I RELEASED THE WEAPON FROM MY GRIP. My heart pounds inside my chest, every beat felt against my rib cage. The next few seconds seem to be happening in slow motion, the world around me slowing down as I witness what I've just done clearly. 

He doesn't even scream as he's hit, only looking down a few seconds after he's hit. He staggered back, one foot behind the other, and hit the pillar behind him. He brushed a hand against where the bullet entered his skin, right below his ribs. Crimson red stains his fingers. 

I think I want to throw up. Not just because of the blood but why there was blood in the first place. 

At the same time, something inside me snaps. A chain or rope or something inside of me ripped a layer of me away. For the first time in ages, I felt like I was in charge of my body. It felt like I could feel what wanted without having to cover up. For the first time in a while, I was me. 

And I couldn't believe what I've just done. 

He's staring at me, and I'm staring at him, a loss for words. Aidan's expression is unreadable, and he doesn't seem like he's in pain. It's in act, I'm sure it's an act. He can't just be able to feel nothing after that. 

And then the ends of his lips twist up, and he's... smiling? His eyes were inching closed. 

No... nonono this isn't it. This can't be it. "AIDAN!" I yelled, finding my voice. I didn't have to yell, but I did. I had to make sure it was me saying it, with my own voice, told by my own mind. It's been an eternity since I felt like this. I had to make sure it was me, all me. 

My feet move quickly and lead me beside him. His eyes were closed but he was still breathing... slowly. He had time. He still had time. Plus, he was an Evolutian, he can handle most injuries others wouldn't be able too. 

This wasn't going to kill him. It can't.

"Aidan... Aidan...." I nudge his side with the toe of my shoe. "Oh god, Aidan, please wake up. I know you aren't dead. Just let me see those stupid chocolate brown eyes of yours again... please."

He doesn't give much of a response, is fingers simply twitching. 

I get down on my knees next to him. Blood continues to ooze out of him, looking like spilled ink. "The last sense to go before someone dies is hearing. Please just let me know that you can hear me. Please... Please."

His eyes creak open, a small smile on his lips. My heart leaps and soon enough I'm on my feet again. Soon enough, we're thirteen again, yet the roles are reversed. I remember my first day out of my small, cage-like hospital room clearly, and one of the first interactions we had. I grabbed onto his arm like he did with me, but instead of dragging me to the nearest mirror, I had to drag him to the nearest doctor. 

Life was so much simpler before. 

"Lauren... stop." He struggles with his words, retracting his arm back to his side. His voice... dammit, I was so close to not hearing it again. Smooth and soft and gentle. "Everything hurts." He managed to get out. Keeping his eyes open didn't seem to be an easy task either. 

"That's why we need to take you so someone that can help you," I say quickly, reaching for his arm again. This time though, I first pull him into a sitting position, making his back lean against the pillar. My eyes graze over where he was injured. I want to throw up. "You're not going to die, okay? I'm not going to let you die."

"I... don't want... help... Lauren." 

I looked at him, stunned. "No... no... why wouldn't you want help? Why would you want to die? Aidan, you aren't going to die. You can get through this." I'm not going to let you.

"I already did... what I had to do, Lauren," He breathed. "I don't need... help."

"What did you... what did you have to do?" 

"Well," he bit his lip. "you aren't going back to the Institute, right?"

I pursed my lips. No, I can't go back. Not after this, after what they made me do to him. I can't go back and act like anything is normal. Then again, I can't go back to the others. Especially when I just. Shot. Aidan. I shook my head. "But I can't leave you here."

"Yes, actually, you can..." He coughed, blood splattering everywhere. "It's quite easy."

"Aidan, you can't just expect me to go back. You can't expect me to leave you! I don't have anywhere to go. And I can't... leave... you..." Tears start flowing down my cheeks. "Put some energy into moving, Aidan. We have to get out of here."

"Lauren, all I needed was to make sure you realised how much the Institute was hurting you... I can't do this anymore. You have to stop this all, Lauren. I just had to make sure you are a hundred percent on our side now."

A tidal wave of emotion hit me. My breathing becomes shorter. I can't follow his words. "I don't... I can't... I thought... What do you mean, you can't do this anymore?"

"Lauren... I know you can stop this, but that can't happen with me by your side."

"But... but... but..." The words get lost in my throat. I truly can't follow anything he's saying. "You were by my side from day one, Aidan. All of this--"

"Is all our fault." He cut me off. Was it really? We were just two kids that wanted to know why we were lied to. Was that really what caused the rest of this? If we just stayed, would it make any more of a difference."Lauren... you have to do this alone."

"I can't believe you, Aidan. I can't believe that you won't let me help you and you just wanna let me watch as you just die, not knowing that it's hurting me, because I love you Aidan Derek Davis."

There. I said it.

And as the words leave my mouth, my brain starts thinking. What's happening to me right now is what had happened to so many people in recent months. People have seen the people they love and care about put in critical states, losing them. All because of the Institute.

All because of me.

All because of me, parents have watched their kids close their eyes to never see them open again. Kids have seen their parents' cold bodies lay on the hard ground. Its pure luck that I get this time to talk to Aidan as he slowly bleeds to death, because I know I was supposed to aim for the heart. 

Aidan lifted his arm up to my cheek, the pads of his fingertips brushing my cheeks, wiping back the tears. His fingers entwine into my hair. Next thing I know, his soft lips are pressed onto my mine. 

I can't breathe.

It was as if a dozen fireworks burst inside of me, as cliché as that sounded. His soft, pale lips that currently struggled  to breathe kissed me gently, as if the world around us was undisturbed. It wasn't like Aidan was on the verge of death and and that we were enemies for the longest time. I didn't realise I wanted this for the longest time, and now that I had it, I didn't want to lose it.

He pulled away, leaving a tingling sensation on my lips. My insides were filled with butterflies. I couldn't believe it. He's so close to dying. If this was a Disney movie and he'd be magically better now, I'd be okay with it. But...

"I love you, Lauren." His voice was quiet. "I wish we had more time."

"Then let me help you, idiot!" I yanked on his arm and he yelped in pain. I couldn't tell how much longer her had. My heart pounded, and I didn't know if it was still from the kiss or from worry. "Please, Aidan."

"You know where base is, right?" Aidan answered instead. He runs a hand over the pool of red on his shirt, wincing in pain. "Your basement. The force field is... probably weakened now because of this... so I don't know if the Institute is in... but... you have to get in and strengthen the barrier... Everyone else is there."

"Aidan, I'm gonna say this again. Let. Me. Help. You."

"You have to promise me... that'll you take care of her..."

Her... her... who was... his sister. I gulped, remembering Jordyn. And his family in that case. I wanted him alive simply because of me, but there were so many others that had him in their lives.

Jordyn... Jordyn... I couldn't rob her of a brother, not after I know what's its like without one. Except for me, I got him back. There would be no getting back if Aidan closes his eyes again.

I nodded, not being able to find my voice again. 

At this point, his blood was smeared onto my clothes too, the stains barely showing up on my black hoodie. He moves his head onto my shoulder, then slowly brought it down to my lap. We stayed in silence, me listening to his slow breaths, making sure he was still alive. 

"You should've just let me help you," I muttered, stroking his hair. It amazed me how no one came running towards us, whether it was a bystander or someone from the Institute questioning my motives.

"I love you, Laur... please don't blame this on yourself... I'm the one choosing to die."

"I still don't understand."

Aidan closed his eyes. My heart skipped a beat in worry, tears already filling my eyes. 

I sat there, holding his hand, trying to find his pulse. I stayed right beside him, barely moving an inch. The scene hurt me beyond compare, but it was the least I could do after these past months. I couldn't image what I put him through, if he really cared about me through all of that.

I pictured the dramatic movie scenes where the person dying was hooked to the heart monitors I was all too familiar with, the people they care about sitting by their bedside, watching as the red line representing their heartbeat grows smaller, until it's just a line. That was happening right now, but the people that deserve to be here aren't here.

"I'm glad you're the last person I get to see, Laur," he manages to mutter. Its so soft. So quiet. So close to never being heard again.

All too soon, his warm breath doesn't make contact with my skin. Frantically, I search for a pulse. A soft one. Anywhere. Salty tears reach my tongue and don't stop falling. Please... please... this can't... be happening. 

But no. The boy I grew up with, fell in love with, who was there with me from my roller coaster of a life was lying still on the ground, his body slowly growing cold. The wind blew his hair around, but that was the only sign of movement. He died right in my arms.

I wanted to scream in agony, drown myself in a waterfall of tears, wanting more time. This wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, wasn't fair.

But this is my fault, my fault, all my damn fault.

He didn't die for no reason, I guess. I'm here, standing, not wanting to accosiate myself with the Institute anymore. I should mourn a bit later and do what he wanted of me for the longest time. I hauled myself up to my feet, every inch of me hurting. I didn't know it was possible to hurt this much without getting injured yourself.

I looked back. He looked as if he was asleep... but with a giant pool of blood covering him. He looked so at peace, heading to the same place where Alyssa was. And Cole. And whoever else joined and will be joining them because of me.

I'll have to come back for his body. I can't just leave him here, alone. He needs to be buried, dressed up in that suit he wore to the school dance, maybe.

I killed him.

Aidan Davis, I know you told me not to blame this on myself, but I will, for so many years to come.

Probably until I meet you again.

- - -

a/n this hurt me :(