Chapter Twenty Seven - Heart

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"You're going to be fine. You'll fight through this. I promise I'll make it up to you somehow."

It took me a while before I realized that wasn't my inner voice talking to me. It sounded so familiar but I couldn't place it. It was like a fog had settled over my mind, making it hard to form a single thought. I tried to reach out to the voice that just kept repeating itself like a mantra, but my arms wouldn't obey.

"You're going to be fine. You'll fight. You'll live. I promise..."

It continued talking, but I found it harder and harder to make out the words, no matter how hard I tried. A name floated through the fog just before my consciousness slipped away.

Jaime.

*****

I was in the backseat of a car. My parents' car. No, not again. I didn't want to go through this again. My body was exhausted as though I'd run a marathon and I just wanted to sleep. For a moment, it amused me that I could feel tired even in my own dream. It was gone just as quickly. I tried to warn my parents but I knew it was useless. It had never worked before.

"Mom, dad..." My voice drifted off as they turned in their seats to face me. They were just as I remembered them from that night.

That was when I noticed the car wasn't moving. The trees were a frozen blur and the rain had stopped its relentless beating against the windshield. The only thing moving was the headlights of the oncoming car, but even that was moving perceptively slow. Well, this was new.

I leaned forward in between the two front seats and wrapped my arms around my parents. They pulled me in tight and I couldn't help but notice how warm and real they felt. "What's going on?" I mumbled into my mother's dark curls. She pulled away first, reluctantly followed by my father.

"Honey." She cupped my face with one hand and I leaned into the comforting warmth.

"I'm sorry." I choked out, tears spilling down my cheeks.

"It's not your fault, dear. We could never blame you for what happened." I met my dad's eyes, an identical blue to mine. "We will always love you. No matter what."

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw the car coming closer. Except I could only make out one pinpoint of light instead of two. Maybe not a car then. "I thought," I began, a knot in my throat forming. "When you two left me, this ache in my chest would never go away. But I think it's starting to."

My parents exchanged a knowing look and my mom gave me the happiest smile I've seen in a long time. The ball of light was closer now, only a few seconds until it hit. I pulled my parents into another hug, squeezing my eyes shut and bracing for impact. "I love you." I could barely hear myself over the blood roaring in my ears.

"We love you, too." They responded in unison. Mom leaned closer, her breath tickling my ear. "We will always be watching over you. But it's time to wake up."

My eyes snapped open, but they immediately shut when I'm blinded by a bright light. Gingerly, I opened them again, blinking against the fluorescent lighting. When my eyes finally adjusted to the harsh light, I was looking up at a tiled ceiling. The bed was too lumpy and needles poked under the skin of my elbows. A constant beeping filled the room.

I struggled to remember how I even ended up in a hospital room, but my mind came up black. Scratches and bruises covered my arms and legs and a thick bandage wrapped around my chest. My whole body felt as though it was run over by a truck.

I glanced around the room, but it looked like a normal hospital room. Chair in the corner, monitors beside the bed and a door that I assumed led to a bathroom. An envelope on the table next to me caught my eye and I carefully reached for it, mindful of all the wires connected to me. Tearing through the seal, I pulled out a single sheet of paper.

Ava,

If you're reading this, that means you've finally woken up. I know you're probably confused and I wish I could be there in person, but I can't. I stayed long enough to know you'd make it and then I left. For good.

I told you once that Pavlov was the only threat that kept you from living a normal life again. Now that he's gone, you're free. Everyone believes you're dead. This is your chance for a normal life again.

I have left a bag for you with everything you'll need to start fresh. Forget about me and live. This is your chance, Ava. Take it.

-J

I flipped the paper over, but it was blank on the other side. The paper wrinkled as my hand clenched into a fist. A tide of emotions flooded through me. Relief at finally being free. Exhaustion from it all. Confusion as to why it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Forget him? Hot tears streamed down my face as I threw the letter halfway across the room. How was I supposed to forget him when he was all I could think about?

I tried to sit up in bed, but a searing pain in my chest stopped me. That's when the memories of that night came crashing back. Being rescued, being shot. How did I not remember any of that?

A nurse rushed in on my third attempt to sit up and urged me to lay back down or 'I'll open my stitches'. Frustrated, I let her help me back down into the pillows, but the pain in my chest didn't go away. 

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