everything okay?" I asked slowly. Maria glared at me, but didn't answer, whereas Janie gave me a small, sad smile. 

"Yeah." I was slightly confused, but it probably wasn't my business and I had no right to interfere when I was hiding so much from both of them. 

"Okay." I slipped into my seat and pulled out my books. I had a History test the period after and even though I had a lot of stuff going on at home, I wasn't letting school take a back seat. I knew I needed a solid job to support my brothers, and the only way to do that was to get into college and get a solid job. I plugged in my earphones and tuned out the rest of the kids bustling around the cafeteria, concentrated solely on dates and timelines. Every so often I would glance up to find my two friends whispering, but I decided to just let it go. It didn't matter to me, as long as they were all right. After about thirty minutes, I briefly looked up and saw Maria scowling at me. I pulled my ear plugs out and asked, confused,

"What's wrong?" She let out an angry breath and turned to Janie. 

"See what I mean!" I closed my book, turning the page down so I would be able to find it again. 

"What?" She flipped her hair angrily. 

"You're such a bitch." I titled my head, totally lost. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You're a bitch. I know exactly what you're doing." 

"And what is that?" 

"You're stealing my boyfriend." I sighed deeply. That's what she thought was happening? Jeez, with the way she was acting I could've sworn she thought I murdered her puppy. 

"No I'm not Maria." 

"Yes. You are. You can say you aren't all you want, but you're a filthy little liar and I honestly hope you know that I think you're the worst friend." This was ridiculous. 

"Maria, he's my ste-" She started yelling, and heads turned. 

"I don't fucking care who he is! You're the biggest bitch I've ever met, and I wish we were never friends. You should just go kill yourself!" My eyes opened wide and I stood up. Maria was fuming, but all I could feel was numbness. Another one gone, another person I trusted...gone. I should just expect it at this point. And you know what was worse? Janie was just standing there, playing with the ends of her shirt. I turned away from both of them and started to walk out the cafeteria door. Maria shouted after me, "That's right. Walk away like the fucking coward you are!" I shook my head and went to the end of the hall. I knew Will wasn't in the room because he had soccer practice, and I was sure rumors would start flying around. Leaning my back on a wall and sitting down, I closed my eyes and swallowed, shaken up. 

"Mind if I sit here?"

"Sure." Xavier's cologne filled my nose as he slid down the wall next to me.

"I heard what Maria was saying." I rubbed my eyes, fatigued from the night before. I hadn't gotten much sleep because I was up every two hours feeding Cameron formula. 

"It doesn't matter to me." He looked at me intensely. 

"I know that Will didn't cheat on Maria with you." I gave a dry laugh. 

"So does everyone else. But I get it, I would probably assume the same thing to. Maybe." Xavier exhaled in disbelief. 

"How do you do that?" 

"Do what?" 

"Forgive people so easily." I smiled faintly. 

"Life's too short to hate people." That's how we stayed until the bell rang, just sitting next to each other. 

________

I tried to approach Will after school, but he just turned away. I knew he'd heard what had happened, so I left him alone. As I started walking to the bus, I saw Maria send me a smirk before giving him a hug. 

Ryan had to go to my dad's that night, which I had accepted. He said he would ask to stay, but I told him that it wasn't worth the fight. Finally Ry agreed and left in my father's silver Toyota. Jason had a sleepover with a friend, Sam, we'd known since he was born. Sam's mom was my English teacher in fourth grade, so she and I were pretty friendly and I trusted them to take care of my brother. Cameron was coming home the next night and I'd already gotten him crib ready next to my bed. I had a lot of empty time on my hands in and empty house with my empty heart. 

(Suggestion: if you guys have the song The Lonely by Christina Perri, start playing it now. I think it helps with the story.)

I sat on the floor of the living room with my head in my hands, trying to process everything. I felt wetness down my cheeks, though I wasn't aware that I'd been crying. My heart ached for reasons that I couldn't even begin to list, each heartbeat reminding me that I was alive in a world that was so difficult to be in. 

College, Kids, Mom, Money, Friends, Love, School

Everything seemed to be echoing in my head and even when I tried to put my hands over my ears it wouldn't stop. Over and over and over. I was a half full glass that was at the dangerous point where it could tip. 

College, Kids, Mom, Money, Friends, Love, School

And then it happened.

I started crying. 

Tiny droplets came down my cheeks, like free falling leaves from trees or rain that had began to patter against the window. I wrapped my arms around myself, protecting my body from all of the worries and anxieties that I had. 

Strength. That word that I repeated to myself so often it had almost lost it's meaning completely. What did it mean to be strong when I couldn't even stop myself from crying? Why let down my walls when I knew, I knew that I would be broken anyway, left to pick up the pieces? Holding my hand up in front of my face, I saw each vein, giving blood to my pale hand. Hands that worked everyday, wrote the answers to tests that I prayed I would get a decent grade on, hands that held my baby brother, hands that brushed Ryan's hair back when he was upset or hugged Jason when he was scared. Everyone expected too much, too much of me, too much of my tiny hands. 

I wasn't mad, furious, angry, annoyed, betrayed. No, I was just empty, helpless. I couldn't do anything about it either: I was trapped on the other side of the glass, banging on it, hoping someone would hear. But no one did, and no one could. 

"What do I do?" My voice broke and I started sobbing, my shoulders shaking with every breath. I wanted to yell at whoever controlled my life, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. All I knew was that I was a wall that was slowly but surely crumbling. The room was dark, the only light was the porch. 

After my sobs turned into whimpers, I stood up shakily, leaning against the wall and looked in the mirror. In the reflection there was a girl with washed out skin and dark purple bags underneath her eyes, which were dull and lifeless. Her face was gaunt and hollowed, making it seem as though she was underfed. Her eyes were bloodshot and red from the tears that were tracked down her face, her eyelashes wet from the droplets. I raised my hand and the girl in the glass did the same, but it couldn't have been me. I wasn't her, it wasn't possible. But when I touched the glass, so did the girl. She looked like a ghost, a shell of myself. We had the same brown-green colored eyes and dirty blonde hair, but other than that I could've sworn we were to people. I felt another tear roll down my cheek and saw one trickle down hers. I let it go down my face and watched as it fell to the floor, hitting the wood and making a tiny wet circle. Glancing back up at the sallow girl in the mirror, I spoke softly, watching her lips move in sync with mine. 

"Someday, someone will look at me and think that I'm the best thing in the world, with all of the cracks and broken pieces I have. I've just gotta keep my head up until then." With that I turned my head away from my reflection and headed to the kitchen, despite it being nine o'clock to bake cupcakes for Ryan's birthday, which was the next day.