Cover my mouth, don't let a single word slip out

I wouldn't wanna tell you, no

Nothing could be worse than the risk of

Losing what I don't have now and we weakened by the minute, though

Is it so bad if I wanna cry out-Sara Barellies, 1000 Times

Please listen to the song. Its so Korali, its almost too sad to listen to.

Korali's Pov.

"Uhm. If I need to go, I could just visit my parents when the time comes." I offered with a small shrug. I could see see the hesitancy in his eyes, despite his cold disposition in this moment. We would have the week of my period to prepare for me to leave, because once those 6 days are up, the heat will start and control will be gone.

Honestly looking at Jordan I don't know how even my heat could ignite anything between us. Sure we had lust and everything, but he was brooding, intimidating, strong, even a bit acerbic. Where would I even gain the courage, or the seduction skills, or maybe just the skill in general in that department to even attempt to mate with him? Maybe that was a problem for him too.

People have types and maybe I just wasn't his. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't saying I was unattractive or anything, people just have preferences.

"I am very aware of my abilities to provide for you. But I believe it would be in both our best interests for you to do that." His attention darted from me down towards the pancake in front of him. I'm glad the silverware was in fact silver, otherwise I'm sure he would have snapped it in two from his grip. His knuckles were turning white from lack of blood flow and I'm sure he was bending the metal.

"Of course." I responded sparing my food a glance before refocusing on Jordan. He was tense and I noticed the way he was sitting was in constant stiffness. As if he was willing himself to move cautiously.

We ate in silence for a little while longer before I asked a question. I know it seemed like my lust-ridden ways were seeping into everything I did, but this question was out of pure curiosity and my needing of possibilities of a future. Of our future. If there was one.

"Uhm," I cleared my throat gaining his attention. I watched his eyes waver from my throat to my mouth back up to my eyes. "I know we-not-" I huffed out a breath trying to rephrase my words in a way that wouldn't sound crazy. "Whatever," I muttered before finally saying "Don't' you need an heir?"

Alphas were very productive when it came to children. If anything they were very fruitful when it came to the subject. They wanted a distinct bloodline-one that wouldn't be wiped out if some children die-not to say it was practiced like that now or anything. Now it was just something that happen along with procreation. Or copulation, for Jordan and I-if that ever happened.

"No." The first word of his sentence resonated through my heart with a painful ting. Like hitting a metal pole with another one; shaking my insides to the point where I felt kind of sick. "I plan to end my bloodline with me. This pack will be better off without my bloodline of alphas."

"Don't you think that's unfair for me?" I wanted children; a family. Even if I could never get him to love me, our children would.

"I never thought that I'd get a mate. I wasn't exactly looking for you." Those cold, sharp, acicular words pierced me straight through; a clean, solid, slice of a cut. But I had asked the question and got an answer. It wasn't the answer I wanted-but it was the truth for him and I couldn't be mad about it. No matter how much in my heart I wanted to be.

"Thanks Jordan." His head lifted and he made eye contact with me, his overly shaggy hair lightly brushing his eyelashes. "You further proved my mother's theories wrong. You're worse than even she could have predicted." I had lost my appetite. I didn't want to eat anymore, or at least not near him for a while.

"This is about more than us." He made it seem as if it was painful to even utter those words.

"You keep saying that. But all it ever adds up to in my ears is 'I don't want you. I will never. I'm stringing you along Korali. Cant you see that? There's no point for you to keep trying to make this work? You will live your life in misery anyway'." A this point I was pointing my index finger at him. Dangerously close to touching him.

"You're being unreasonable, Korali." He was still sitting at the table like good looking, stupid, rock.

"No you're being unreasonable. Compromise is all I'm asking for. That or letting me go."

"You're being selfish." My mouth dropped open. Was he serious?

"No you are." I lifted my hand on my head and rolled my eyes. "I can find a human that will love me. I'll probably never love them and they could never love me as strongly as you possibly could. But they'd love me. Or give me children, you choose."

"Are you trying to give me an ultimatum? It doesn't matter. I'd rip him apart limb from limb before I let him touch you." He said through gritted teeth and I was just as frustrated.

"See, what is that? Why?" I asked genuinely confused. "Do you want me to be as miserable as you're making yourself?" I stood up from the table and walked away. It was my only option. This conversation was a one way and it didn't make sense nor did it matter really. He was still as much of a dick as always.

***

Kaliko had called me about an hour after Jordan and I's argument of the day and to be honest I just really needed some comfort that was from home; I needed my best friend. She said that she's been calling and trying to gain access into the pack for about three weeks now but she couldn't gain clearance-which really meant Jordan wasn't allowing her in.

She also asked me did I want to come to a party her family was throwing. I absolutely loved Kaliko's family as my own. Being inseparable as children came with that type of bond with other family members.

I was so angered to the point where I wanted to fucking hit Jordan, try to beat some sense into his head and make him see that I wasn't suppose to be his prisoner, I was meant to be his lover, supporter, his friend. That he could trust me. But something had turned him into an impenetrable fortress of cold.

I noticed it with every look he gave me, many people in books and in real life always said they could see things in people's eyes, like their true emotions; but when I looked at Jordan I saw nothing. His green eyes, despite their beautiful color, didn't show a hint of warmth. It was like looking into emptiness-only eyes. Even when his wolf took over the only emotion I saw with them was lust or anger, never in-between, never any sentiments of tenderness, ardor, desire-but not sex desire, I meant desire as in the want to be with me.

I crawled through my window outside and hopped to the ground. I drifted to my willow tree; my only true comfort and sat on it thinking when it started to rain. The sky opened up and as much as I wished it would swallow me whole, it just let out a vicious howl of thunder and its tears tried to drown me.

The ground was quickly deluging and the puddles were forming as the precipitation came down fast and hard. But I didn't move. I didn't want to be in that house with him, I didn't want to be anywhere really. I just wanted to be in this tree, in the rain, letting the actual water drown me in my sorrows theoretically.

I was to become a member of this pack in a couple of days. Kaliko's party was in a few days too.

Maybe they'd accept me when they see that I am apart of them. Why did I suddenly feel like Kovu in the Lion King 2, and right when I showed up they'd sing "You are not one of us". Maybe I was being a little dramatic, but the point was I didn't belong; and they were definitely showing it.

I wasn't big on acceptance during any other part of my life. I didn't care enough to because I know I'd move on with life and never see those people again, and I was born into my pack so belonging wasn't really difficult. I just didn't like feeling like a stranger amongst my mate really.

Suddenly, there was a sickening crunch that was coming from inside the forest. It echoed off the trees, the resonation making me feel a phantom pain anywhere that had bone. Then a loud painful war howl escaped out of someones mouth and that scared the shit out of me. What was that?

The outside view was a bit of a downer with the color being a faded dim blue and the night seeming to come along fast because of the rain. Whatever was out there picked a creepy ass night to be creepy.

I heard the house door slam shut and I could hear Jordan's angry steps marching through the marsh that was our grass right now. I lifted myself higher in the tree to make sure I was out of his sight. Rain enhanced scents for wolves, the more moisture the clearer the smell, so I hid myself higher in the tree so he wouldn't see me. I was always in this tree so my scent would be all around it and I just hoped that he was angry enough to leave it be.

He stopped right next to his left nostril twitching as if smelling me out and his head whipped towards the tree and I held in my gasp, suddenly feeling like I was in a horror movie. He closed his eyes, clenched his fist and stomped towards the lining of trees and disappeared behind them.

He wasn't calling my name frantically and it didn't seem like a war of any sort. So I didn't run or anything.

I let out a breath and I sat down allowing myself to be soaked and shivering a bit. Although wolves did have more body heat within them, getting drenched in freezing rain water was going to make a temperature go down.

I was cold until I felt kind of numb, and even then I stayed. This was dumb as hell and I could've been watching television warm and comfortable right now, but I was outside sitting in rain like a stupid person. I was especially stupid, seeing as I just heard some weird stuff going on in that forest.

"What are you doing out here Flower?" I heard Max's voice break through the silence and my obnoxiously loud thoughts. I just gave him a sharp look and he knew immediately. Although it was getting sort of dark, I knew he could see me because our heightened eyesight. "And in the rain?"

Max joined me on one side of the branch sitting next to me. He wasn't too close, but close enough to where he could hear me. Although it wouldn't be much struggle because the woods were super quiet at this time-which I found eerie. What was that noise I heard earlier and why did it sound so close. He suddenly glanced in the opposite direction and got up grabbing my hand gently pulling me along towards that house.

"Was he always this much of a-" I struggled for an appropriate word. I knew how protective Max was over Jordan. I licked my cold lips the water rolling into my eyes causing me to squint.

"Introvert?" Max offered and I rolled my eyes at his soft word.

"I was going to say asshole, but I guess yours is fine." My sarcastic reply didn't go unnoticed because he glanced at me. He unlocked at opened the door, pushing me inside and closing it after us. I turned on all the lights and turned on the television before running into my room to change my soaking wet clothes.

I peeled the soggy sweatshirt from my body plopping it on the ground before replacing it with a Nebraska sweatshirt. I replaced the pants with a regular pair of jogging pants. I came back into the living room sitting right in front of the television on the big couch. Max had taken off his rain gear which I wanted to laugh about him having and sat in a nearby recliner chair and spoke.

He laughed, "He's just warming up." Max looked as if he never even been touched by the precipitation, his raincoat had safely preserved his sweatpants and t-shirt. I would need to invest in some of those rain previsions.

"He hates me."

"Nah, you're his mate. He loves you." I had to give his friend E for effort though. Max was trying to make me feel comfortable, trying to help me understand Jordan without telling me information that I needed to understand, because he wanted Jordan to tell me.

"Max there's no need to lie just to appease my feelings. He," I sighed not wanting to bring it up again and face the reality of what he had told me. It hurt. "He explained what our relationship was." I whispered out the rest as if saying it lower would make it less true. Less painful.

"He didn't." He asked in disbelief. Then a look of irritancy masked his face and rubbed his hand down it.

"Yeah, I-I" I wavered, tears at bay. "I don't know why fate thought I didn't deserve a mate that liked me." I gave a dry chuckle. It humorless, but it was definitely filled with self pity. "But I guess it's from not going to search for him like all the other wolves." I shrugged getting up from the couch to go to my room and take a nap to sleep off my depression. It brought all the feelings back and they hurt too much to even think about.

"Wait," I stopped. "What made him put you on guarding me in the house? He usually growls anytime I'm around anyone."

"He trusts me. Besides I wouldn't have listened to him anyway." He shrugs. "And it's raining!"

"And risk getting fought?" He shrugged again. "Thanks for being a friend Max, and actually trying to talk to me."

"I understand its different here and hard for you to adjust. Jordan, he just needs a little time to come around."

"I don't believe you. But at least someone has hope." I gave him a small smile before heading to my room.

"One more thing." I paused and tried to make strong eye-contact so he wouldn't lie. "What was that loud howl and crunch outside?"

He looked down in deep thought and he looked up at me in genuine confusion. "I'm not sure. No one is Flower. No one really knows."

I was in my room for about 40 minutes trying to sleep when I opened my eye once and looked up towards the ceiling seeing my roof glow a blue color showing a huge black dot on it. I screamed launching my body towards the door barely getting out of it before I ran into Max's body.

"What's wrong?" His body was tense and in a defensive mode. It looked like I had woken him up from a nap because he hair was slightly disheveled.

"There's a spider as big as the zit on Cailo's face in there. And I REFUSE to kill it." He chuckled about the zit thing because Cailo had a huge red pimple on his forehead that made it seem like he had another person growing from his face. And just like the spider, it needed to go.

"Okay let's take a little look," He put on a brave face and I clenched his muscled upper arm cowering slightly behind him not wanting to look the spider directly in the eye. I know they sense fear and they prey on it. The spider would come and get me if it took my eye contact as a challenge.

"Leave the splatter of his dead body on the wall to serve as a warning for all it's relatives." I urged shrinking into his arm more.

Walking into the room cautiously, Max suddenly turned the light on sending the spider falling from the roof. We both ran out the room screaming our heads off in fear, flailing our arms, trampling over each other to get out of the doorway. He ended up being last shutting the door with a nasty slam-using a bit too much strength.

"Well, that room is inhabitable."

"What do you mean? You go in there and kill that thing!" I was frantic, there was no way I'm was rooming with a spider-it'd crawl on me or something and that would just freak me out.

"There's no way I'm going back in there. You'd have to knock me out and drag my body into that room. What if it gets me?" I looked at him with disbelief.

"Max are you serious? You're a beta and you're scared of a fuckin' spider?"

"You're a Luna and you're scared, so what? I don't mess with creepy crawly things. They gross me out. Unless you want vomit to clean up on top of a spider to find, my advice is you not sleep in that room."

"So what'd we go in there for in the first place?" I asked a little peeved in the pointlessness. This was like trying to get Jordan to tell me things. It wasn't going to happen.

"Well, little spiders and ants and stuff, I can take. Spiders as big as that one? We leave to Satan."

"So when's Jordan getting home?" I didn't realize how that sounded till it was already too late, but I didn't really care.

"That's unfair Kore."

"So is my life. But I'm here aren't I?"

"Soo, what are we going to do?"

"Well neither of us are going to that room so we're stuck." Max merely shrugged, I shook my head and plopped onto the couch.

"Well get me a blanket out of the hall closet I'm sleeping here." He chuckled, but complied and did what I said.

***

I woke up to a dark living room other than the TV, and Jordan hovering over me breathing me in or sniffing me. I don't know which one, but it was weird nonetheless.

He was wet. I could see his hair dripping and his white T-shirt was see through by now. He wasn't just wet; he was soaking; drenched to the core like I was when I was sitting on that tree. The only thing is that I probably looked like Carrie, when he looked like a damn model. He was idealistic as hell when it came to looks. He used his hand to push his hair out of his face but one lone droplet managed to escape and make the grand journey down his eyebrow, to his cheek, to his lip and when he spoke again it disappeared and I realized I was staring. I blinked trying to organize my thoughts.

"Why do you smell of Max?" His voice came off as if he was trying to keep calm but it wasn't working. I could hear his heartbeat accelerate, and his breathing came out in short, pressured breaths.

"Why do you smell of Max," I mimicked, I rolled my eyes sitting up from the couch but he didn't back down. I could feel his heavy breathing brush my face. "Why do you talk as if we're in the 14th century?"

"Answer my question Korali." He growled taking a threatening step towards me and I took a sat all the way back into my seat, slightly intimidated.

"I jumped near him because I was scared of a spider. It was huuuge. Like I mean, it was either me or let the spider live here and pay rent. And I doubt that it was willing to pay a sufficient amount." He looked at me as if I was the weirdest person on earth. "The spider ended up keeping the room because Max is a wimp and is scared to kill a spider. That room needs an exorcism by the way." He stood up straight his height towering over me; his eyes seemed to gloss and fade in and out of focus like he was contemplating something. I looked up and I'm sure the look was rather innocent and doe eyed.

"Come here." He commanded, leaving no room for back talk although I did it anyway. His eyes didn't flash any colors so I knew he was in control, and that anything he was doing was himself and not his wolf's.

"Why?" I asked timidly sinking into the couch further away from him.

"I need to get his scent off you." He sat next to me on the couch and for once I saw something in his eyes. Confusion. He was unsure if he should be doing this with me. But whatever side that was for getting the scent off of me, I'm guessing his wolf side, won and he pulled me into his side.

His warm oranges scent wafted into my nose curling around it and settling into my nostril hairs. My skin tingled and burned in a good way, letting me know that he was close and my mate. I could feel my heartbeat pulsating through my hands and I wasn't