Jesse was quiet in the car as I picked up each brother, and headed home. We entered the house and I headed straight to the kitchen because Cam was crying, ready to eat something.

"Ryan can you get started on your homework please?" I could hear the stress and exhaustion in my tone. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Don't get your panties in a twist." Frustrated with the way he spoke to me, I sighed.

"Just do it, I don't need sass." I saw Ryan's eyes go wide, probably annoyed at me. I'd never snapped at him before, but I was so irritated by the way the day had gone, that I was at my wits end. Shivering (probably with a fever), feeding a crying baby, reliving a moment in the past over and over and not knowing where my mother was probably made me a little on edge.

"Jesus Charlotte, no need to be a bitch." I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. Don't say or do anything stupid Charlie. Ryan doesn't know or understand. He doesn't get it, he won't ever get it. It's not his fault. Don't do anything stupid.

"Please don't use that language around your brothers." Ryan snorted, obviously ticked off.

"They won't remember anything. They're babies."

"Ryan please don't argue with me right now." I rocked Cameron, who was screaming. "Shhhhh Cam, please stop crying." My voice broke, and I was trying to keep the tears in. I kept shushing him, but he wouldn't stop. Jason came down, totally hyper and loud.

"I'm hungry for dinner! I want chicken fingers and-"

"Jason can you please lower your voice?" He gave me a hurt look.

"But I want that for dinner."

"I don't know if we can have that for dinner mi amor." I knew that we didn't have a lot of food in the fridge and freezer, because I didn't have enough money to stock it up. My mind was swirling, and I had to focus on the task at hand.

Calm the freakin baby.

"Cam you've gotta stop crying." Finally his shrieks quieted down and turned into hiccups. I gave a relieved exhale. "Thank god." His eyes closed lightly and I placed him in my sling wrap that held him close to my body and I rubbed my forehead. Jesse had started his homework on his laptop, sitting at the table giving me glances every so often. Ryan was still standing near the counter, his arms crossed and his facial expression pissed. Jason was upset and hanging onto Ryan's sleeve. I rocked Cam a few more seconds before turning to my thirteen-year-old brother.

"Ry, can you please start your homework?"

"Don't boss me around." I swallowed, weariness taking over my body.

"Just start your math." I didn't leave room for arguing, and Ryan scoffed, yanking his bag to the table next to Jesse, displaying his anger. I looked at Jason. "Honey do you want to go change into your pj's?" He didn't answer, instead following Ryan and sitting next to him. They both refused to look at me and I shook my head, finished with the day.

"Jesse, I'm going to put Cam into his crib, I'll be right back."

"Okay." The room was silent with tension, and as I left, I heard Jason ask,

"Why is she so mean?" Ryan's answer made me clench my fists.

"No clue, but she reminds me of mom." How dare he. I swallowed again, trying to remain calm as I walked up the stairs. He doesn't know. He doesn't understand.

Placing Cameron in his bed, I covered him with a cotton blanket, turning off the lights to my room. I pulled on a sweatshirt that had my school logo on it and tied my hair in a messy bun. As I walked back downstairs, I heard a knock on the door. Without a second thought I yelled,

"I got it." Then I pulled it open and saw my mother shivering from the cold, smelling like beer.

God dammit Mom. Not now.