Liam

"Where were you yesterday at lunch? Ryan keeps ditching us for Stefani, and now you? What's happening?" Elliot whines.

"I had stuff to do." I shrug.

"Were you with Jess?" He asks.

The fact that he thinks he has the right to know is as ridiculous as the face he's wearing.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" I ask dryly.

"What is really going on with you and her? First, you said you were dating. Now what, you're friends?" He says it like it's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.

Whatever flicker of patience I have instantly dims.

"I don't see how that concerns you."

He notices the irritation in my tone and shrugs.

"I just think you should know. She's not the live-on-the-edge down-to-fuck no-care-in-the-world kind of girls you're used to. She has loads of baggage you can't even begin to understand."

"Don't fucking talk about her!" I'm suddenly on my feet.

"I'm just saying." He raises both hands up. "She's not your type, and you are definitely not hers." He says calmly. His voice measured, taunting.

I briefly imagine my fist connecting with his jaw and the satisfaction it'll bring me when I hear the crack. But I have a feeling Mr. Carter won't be so forgiving this time.

"You know what your problem is?" I look him dead in the eye. "You think you are better than everyone. Born with a fucking silver spoon in your mouth and mommy and daddy always so ever tirelessly catering around for you. What the fuck do you know about her baggage?"

He has the nerve to look perplexed. He looks around like he's afraid people might be watching. They are, but I don't give a fuck. I was never really known for my sparkling personality.

"Calm down. I just wanted to help." He says, recoiling back into his shell. God forbid people look over and see us having an argument. He can't go for five seconds without caring about what others might think.

"Vanity is something you and your dim-witted girlfriend have in common," I tell him before I walk away.

Things are starting to spiral out of control. When Jess said she was done with the pretending, I should have let her go. I saw the farewell in her eyes. I heard it in her voice. I expected it to be brief and easy because I knew it was coming. What I didn't expect was feeling the weight of her goodbye so heavy on my chest.

The dread of losing someone is something I felt only once a very long time ago. When I was nine, I went with my father to visit my mom at the Psychiatric Hospital. When she thought I left, I heard her tell my father she didn't want to see me again. She told him to stop bringing me around. And he never took me there again. But I did go back. I missed her to a point where I was willing to agree to go to Armenia for the summer with my grandmother if she would just take me to see my mother once.

When we got there, I feared she would refuse to come out and see us. But she didn't. She came and calmly sat down next to me. She told my grandmother to gives us a moment, and she asked me why I couldn't just accept the fact that she didn't want me coming around. She said I should stop thinking I had a mother because she was never coming back.

I still remember the calm in her voice. The way she looked into my eyes, so I knew that she meant it. The way she gripped my shoulders with her skinny fingers and sunk her claws in. Every detail of that day is permanently etched in my mind. After that, I never went back. To anyone who asked, my mother was dead. She died when I was nine.

That was the first time I truly felt like I had no place in the world. Alone and unloved. Floating in a vacuum fighting for breath, desperately wanting to latch onto something or someone, really anyone who gave a fuck. But no one even took notice.

That was also my first taste of grief and loss. Death is final. You can rest assured that the person is never coming back. People bring you casseroles and tell you death is an inevitable tragedy and acknowledge your loss. A part of you dies with the person, but you find a way to go on. When grieving someone who is alive, there are no casseroles and condolences going around. There is just you and the huge gaping hole in your heart where that person used to be. And every time they are mentioned, every time the hope of seeing them again is cruelly crushed, everytime you remember a little moment of happiness you shared with them, the grieving starts all over again. And it goes on, and on like an endless loop till you can't even be certain where one has ended, and another has begun.

"Hey, old friend." I hear that familiar dreadful voice, and my mood goes from bad to worse.

"Not now, Jayden!" I glare at him in a warning. He has his signature taunting smile plastered across his face. He looks almost sinister as he walks even closer.

"Come on! I miss us. Let's have a few beers and talk about how you ruin innocent people's lives. For old time's sake." He says, and I walk past him shoving his shoulder.

"Maybe I should tell Jess how you're using her to win some ridiculous bet. Trying to make her fall in love so you can break her heart. How about that?" He says, and I turn around that unfamiliar anxiety gripping at my heart. He laughs mockingly when he sees the look on my face.

"Don't play that Devil may care game with me, Liam. I know the real you, remember? It's not your first time destroying a girl, and it certainly won't be your last. But don't worry, I won't tell her. Not because I give a fuck about you but because I know it would break her. You doing the exact same thing that jackass cousin of yours did will scar her for life." He says, and I frown, not understanding.

"You do know that the reason Elliot started dating her was because of a dare, right?" He asks, and I feel my head start to pulse.

"You didn't know?" He gasps. "That's rich! They started dating because the Varsity Jocks dared him to see if she'd be a good lay. I guess fuckedupness really does run in the family." He shakes his head and smacks my shoulder, walking past me while I just stand there frozen like a statue.

I know the right thing to do is stay away from her. I have known that for a while now. I don't give a fuck about the bet anymore. And I don't trust Jayden's motives. He didn't even budge when I asked how he found out about the bet. I keep telling myself the next time I talk to her will be the last. I know exactly what to do to get her to never even glance in my direction again. I'm excellent at goodbyes. It might actually be the one thing I'm excellent at. Besides, racing and ruining people's lives. But then I see her, and I get lost. I get lost in her eyes, I get lost in her smile. I don't recall having a particular fondness for a girl's smile. I think what intrigues me about her smile is the sadness behind her eyes. It's always there. Even when she's smiling. It lingers in the background making its presence known.

I make a mental note to avoid any chance of running into her for the day. I don't know how to face her after that, not so little revelation, Jayden decided to let me in on.

When school is finally over and done with, I walk to the parking lot wanting to get out as fast as I can.

"Liam." A familiar voice calls.

I am noticeably surprised to see her. Jess never leaves her American History class early.

"I sort of waited for you this morning, but I saw you with Red when I went inside. Why didn't you come to P.E?" She frowns.

Her honey-blonde hair is down to her back in loose curls, and she is in a yellow sundress and white cardigan. Her bright emerald green eyes look confused as she waits for my reply. Looking at her gives me a strange sense of nostalgia. She reminds me of a sunny midsummer day. Bright and full of warmth. She looks precious like a drop of golden sun after a thunderstorm. There is no doubt in my mind that she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot.

"Yeah, wasn't feeling gym," I say dryly.

"Oh, I... just.. I wanted to ask if you wanted to be cast in the play. You know? Help a friend out."

A Friend. Right!

"A Play. No, that's not me."

"Figures." She shrugs. "Red said you're into Classical Literature."

She did, did she?

"Yeah. I'm a fan." I finally look at her. "Didn't my shelf give that away?"

She looks away.

"I guess it did."

We walk side by side in silence. I wonder what's going through her mind. I have never been a fan of vampire movies, but I would kill to have some mind-reading skills right about now.

"Are we okay?" She asks, suddenly stepping in front of me.

I stop in my tracks.

"What do you mean?"

"Liam, you can't even look me in the eye. I understand the deal is off now, but I thought you said we'd be friends."

Friends. What a fucking brilliant idea that was! She should stay the hell away from me. I need to tell her being friends is the worst possible idea. But instead,

"I'm sorry." I hear myself say. "I'm just dealing with some stuff."

She shakes her head, pink creeping into her cheeks.

"I just realized how needy that sounded. I just thought you didn't want to..." She trails off.

"I do want to," I say, holding her gaze.

She smiles.

Fuck!

I shouldn't kiss her. I want to, but I shouldn't.

"So can I use your pool today? It's been a while." She bats her eyelashes at me.

As if I'd ever say no. But I do pretend to think about it just for kicks.

"How will you pay for it? Card or cash?" I ask.

"I'm sorta broke at the moment. But don't worry. I'll pay you in sexual favors." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and peeks at me to gauge my reaction.

I smile.

"That can be arranged."

"Pervert!" She nudges my shoulders.

Oh, you have no idea.

"Well, catch you later then. Keep the front door unlocked." She waves, heading towards her friends.

When I get home, I'm greeted by a beaming Sabrina. I am a bit surprised and disappointed to find her here.

"I thought you were in New York." I stare at her out of the corner of my eyes.

"I got here early in the morning. I came to share a piece of good news, and I can't wait. Come here." She heads into the living room and takes a seat by the French Window on the oversized white sofa. I follow, and I take a seat right across from her.

This better be good.

"Your dad wanted to tell you himself, but the investors from Tokyo arrived unexpectedly, and..."

I put my hand up and shake my head.

"Just get to the point," I tell her.

My father hasn't spoken to me since the start of summer, and I reckon he doesn't intend to do so any time soon.

Her face falls, but she recovers quickly.

"Well, you know how I have been getting really sick lately. When I was in New York, your father wanted me to go get checked, so I did. It turns out..." She looks at me, her fingers tightening around her clutch. "I'm pregnant." She says.

For a brief second, everything stops. I don't move. She doesn't move. I can even swear the ticking coming from the grandfather clock momentarily stops.

"You are pregnant."

It is not a question, but she answers me anyway.

"Yes."

I absentmindedly pull out a cigarette and light it up. This has got to be some sort of a cruel joke.

"Liam." She says it softly like she is scolding a fragile little child. "I thought you quit that."

I blow out the smoke and watch it cloud her slim figure. Then I get up.

"Congratulations," I tell her, devoid of all emotions.

I can't think of anything worse than another offspring of my father.

"I thought you'd be a little happy." She frowns. "Your father was ecstatic when we found out."

That's hard to imagine.

"That's great. Maybe he'll be a better father this time around." I walk away, leaving her looking dejected.

***

Hey, beautiful people :) Thanks for reading. You know the drill. Vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. I love hearing your thoughts.

Much love, 

Becca.