I Need Finn

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I must have fallen asleep during the movie.

I'm laying on my side in Finn's bed, curled up, and I can feel Finn's body pressed against mine, his hand over my abdomen, holding the heated bear in place, although there's no longer any heat coming from it.

The TV's off and Phoenix is no longer on the couch.

Its dark outside so I've probably been asleep for a good amount of time.

I try to wiggle out of Finns hold, careful not to wake him, but he's holding me pretty tight.

I lift the arm that's draped over me and slid out of the bed, carefully placing his arm back down.

I leave his room as quietly as possible and go into mine, specifically the bathroom since I need to change out my pad.

I'm done quickly and I wash my hands trying to get back to Finn before he wakes up, but when I open the door, the attempt was futile.

Since he's sitting on my bed tired eyes on me, "why'd you leave?"

I motion to the bathroom, "I needed to change my pad so I don't get toxic shock syndrome and die."

I say it nonchalantly, but Finn looks very concerned, "how does that happen and how do we avoid it?"

We?

I did not know this was a we thing?

"Well, you can only use tampons and pads for a certain amount of time. Tampons can be worn 4-8 hours, pads can be worn 3-4, but it also depends on what type your using and how heavy your flow is."

Finn looks confused, "I try to change my pad every four hours or so, otherwise I can get toxic shock syndrome which makes you sick and can even be fatal."

Finn looks absolutely horrified, "and you just put a new one on?"

My brows furrow, "yes."

Finn nods, pulls out his phone and starts typing something on it, "what are you doing?"

He looks up from his phone and turns the screen towards me, "I'm setting an alarm just in case."

OH MY GOD

You have got to be kidding me.

What is up with this guy.

"Why?"

Now he looks confused, "I don't know maybe because I don't want you to die," he says it sarcastically.

I roll my eyes, "Finn, it's not that common but it is a possibility."

He gives a stiff nod, "yes, which is why I'm setting the alarm just in case. Better safe than sorry."

I just shake my head at him as he finishes setting up the alarm.

Once finished he gets up from the bed, "okay, since we're up and you didn't eat anything for dinner lets go get you something to eat."

He walks out the door and I follow behind him.

There's leftover in the fridge that he heats up and puts on two plates, one for me and one for him.

While were eating I realize I forgot to talk to Callie when she got home about why I was so excited.

Shit

I hope she doesn't think I blew her off or anything, I guess I'll tell her tomorrow because I doubt she's still awake.

I look at the time on the microwave, 2:15.

Yeah, she's definitely not awake she's very adamant about getting her sleep.

Finishing I wash our plates despite Finn trying to do it, while I do so Finn disappears from the kitchen only to reappear with the bear and frog in his hand, he heats up the bear in the microwave while I dry the dishes and put them back in the cabinets.

Finn hands me the frog and bear as we start heading towards are rooms before he stops in between our two doors, "who's room are we sleeping in?"

Again, with the we

"You know Finn, we both have our own rooms."

He turns bright red and rubs the back of his neck, "oh yeah I know....i just," he sighs "never mind, I'll see you in the morning I guess."

He turns to his own door and walks in closing it behind him, leaving me alone in the hallway.

Why do I feel so bad?

I head into my own room and yawn, sliding into bed it kinda feels weird not having Finn here.

And cold

I toss and turn a lot before I finally fall asleep.

A mistake

And I'll soon wish I did have Finn sleeping next to me.

***

Hot tears are streaming down my face.

And I'm shaking, my entire body in terror.

Why?

Why do I have to have this nightmare

Why do I have to go through it again whenever I close my eyes.

The only thing I want right now is Finn, I want him to hold me, I want to be in his arms where I'm safe, but I can't.

I made him upset, and I basically told him to fuck off.

I feel dirty now, my whole body covered in filth.

I jump off the bed and into the bathroom, turning the heat on the water as high as it will go, I jump in grabbing the loofah Callie left in here and scrubbing my body with it, but its not enough.

Naked I jump out of the shower and open the cabinet under the sink until I find a brush with hard bristles and jump back into the shower.

I lather it with soap and start scrubbing my skin until its raw and some areas are bleeding.

Its better but its not enough.

I feel like I need to boil my skin or clean it with acid, anything to get his hand imprints off me.

I hate nightmares.

I hate those nightmares

Why do I have to relive them

Why do I have to relive that night over and over again.....why cant I just forget.


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