"Have I gone mad?"
"I'm afraid so. You're absolutely bonkers.
But, I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
—Alice In Wonderland

CONTROL,
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

THOMAS WAS THE first person Ruby saw. He'd stayed with her the entire time. It had hurt his heart, honestly. To watch he'd be in pain like that... He never wanted to see something like that again. At least not to Ruby. Not his Ruby. He felt awful. She'd only gone out there following him. He was hoping that she didn't go crazy like Ben. The thought made him sick.

However, when she blinked up at him, she seemed abnormally fine. He was glad to not have to hear her screams anymore. Hearing someone you cared about scream bloody murder while all you could do was watch them was awful. He couldn't even explain why he cared. He just did. Thomas wished he had his memories back. Maybe he could figure this out. Maybe he could figure this all out. If only he could remember...

"Hey, sleepyhead", he greeted, interrupting his own train of thoughts. "Welcome back to planet Earth."

Ruby smiled tiredly, lifting a hand to her forehead. "Hi. How long have you been here?"

"Uh... what's today?", the boy joked. Ruby looked appalled. "Sorry. I stayed the whole time. I just wanted to make sure you were alright", he said sheepishly. "Okay, maybe not the whole time. They had to patch me up first. And I tried to go see Alby, but Newt wouldn't let me. He was pretty adamant, actually."

Ruby shook her head, almost in disappointment. She grinned softly at him. Out of habit, she reached up and placed a hand on his cheek. Her thumb brushed over his skin. She felt sad that he no longer had the memories that she did. Every touch. Every kiss. The first time they held hands. Sneaking out to see each other. Ruby's fingers trailed over the cuts and bruises visible to her, being gentle around bandages. "I'm glad you're okay", she whispered.

"Me? I'm glad you're okay. Minho told me what you did, you know. I'm sorry I missed you being all bad ass."

Ruby snorted. "It was stupid. Most of it was adrenaline. Besides, if I hadn't done all that I wouldn't have been pricked by that stupid thing."

Thomas seemed to remember something then. "When you came up in the Box, you knew me..." He trailed off, as if searching for the right words. "I'm sure you remember now. So... what were we?"

Ruby shook her head. "If I asked you if you've ever been in love, you could say no... I can't. I can't say no", she whispered.

At first Thomas looked lost. Then it seemed to hit him. "Oh." Oh indeed. Ruby's stomach growled before he said anything more. Having nothing but soups must have sucked for her body. "Right, you must be starving. I'm gonna go get you some food and water." With that he left, leaving her to her own devices.

"And then she was all like, 'Boys are nothing but a distraction, Ruby. Stay away from Thomas. He doesn't need you distracting him from his work any more than you need him distracting you from yours'", slightly younger Ruby had said to Thomas.

The two of them were supposed to be working, but instead they were sitting next to each other on a bench, talking.

Thomas grinned mischievously as he leaned in to kiss her. "Well, you're the best distraction I've ever had", he whispered before gently connecting his lips to her own.

They were interrupted by the hissing of the door opening, quickly jerking apart. Ruby quickly picked up the clear tablet. She pretended to be busy when it glowed to life.

"Well, don't stop on my account", Teresa smirked. "Please, continue shoving your tongues down each other's throats. I mean, it's not like some of us are trying to work or anything. Want me to turn around?"

Thomas looked amused. "I told you before you came in here that I would. I rarely get to see her now." Ruby scowled at that. No matter how much Thomas loved her, she would probably always feel envious. Teresa and Thomas had a bond that she and him never would. It made her feel insecure. After all, Teresa had it all. And she was just... Ruby.

"Well, Ruby is too busy making her little pets while we do the big stuff." Teresa was only teasing, she knew that, so why did it hurt her feelings? "Maybe I'm some kind of sick freak like Gally. I get my kicks off by watching."

Ruby was quick to snap. "Don't talk about him like that. He hasn't done anything to you."

Teresa's lips parted slightly. "I—I know. Ruby, we're just having a little fun."

"Yeah, Ruby, you know we don't mean it", Thomas added. "Gally's a jerk though. I don't know how you hang around him."

Ruby didn't know which was worse. Hearing her boyfriend and best friend talk shit about someone she cared about... Or feeling ganged up on. They always took each other's sides these days. Never hers. Maybe it was because working together brought them closer. Ruby on the other hand had been isolated. Ava's choice. Either way, Ruby had had enough. She grabbed her tablet and stood. "I'm gonna go."

"Ruby", Thomas frowned. "Come on, I never get to see you anymore! Come back!" When she didn't slow down, Thomas apologized to Teresa and hurried after her. "Hey." He gently grabbed her arm and turned her around. "What's wrong? You know she's just messing around. But, if it bothers you, we'll knock it off."

"Gally is my friend, Thomas. But... It's not just that." Ruby sighed. Suddenly, she felt angry. "Besides, who's to say you don't actually think that way? Or what you say about me? What you're saying right now?"

"Ruby, don't be stupid", Thomas scoffed. "You're just being... petty and jealous, and I don't like it."

"Petty and...?" Ruby couldn't help but to laugh. It was bitter. "Maybe it's meant to just be you two, you know? You two share something that I can never share with you. That's why mo— Ava has you two designing the Maze and I got pulled from it. I'm just in your way. I always will be."

"You know that's not true." Thomas actually looked offended. "Ruby, I fucking love you. Not Teresa. I mean, I love Teresa, but not like that. In a totally different way. Why don't you just tell me when things like that bother you?"

"Because I'll still be on the outside looking in." Ruby gave him a small smile. She then leaned up and kissed the corner of his lips. "I've gotta go. Got pets to design, right?"

This time, Thomas's hurt was evident. "First time I get to see you in months and I don't even get a proper kiss goodbye?"

Thomas didn't come back. It was Leo who brought her her food and water. "You look down."

"Well, I have been in a coma. Twice", Ruby mumbled bitterly.

"Fair", Leo nodded as he sat next to her. "Sorry, I'm no help. Want me to go?"

Quickly, she shook her head. "I'm lonely in here."

"I can only imagine", Leo chuckled. "Who am I named after? You told Alby, right?"

"Stop being nosey", Ruby teased. "It's not nice to eavesdrop." Ruby had been eating the beef and noodles far too quickly. Now she lied back against her pillow, only a small portion left. "DaVinci."

"Impressive", Leo said proudly. "But what about you then?"

"Ruby Bridges — ironic." Ruby paused, as if only just remembering something then. "I need to talk to Alby."

Leo frowned. The brunette rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Alby's still out. Taking him longer than you."

Oh, poor Alby. He wasn't always the nicest, but he didn't deserve to suffer that way. She nodded stiffly. "Then take me to Newt."

"You aren't going anywhere. Not until you're properly checked out and ready to go. Whatever you have to say to Newt can be said at your Gathering."

"Gathering? Another one."

Leo shrugged. "You and Thomas broke the Number One Rule, the Keepers think you should be punished." Ruby groaned in disappointment. "Don't worry. Newt is refusing to have it without Alby. You have until the Keepers get restless."

Ruby picked at the sheets on her bed before looking up at him. She looked almost nervous. "Have you seen Thomas?"

Leo nodded quickly. "He was out by the Deadheads. Chuck went out there to check on him." So he was avoiding her. "Looked pretty upset. Why?"

"Just wondering", she shrugged.

Silence blanketed them for a long while. "I'm glad you didn't turn out like the others, Ruby. I'm glad you're still you." She was glad too.

DECEMBER 14, 2019