It took one whole month for the guys to forget about Grace. In that time, we went on two more dates, Adam and I went to the pool at least fifteen times, and Blake and I hadn't hung out once. It hurt that we were drifting apart so quickly, and I knew it was because of me.

How do I mess up a friendship like that? What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?

I thought like that a lot with Blake. He was my friend and I was comfortable around him, but I always questioned what made him drift from me like he often would. There were days when he would be all over me like I was his brother, and then there were other days when all I got was a quick wave.

"Do you want to hang out later?" He asked me one day as we were walking to our cars.

I froze and glanced around the car park, but found there was nobody else listening. "Me?" I still asked, because if it wasn't me I would've been mortified.

"Yes, dickhead," he said, adding on a small chuckle that slowed my nervous heartbeat.

"Oh. Um... sure. Where?"

"Marcus is having a party and asked if we wanted to pop over."

"A party?" I asked, my voice rising higher than I intended.

"We don't have to go. I'm fine staying home and playing video games like normal," he assured me, but he didn't seem too excited about the latter.

I took a deep breath and nodded, radiating nonchalance when really I was about to explode from a buildup of nerves. "No. Party sounds good."

"Alright, Eli! I knew you had it in you. See you at 8:00," he told me before hopping into his car.

I waved and jumped into my own, resisting the urge to pound my head against the steering wheel.

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I got into my most casual outfit— jeans and a boring black Adidas shirt— and combed down my blond curls as best as I could three hours before Blake was set to pick me up. I spent the remainder of the time staring at the TV, tapping my foot, and drinking tea.

I told myself over and over I was not going to panic.

I'm going to have fun. I'm going to drink, dance with my mates, and have fun. Parties are fun, not scary. Therefore, there is no reason why I should panic.

But my brain was a champion at thinking up worst case scenarios. I could get drunk and blackout, or I could get into a fight, or I could get roofied. It was all very likely at a party ran by teenagers. Parties were always unpredictable, especially as you get older and the people start to get drunker.

I tried to shake those thoughts out of my head as I sat silently in the passengers seat of Blake's car. My leg bounced up and down and I pressed my hand on it to hold it down.

When we opened the door to Marcus's house, the smell of alcohol hit me like a slap in the face. People were stumbling around with drinks in hand, not paying any attention to the people around them. The second I stepped in, someone shoved me aside and vomited in the potted plant next to me, but I could barely hear his gagging over the techno music that pounded through the entire house.

"Welcome to la casa de Marcus, motherfuckers!" Marcus shouted when we entered. A chorus of cheers erupted from behind him and I wondered if they rehearsed it.

I debated sprinting home, but Blake cheered and grabbed a cup full of something. "We'll call my brother to drive us home," he yelled over the music before handing me a cup.

I nodded and watched as Blake chugged probably half the drink as he walked through the house to the yard. I followed close behind, slightly distracted by the mystery liquid I was holding in my hands. It was brown and smelled like piss, and— judging by how uncoordinated Blake was beginning to be— pretty strong. I swished it around in the cup, trying to figure out what it could be.

"Are you gonna drink that?" A girl asked, her words slurring. The strap of her dress was slipping down her shoulder and she walked towards me on heels like a baby deer.

"Um... yeah. Sorry."

I took a huge swig of the drink for good measure and she walked away. I held it in my mouth, afraid to swallow, but it tasted worse than it smelled, so I decided to get it over with and push it down my throat. I nearly gagged, but I held it in and smiled weakly at a proud Blake.

"It's really good," I told him, my throat burning and causing my voice to crack. I winced as the burning began to subside, but the awful taste outlasted the pain.

An hour later, I still held the cup in my hand as I sat on the arm of a musty couch, waiting for Blake to finish with the girl straddling his lap. It was almost empty now, as I'd accidentally took sips throughout the night and spilled it on myself once. Everything was getting hazy, but I didn't know if it was the effects of alcohol or if there was so much marijuana smoke filling the room I was beginning to hallucinate. Either way, I was oddly calm. I slumped against the cushion and studied the room out of pure boredom.

"What's he doing here?" The girl on Blake's lap asked when she finally came up for air. Both of their lips were red and swollen and their hair was sticking up in all different directions.

Blake looked at me and widened his eyes a bit and nodded to the other room. "I'm not sure," he said through gritted teeth.

I took the hint and stood up quickly, making my head spin and my stomach do a full on gymnastics routine. "Sorry. I'll just go."

Why the fuck did I stay around? I'm so weird. They probably think I'm weird too. Why did I come again?

I turned around to walk out, but I was so deep in my thoughts that I crashed into what felt like a brick wall but looked like a giant kid. The contents of my drink splattered all over his white v-neck and down his trousers.

"S-sorry!"

"Fucking hell! What do you think you're doing you fucking twat?!" He shouted, causing me to jump. He was a giant guy with bulging muscles bigger than my head and veins that snaked down his arms when his fist was clenched. He looked like he was going to punch me, which could've been fatal. A kid that sized could crush someone like me with their pinkie finger, so a knock in the gut was not in my best interest.

I let out a scream and pushed past him, sprinting outside and dodging all the drunk people and the couples doing it in places where everyone could see. I jogged until I found a place in the front yard where I could sit down and catch my breath without the risk of being knocked out by a giant person. I looked at the night sky, which was spinning like crazy, and I giggled to myself because I realised that I was a bit tipsy.

And then I thought about how Blake kicked me out of the room because he didn't want me around.

And then I thought about how many times people probably have tried to get me to leave because they don't want me around, but I stay because I'm a proper charity case.

And then I thought about how stupid I was to spill a drink on that guy.

And then I thought about how everyone probably thinks I'm an idiot, including Blake and that girl attached to his lips.

And then I felt my eyes well up with tears.

I didn't even realise I had called someone until my mobile was pressed against my sweaty face and someone answered.

"Hey, mate. What's up?" Adam asked.

"I n-need you to help me." I tried my best not to slur and stutter, but the words kept tumbling out of my mouth whether I wanted them to or not.

"Where are you?" He asked, sort of frantically.

"Blake took me to a party."

"Are you okay?"

"No. I think I'm drunk. And then Blake was kissing a girl and I didn't have anyone to talk to so I just stayed, but then he told me to go. Am I annoying? I'm probably annoying you right now, yeah? You were probably doing something important like putting your brother to sleep or something and I just messed it up. I'm sorry."

"Shit, Eli. I'm coming to get you."

"No you don't have to."

"Yes I do. What's the address?"

He parked in the car park besides Marcus's house ten minutes after I'd given him the address. He got out of his car and jogged over to my place in the grass.

"Hello," I said, my voice breaking a bit.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the ground. My stomach threatened to let go of everything, but I swallowed air until it settled and I was fully standing. "What did you drink?"

I pointed to the empty cup that was crushed into the dirt. "Whatever was in there."

He nodded slowly, his brows furrowed. "Right. Let's get you home," he said.

At that moment, Blake stumbled out of the house, his lips swollen and his neck and jaw covered in lipstick stains and marks. "Eli!" He called to me as he rushed over the best he could.

"What did you give him?" Adam snapped.

Blake's head shot back so hard he nearly fell backwards. "Who are you?"

"I'm Adam, nice to meet you. Now will you tell me what he drank?"

Blake shrugged. "A lot of things mixed together. It tastes like absolute shit but gets you smashed."

My head whipped back and forth between the two as their argument started to progress. I felt myself getting dizzy as their words started to fade. I knew they were talking louder, but I couldn't hear it over the sound of my own pulse pumping wildly. My hands flew up to my ears and I sank to the ground.

Both boys dropped to my side and waited, not saying a word as I rocked back and forth on my heels. I didn't know why I was panicking, but I couldn't stop myself. I looked up at the yellow leaves in the tree above me.

one two three

"This is your fault," Adam hissed at Blake.

He held his hand to his heart, looking genuinely offended. "Me? I'm not the one who started fighting."

"You're the one who told him to leave you alone. Plus, you gave him jungle juice!"

"I wanted him to loosen up a bit!"

"Stop!" I shouted over them both. I had taken my hands off my ears after my heart rate slowed, but I was still looking up at the tree and counting. "I'm not a child. You don't need to protect me like that. I took the beer. I wanted to come to the party. I'm seventeen for fucks sake. Nobody gave me shit."

The boys exchanged glances, but didn't say anything.

"I can handle myself at a stupid party," I told them sternly.

"You called me, mate," Adam said.

"I just wanted a ride so I didn't have to wait for Blake to finish fucking that girl. You don't trust me enough to not panic at a party? You barely even know me," I spat.

He furrowed his brows and shook his head. "No, that's not it. I knew you'd be fine normally, but you're pissed on jungle juice and I could tell over the phone. Plus, you asked me for help."

"Help getting a ride," I cut in.

He sighed. "I see that now... but you scared the shit out of me. I didn't know what was happening."

I looked at the ground and dug my nails into my palm. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"I feel sick," Blake spoke up from beside me, "can you drive us home?"

Adam nodded and led the way to car, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

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Oy i dont know how I feel about this chapter, you tell me. It's important, I just feel like it isn't written that well. I edited it for a while to make it better so hopefully you guys don't hate it.

Thanks for reading and make sure to comment and vote and add to your library! See you next update!

~Teddy