Chapter Thirty-six

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This chapter is dedicated to BezinaAregay. Beziye thanks for all the votes, hun. I really appreciate your support.

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Once again I have updated two chapters back to back so make sure to read both. :)

I walk down the halls to the exit in a hurry. I am supposed to watch the twins tonight, and Liam has offered to babysit with me. Ever since I run into Red and her friend at the pharmacy, I have this overwhelming anxiety growing inside me. When I got back into the car that day, I was determined to ask Liam about Amanda, whoever the hell she was. But when I got inside, he was so playful and happy I couldn't risk ruining his mood with talk of the past. Then I made up my mind to ask him in the morning. When morning came, I found him making my coffee just the way I like it, and he kissed me senseless when I walked into the room. Then I thought to myself maybe I'll ask him later. Then later came, and I couldn't get the words out. That's when I realized I wasn't looking for the right moment. I just didn't want to know at all.

I am terrified that whatever he tells me will be much worse than not knowing. But every time I try to bury the questions, they dig themselves out and come at me stronger. My anxiety is getting stronger by the second. Liam noticed that I was on edge last night, and he asked me what was wrong. But I just brushed it off, and today he kept bringing it up.

I head to the parking lot, lost in my thoughts. When I near Liam's car, I see him and Red standing way too close to each other for my liking, talking. I freeze on the spot. I stand there watching as Red looks around briefly before seemingly wiping her cheeks and running her fingers through her perfect red hair.

I squint my eyes. I can't tell from here if she is crying or if it was just a weird unconscious gesture. I take a calming breath and start walking over, but I halt mid-stride when I see Liam pull her into an embrace. A sharp stinging starts at my chest before spreading throughout my body, and for a horrible second, I think they are going to start kissing right in front of me again. Liam pulls away first, and he puts a hand on her shoulders, telling her something. She nods before wrapping her arms around him once again for a quick hug.

A girl walks by me, giving me a what the fuck? look as I stand there, scorching fury coursing through my veins. When Red walks away, I march over there.

Liam smiles when he sees me, but it instantly disappears when he notices the look on my face.

"What's wrong?" His brows furrow with worry, and he reaches out for me, but I jerk away.

His face falls, and he drops his hand.

"Looks to me like you and Red are still pretty cozy. Tell me, is she the side chick, or am I?"

Liam's eyes widen, and he gasps as if I just kicked him in the gut.

"You're joking, right?" He looks at me with shock and a little bit of anger. "She is a friend, and she is going through something. I was just trying to be there for her. That's all."

"Oh, please!" I laugh sarcastically. "I saw the way you two were talking to each other and how you couldn't wait to pull her into your arms. I'm only surprised you didn't start kissing her. It wouldn't be the first time." I spit, and the words have the intended effect. Liam's face shatters, pain and confusion flashing in his eyes.

"You know how I feel about her, but you clearly don't care!" I yell and take a calming breath, trying to control myself. I am surprised by the intensity of the boiling anger coursing through me.

"Bullshit! I do care. You know, I do. I have almost cut her out of my life completely. I haven't spoken to her in weeks, Jess. She is my friend, and today she needed me. She asked if we could go somewhere to talk, but I told her no. We were here out in the open. Don't blow this out of proportion."

"Whatever!" I hiss. "Don't do me any favors. Go ahead and be there for your friend. And if you feel like hugging or kissing her, do it because..."

He hauls me into him, and his lips forcefully crash against mine, swallowing my words.

"I only want you!" He says into the kiss, shoving his fingers in my hair and wrapping an arm around my waist to hold me in place as I struggle against him. He kisses me hard, his tongue thrusting into my mouth in a desperate attempt to get me to yield.

He feels so damn good, but I resist the urge to melt into him. When I fail to respond, he groans into my mouth, sounding tormented. I push against him, and he lets me go, the hurt in his eyes clear as day. I immediately feel guilty, but before I can dwell on it, Elliot shows up.

"Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting." He says, knowing damn well that he is interrupting. But I am glad for the interruption.

"You are!" Liam glares at him looking primal. "Fuck off, Elliot!"

"It's fine. What do you need?" I ask calmly.

Elliot sighs before meeting my gaze.

"This is kind of a weird request, but I need your help picking out a gift for my parent's upcoming anniversary. They are renewing their vows, so it's kind of a big deal, and you were always so good with gifts. I promise it won't take long."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Ask your own damn girlfriend and leave my girl out of it!" Liam snaps at him, and Elliot's eyes widen.

"It's fine, I'll help. We are all about being there for our friends, right?" I turn to Liam, but I instantly wish I hadn't. The look on his face makes my chest cave. I know I have taken this way too far, and regret fills me immediately.

I try to hold on to the anger, but I feel it slipping away, retreating into a far corner as I walk away with Elliot, and pain takes its place, blooming in my chest.

Elliot is saying something, but my mind is still stuck on Liam and my parting words. My anger was irrational, and the things I said to him were so unfair. Then I went ahead and left him standing there with a guy that humiliated me for the past two years.

What the hell am I doing?

I suddenly halt, and Elliot turns to me, his brows furrowed with confusion.

"It's okay if you don't want to go to Nordstorm, we can try other stores," He says, and I shake my head.

"I can't go. Sorry, Elliot. I just remembered there is stuff I have to do at home."

Well, that's not entirely a lie.

"Oh!" His face falls, but I don't have time to console him. I turn around and run back to where Liam's car was parked to find him gone.

"Shit!" I curse, shoving my fingers in my hair.

My phone vibrates, and I dig it out of my pocket. I find a text from my mom telling me to hurry home because she is leaving an hour early. Thankfully, I see a school bus that hasn't left yet, and I fidget restlessly the whole ride home.

"Where is Liam?" Is the first question my mom asks when I get home.

"Running late." I lie.

"The boys are upstairs, and there is food in the oven. Thanks, hun." She kisses my cheek before hurrying out, and I head up the stairs.

"Shut up, Dean! Shut up!" I hear Zach shouting, and I head to their room.

"Zach and Becky sittin' in a tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G." Dean is chanting when I walk into the room.

Zach throws a toy at him that he successfully dodges.

"Hey! What is going on here?" I ask, looking back and forth at them.

"Zach has a girlfriend! Zach has a girlfriend!" Dean chants in a sing-song voice.

"I do not!" Zach stomps his feet before running out.

"So what if he does? Don't tease your brother!" I scold, and Dean scowls at me.

"Girlfriends are gross!"

"No, they are not."

"Yeah, they are. They kiss you on the lip. Kissing is gross!" He states, and I laugh despite myself.

"You won't feel like that in a couple of years, buddy," I tell him, and he looks at me with horror before running out.

I keep holding out hope that Liam will show up at the house, but he doesn't. I pull my phone out to text him a couple of times, but I know a text can't possibly express everything I want to say. And I grow impatient by the minute. I need to go to him. I miss him like crazy, and the guilt is eating at me. Sure seeing him with Red really sucked. But he didn't deserve those harsh words. He's been so good to me.

When mom comes back, I sob and tell her how I messed up with Liam. I tell her I need to apologize to him and that it can't wait till morning. She hasn't seen me cry in a while, so she gives me permission to go over, looking horrorstruck. She asks if I need her to drive me, and I tell her no.

On the drive, I think of all the things I want to say to him. A little part of me is afraid to walk in there and find the house empty. Or worse, find Red there with him. I don't know why I keep expecting the worst. He has been doing everything he can to show me how much he cares. I guess I still can't understand why he wants me. And I keep waiting for him to walk away or mess it up. But I am the only one who is messing everything up. Talk about self-sabotage!

When I get there, I ring the bell instead of using the key he gave me because it feels wrong to just walk inside. I fidget with nervousness as I wait for him, my heart drumming in my chest.

I hear footsteps, and the door swings open. Hazel brown eyes bore into mine, hurt written all over them. He asked me to be gentle with his heart, and I was absolutely careless with it today.

Liam just stands there, his face devoid of emotions except for the pain lingering in his eyes. My chest aches unbearably. Everything I planned to say melts on my tongue, and I lunge forward, wrapping my arms around him.

He stands very still, his body stiff against mine, arms hanging at his side. Pain twists in my gut, and for a second, I think he is going to push me away. But then he wraps his arms so tightly around me, it's almost hard to breathe.

"I'm so sorry." I choke. "I had to wait for my mom to come home so I could drive over. I didn't go with him. It didn't feel right." I tell him.

He pulls away, and his mask slips as he looks at me with confused, vulnerable eyes.

"I thought..." He shakes his head. "You didn't go?"

"No. I went home and waited for you." I tell him, my vision blurring with tears.

He looks away, torment filling his expression.

"I was going to come. But then I started thinking that maybe you wanted some space. After last night and earlier, the way you... I didn't know if I was smothering you or if maybe you felt like this wasn't what you wanted anymore."

I squeeze my eyes shut, and tears trickle down my face. I can't believe I carelessly hurt this beautiful boy with an already wounded heart.

Liam groans, wiping my face with his thumbs.

"Don't cry, baby." He looks at me with a tenderness that brings fresh tears to my eyes. I let out a strangled sob.

"Shh, it's okay." He wipes my face, concern etched on his handsome face.

Who knew it would hurt like hell to be the one in the wrong. If this is how it feels to hurt someone you love in the slightest, I don't know how people break their loved one's hearts and live with themselves.

I pull him in for a hug again, and he holds me, running his hands up and down my back soothingly. In my heart, I know why I spiraled out of control earlier. I have been holding on to questions that needed answers for way too long. We need to have a conversation, and I need to ask him everything that's been bothering me.

"I don't want space. I'll never want space, you hear me?" I say, pulling away so he can see how serious I am.

He nods, but I see the doubt in his eyes, and it kills me.

"Don't ever do that to me again. Please." He says in a voice that breaks my heart all over again.

I nod before crashing my lips against his. He kisses me back with the same hunger, giving me his forgiveness even when I have not explained myself. And I find myself falling deeper in love with him. If he resisted my touch the way I resisted his earlier, it would've crushed me. And knowing I hurt him like that pains me to my core.

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