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I was seriously fed up by the time we reached the private psychologist, or whatever the fuck they want to call themselves.

Chance had excused himself a while ago, saying he had to go talk to his lawyer friend again, and would get a taxi back.

Caleb had gone quiet, and more passive, but I was unsure if that meant his mood had changed and he was safe to approach or not.

The place really had a strange atmosphere, mainly due to the fact we had to cautiously scoot past someone crying and talking to their self on the way in.

We were sat in the fancy and silent waiting room, with Aaron looking stressed as fuck. He tapped his foot anxiously like he was a junkie waiting to be searched or something. Luca just stared at the wall at the other side of the room, hardly even blinking as he thought.

Caleb was already talking to someone, he was grabbed by the woman as soon as she walked into the waiting room, maybe he looked like a more interesting person or something. That and the fact Luca stood in between me and her as he talked to her, like he didnt want me talking to her or something.

I didn't bother looking up as the other door opened and two people walked out. A young woman's voice said something like 'see you next week' before the other set of feet began walking away.

"Hey, my brother's friend, Luca, right?" She stopped in front of Luca and I decided to lift my head.

Luca smiled at her and nodded as he stood.

Why does this family know so many people in London...

Well I mean...kind of.

"A strange phonecall I wasn't expecting from my brother last night, but I'd be happy to help, James liked you a lot so it's the least I could do." She continued and Aaron smirked and raised a brow.

Luca just ignored him. "Thank you, it means a lot, for both appointments." He said and she looked around.

"About that, I thought you said there were two high school students, is there someone missing?" She asked, making me smirk at how she knew Aaron wasn't in high school.

It's probably the beard, always the beard.

"He already went in, with your colleague." Luca explained and her expression stiffened.

"Matilda strikes again huh, okay, means I have more time with this one!" She said, smiling at me and making me gulp nervously.

"Don't be shy! I'm Jennifer, you can call me Jenny, I'm looking forward to talking to you." She said as she tried to lead me along, and I glanced back to give Luca a look.

He just crossed his arms at me, and Aaron smiled shyly as I followed her.

Okay, here comes hell.

"Okay, so please sit down here." She motioned to the seriously comfy looking chair and then sat down in a really rigid looking one opposite.

Um, okay, is she trying sleep therapy or something?

I sat on the edge of the seat and just looked around in discomfort.

"So, I failed to get your name?" She said and smiled.

Ugh.

"Riley."

"So Riley, you don't seem to be in an open mood, not willing to talk?" She 'observed' and I sighed.

"I'm here to satisfy someone's worries."

"Your parents?" She asked and I smirked.

"No."

"Oh, guardians?"

"Um, not in the legal sense."

"Just your step brothers?"

"Yup."

"I see, have you known them long?"

"A few months."

"I see...So you're not close to your parents?"

"Not really."

"Ok, why are your step brothers worried then?"

"Um, I guess I've been acting a bit strange..."

"Is that really it?" She wasn't convinced.

Do I really want to talk about this?

I sighed and remained silent.

"I understand, you don't want to talk about it, but it can help." She reassured and I just glared at the floor. "You come across a lot of unique people working in London, I'm sure what you have to say is similar to what I have heard before, and won't upset me, if that's what you're worried about." She smiled and I raised a brow.

What...Is she expecting me to confess to being a necrophiliac or something?

"Um, it's not like that...I just, don't like to talk about it, it's a bit fresh..." I admitted and she nodded.

"A recent incident?"

"Yes...it wasn't bad compared to..." I trailed off. "Um, it just reminded me of other things in my past, and it'll take a while to die down again. I'm fine, just scraped a graze a bit and made it sore."

"Hmm, an interesting way to put it." She commented. "These bad things in your past, are you willing to talk about them?" She asked and I bit my lip. "No? But they aren't recent, so being so sensitive about them, would suggest that they affect you quite a lot, and you're not 'fine', after all." She suggested and I sighed.

"It's not like that I don't think, it just makes me uncomfortable...Letting someone know about these things."

"Well it doesn't matter with me, I'm not family, and I don't live near you, you're even living in America right now right? So there are no consequences for talking to me."

I mean, she has a point...

"You're a stranger though, how can I trust you to keep it to yourself?"

"Well, I don't want to lose my job, do I?"

I remained silent.

"If you're unwilling to talk to both family and strangers, who's left? Have you ever told someone about this?"

"A bit...In snippets, some parts involuntary."

"Involuntary? But do you trust the people who know?"

"Yes, I'd say that."

"Was it one of the two out there?"

"They both know actually, the only two."

"Do you regret them finding out?"

"Kind of."

"But, you don't regret them knowing?"

"I do actually, I don't like that they know."

"Are you sure? Both of them?"

"Well...I guess it's just Luca that concerns me."

"Because he's actually done something about it?" She commented, making me have a jolt of irritation.

"I didn't want nor ask him to do anything, I didn't tell him voluntarily either. To you, he may have taken the most action, but to me he has simply been avoiding me, when all I've been wanting is someone to act like they care and talk to." I ranted and she blinked at me.

"The other one, what is his name?"

"Aaron..."

"And you don't mind that he knows?" She asked, making me frown.

"Uh...I mean, he hasn't made me feel uncomfortable about it, and he hasn't been ignoring me either."

"So he's just been with you, and you prefer that?"

"Who doesn't? I don't want the whole world to know, thanks."

"You said you wanted someone to talk to, so surely this would be beneficial to you?" She persisted and I gave a frustrated sigh.

"Okay, there was a time when I was sixteen that I was abused and...Sexually harassed a lot. It happened again recently and it upset me, obviously. The two of them just found out and are worried, but I'm fine, I've been through it before and I know how to deal with it myself."

"Thank you for telling me."

You're really not welcome.

"Can I go now?" I said and she shook her head.

"There is still much to talk about. First of all, this recent incident, was it the same person?"

Ughhh.

"No, it was someone else, they live in different countries to each other."

"Are you still in contact with any of them?"

"Um, I'm still stuck being around the recent one, but I haven't seen the other since I moved away a year ago."

"Are they relatives to you?"

"By marriage, yes."

"It's always hard when you know them, but it's not unusual, in fact that's most common."

"Ok..." What's her point?

"So, two people, both male?"

"Yes..."

"Only two incidents? Or multiple times?"

"The first one was multiple times throughout the space of a year, like every day multiple."

She frowned before writing in her notebook, making me roll my eyes.

"I see." She said rather stereotypically and I smirked. "A 16 year old going through this, I'm sure it influenced the way you think." She concluded and I frowned.

"What?"

"You said 'abused', did he physically injure you?"

"...Sometimes, if he felt like it."

"Was he young himself?"

"Yes, he was 18."

"Hmm, a teenager. I'm guessing most of the abuse was sexual."

"...Mostly." I fidgeted in the seat.

"Do you see sex as something precious to you?" She asked seriously and I chuckled.

"What? No."

"Why the amusement? You know it's normal to value it a lot."

"Seriously? I'm not shy or something."

"It's not about being shy, it's normal to value sex, something intimate to experience with someone you love."

"Right...Well I don't really see it that way."

"Did you ever consider that your experiences are what made you think that way?"

"Well, not really. I guess I wasn't exactly starved of sexual experiences, so I don't really care about it anymore."

"You were a virgin beforehand weren't you?"

"Um, yeah..."

"A teenager's first time is often valued and remembered for a while. Perhaps this boy took a lot more from you than you realize."

"I don't really get it..."

"Were you homeschooled?" She suddenly asked making me frown.

"For the time I was in school...Yeah."

"So you didn't grow up around other children, another cause of the problem."

"What problem..."

I think I've been left behind here.

"Have you had consensual sex within the past few months?"

"Um, that's a rather sudden personal question..."

"Thought you weren't shy?"

"What? I mean, fine. Yes I have." She was flustering me now.

"A boyfriend?"

"No..."

Why has she assumed I'm gay...Do I really seem that gay? So annoying.

"So you went with a stranger?"

"Um, no..."

"...A friend?" She was confused now. Okay, just don't say anything anymore, you idiot.

"..."

I could see her eyes widen slightly before she composed herself. "One of your step-brothers."

"..." I frowned at her, opening my mouth to speak but then stopping myself. Wait that wasn't the best way of reacting. "Um, no." Fuck, that massive hesitation though. I cringed, not knowing how to save myself.

"It's alright, they're not related to you, it makes sense."

"No that's not..." Ugh, why am I even trying.

I sighed before sitting back in the chair more.

Great.

"Was it one of the two out there?"

"Um, not really..."

"'Not really'?" She sat forwards in her chair, interest peaked.

Seriously Riley.

"Um...I think I want to leave now." I stated and she sat back.

"You don't need to worry, I'm sworn to secrecy. I just want to talk."

We just sat in silence for a few moments.

"How many bothers are there?" She asked curiously and I sighed.

"Um, 9."

"And more than one of those, has taken a sexual interest in you?" She asked making me wince.

"I guess..."

"Hmm. One of which is one of the two out there?"

"Uh..." I just looked out of the window, feeling extremely awkward.

"It's strange for them all to have the ability to be interested, if you know what I mean, but my brother did talk of how... Flamboyant they all sometimes were." She commented and I gave her a look. "He's gay himself you know, has a gaydar." She smiled in amusement.

Oh god, kill me now.

"Are you supposed to talk about your family?" I questioned.

"Well, if it helps make a client more comfortable."

You're making me highly uncomfortable, actually.

"So...You've had intimate interactions with more than one of them...You know the consequences of that, don't you? They probably value intimacy a lot more than you, it means a lot to them, so it'll hurt them a lot."

"I didn't realise I was here to be lectured." I commented and she smiled at me.

"I'm only saying this because you haven't had the chance to learn this naturally by yourself. It could cause quite a lot of negativity, and could be possibly dangerous for you. People can react quite extremely when pulled around with strong feelings. You could have a family feud on the way, you know."

"Er...I guess I didn't think about that. I'm not doing it on purpose, they're all the ones that start it."

"Have you tried your best to stop them?"

"Um...No. I...I can't stop them..."

"Because you think they'll treat you forcefully like your abuser did?"

"They're good people..."

"That doesn't mean anything to your subconscious mind, you could trust and love them a lot, but you'd still fear it. That's just how trauma scarring works."

"It's not like I'm not attracted to them... I..." I stopped talking and bit my lip.

"Don't you think they deserve a bit more respect than that? I understand you're not leading them on on purpose, but I need to make sure you're aware of the potential consequences...This will boil over eventually you know."

I bit down on my lip harder as I frowned.

"I'm sorry...I should have tried harder..." I gripped my hair in frustration as I stared at the floor.

"You're attracted to all of them, equally? There's a point at which you'll need to make a choice, whether it's to move away and leave them all, or only accept one of them. You can't go on like this forever."

"I'm not an indecisive slut on purpose okay." I spat, and gave out a sharp breath.

"Slut? Do you think that word describes you?" She asked and I snickered.

"It's what I'm told. Slut, whore...You name it." I huffed and she frowned.

"Who called you this?"

"Well...Finn used to...And my ex boyfriend did when we broke up."

"Finn, the one that hurt you? And I didn't realize you have had a relationship before...Why did you break up?"

"...He caught me...Kissing another guy."

"On purpose?"

"I didn't stop him...I let him...He was right to call me a slut."

"Slut, it's an unusual word to call a guy...I'm guessing it relates to your homosexuality...Usually an active sexuality is praised for males."

"...Uh, yeah...I guess..."

"But either way, you shouldn't blame yourself for your fear to reject people's advances on you. You've been through a severe trauma. More than a lot of people can endure. You can use it as an excuse if you want, you definitely have the right. People who are raped only once are scarred by that for the rest of their life, and rightfully so. What makes you think you don't have the right to be scarred too?"

"...It's no excuse to hurt other people...I broke his heart...And now I'm breaking my step brothers' hearts...I feel so bad...But I don't stop myself...Maybe I'm a sociopath...Just a broken whore..."

"This self hate, it's a common reaction, but you mustn't let it get in the way of your life. Rapists often like to make the victim feel at fault, or at least make the victim feel negatively for the rest of their life. But it's important to remember that this wasn't your fault, and you're not the one responsible for how you feel. You have the right to hurt."

"I don't care about having the 'right' to be a selfish whingy bitch. I just want to stop being one."

"You're view of yourself is incorrect, ask anyone and they'd tell you. You're an attractive young man, you can't blame anyone for wanting to be with you, and you can't blame yourself for not being able to stop them, you're scared, everyone gets scared."

"Do you think that excuse will work later? 'Oh, I'm sorry for leading you all on, I'm sorry for fucking all your brothers and ripping your whole family apart, and breaking your heart. I was just scared, for some unknown reason I'll never tell you'."

"I'm sorry Riley, I don't have a magic solution for you, and it's probably too late to stop any pain from happening. It's obvious you care about them, and you don't want to hurt them, despite all you've been through, you have a healthy amount of empathy and compassion, you're a good person."

"Yeah tell them that, thanks."

"We have yet to talk about the main reason you're here. How do you feel about the recent incident?"

"How do I feel? Fucking dandy really."

"How does it make you feel?"

"Like shit. Like I'm weak and can't protect myself."

"It must hurt, to be brave enough to try and reject them, only to have your worst fears take place."

"Yeah...I guess it kinda fucking does."

"What made you try?"

"Well, first of all, I hardly knew him, secondly he's my fucking father's bloody husband. And thirdly just NO, he's a creepy fucking asshole."

She blinked at me silently for a while.

"Does your father know of this?"

"No...Oh yeah, I didn't think about that...He got cheated on didn't he." I smirked in amusement.

I then frowned. "...That's kinda fucked up."

"Did he hurt you a lot?"

"No...He was nothing compared to...But somehow... It hurts more. I cried more...As soon as Aaron started comforting me...I just fucking cried so much. Pathetic. I haven't acted normally ever since."

"It's the first time you've had someone to confide in. You probably felt very relieved, it's harder to pretend you're okay when you have someone trying to comfort you."

"So it's his fault?"

"Well...I wouldn't put it like that..."

"Right yeah, you're more pathetic when you have company, got it."

"Would you rather be going through this on your own?"

"I guess not...I would be a lot more worried on my own."

"What would you be worried about?"

"Well...Being raped again...Being stuck with him forever. I wouldn't have anywhere to go if I didn't have the others offering to help me..."

"You feel safe with Aaron?"

"I feel safe with all of the brothers. They're nice, I trust them. I'm fine if I'm with them...It's just when I'm on my own..."

"Have you been sleeping?"

"...Not when I'm alone."

"You've been sleeping with them after the incident?"

"Um, not like that, they've just been next to me."

She smiled.

"I'm glad they are looking after you."

"I'm not happy about being so reliant on other people...Whenever I go off on my own I get taken advantage of...It's pathetic."

"Maybe you should learn how to do self defense... It could make you feel more confident. It's natural to confide in others, so I wouldn't feel bad about letting it happen every now and again."

"It's not just occasionally...They've been with me literally all the time after it happened."

"Well, that's kind of them, but surely they have their own life to live?"

"Exactly. I mean they're only here in England because I ran off here almost by myself. They're dedicating all their time for me...And all I'm giving them is stress and heartbreak. I hardly talk to most of them anymore...And they're only here for my benefit...It just makes me feel so evil...I feel so bad. I just want to stop existing, and stop being such a burden." I cursed as my eyes began to sting from tears, and huffed in frustration at my pathetic self pitying behaviour.

"They care about you, and if you care about someone, you like to look after them. Love is selfish, it forces you to concentrate only on one person...You care about them more than anyone else, and you'd do anything for them. That's why you should be careful, if you let them attach to you too much, they'll stop caring about their brothers as much, and then you'd have a really concerning fight on your hands."

"Ugh, god, please don't let that happen. I try not to...But I like them too...Why am I attracted to

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