"We have a new student with us today. Miss. Donovan." Mrs. Ronin gestures at Ellyn, who is smiling at us. "She's a transfer student from New York. Let's try to make her feel welcome, shall we? Please take the empty seat behind Miss. Morgan there."

Oh, how awesome. Another reason to hate this class!

Mrs. Ronin continues with her lecture blah blah blah who cares? I don't care about all these literates and their immortal works. What I care about is my feelings for Liam, and how much it hurts to see him with this red-headed epitome of beauty. I can sense it between them. It's like they know each other on a deeper level. She was all over him this morning. The way they conversed and their body language was enough to make it known that they definitely had a history. And they unsurprisingly fit perfectly together. They are both gorgeous, almost like an old treasured painting or a carefully made sculpture. The image of them together is haunting me in broad daylight.

Sanchez won't stop clicking his pen against the table, and it's giving me a mild headache. Am I the only one who hears it? How is nobody bothered? Jeez!

Why is Ellyn smiling at Mrs. Ronin? And why is Mrs. Ronin Looking at me?

"Miss. Grayson." Mrs. Ronin calls.

Crap!

"Yeah?"

"Can you please repeat what Miss. Donovan just said."

Huh?

I haven't been listening since she said open your books and turn to page 73 at the beginning of class.

Everybody is staring at me now, and Brittany and Shannon are practically high-fiving each other with their eyes. I look down again.

"You can't, can you? Where the hell were you, Miss. Grayson? If you don't want to learn, just don't show up!" She scolds, looking at me with her cold icy eyes.

Only if that was a choice, lady! I wouldn't have set a foot in this class.

I remain silent.

"Miss Donovan has volunteered to direct one of Shakespeare's finest plays, Hamlet. And I am assigning you to help her."

I look over at Ellyn, who is smiling at me.

Not happening!

"I have afterschool detention." I blurt out, suddenly remembering a way out.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should have been more considerate of your time." Mrs. Ronin's voice drips with sarcasm. "There's no way out of this, Miss Grayson. I'll talk to Principal Carter if I have to. You better take this seriously, it's 40% of your grade."

I nod. Today is my last day of detention anyway. But it was worth a try. Sitting for an hour in detention with Brittany would have been enough to make me want to bleed myself dry, but luckily Jayden was with me. His presence made the situation bearable.

I try to keep up with the rest of Mrs. Ronins' blabbering just so she won't find another reason to further attack me. After what seems like ages, the bell finally rings.

"That was brutal. What happened back there?" Steff catches up to my pacing.

"I zoned out, I guess," I say.

"So, you're going to direct a play, huh?" Ryan has appeared and is by Steff's side.

"So it seems. Wanna be casted?" I ask.

Even though I'm not fond of him and he definitely is not fond of me, we are giving it our best for her sake.

"Hamlet, The Prince of Denmark. To be or not to be." He says and smiles. "All that heavy stuff is not for me." He says and turns to Steff.

"kitten, are you ready?" He nuzzles her neck, grinning.

Kitten?

I make a disgusted face. I so did not need to hear that nickname.

"Yeah, I am." She answers him, wiggling her brows suggestively.

"We gotta go!" Ryan puts his arm around her.

"Go where?" I ask.

"Something we have to do." She smiles deviously at me. "But we'll talk at lunch."

I turn my head and watch them till they disappear around the corner. I do not like this one bit!

"Hey!"

I turn around to find Jeremy.

"Jer!" I smile.

We have been pretending like our conversation last week never happened, and it's been weighing on me. I decide to finally address it and just apologize.

"Listen, I'm sorry about what I said that day at lunch. I know we haven't talked about it, but I don't blame you if you're mad." I tell him.

"I am not mad, Jess. Shocked? Definitely. But mad? No." He says, looking off to the distance.

"Shocked?" I ask, confused.

"Let's not talk about it now." He says, and I nod in understanding.

"I have chemistry, so see you later." He says, and I give him a small smile.

"See you later.'

I walk to my locker and exchange my English book with American history.

American history! There's literally nobody that bothers me in that class. Finally, a subject I can tolerate.

I smile to myself.

"Jessica, hey." I turn around to see Red striding gracefully beside me. Even walking next to her is a blow to my self-esteem.

"Hi," I say dryly.

"What happened to your hand?" She asks.

"Sprained it," I answer without looking at her.

I should remove this band-aid.

She must get the message because she quickly gets to the point.

"I just wanted to know your schedule. We have to find a way to work together. I have already planned who we should cast for the parts. You know, who fits where and all that."

"Shouldn't people audition first?" I ask.

"Of course. But we ultimately have the power to decide who plays who."

"Right." I give her a small smile. "Alright then."

"You know, I first fell in love with literature because of Liam." She says, and this gets my attention.

I turn to look at her.

"How?" I ask.

She smiles like she was waiting for me to ask.

"He's always loved the classics. The Count of Monte Cristo, War and Peace, The Devine Comedy... the list goes on. He used to read me the love letters of Napoleon and Beethoven almost every night before we went to sleep." She smiles fondly at the memory, and pain twists in my gut.

I saw the large collection of books in his room, so I know she is telling me the truth.

Every night before they fell asleep?

Did they live together or something? This can only mean that she knows him on an intimate level that I can't even begin to understand. I never took Liam for the romantic type. How could he ever claim to want Brittany if he had such a connection with Ellyn?

Maybe this whole be my fake girlfriend thing is more about making her jealous. Because there is no way it is about Brittany. The realization is like a knife twisting in my gut. It's terrifying knowing that Liam can hurt me in the worst possible way and not even know it.

"Sounds fun." I fake a smile.

"It was more than that. But I'm sure you know all this, he is with you now." She smiles at me.

The way she talks about him makes one fact crystal clear. She is still in love with him. Maybe he is in love with her.

My mind goes back to the day I first saw them at Ryan's party. The way they were talking and laughing with each other. How comfortable Liam looked around her. What sucks the most is the fact that I can't be mad at anyone. I have no one to blame but myself. I got myself into this mess. Maybe the video going viral wasn't really the worst thing that could've happened.

"I have class. Can we talk later?" I ask, trying not to sound as defeated as I feel.

"Yeah, sure. Later." She flashes me her perfect teeth before walking away.

I sit through class with a constant aching in my chest. Finally, lunch rolls around, and it feels like I have lived 3 days in just one morning. I am emotionally and physically exhausted, and I silently pray that Ryan lets go of my best friend for today so she can be there for me.

"Jess, what's wrong?" Jayden asks as soon as I take a seat.

"What do you mean?" I ask, surprised he can tell my mood with just one look.

"You look pale. Are you sick?" He asks.

"I'm okay. Just a little tired, that's all."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I nod.

I get a text from Steff saying she won't be coming to our table for lunch. Of course.

I sigh.

"Everything okay?" Jeremy asks.

"Yeah, it's Steff. She's not coming." I tell him.

He shakes his head, laughing sarcastically. It is so unlike him that it catches me off guard. He turns his attention back to Jayden, and they continue talking.

I force myself to eat, but I have absolutely no appetite.

"Look who's here." I hear Jayden say, and I look up to find Liam standing there.

I was hoping that I wouldn't see him. Not when I'm in this mood.

"Can we talk?" He asks me, ignoring Jayden.

"I don't know what you did, but she's not even eating," Jeremy tells Liam, and I glare at him.

What the hell?

"Why are you not eating?" Liam asks.

You've got to be kidding me! We are not going to discuss my appetite right now.

"I'm not hungry. It's not a big deal." I say, shooting daggers at Jeremy.

"Maybe you should go. You are the problem." Jayden turns to Liam.

He looks like a ticking time bomb ready to go off. Liam pulls a chair and sits beside me. I am afraid they might start throwing punches at each other again, so I quickly take the sandwich and take a bite.

"Here, happy?" I say with a mouthful creating a much-needed distraction.

"I'm leaving!" Jayden announces before getting up and leaving the table.

I don't try to stop him. I think the two of them shouldn't stay in the presence of each other for too long. When Jayden leaves, Jeremy looks awkwardly at us before getting up and following him.

"And then there were two," I say after downing the sandwich with water.

"Why weren't you eating?" He asks, and I roll my eyes.

"I told you. I'm just not hungry."

He sighs but decides to let it go.

"Can you at least tell me why you're avoiding me?" He asks, and I push the tray away.

I can't even tolerate the smell of food at this point.

"I'm not," I say weakly.

"Did Jayden say something to you?" There is uncertainty in his eyes, and I frown.

"What would Jayden say to me?" I ask.

"Uh-" He looks away. "Nevermind."

This isn't going anywhere.

Everything that has a beginning must have an ending. For us, maybe this is the ending. I can't put up with this charade anymore. My feelings for him have grown impossibly fast, and at this rate, I am afraid I will be falling in love with him. Unless I put an end to it now.

"I thought I could do this, but I don't think I can anymore," I tell him.

"You can't do what?" He asks.

"This." I gesture at the space between us. "Us. I just can't. It's exhausting."

"Exhausting." He repeats the word, knitting his brows together like it tastes bitter on his tongue. He then nods like he understands, and I see the hurt clear as day in his eyes.

I immediately feel bad.

"You know that's not what I mean, Liam. It's just, the only reason we are even hanging out is because of that video. We are only tied because of it."

"That's not how I see it." He says in a voice that hurts my heart.

I look down.

"Just because we started with that video doesn't mean that's the only thing tying us together."

"What else?" I ask. "You said you wanted Brittany back."

"Obviously, that was never true." He says, confirming what I already knew.

"Then, all that was for what?" I ask, looking at him dead in the eye. "You just wanted to see me try? Did it feel good knowing your word would be my command? You can do whatever you want with the video, Liam. I don't care anymore. If I could survive the past 2 years, I'm sure I can survive this."

His eyes widen.

"Fuck the video! You actually think I would do something with that?"

When I see his boiling anger, mine instantly dissolves. He pulls his phone out and shoves it in my hand.

"Go ahead, delete it." He tells me.

I stare at the phone, frozen.

"Delete it, Jess. You don't have to exhaust yourself anymore. I am setting you free. Isn't that what you want?"

Tears prickle in my eyes, and I shove the phone back at him. I get up and rush out the door before he has a chance to see my tears. But he follows me through the courtyard and into the halls. I march faster, but he catches up to my pacing and yanks me around. When he sees my tear-drenched face, his eyes widen with horror.

"Fuck!" He curses and runs his fingers through his hair. "What the fuck am I doing?"

I watch as his eyes fill with remorse.

"I'm sorry." He reaches up and wipes my tears with his thumbs. "I'm so sorry."

It's not often that I cry in the presence of others. I'm the, Suffer in silence. Cry in the bathroom, and come out with a smile kind of girl. But these past two weeks have been exceptionally shitty, and I guess I have finally arrived at my breaking point.

"Liam," The tears continue to fall. "It's not—"

He suddenly pulls me in for a hug. It's so sudden, I let out a gasp. I forget what it is I was about to say, and I let him hold me as my body rocks with soft sobs. Thankfully, the English building is always kind of empty, so no one witnesses my breakdown.

"Don't cry." Liam breathes in my hair. "Please."

There is something about the way he says please that makes me cry harder. He hugs me tighter, and I melt into him.

"I'm sorry. It's not you." I tell him.

He lets me go a little too soon for my liking and looks into my presumably puffy red eyes.

"You don't ever have to worry about that video. I will delete it. And we can pretend like it never existed. I don't know why I even thought joking about making it go viral was a good idea. Clearly, I have a fucked up sense of humor."

"So, does that mean our deal is off now?" I ask, wanting but fearing the answer. Fearing what it would mean for us. Suddenly dreading the impending goodbye.

"Yes." He answers, and my whole world stops.

This is it. This is goodbye.

I nod.

"I guess this is it." I give him a sad smile. "I'm glad we got to hang out. It's been fun."

He frowns.

"Why does this sound like farewell?"

Because it is.

"You said our deal was off."

"Yeah, but I still want you." He says it like I should already know this.

My heart stops for the hundredth time today.

Want me how?

"Can't we be friends?" He asks as if answering my thoughts.

Friends. Because he doesn't want anything more than that. Because it's not me, it's her. It's Red. Red in all her beautiful feminine glory. She is the one he read romantic poems to in the dead of night. The kind of girl that, in the end, gets the guy.

"Friends." I nod.

Because even if it kills me, I would rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all.

***

What's with the never-ending drama between Trisha Paytas and Gabbie Hanna? I know this is random, but someone showed me Trisha's video yesterday, and she looked pissed af. Anyway, please vote and comment. Finding time to write is not easy so support ya gurl.

Much love,

Becca